Page 4

CHAPTER THREE

MILANA

I t had been a week since Grandpa’s funeral, and I just wanted to have everything go back to how it used to be.

Despite me trying to be social, I was depressed.

Daddy had been calling me every day, but there was no communication from my mama.

At the end of every phone call, I was sure to tell him to tell her that I loved her. It felt like I was dying inside.

Ferris was fine as hell, and I was extremely attracted to him, but I wasn’t emotionally ready to be involved with anybody.

It wasn’t that I was too busy. I knew as long as I wasn’t talking to my mama, I wouldn’t be trying to form any new relationships.

Everything was my fault, and I was doing my best to make things right.

Friday, I ordered a bouquet of flowers to have delivered to her and a new saddle I saw her looking at not too long ago.

She said she didn’t need it and had moved on to something else, but I knew she loved it, because she stared at it for too long.

She never let me really use my money to pay for anything, because she said Grandpa had gotten her started.

So I had a nice nest egg saved up. I wouldn’t receive my Henderson money until I was twenty-five.

From what I understood, that was around two million dollars.

I would build a house in Henderson Village by my other cousins, hopefully.

They were the only ones checking on me right now.

None of my aunts and uncles were talking to me.

It wasn’t like they called me anyway. We typically saw everybody at the diner, but I hadn’t been going.

I had to allow my mama her space. I knew she frequented the diner, as did everyone else.

I knew that everyone knew. Maui and the twins had told me how angry Uncle Storm was.

Typically, he didn’t have a problem expressing himself.

I felt like he was avoiding me because he didn’t want to see me either.

He was angry past the point of return and was probably afraid he would hurt me, whether that was physically, emotionally, or mentally.

So I was glad he was staying away from me.

After leaving the rodeo and going to my temporary home at Karima’s to take a shower, I sat on the couch and tried calling my mama.

After one ring, it went to voicemail. I ended the call, not bothering to leave a message.

She sent me to voicemail every time I called, purposely ignoring me.

I listened to saved voice messages over and over just to hear her voice.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I went to Karima’s guestroom and prepared to turn in early.

When the doorbell rang, I huffed. It had to be one of my cousins. I was tired, though, and didn’t feel like getting up. Ignoring it, I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Shortly after, my phone chimed. It was a text from my brother. Come open the door, Lani.

He only called me Lani when he knew I was hurting about something.

He’d been calling me that ever since I was forced to tell my parents what went down between Julius, Malik, and me.

Throwing the covers off me, I went to the door and opened it to let him in.

He had a duffel bag. I frowned slightly as he walked past me.

“Why do you have a bag?”

“I feel like you need company. You haven’t been the same since all this bullshit came out.

I know Ashanni and Maui have been spending time with you, so I called them to see if they’d come here tonight.

When they told me they hadn’t, I made my way here.

Despite all the bullshit, you know I love you. ”

“You have school in the morning. You should be in the comfort of your bed.”

“We are in April. School is practically done. I’ll be glad to get away from that high school. Plus, I’ll be announcing where I’m headed to.”

My eyebrows lifted. “Which is?”

“Houston. I’m not going far.”

“Oh. Cool.”

He pulled me to him and hugged me tightly.

I took a deep breath and released it slowly.

I was no longer crying about the situation.

It was what it was. I was tired of crying.

When I pulled away from him, he gave me a big smile.

I chuckled. He’d been doing that since he was a little kid.

Whenever I was feeling sad, he would smile big, showing all his teeth, to make me laugh.

I was so proud of him for pursuing his dreams of playing football. He never really wanted to rodeo.

I was following Mama’s lead, but I actually enjoyed it too.

Ryder J was wanting to be a tattoo artist like Daddy for a while, but then changed his mind about things.

He was so mature for his age of eighteen, but I knew that was because he hung out with SS, King, Kane, Ace, Royal, Crew, and PJ.

He wasn’t around PJ as much, because he was always into bullshit.

Daddy didn’t play that. He was tough on Uncle Philly, and he was a grown ass man, so I knew he would be even worse with Ryder J.

“Mama was crying when I left. I think she’s wearing down. She was in your room.”

I frowned slightly. “Doing what?”

“Just sitting on the bed. She misses you as much as you miss her. She’s just hurt and being stubborn right now. You know when she gets angry, it takes her a while to get over it… or rather let it go.”

“Yeah. It’s been almost a month since she’s known and nearly three weeks since Grandpa died. I just . . . I wish I could travel back in time and make better decisions.”

“The important thing at this point is that you learned from it. I truly believe you have. I need my loud, ratchet ass sister back though.”

I gave him a one-cheeked smile and pushed him as he laughed. He put his arm around me and said, “I truly believe she’ll be calling you soon.”

“I hope so. I spent nearly ten grand on a saddle for her. I know material things aren’t important, but I want her to see just how sorry I am. She knows how tight I am with my money. She taught me to be that way.”

