Page 39 of Caelum

SIX

EVE

There had been quite a few moments in my life where I’d questioned my sanity. Most of those occurred before I crossed Caelum’s gates. I'd never been certain if I was possessed by the devil or if there was just something seriously wrong with me...

Okay, that was a slight lie.

I truly had believed I was possessed, but ever since coming here, what I’d learned hadn’t exactly put me at ease.

Now, after having been assured a number of times that only a walk through Caelum’s gates would finalize matters, allow the Weres and Hell Hounds of this world to shift, Dre, one of my least favorite people in the universe, had just turned into a bear.

A huge bear.

If it had been Stefan or any of the others, well, aside from Samuel, I wouldn't be too scared. But Dre disliked me as much as I disliked him. I could only imagine that his bear felt exactly the same way.

Would that make me look tasty to him?

Goodness, I hoped not.

Rubbing my brow, I tried not to scamper backward because that had to be a submissive reaction and I didn't think that was wise with the bear lumbering around in front of me. He’d take that as a sign of weakness, and all of a sudden, I'd be the bear’s dinner.

But although I didn’t retreat and stood firm, it didn't stop me from freaking out inside. Inwardly, I was a rush of nerves, and who could blame me?

The craziest thing though? I really wanted to stroke him.

Dre’s beady black eyes in his bearskin held none of the beauty of his human form, but that didn't mean they weren't pretty in their own way.

I almost snorted at the idea of anything about a bear being pretty, but it was true. Yes, he was huge, and yes, his claws could probably rip my insides out within a second, but he was just standing there, looking at me as hard as I was looking at him.

I realized then that Dre was as astonished as I was. Considering he never shut up, he was deliciously quiet now. In fact, I could probably come to appreciate a silent Dre if it meant he had to turn into a six-hundred-pound bear.

It was only by misfortune that today my Were had decided it should take the reins. But as a result, we were in the garden, and we were close to the Academy, and though the fear was there, it wasn't engulfing me. Panic wasn't at the forefront of my mind either, just surprise. When I figured that out, my heart stopped racing, and my lungs stopped chasing air.

“What happened?” I whispered, knowing Dre couldn't answer me, and once again, horrible though it made me, I enjoyed the silence for a moment. “Should I get Stefan?” I asked, realizing the bear couldn't just stand here, out in the open. Not only because we were trying to keep a low profile, but I could tell that Dre had no idea what to do. There was a reason why he hadn't gone and hidden without any prompt from me. He was as frozen as I was. As stunned as me.

That didn't bode well.

Dre was a cocky, arrogant jerk, and there weren't many questions he didn't have answers to. Heck, he had answers to questions that hadn't even been asked. But now? He was speechless, and not just because he didn't have human vocal cords.

I could sense his panic deep inside me, and if I thought about it too much, I started to realize I could feel it in that place he'd insisted I had to discover inside myself. That strange place where the eight souls wriggled around together, finding a makeshift peace among themselves as they juggled for control of my body.

Deep in that pocket, I felt Dre.

The thought had my heart racing, but not with panic, just with nerves. Not nerves because he was a grizzly bear, but because that meant something. That I could feel him— it meant something . I just didn’t know what.

With a shaky breath, I reached out a hand and pressed it to the bear’s fur, which was surprisingly silky, and I wondered if that was because it was virgin fur. Free from dirt, free from detritus. It was fluffy even. It wasn't hardened by years of becoming grubbier after trekking through the woods.

My fingers squished around, stroking him, patting him in an attempt to soothe him. Deep inside, I felt his panic lessen, but my own soared.

What was this?

It was as though we were on a seesaw. Only, when he calmed, I stressed.

My brow puckered as I tilted my head to look over him. “What do I do?”

Of course, there was no response.

Feeling stupid because I knew he couldn’t answer and I’d asked him anyway, I gulped and closed my eyes, seeking his response in the same pocket as before.

He was confused, worried. There were emotions, not exactly deep thoughts that he could convey, but they gave me some clue as to his state of mind.

“Should I get Stefan?” I asked again.

Relief. That was the next feeling that hit me.

Nodding and understanding, I murmured, “Do you think you should hide? You're not supposed to shift yet, are you?”

Agreement came in the form of a strange warmth that filtered through me. I’d never felt anything like it in my life. And I'd admit that being around some of the boys here—yes, Stefan, Frazer, and Reed, in particular—had stirred something in me, but this was different.

I wasn't sure why, and didn't know how, but knew it was the truth.

This was more intrinsic.

More earthy.

This connection grounded me in a way that made me realize how up in the air I'd been for a long time.

Staggered by the knowledge, I pushed away from the bear as the creature lumbered off to hide.

The crispy, spiky grass scratched at my feet as I rushed down the yard in my sandals toward the Academy.

