Page 22

22

Raya

I don’t know what cleaning spray Monique uses to wipe down the tables, but whatever’s in those plastic bottles, it’s pungent. That, and the aroma of glue and juice mingle quite horribly and make my throat burn.

Not a great start to my day.

It’s too early for the real chaos to start, but I know it’s coming. I grab the attendance clipboard from the counter and scan the names. Most of the little crumb snatchers are already here, including Aniya. My lips press into a thin line.

It’s been a week or so since she tried to get me fired. I should hate her little ass, but I don’t. Not anymore. Not fully. But she better keep it cute with me. No telling what I might do otherwise.

“Miss Raya! Miss Raya!” A little boy tugs at the back of my shirt. “Look what I made!”

Oh. It’s Justin.

Justin’s not horrible, I guess.

He holds up a wad of construction paper covered in glue, googly eyes, and scraps of fuzz.

What the fuck is this supposed to be?

I school my features into an impressed, yet curious expression.

“Interesting,” I say. “Tell me about this, Justin.”

“It’s from my dream,” he announces. “There was a thing in my dream, so I made it.”

Did you dream you lived in a fucking landfill?

I flash him a smile. “Great job, buddy. Why don’t you set it on your desk so it can dry?”

“Okaaaaay!” he yells as he runs off.

I don’t bother to tell him to slow down. Kids don’t listen. Boys especially don’t listen, a fact that never changes, sadly. Not even with age.

That’s why they must be trained with actions, not words.

I head outside to check on my class, leaning against the fence, letting the morning sun warm my face. Autumn is approaching, I can tell by the slight chill in the humid air. I breathe deep. Smells make memories, and this is a pretty good time in my life, considering what I’ve been through.

Yes, and of course, as soon as I have one positive thought, there goes Aniya to ruin it.

She just pushed Shane. She must be strong, because his little ass almost fell over.

Ordinarily, I’d stay out of it for the plot, but I’m feeling charitable today.

With a sigh, I push off the fence and make my way over.

“Hey,” I call, and the boy flinches like he’s been caught stealing. “Go find something else to do.”

He scurries off with no argument, which I take to mean he was the aggressor.

Aniya looks up at me, her lips pressed tight. She’s wary, not sure if I’m an enemy or an ally.

That makes two of us.

“What happened?” I ask, crouching beside her.

She shrugs. “I didn’t need help.”

“I didn’t say you did.”

She eyes me, still trying to figure me out.

I glance at Shane, who’s now across the playground, probably plotting on how to annoy somebody else’s daughter.

“They’re all like that. You know that, right?”

Her little eyebrows crinkle in confusion, and I remember how young she is.

“I’m gonna assume you had your reasons for putting hands on him,” I say slowly. “Whatever the reason, I want you to know they’re all like that. They’ll always give you a reason.”

She scoffs. “But I made him leave me alone.”

I shake my head. “That’s not how it works. He stopped, but there’s gonna be another one. Then another one. They test you, over and over, because they wanna see if they can.”

Aniya crosses her arms in front of her. Petulant little thing. It’s like looking in a funhouse mirror.

“Then I’ll fight all of them,” she says, and I have to admit, I like her style.

“It doesn’t matter how much or how hard you fight,” I say. “They always come back. Or, they get smarter. Some won’t touch you at all. They’ll find some other way to get to you. They’ll chip away at you, piece by piece, until you even hurt yourself for them.”

She looks away, scuffing the toe of her Chucks in the dirt. I think I’ve lost her.

“Just…don’t ever let them break you. Don’t let them think they own any part of you. Don’t ever let them control you. Not your time, your space, your energy, or your body. If you don’t wanna deal with them, that’s the end of it. No discussion. No explanation.”

Aniya looks up, searching my face. “Even grown-ups?”

I nod. “Especially grown-ups.”

She’s quiet for a long time. I hope she’s processing what I said. She’s not nearly as sweet and compliant as my baby dolls, but I gave her the same truths I gave them. She can take it or leave it, but it needed to be said.

Finally, she mutters, “I still know you said it.”

A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. “You don’t give up, do you? Go play.”

With the stankest eyeroll she can muster, the hellion turns and runs toward the swings, and I can’t help but feel the tiniest shred of respect for her.

The Corolla gets me home in one piece, but I’m sweating like a pig when I get there. Ace’s text comes through just as I’m walking in the house.

My man, my man, my man

See you tonight?

The words make me warm all over.

Not tonight, babe. Had a bad day

But I have to turn him down. As much as I wanna see him, you have to tell men no sometimes. Stress their asses out.

Call me later

I leave him on read. I have a message from Aunt Tori, too, letting me know she’ll be here tomorrow.

Smiling, I slip my phone in my back pocket and head straight to Daddy’s room to check on the old man.

He’s staring out the window, as usual. Stale air surrounds us, and that same hint of antiseptic cuts it.

I’ll be glad when I can move out of this house.

He doesn’t acknowledge me at all, which is fine. I stare at him, tilting my head, wondering if Tori’s right, if he’s hiding a secret. He’s sneaky enough. He’s conniving enough.

I take a step toward him.

“Hey,” I say softly. “Tori told me something about you.”

At that, he turns those glassy yellow eyes on me.

“That got your attention, huh?”

Nothing.

