Page 6

CHAPTER FIVE

MILANA

“ D o you like it?” I asked my mama.

“I love it.” She lowered her head for a moment as we sat in the family room at her house. “I planned to reach out to you before this. This beautiful ass saddle didn’t weigh in on my decision. I’m sorry for being so harsh. My emotions were everywhere . . . still are.”

“You don’t owe me an apology, Mama. I fucked up, . . . bad.”

“We never talked about how this even happened. I can’t believe you would plan to do something like that. What caused it?”

“I felt like Julius was up to no good. That was why y’all never met him.

I just couldn’t prove it. I liked him a lot and didn’t want to let go without proof.

Well, his mother called and told me he was up to no good.

I went to her house and caught him in the act, fucking someone else.

I was so angry. Two things ran through my mind.

One was to go to my truck and get my gun and blow his brains out. The other was getting revenge.”

I lowered my head, embarrassment flooding my being.

“His brother, Malik, had been flirting with me since the first time I’d met him.

They have the same father but different mothers.

Obviously, they couldn’t stand each other.

That was why he was after me, saying that Julius didn’t deserve me.

I didn’t give him any attention until that day. ”

I stared at her as the tears continued falling down her cheeks. It only pulled them from me as well. “Mama, I’m so sorry. I know you didn’t raise me that way. All I saw was red. I figured after he approached me about it, we would be done, but that wasn’t the case.”

“How did he find out?”

“He was passing down the street when I came out of Malik’s house.”

“Shit.”

“He didn’t catch up to me until a week later at the gas station.

He pushed me against the truck, and I sprayed gas on him.

I was trying to leave, but he pulled me from the truck and threw me to the ground.

Had Ashanni not been with me, maybe he would have gotten his revenge on me, and Grandpa would still be here. ”

The cries I was trying to restrain came barreling out of me, and my mama pulled me in her arms again and held me tightly.

After a minute or so, I pulled away from her and stared into the face that meant the world to me.

“Please tell me you forgive me, Mama. I know things won’t go back to how they were before all of this, but I can’t go another day without you in my life.

I love you so much, and it’s been hell for the past month. I’ve been so lonely.”

“I forgive you, baby. If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here. I was really disappointed, but that was no reason for me to put my hands on you. I’m so sorry. When you flinched at the diner, I felt so bad.”

“It’s my fault. Not only did I deserve that slap, but I wouldn’t give you the time you needed to process what happened. I fucked up so bad.”

“Milana, I want you to know that those boys are the ones responsible for killing my daddy. Not you. Okay? It was hard for me to separate the two at first. Then I realized that it was the same thing Jacob had gone through when Kane got shot. They could have killed Kane. Had he moved an inch or so over, he would have shot him in the heart. That wasn’t Jacob’s fault.

If I could feel that way about Jacob, surely, I owed my daughter the same courtesy. It was just?—”

“I know, Mama. I embarrassed you and Daddy. I promise to do my best not to do that ever again. Seeing the disappointment on your faces is something I never want to see again. I know the family is so disappointed in me. I haven’t seen many of them since Grandpa’s funeral.

I’ve just been staying at Karima’s, sleeping off and on all day. ”

She didn’t respond to my statements about the family. Instead, she said, “Well, I would love for you to come back home. We have a lot of work to put in to get you ready for Birmingham, right?”

I shrugged. “I do want to come back home, but I don’t know if I will compete this weekend.”

“Hell naw. You competing. Come on here, girl.”

She stood and pulled me from my seat. “Despite everything, one thing remains the same. You are a hell of a barrel racer. I know you love it. Plus, we working on you barebacking, right?”

I smiled and hugged her tightly. She chuckled and said, “Bring yo’ ass on.”

“I have to find more tape and sports bras to hold my titties in place,” I said, causing my mama to damn near choke.

I laughed too. She didn’t have big breasts like I did.

The crazy part was that I was so skinny, much smaller than her, but my breasts were huge.

I hated that shit. I was in a fucking E, which was the equivalent of a triple D.

My breasts were nearly bigger than me. When we got outside, Karima had pulled up.

Once she saw us together, she smiled big and hurriedly got out of her car.

She practically ran to us. “Karima! If you don’t slow your ass down before you fall!” my mama said.

Karima ignored us and pulled us to her simultaneously. She was so little compared to us. My mama was like five ten, and I was five eleven. Karima couldn’t have been any taller than five three. I rested my hand on her belly and could feel the baby moving around.

When she released us, she said, “I’ve been praying so hard for this day.”

“Me too,” I said.

My mama’s face reddened some, then she said, “Go in the house and check out my saddle. I’m gon’ bring that shit with me to the Bill Pickett. Those niggas ain’t gon’ know what the fuck they just walked up on. Milana bought it for me.”

Karima bumped me slightly then went inside to take a look. As we walked to the barn, my mama said, “I saw that guy watching you at the diner. Who’s that?”

I released a sigh. “His name is Ferris. He’s kin to Mister Red some kind of way, I think, . . . or possibly on Asad’s bio mom’s side of the family. They were at the Easter Rodeo, and Asad introduced us when I spoke to him. He wanted to get to know me, but I told him no.”