It wasn't often I ran anywhere because running and my behind did not go together. No matter how hard the coach tried to insist that I train. As I half waddled, half jogged toward Caelum proper, I was relieved when Eren appeared in the doorway.

His concern was a soothing balm, like honey on a wound. There was a gentleness about his care that eased me, took away my fear .

“Eren!” I gasped, ashamed to admit I was out of breath even after that tiny run.

He rushed toward me, concern etched onto his features. I was starting to know his face like I knew mine, and in his own way, I realized I was closest to him of all the boys here. Even the ones I had apparently Chosen.

I had no doubt Eren was a good warrior, had no doubt he was fierce when required, but equally, he was gentle. Sensitive. Careful with me, and I appreciated that so much. It didn’t really surprise me that he was here either—I’d bet my new computer that he’d been on his way to check up on my lesson with Dre.

Shame he was ten minutes too late for this most recent disaster I’d wrought.

“What is it?” Eren demanded, his hands coming up to cup my shoulders. His touch was just as soothing as his presence. The two combined helped me discuss what had happened.

“I don't know why, but when Dre was trying to teach me... I guess…” I hesitated, biting my lip as I stared into his eyes, trying to find the words to admit that I'd done something else to wreck our situation. Because, deep down, I didn't doubt that Dre had shifted because of me. “Dre turned into a bear.”

At my words, Eren’s eyes widened. “That’s impossible. He's only nineteen.”

Feeling helpless, I shrugged, hating when he removed his hands from my shoulders and wishing desperately to remain connected to him. “I'm not lying, Eren. It happened. He's hiding in the garden.”

He snatched my hand and began pulling me down the yard. “Show me where he is.”

His briskness came as a surprise. I'd never seen this side of him before, and I didn't necessarily dislike it, but I wasn't used to this from him. Stupid tears pricked my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

Yes, this was my fault, and yes, I would own up to it. Dre accused me of being naive, of being stupid. But I wasn't. You could call me all the names under the sun, but I knew what I was.

Trouble.

He'd called it himself a few days before, and he was right.

I was trouble.

And somehow, I’d managed to drag seven innocent men into this with me.

I'd known shame all my life, but never as badly as I had at that moment. It was a dampening experience, making the white-hot sun overhead dim and the crystal-clear skies turn shadowed. My entire world darkened as I'd realized the danger into which I'd drawn these innocents.

I hadn't had a choice. I knew that too. Merinda had brought me here, and it wasn't like I could just walk out the door and leave. I was on an island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The nearest country, as far as I could tell, was Nigeria. I wasn't even sure what language Nigerian people spoke. It wasn't as if I could blend in easily.

There was no escape, at least, not without making these good men help me. Dirtying them, sullying them, even more with my evil ways.

My throat was tight when I stopped letting Eren drag me and instead rushed forward to guide him toward the area where I'd seen Dre go.

The gardens were on the top of the cliff. They took up a huge portion of it, but to the left of the building, there was a copse of trees. I had no idea what they were called. I probably knew the names from having memorized them in the dictionary, but seeing them and knowing them were two different things entirely.

They didn't provide much cover, at least not for a grizzly bear. There was a fruit they reminded me of if I was honest. They served it in the canteen. It was spikey and filled with yellow flesh. Eren had introduced me to it. Pineapple. The tree seemed to have that same skin, or bark I supposed. And overhead, there were huge green leaves that swayed in the breeze coming off the ocean.

No, the grizzly certainly didn't fit in. We found him almost immediately, cowering behind a too-thin trunk.

The second Eren saw him, he froze and almost dragged me back as his momentum abruptly shifted.

“What the fuck?” he whispered under his breath, and before I could say another word, his cell phone was in his hand and he was making a call.

Within ten minutes, the two Packs I'd inadvertently brought together were clustered in the copse of trees. Five boys looked at the sixth brother in shock and awe. I couldn't blame them. It had felt like seconds had passed as I processed the first shift Dre had undertaken, but it had probably been a good ten to fifteen minutes of me just gaping at him and him gaping back at me with his snout open wide, revealing too sharp teeth. However, that the guys were equally as stunned didn't exactly appease my nerves.

And I wasn't surprised when Samuel, who, though yesterday he’d been kind, didn't seem to like me that much, turned to me and was the first to say what I knew they all had to be thinking. “What did you do now?”

Stefan growled, “Watch your tone!”

The two boys glowered at each other, and it was easy to see why they'd never gotten along well. When Stefan glared at Dre, it was a quick thing—a look, a silent warning, before things were settled. Between Samuel and Stefan? I just knew they were going to start fighting.

It was the last thing any of us needed, and I wasn't sure why, but Stefan was furious. So outraged at Samuel’s question. Which, technically, made sense. I was the one who’d been with Dre. If anything had happened that had prompted this transformation, it rested on me. But Stefan, apparently, didn't agree.

