Page 39 of Call Me Yours (Lodestar Ranch #4)

CHLOE

“I see you brought your emotional support Steven with you,” Dr. Davidson greeted us.

Steven, standing at my shoulder, smirked down at me, clearly pleased with the designation. I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t argue. I loved having him here with me.

Dr. Davidson smiled warmly. “How are you feeling, Chloe?”

“Good,” I said. “Like I have more energy than I know what to do with, but then I’ll crash and need a two-hour nap.”

Dr. Davidson nodded. “That’s perfectly normal.

Remember to focus on protein and fiber. Fruit is great.

I would never tell a pregnant woman to avoid all treats, but try to keep the sugar intake low, because it will make those energy crashes much more intense.

And, of course, too much can lead to gestational diabetes.

We’ll test for that in another six weeks or so.

It’s easy. You drink a disgustingly sweet orange drink and then we check your blood sugar. ”

Steven squeezed my shoulder. I nodded.

“So, today we’re going to do the anatomy scan,” Dr. Davidson continued.

“The ultrasound technician will look at every organ of your baby’s body to make sure there are no defects and everything is growing properly.

We’ll also look at the umbilical cord and where it attaches to the placenta and measure your amniotic fluid.

What’s really exciting for the parents is that this time, your baby looks like a baby.

We can also tell you the sex if you want to know.

” She glanced at both of us and pushed to her feet. “Okay, I’ll go get the technician.”

I stared down at my baby bump. A boy or a girl? Mostly I had been referring to it as it .

“Do you want to know?” Steven asked. “Or do you want it to be a surprise?”

“It’s a surprise either way, isn’t it?” I said. “I’ll be surprised now, or surprised after I push it out.”

“Are you…hoping?” he asked hesitantly.

There was something odd in his tone that made me look up at him quizzically.

He shrugged. “When Amy was born, I remember my dad ranting about how useless girls were. He was so sure he would only have boys because of his virility or whatever. My mom cried. It would have been better if they had found out earlier and to give him a few months to adjust, instead of when she was cut open on the operating table in an emergency c-section.”

I rubbed my belly. “Someday,” I muttered, “I am going to meet your dad and we will have words .”

He snorted. “Chloe, you will never meet him. I love you too much for that.”

I kept rubbing my belly, thinking about what was inside.

Who was inside. It was hard to imagine. “Is it weird that I can’t picture either a boy or a girl?

In some ways, I’m still stuck on thinking this can’t be real.

” I looked up at him. “I want to know. I don’t care what I’m having, but I think knowing will help me feel connected in some way. ”

The technician came in and squirted goo on my belly. He dragged the transducer across my belly, pushing harder than I expected but not so hard that it was painful, and an image appeared on the screen.

“There you go,” he said. “There’s your baby.”

I couldn’t speak as I stared at the screen. Big head, little body with its knees drawn up, tiny hands and feet, adorable baby features. Everything swirled together like images in a kaleidoscope as wetness flooded my eyes.

That’s my baby .

He didn’t say much as he kept moving the transducer. Sometimes he drew a line across a various body part like a tape measure. Time floated by in a haze. I couldn’t look away from the screen.

“All right,” he said finally, standing. He handed me some wipes to clean the gel from my belly. “Dr. Davidson will be in to go over everything. I took a couple pictures that you can take home with you.”

I blinked, dazed. “Thank you.”

Steven looked every bit as dazed as I felt.

“All right,” Dr. Davidson said, bustling in. “Everything looks great. Congratulations, Chloe. You have a perfectly healthy baby in there. Do you want to know the sex?”

I nodded.

Her smile widened. “It’s a boy.”

“You hungry?” Steven asked for the third time, his fingertips beating out a nervous rhythm on the steering wheel.

“No,” I said, also for the third time. In the silence that had stretched between us, I had lost my appetite.

Other than asking me if I was hungry, Steven hadn’t said a word since we left the doctor’s office.

At first I’d been too excited at seeing a real baby-shaped image on the screen to notice Steven getting quieter and quieter.

He had stopped talking altogether sometime around when Dr. Davidson announced I was having a boy.

And there he was on the screen, a real boy looking very much like a human baby instead of a splotch. It was suddenly all so very real.

Maybe that was the problem.

Maybe it had suddenly become real for Steven, too.

And maybe…maybe he wasn’t ready for that. And maybe I should have expected as much. We had gone from enemies to being roommates to being in love in only five months, and in another four months I was going to be a mother to another man’s son. That was…a lot to process.

“Hey.” My voice cracked. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Hey. We should talk.”

His gaze whipped to mine and then back to the road. His lips pressed in a grim line. “All right.”

My mouth went completely dry. I couldn’t even get a squeak out.

“ Chloe .” His jaw ticked. “Say it.”

I licked my lips nervously. “You know that day outside Jo’s, when I spilled my coffee and you bought me a new one? I was pregnant and I didn’t even know it.”