“Why? He’s cute.”

“I’ve had enough bullshit going on in my life. I can’t risk fucking up again.”

“You can’t stop living, Lana,” she said as she threw the saddle blanket over her horse then the saddle.

I only nodded in response as I heard Karima yell, “Shit, Lana! Let me stop talking to you for a while so I can get one of those.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled at her as she approached. She slid her arm around my waist. “I’m just kidding. I’m gonna go and give y’all time alone. Love y’all.”

“Love you too,” we said in unison.

I wanted to talk to her about how the pregnancy was going, but she was right.

This was time I only wanted to spend with Tiffany Henderson Semien.

I didn’t want to share that time with no one else.

I had my mama back, and I felt like I was breathing again.

I saddled my horse and hopped on so fast I nearly slid off on the other side.

She smiled big at me and said, “When you are ready to really get into barebacking, I’m gonna get Legend and Red to come help you. They helped me tremendously.”

“Okay. Maybe after this rodeo, we can get into it.”

“Yep, and then you can at least get to know Ferris wheel.”

I rolled my eyes and giggled. The twins had called him the same thing. “I don’t know.”

“You knew Julius was shady. Your judgment in that area was spot on. You just have to work on your reaction to bullshit. You may have anger issues. I do too. I thought I had a handle on it until I slapped you.”

“That doesn’t count. The circumstances were extremely emotional.” I said it that way to avoid verbalizing Grandpa being gone. “You get a pass. That wasn’t just anger.”

She smiled at me. “I think you should still call Red Squared to get his number. Now let’s get on these barrels, Missy Poo.”

I giggled. She used to call me that all the time when I was a little girl. I slowly shook my head and said, “Let’s do it.”

When I walked into the diner, all eyes seemed to be on me.

I iced up with nervousness. Maui and Ashanni came to me and hugged me tightly, then Aunt Jen and Aunt Chrissy did the same.

It hurt my heart when Uncle Storm looked at me like I was a stranger and continued his conversation with Uncle Marcus.

I swallowed hard as I walked past them without speaking.

We sat in a corner where my back was against the wall.

I needed to be able to see who was approaching me before they got to me.

My mama had convinced me to stop avoiding everyone and just go to the diner.

Things between all of us wouldn’t get any better if I stayed holed up in the house.

It took me three days to build up the courage to do so.

We would be leaving tomorrow for Birmingham and wouldn’t be back until Sunday evening.

So, after this stressful moment, I would at least have a getaway to get my emotions straight.

When Uncle Jasper walked in, I lowered my head.

He was my favorite uncle, and sometimes, I thought I was one of his favorites too.

He glanced at us as he spoke to Uncle Storm and Uncle Marcus. I just knew he was going to sit with them and not bother speaking to me either, but I was thoroughly surprised when he came our way. My nerves picked up as Ashanni grabbed my hand. “It’s okay, Lani,” she said.

I supposed she knew her dad better than any of us.

I didn’t think Uncle Jasper would be as difficult as Uncle Storm was being, but I didn’t think he would come to our table.

I swallowed hard and stared up at him as he hugged Maui then Ashanni.

He stared at me for a moment, then a slight smile formed on his lips.

I stood from my seat and hugged him tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Uncle Jasper. I didn’t?—”

“Chill out. Them muthafuckas suffered the ultimate consequences. You good, niece. You didn’t do that shit. They did. I accept your apology though.”

He kissed my cheek as I laid my head on his shoulder. When I pulled away, I saw Uncle Kenny coming our way also. “Hey, y’all,” he said.

We all hugged him one at a time. When he got to me, he lightly pinched my cheek and smiled at me.

When they walked away, I closed my eyes briefly then reopened them and took a deep breath.

Once I sat, I saw Uncle Storm’s eyes on me again.

I couldn’t bear that shit. He was making me so fucking nervous.

“I think I’m gonna take my Cajun pasta to go when Aunt Chrissy brings it out.”

“Why?” Maui asked with a slight frown on her face.

“Uncle Storm is making me so nervous.”

She looked over at him and Uncle Marcus. “Don’t let him run you off, Lani. He’ll be fine.”

I slowly shook my head. I could imagine Uncle Marcus was feeling a way about things, too, since Ace was being charged with three counts of murder.

Standing, I went to the counter and asked Aunt Chrissy if she could box my pasta.

She frowned slightly but agreed to do so.

I made my way back to the table to hug my girls.

They were trying to talk me into staying, but I refused.

As I made my way back to the counter to get my food, Asad and Ferris walked through the door. Great. Aunt Chrissy handed me my box, and I turned to head out. I smiled politely and said, “Hey, y’all.”

“Hey, Milana,” Asad said.

“What’s up,” Ferris said.

I nodded then walked past them and out of the door.

Quickly hopping in my truck, I cranked the engine and was preparing to leave when I saw Uncle Storm walk outside.

Hell naw. I backed out and headed home, refusing to hear what he had to say.

I knew whatever it was would hurt my feelings and have me depressed for days.

I wanted no parts of that, especially not before my trip. He’d have to catch me when I got back.