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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

MILANA

“ I know it’s hard to focus right now, baby girl, but you gon’ have to, or you will hurt yourself,” Mr. Legend said.

I couldn’t stop thinking about my mama, brother, daddy, and the rest of my family.

I wanted everyone to be okay and stay safe.

Glancing over at Ferris, he looked a nervous wreck.

I’d just gotten bucked off and hit the ground pretty hard.

I nearly face-planted in the dirt. The tears fell down my face, and Mr. Legend pulled me in his arms.

“You are built for this. You Tiffany Henderson daughter, and you have in you everything I saw in her. Nothing can stop you from reaching your goals unless you allow it to. Don’t allow no bullshit like that. You came out here to work, so let’s work!”

I nodded repeatedly as I swallowed hard.

“Make sure you clamp that muthafucka with your knees until the mark out! You got this shit!”

When I saw Mr. Red approaching me as I got to the chute, I already knew what he was coming to do.

My mama had told me how he calmed her before she rode by quoting scriptures.

I hoped that was what he was coming to do for me.

Closing my eyes, I tried to prepare my heart and mind for whatever he would say, making sure they were open to receive every word.

He grabbed my hands and said, “I was going to ask if you would be receptive to me quoting scriptures for you to calm your spirit and soothe your mind, but I can see that you are already there. Your mother must’ve told you what I did for her and Legend.”

I nodded. “Yes, sir. Please . . .”

“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

I took deep breaths and could immediately feel myself calming down. The trembles coursing throughout my body had slowed. Mr. Red truly had a gift from God, but I also knew that my faith in that very thing had helped as well.

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

The trembles were gone, and I could feel a warmth penetrate my soul as Mr. Red’s thumbs caressed the tops of my hands.

“I can feel your calm, Miss Milana. God is good. I’ll quote one final scripture. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.”

I opened my eyes and smiled at him. After taking a deep breath, I said, “Amen. Let’s do this.”

I climbed the back of the chute and slid down to the horse, allowing Carter Legend to get me situated.

Mr. Red’s scriptures stayed on my mind, especially the last one.

I’m more than a conqueror through Christ. Once he was done getting the rope tightened and I’d gotten my hand situated in the rigging, I turned my attention to Red Squared at the gate.

He was waiting on a head nod from me, and the second I gave it to him, he swung the gate open.

I was sure to have my feet above the horse’s shoulders until I crossed the mark out as my mama drilled into me during our practices.

It was like I could hear her voice instead of my own.

“Hang on, Lana! You got this shit! Swipe them legs, roll those spurs on his ass, baby! Show that muthafucka who the boss is!”

Before I even realized it, Mr. Legend was riding beside me, pulling the rope loose so the horse would stop bucking.

I didn’t get bucked off! My back was screaming, but I made it the eight seconds!

When he pulled me over to his horse, I could hear my family screaming for me like I’d just won a belt buckle.

When he slowed, I dismounted and jumped high. Before I could land, Mr. Legend was right there with me. He picked me up and swung me around. “You did that shit, baby girl! What I told you? I could see the beast in your eyes! Come through, Lil Tiff!”

He pushed me on my shoulder, making me laugh. Mr. Red approached and hugged me too. “Whenever you gon’ compete in barebacking, let me know. I’ll be there for you.”

I hugged him again. “Thank you so much. I can’t wait to tell my mama.”

“She gon’ be proud, baby.”

“Milana!”

I turned to the gate to see my mama standing there with my cousins, and I ran right toward her. She opened the gate and ran toward me as well. When I got to her, I crashed into her as she laughed. “I saw it, baby. You did it. I’m so proud of you, Lana.”

I kissed her cheek as the tears fell down mine. “That means so much coming from you, Mama. What could I work on now that I know I can stay on and endure?”

“Just to stay calm and relaxed. You looked a little tense. You should look like you in a rocking chair on that bitch. That’s it. You got this shit! I always told you that you could do it. I just been waiting on you to actually believe it for yourself.”

I hugged her tightly again. “Thank you, Mama. How is everybody?”

“They good, baby. You know we some fucking gangstas in Big City Nome. We don’t give a fuck if they don’t give a fuck.

Hopefully with all the bloodshed, they gon’ know how serious we are, especially since not nare person got arrested for anything.

I wasn’t the only one that fired my weapon and hit their mark. Marcus, Storm, and Jasper did too.”

“Why did you have to fire your weapon, Mama?”

“He broke into my washateria and had a gun. Said that he was gon’ fuck me and my daughter then blow our brains out.

” She lowered her head. “I pulled my shit so fast he never saw it coming. I emptied my clip on his ass. Ain’t no-fucking-body was gon’ threaten me or my baby.

Kenny fed his ass to the hogs, because his riddled body showed my rage, not my survival instincts. ”

I grabbed her hand as she stared into my eyes.

“I love my family. I love you so much. There is nothing I won’t do for you.

I know it’s water under the bridge, but when that nigga cheated on you, you should’ve called me.

I would have helped you beat his ho ass.