“That shit must have diamonds on it. Fuck!”

“It’s a show saddle. It has carved sterling silver as an overlay. It’s bad ass.”

“If you say so. What were you in here doing?” he asked as he flopped on the couch with his phone already in his hand.

“I was going to bed. I didn’t have anything else to do. How was Easter with the family?”

“Depressing. You weren’t there, Ace wasn’t there, because he’s on house arrest, and then Grandpa . . .” he said, letting me finish the rest of that thought in my mind.

My mama’s items would be arriving to her tomorrow, so I could only hope it would pull at her heartstrings.

Being alienated from her had alienated me from family gatherings and the diner.

This life was lonely. Besides the people checking on me, I didn’t have anybody.

I didn’t have friends outside of my cousins.

There was never any need to have any. Now I was wishing I did just to get away from here.

My mind immediately went back to Ferris. What was the harm in me getting to know him? It wasn’t like my family was a part of my life to judge my decisions. Me being with Julius, then Malik, clearly proved my womanly intuition hadn’t kicked in just yet.

Interrupting my thoughts, Ryder J asked, “You ready for next weekend?”

“What’s next weekend?” I asked.

“Uuuuhhh… the rodeo in Birmingham. Aren’t you competing?”

I shrugged as his eyebrows lifted. “If Mama still ain’t talking to me, I know for sure I will be pulling out. I’m not totally sold on going even if we have talked.”

“You love barrel racing. What the fuck you talking about, Milana?”

“Mama owns all my shit, Ryder. My horse, the trailer, all that shit belongs to her. Whether she gave it to me or not, it’s all in her name and at her house. She’s so angry at me, she may call the police and say I’m trespassing if I show up there.”

“First of all, you know she ain’t calling the police.

She don’t even like those muthafuckas. She’ll bust yo’ ass before she call them.

Secondly, she petty, but she ain’t that petty.

She still loves you and wants to see you do great things.

You know how she is. It’s best she stays away from you while she’s angry, or what happened before the funeral will repeat itself. I can tell she regrets hitting you.”

“I deserved it.”

He pulled me in his arms and kissed my forehead. “I love you, Lani. You gon’ always be my big sister and someone I look up to. I’m proud of you.”

My heart only sank more. “Yeah, yeah. Go to bed so you can be rested for tomorrow. I love you too,” I said then stood and made my way back to the bedroom I was sleeping in.

When I walked in, I could see my phone vibrating on the nightstand. I answered when I saw it was Ashanni. “Hello?”

“You ain’t gon’ believe this shit!”

“What?”

“Girl, after you left, Red Squared was tryna holla at Noni.”

I frowned. “Well, I already know she didn’t let him down easy. What did she say?”

Ashanni laughed and said, “That heifer told him to focus on his lil career if he ever wanted to be as good as his daddy.”

“I know she didn’t.”

“Yes the fuck she did! I think he gon’ wear her down though.”

“Why you think that?”

“Because Bali’s ass was being extra friendly with Carter!”

“Carter? Lil Legend?”

“Lana, that man is almost twenty-seven years old. I doubt he wants to be called lil anything.”

I giggled. “I guess you’re right. He goes by Carter Legend, right?”

“Yeah. He seems to be feeling her too. I hate you left before you could witness that shit for yourself.”

“Shiiiid, me too, because I can barely believe Bali’s mean ass was in a nigga’s face. She’s meaner than Noni.”

“Right!” she said then laughed. “Did you call your mom?”

“Yeah. She sent me to voicemail.”

“Okay. Don’t give up.”

“I can’t. I can’t live my life without her, Shanni. I mean, I know you understand because you and your mama are close. Y’all spend just as much time together as we do.”

“Yeah. I get it. I’m with Chas all day at the office, working and acting a fool.”

“You better watch that Chas shit,” I heard Aunt Chas yell.

I chuckled. They always went back and forth like that, and it was funny to me. My mama and I had more of a mentor/mentee relationship. It was all love, of course. I admired the hell out of her and everything she accomplished despite the naysayers. Ashanni and Aunt Chas were more like homegirls.

“My bad, Ch—I mean, Mama.”

Ashanni laughed, making me miss my mama even more. “A’ight, girl. I had to call and tell you that. The twins leave in the morning, and Maui and I have to go to work, but we’ll come by when we get off. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Love you, Lani.”

“Love you too.”

She ended the call, and I plugged my phone to the charger.

I lay in the bed and stared at the ceiling.

My sleep schedule was all over the place, because it seemed that was all I was doing.

I couldn’t even practice. Karima’s horse was at my mama’s barn too.

No one else had a barrel racing horse. So if I rode anyone else’s, it would just be for a casual ride.

My heart wasn’t even in it right now. My heart wasn’t in much of anything.