“Okay,” he said slowly.

“What I’m saying is, this whole time we’ve been getting to know each other, I’ve been pregnant.

Most couples have a time that’s just them.

We don’t have that. We are never going to have that.

And that’s okay, isn’t it? I mean, we don’t have to follow the same trajectory.

We can slow things down now and take our time figuring it all out. ”

His knuckles turned white as he gripped the wheel. “Slow things down?”

“Yeah. I know it’s weird because technically we live together, but that doesn’t mean we have to live together , live together, right?

We can keep separate bedrooms. We can be roommates who date.

” I rubbed my damp palms on my pants and stared straight out the window.

“You don’t have to be a de facto dad just because we’re together.

” Please, please say you want to be together. Say this isn’t too much for you.

The truck swerved slightly, then quickly corrected. I grabbed my seatbelt and looked at Steven with wide eyes. “What happened?”

“Shit. Shit,” he muttered. He rubbed his temple, checked his mirrors, steered us onto the shoulder, and threw the gearshift in park. “I knew you were going to say that, but I still didn’t…I need a minute, okay?” He pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes.

“Steven?” I stared at him in genuine confusion. Water leaked down his wrists. “Are you…are you crying ?”

“No,” he said huskily. “Listen. Listen.” He inhaled sharply, then exhaled, his hands still covering his eyes.

“I understand Radish is your top priority. That’s the way it is.

That’s the way it has to be. You want separate bedrooms, fine.

I can live with that for now. But we’re not roommates, Chloe, and we’re not fucking dating.

I don’t even know what that means. I understand why you’re scared.

I know I’m not his dad. But I can be something .

You don’t have to take my word for it right now.

Just give me a chance to prove it. Don’t shut me out. ”

“I’m not…I don’t… What the hell are you talking about? I’m not scared. You’re scared.” I grabbed his wrists, dragged his hands from his eyes, and literally gasped. “You are crying! Why are you crying?”

“Because you’re trying to cut me out of Radish’s life. That really hurts, Chloe. I understand, okay? I do. I wouldn’t take a chance on me, either, if it were my kid on the line. But it still hurts like hell.”

I unbuckled and clambered over the console to him. He reached under his seat for the lever and sent his seat careening back, then hauled me onto his lap. “Steven,” I whispered, cupping his face in my hands. “Aren’t you scared?”

He laughed hoarsely. “I’m terrified,” he confessed.

I nodded. “It’s so much. You don’t want to get trapped parenting a kid who’s not even yours. I get it. So let’s go slow. Until you know what you want.”

“For fuck’s sake, Chloe. No ,” he said, exasperated. “I know what I want, and it doesn’t scare me at all. I want you. I want this baby. I want the life we’ll build together. That’s not why I’m scared.”

I scanned his face and what I saw there shook me to my core. He meant it. “Then what is it?”

“Chloe.” He sighed, thunked his head back against the rest, and contemplated the roof of the truck.

“My grandfather was an asshole who raised an asshole. My dad was an asshole who raised an asshole. I would really, really like to break that cycle, and I am terrified —” His voice wobbled, and he swallowed hard. “I am terrified that I can’t.”

“You already have.” I kissed his face, first one cheek, then the other.

“You’re not an asshole. You have been a good son, a good brother, a good friend, a good farrier, and a good partner.

Do you know what that all adds up to?” I dropped my forehead to his.

“A good man. You’re a good man, Steven. I am so damn lucky to have you in my life and so is this baby. ”

He cupped the sides of my throat in his large hands, his thumbs pushing under my jaw to angle my mouth to his. He kissed me like he couldn’t get enough.

When we broke away, his eyes were shiny and wet, but he was smiling. “Shit.” He laughed and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands. “No one told me I could cry from being fucking happy .”

I swallowed thickly. “I still want you to take some time to think about all this.”

He shook his head. “Chloe. I’m in.”

“I might not be able to have more kids. Getting pregnant once doesn’t mean I can do it again.” I ran my hands over his chest, fidgeting with the buttons.

“I’m in.”

I fisted his shirt in my hands. “Please think about it. Don’t just say things because you think that’s what I want to hear, or because you wish it were true. I don’t want to be five years into this with you and you suddenly feel your biological clock ticking for something I can’t give you.”

“I am fucking in , Chloe.” His hands wrapped around mine, his eyes glowing at me like I hung the moon.

“I was ambivalent on fatherhood before I met you. I am so glad this baby is coming, but you would have been more than enough for me. Just you. Radish is an amazing bonus. Whatever other babies come along or don’t come along, I don’t care.

They’re not real. You’re real, and Radish is real.

I’m all in, princess. All I need to know is if you’re in it with me. ”

“I’m in,” I choked out.

“That’s my good girl,” he muttered against my mouth.

It took us a long time to get back on the road.