I always got your back, Milana. Don’t ever forget that shit. ”

I nodded as she glanced at Ferris. “I think he’s a good one, but if you ever have problems, I’ll help you fuck that nigga up.”

I giggled as I watched Ferris tilt his head as he watched us, like he knew we were talking about him. My mama chuckled, too, as she noticed him staring at us. “Go meet your man. He needs your attention right now. I’m proud of you.”

I ran straight to Ferris, letting my mama’s words sink into my soul.

She was my ride or die, and I hated that I didn’t take advantage of that.

Ferris enveloped me in his arms, and I felt the tremble that went through his body.

“Baby, that was so amazing. I was nervous as hell though. Seeing you hit that ground, . . . shit, I wanted to run out there and scoop you up. I’m so proud of you for not giving up on your dream.

I didn’t get to see your mom bareback, but I can only imagine I’m getting a version of it right here watching you. That was amazing.”

I pulled away from him and stared into his eyes. “Thank you, Ferris.”

Putting my hands to his cheeks, I pulled his face to mine and laid my lips on his, allowing him to celebrate me in one of the best ways possible.

When we got back to Ferris’s house, I was still excited about my day.

He chuckled as I danced in my seat to “Swang Down” by Paul Wall and Z-Ro.

Thankfully, we were going to be alone for a while.

Bali and Noni stayed in Liberty to kick it with Carter Legend and Red Squared.

I was shocked Noni wanted to stay after her breakdown last night.

She was really feeling him for her to cry in front of us.

Besides when our grandparents died, I hadn’t seen either of them cry since we were kids.

They always displayed a nonchalant attitude like they didn’t give a fuck.

I knew that wasn’t the case, but again, her crying in front of us caught me off guard.

Ashanni and Maui seemed just as shocked as I was.

Maui lived with them growing up, so if she was shocked, I knew it was rare that Noni cried in front of anyone or ever wore her feelings on her sleeve that way.

Hopefully, she and Red could come to some sort of terms about a relationship.

“You know Asad was on his way out there when we left.”

I frowned slightly. “Oh, okay. He’s not giving up on Shanni, huh?”

“He said he just wanna be in her space. Whenever she’s ready to settle down, he wanna be the first nigga that comes to her mind.”

“That’s so sweet.” I took a deep breath and turned to Ferris. “She has reservations about his baby mama too. She overheard him arguing with her at a rodeo about him looking at her. So she knows she’s on that woman’s radar.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Ferris, you can’t tell him I told you that. If she wanted him to know that, she would have said something. She likes him, but not enough to overlook that shit.”

“Damn. That’s fucked up. I hate that for him.”

“Yeah. It is kind of sad, but I don’t even want to think about that shit right now.”

“Well, what you wanna think about, baby?”

“How I’m gon’ ride your dick like I did that horse a minute ago.”

“Well, shit. Talk to me nice then, girl.” I giggled as he continued.

“You was a fucking beast on that horse. Real shit. Your mama was so excited when Ashanni called her and told her that you were barebacking today. She said she just felt like you were going to master that shit today. You’ve overcome so much. I had to agree with her.”

“Wow. I’m so glad Ashanni called her. With all they had going on at home, I didn’t bother telling her. I figured she was probably busy.”

“You’re her pride and joy, baby. Regardless of the shit that happened and why y’all weren’t talking, she loves the hell out of you.”

“I love the hell out of her too. You saw that fucking saddle I bought. I hate spending money.”

He chuckled. “So I’ve noticed. Besides that saddle, I ain’t seen you spend more than ten dollars at once.”

I slightly rolled my eyes. “Whatever, man. If I think it’s important enough, I’ll spend money on it.

My mama taught me the value in saving my money, and I took the shit to the extreme.

I buy gas, food when I’m traveling, and spend money to get my hair done.

Those are the necessities. Most times, I eat at the diner, and my aunts never make me pay. ”

“Spoiled rotten.”

I side-eyed him. “Says the mama’s boy.”

His eyebrows lifted as he chuckled. “Yo! I know you lying!”

I laughed too. “Well, I mean, that’s prolly why she go so hard in the paint for you when it comes to me. Your mom doesn’t like me.”

“Oh well. She don’t know what the fuck she missing out on. She don’t know you to say she don’t like you though. It’s her loss.”

My eyebrows lifted. “So if your mom didn’t agree with you being with me, you wouldn’t consider her opinion?”

He frowned as he glanced at me. “I’ve never needed her assistance in my life in that area.

Never. If her opinion had a lil merit behind it, possibly.

But last time I checked, I was grown as fuck, paying my own bills, making my own money.

That means I can do what the hell I wanna do. I wanna do you. You gon’ let me?”

“I told you what I wanted, but hearing your words right now, I wanna let you do that shit right now. Fuck what the doctor said.”

It hadn’t been a week like the doctor recommended, but knowing that he felt that strongly about me had me weak with desire.

If he was going to go against what his mom thought was best, then I supposed it would be me and him against the world if it ever came down to it.

Me falling for him had become even more real.