Page 9 of Call Me Yours (Lodestar Ranch #4)

STEVEN

If the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then I was certifiably insane because for the thirty-seventh time in a year, I walked into Jo’s Coffee knowing Chloe was on shift.

Thirty-six times I had walked through that door since James’s accident, and thirty-six times Chloe hadn’t even taken a breath before kicking me right out again.

I had no reason to believe the thirty-seventh time would be any different, but here I was anyway.

Looking forward to it, even. The truth was, antagonizing Chloe was the best part of my day.

So maybe I wasn’t certifiable. Maybe I was just an asshole.

In my defense, I figured I’d also apologize for being a jerk last night, since I was already here and everything.

Her back was to me as I pushed through the door, but the bell jangling alerted her to my presence. “I’ll be right with you!” she called without turning around.

“Take your time,” I muttered, knowing she couldn’t hear me.

Halfway to the counter, I squatted down to retrieve a folded piece of notebook paper.

Winter is coming!!! it announced at the top with an ominous number of exclamation points, followed by a list of chores.

Clean the gutters, re-caulk the windows, board up a hole in the attic where a raccoon had chewed its way through.

Two sneakers, white with colorful flowers embroidered down the sides, appeared directly in front of me.

I dragged my gaze up the loose-cut denim jeans to the red apron proclaiming Jo’s Coffee!

Come for the coffee, stay for the Jo —a funny slogan considering that Josephine Ramirez, the owner, was not known for her cheerful disposition—and kept going until I found a scowling mouth and meadow-green eyes.

“That’s mine.” Chloe held out her palm.

My jaw popped. Chloe was going to climb on a ladder to clean the gutters and battle attic raccoons? No fucking way. But I handed her the list anyway.

“Nice shoes,” I said, when what I meant to say was I’m sorry I was such a dick last night . She had offered me a way in, cracking the door just a little bit, and what had I done? Kicked that door shut in her face because self-sabotage was my specialty.

I didn’t expect her to take the compliment at face value, even though it was sincere, so I was surprised when her eyes lit up and she held one foot forward to show off her shoe.

“My friends made them for me for my birthday. Well, they didn’t make the shoes, obviously.

They bought the Converse and then each embroidered a side.

Hannah created the design. It’s all our favorite flowers together.

James is the columbine, Essie is the red rose, Janie is the sunflower, Hannah is the violet, and I’m the pink peony. ”

I didn’t know shit about embroidery, but even I could tell a lot of care and effort went into those shoes.

I doubted I had put that much effort into a gift, ever, and sure as shit no one had ever done something like that for me.

But that was Chloe. She showed up for people in a way that made them want to show up for her.

“How did they know your favorite flower?” I asked.

Her lips twitched. “They asked. It’s not exactly classified information, Steven.”

“How did they know your shoe size?”

“They’re sneaky.” She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head. “So, are you going to apologize or what?”

The look on her face said she didn’t believe for one second I would. But she was wrong about that. I wanted to apologize. The problem was I still didn’t know what to say that would make any difference.

There was a jagged part of me that believed every nasty thing Chloe had ever said about me, and then some.

Maybe that was why I kept coming back for more, why I kept hoping that one day she’d smile at me like she used to.

Maybe if I put enough good into the world, the good would eventually outweigh the bad, even if it couldn’t erase it.

I wanted to believe that there was something worthwhile in the wreckage of my soul, and if she smiled at me again, then I’d know I found it.

“I’m in a coffee shop,” I said. “I’m here for coffee.”

It killed me a little that she didn’t look surprised when she said, “Get the hell out of here, Steven.”

That, at least, was something I could do.

The feed and supply store called, letting me know that the special pellets I had ordered for Stevie had arrived, so I swung by on my way out of town.

Most hog feed was meant for livestock heading to the slaughterhouse, not backyard pets.

It was formulated to fatten them up. I wanted my Stevie girl to live a long, healthy life, so I ordered her food from a fancy specialty store and had it sent to Aspen Springs Feed and Supply, since they didn’t deliver way out in my area.

“Got it right here for you,” Daphne said as walked through the door. She peered over the counter and her face fell. “You didn’t bring Stevie with you?”

Daphne loved Stevie, and Stevie loved people in general, so I usually brought her along when I was running errands in town. I never brought her on jobs, though, because cute as she was, she was also a menace, and I wasn’t about to let her get stomped by an annoyed horse.

“Not today. I’m going straight to work from here.” I hefted the ninety-pound bag over my shoulder and tipped my chin. “Next time.”

Daphne grinned. “Tell Stevie I said hi.”

“Will do,” I said, even though I definitely wouldn’t. Stevie might be the smartest pig in the world, but she was still a pig.

I took a step back, pivoted toward the door, and came face-to-face with Blaine Gunnell.

His eyebrows went up in surprise. “Steven.”

“Blaine.” I shifted the bag. Fuck, this was awkward. Blaine worked summers at Lodestar Ranch. I hadn’t seen him since the incident. “How’s school?”

“One more year. Then I’m off to vet school.”