“Tori thinks you can talk,” I say. “That you’re just pretending to be mute. What do you think about that?”

His response is a slow blink.

A breeze rustles the curtain, and I shiver. I feel exposed all of a sudden, something I haven’t felt in a long time.

I shake it off, squaring my shoulders as I back away from him toward the door.

“You’re useless,” I mutter, turning on my heel. “But you already knew that.”

I slam the door behind me.

After a quick snack and shower, I wrap myself in my black satin robe and set up my ring light. I smile when I open my TikTok. 1,038 followers.

Finally broke a thousand.

I gather my tools and stare into the mirror, taking note of how different I look. That glow people say women get when we’re happy, or at peace, or pregnant (gag)—I have it.

It’s not because of Ace, at least not directly. I’m happy he knows he’s my man now, and that we’ve been enjoying each other, and all that good shit, but no man could ever truly make me happy. I’m not even sure they’re supposed to. Happiness has to start from within, and that’s when you glow.

I’m glowing because I figured out what it is that makes me happy on a deep, soul level.

Winning.

I’m glowing because I won .

Like that raggedy little boy said earlier, I saw Ace in my dreams and made him happen. That’s power. Can't nobody tell me shit .

And when I hit LIVE, the comments start to roll in, confirming my perception.

wilmajax33 Yas bitch, face is tea

My face is bare. All I’m wearing is victory.

forever31 You look ten years younger, what did you do?

karmakitty19 Did you get something done? No judgment we just need the deets

I smirk as I smooth the primer over my cheeks.

“I did do something,” I say. “Something that made me happy.”

mufasaswife What bitch lol

carygoleman You draggin it, just tell us

“I got what I wanted. And do you know why?” I press shadow onto my lids. “Because I did exactly what I told y’all I was gonna do. Remember when I said to apply pressure and go after what you want?”

I check the counter. Fifty-six in the chat.

They love me.

“By the way, I’m doing a natural beat today.” I pause for effect. “My man likes that look.”

The chat goes up.

minajfann00 You got him? Omg

lexijewel5 SAT

2live05 Perched

I reach for my foundation. “I’m not gonna share too much yet, but I will say this: You glow different when a man is obsessed with you.”

ovhoeintl Not you got him in a chokehold

bratt15 Facts tho

macslut44 What you do to that man?

blackbird103102 Because these niggas be so nonchalant. Give me chalant bitch

I laugh softly as I apply concealer. There was nothing nonchalant about Ace peeping through my window, desperate for a glimpse of me.

That’s the only way this can work, in my mind. We both gotta be obsessed.

I run a hand across my cheek, thinking about the times Ace grazed it lovingly.

“My skin is soft,” I say absentmindedly. “That’s important, ladies and gents. When your man touches your face, it should feel like butter.”

rodeocarter Oh she in love fr

munilawng Not you tryna be soft for a man

99problmz She gone

420twkr What he do to you? Spill

I snap out of my trance. “What hasn’t he done? He’s just…different.” I dot cream blush over my cheekbones and around my eye. “He’s a nerd. And I mean that in a good way. Bae is smart. Oh my God, y’all, he’s damn near a genius. But beyond that, he’s not one of these half-stepping, weak-minded dudes out here. He’s a whole man .”

beysnosehair05 I’m bout to throw my phone

queenbratz We love a MAN

I blend the blush in light pats. “He makes me feel safe.”

Saf er , anyway. I won’t feel completely safe until the ring is on my finger.

“When I’m with him, it’s just us. Everything else fades. No noise. No distractions. None of it matters.”

caramelpop09 Love that for you

rainbowjseo1 Im jealous, but go awf

freakbtchh What color is that blush?

“This is it,” I say, my makeup forgotten as the beauty blender sits softly in my palm. “I feel it. I can see forever. It’s right there. ”

I snap to, realizing I’m still live, and that there are almost a hundred people posting in the chat.

I pick up my bronzer, swirling my brush around the pan. “I just have a few things I need to handle first.”

8downn Handle?

rihspinkynail Bestie wdym?

I dust the bronzer along my cheeks, my jawline, and the sides of my nose. “Nothing serious,” I say smoothly. “Just some loose ends. In the form of people who don’t know how to mind their business.”

erikablue72 No because WHO are you talking about?

mommy9857 Not you speaking in riddles

shontee73 We ride at dawn

Highlighter goes on next, dusted lightly over my cheekbones, cupid’s bow, and the tip of my nose. I tilt my face, watching the light catch on my skin.

Perfect.

“They think they can come between us,” I murmur at my reflection. “Like I’d ever let that happen.”

I grab my eyeliner and lean closer to the mirror. “Nobody’s ever gonna come between us, and I mean that.” I drag the liquid liner along my upper lash line with a steady hand. “I don’t care what I have to do. I’ll die first.”

idrisluv04 Um

skatrgrl25 …

normanisleg11 Ma’am

popprz00 Unhinged

feelinmyzelf08 That’s not—

calliope77 You doin too much

sugesuga We still ride, but we not dyin no more sis

I smile, curling my lashes before swiping on a light layer of mascara. The comments keep rolling in, many of them expressing concern.

“I see you, chat. Your concern is noted.” I swipe on some lip gloss and press my lips together before blowing a kiss at the camera.

“But I said what I said.”