“Right.” I nodded. Blaine’s dad, Jacob Gunnell, was the best vet in a hundred miles, and Blaine intended to follow in his footsteps. “Good for you,” I said, and meant it. We had gotten along great…until we hadn’t.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” He tilted his head like he was searching his memory, though we both knew damn well he remembered. “I haven’t seen you since Adam broke your nose.”

I sighed. God, I was so fucking tired . “That was it, all right.” I stepped around him, pushed the door open with my hip, and went out ass first. “Good luck with school.” I still meant it.

But if I never saw a single person from Lodestar Ranch ever again, I would be okay with that.

I tossed the pellets in the passenger seat and slammed the door shut, hoping like hell the footsteps crunching on the gravel parking lot belonged to literally anyone else.

No such luck.

“I heard you’re in the farrier business now,” Blaine said behind me. Of course the kid had followed me out. He had never minded his own business a day in his life, so why start now?

I turned slowly. “That’s right.”

Gossip spread like wildfire in small towns, so I wasn’t surprised he knew I had switched careers.

The only thing that surprised me was that no one outside the Lodestar Ranch circle seemed to know about the incident with James.

The Hale family was one of the oldest and most respected in Aspen Springs.

They could have made my life hell, turned every client against me before I had even started, but they didn’t.

Maybe that was about to change.

Blaine studied me, his dark eyes serious. “My dad said you were over at Sunshine Rescue a couple weeks ago.”

The tension in my shoulders ratcheted up a notch.

The Gunnell family had been in Colorado almost as long as the Hales.

They had come through here as freed slaves turned cowboys, moving cattle from Texas up to the north after the Civil War, and ended up sticking around, some settling here in Aspen Springs, and others going to Five Points in Denver.

As the vet, Jacob’s job had a certain synergy with my work.

We saw each other frequently, and I respected him. I wanted him to respect me, too.

God dam mit.

“I’ve been a lot of places, Sunshine Rescue included.” I leaned against the truck and folded my arms. “What of it?”

Blaine tilted his head. “Just thought it was interesting, that’s all.

He was impressed with your work. The mare they took on…he said her feet were some of the worst he had ever seen, and wasn’t sure a new farrier like yourself would be up to the challenge.

He was surprised at how much she’s improved. ”

I grunted. “My mentor, Terry. He’s the one overseeing my work until I get certified. He has…” I rolled my lips, searching for the right word. “… exacting standards.”

“Huh.” Blaine’s eyebrows quirked. “Well, that’s new.”

“What’s new?” I asked, not following.

“I’ve never known you to share credit, that’s all.” He smirked. “Not that there was much credit for you to take, as I recall.”

I rolled my eyes and huffed. “I was a good trainer, Blaine.”

“James is better,” he shot back.

“James is better than all of us,” I returned. After a brief hesitation, I allowed, “Myself included.”

He laughed. “I’ll tell her you said so.”

“Don’t,” I said reflexively. I winced. “I just mean, there’s no point.

She doesn’t want to hear my name.” I rubbed the back of my neck.

“I didn’t hurt her on purpose. It seems stupid to say that, because I made her fall on purpose, so what’s the difference?

I was stupid. I didn’t fucking think. Just saw her in the ring, doing the thing I couldn’t do, saw the bridle, and acted on impulse.

” I shook my head, still furious and disgusted with my own behavior.

How could I have fucking done that? “Seeing her crumpled against the fence like that, unconscious? Worst moment of my fucking life.”

Blaine considered that. “I’m not saying an apology will magically make everyone forgive and forget, but it might go further than you think. You should try it sometime.”

I barked a laugh. “Oh, hell no. I’m not going anywhere near James.”

“Because Adam will beat the shit out of you?” Blaine smirked.

“I think it’s fair to say that with all three Hale brothers currently living on the property, my chances of making it out alive are slim.

But that’s not why.” The day at the library six months ago, when Chloe had stripped me raw with her words, James had been there, too.

And shit, when she saw me? She fucking flinched .

It haunted me. “She doesn’t need my apology.

It would make me feel better, but it wouldn’t do shit for her.

The best way for me to show her I’m sorry and that I’m not a threat is to stay the hell away from her. ”

Blaine frowned at the ground, his hands on his hips. “Maybe you’re right,” he said at last.

“Did you…” I swallowed roughly. I hated asking this, but I couldn’t stand the thought of Terry finding out what happened at Lodestar.

People wouldn’t trust me anymore. “Did you say anything to your dad about me? I understand if you did. I just…need to know.” If he had told his dad, then eventually that information would circle back to Terry.

It would be better for him to hear it from me.

“No, I didn’t say a word to my dad about your time at Lodestar or what happened with James.

I’m not going to wreck another man’s livelihood without a damn good reason.

In this economy? Fuck no. I figured I wouldn’t have to.

You’d show your true colors soon enough.

” He rocked back on his heels, studying me.

“Maybe you already are. See you around, Steven.”

“Sure,” I said, because I liked the kid.

But I really fucking hoped not.