I'd called it. Right on the money.

Within seconds, Stefan had charged Samuel, and I jerked back in surprise.

“We don’t have time for this,” Eren called, grabbing a hold of Reed’s shoulder when he tried to wade into the melee. “Stefan’s Hell Hound is in charge. Don’t go there, Reed.”

Was that true? Goodness, that was the last thing we needed.

I flinched as Stefan’s balled up fist rammed into Samuel’s nose. As blood gushed, I wanted to scream, but Samuel didn't appear to be hurt.

The tolerance these men had for pain frightened me. Not because they were superhuman—even if they were—but it told me what they'd had to endure in their lives that this level of violence didn't actually hurt them anymore.

Sure, I was certain their pain receptors were functioning, that they were accustomed to it. So accustomed, that even though I assumed Stefan had broken Samuel’s nose, Samuel didn't refrain from tipping his head forward and butting into Stefan’s.

Stefan staggered back at the hit, but the two instantly raised their fists and began jabbing wherever they could reach. An uppercut here, a jab there. A forward kick to the gut from Samuel was received with a groan by Stefan, and my Chosen reciprocated by stamping on Samuel’s foot.

The others didn't bother to stop them again, and I knew that was a testament to their experience too. They didn't see anything wrong with the fight, didn't realize what they were doing.

But I did.

I'd inadvertently joined these two Packs, and here they were, on the first day, fighting.

It was dangerous. I knew that. I was in no way ready to be hurt by them, and my pain threshold was not even close to theirs, but I had to do something. And the truth was, I deserved it. I deserved an accidental slap to the face or a punch to the gut.

I'd broken these men .

Whatever was in me that made me different, it had stained them, tarnishing them in ways that were irrevocable.

Before any of the boys, because at that moment they were definitely boys, could stop me, I dove straight into the fight. Because the two were so intent with their stupid brawl, they didn't realize I was there. It took only a split second before I was on the receiving end of two punches: one from Stefan to the shoulder, and one from Samuel to the back. Right where my kidney was, if I'd hazarded a guess.

And it hurt. Goodness, it hurt so bad.

They hadn't pulled their punches, and I let out a sob as the pain filtered through me. Even while I wanted to crumble to my knees, wanted to fall forward to prop myself up, I didn't. I couldn’t. I needed to stop this.

“We're not these people anymore,” I cried out through the pain. My God, Stefan and Samuel were strong. How had I not known exactly how strong?

When they'd realized what they'd done, my words broke the spell of their shock. Stefan rushed at me, his hand immediately coming up to cup my face as he stared deep into my eyes, and he whispered, “What the fuck did you do that for?”

There was terror in his voice, pain and hurt. I heard it, hurt for it, but I shook my head at him. “You were fighting. You’re not supposed to do that anymore.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “He accused you?—”

“No, he didn't. He asked a sensible question. I did do something to Dre. I don't know what,” I admitted, and my words were ridiculously husky as I tried not to whimper at the aches gathering in my lower and upper back. “You can't keep fighting each other. It’s day one, and you already have.”

He winced, and when I turned around to face Samuel, I saw that he, too, flinched at my words. His mouth worked as though he wanted to say something, and I could see his guilt and shame plain as day.

Having been raised in the compound, violence against women was normal. My father had often slapped my mother, and I'd often heard him beat her in their bedroom at night. There’d been no shame in it; it was how life was there. I'd known that if I misbehaved too much, I would be hurt in a similar manner. So while it was normal to me, I had to admit, their shame and sorrow soothed me as nothing else could.

They weren't those kind of men, and if there was any good news to be found within this situation, it was that.

During the fight, my attention had been focused on them, but now, I glanced around the clearing as all the men were looking at me with a strange collection of emotions on their faces. Shame and mortification, humiliation and horror. There was even a trace of fear, panic even. But I ignored it all, intent on trying to find the bear.

The creature had wiggled out of the small space he'd shoved himself into. The trees were gathered quite close together, and he'd tried to hide between them. It would have been amusing if I hadn't been terrified over what was happening.

When the bear sat back, the move reminded me of the babies at the compound who sank onto their cloth-diapered behinds, huffing as they did so. In that position, I couldn't say Dre looked particularly cuddly, but he was a damn sight less frightening like that than he was standing.

With the bear in situ, attention averted to him, and I was glad he’d helped me redirect the growing tension.

“What did you do?” Frazer asked me, but his question was a lot softer than Samuel’s.

There had been accusation in Samuel’s tone, but not enough to warrant the start of a fight.

“He was talking to me about his morning ritual,” I admitted.

Frazer frowned at me. “Morning ritual?”

I nodded. “He said that every morning, he checked in with his souls and figured out which one he was for the day.” When all the men nodded and looked at me in confusion, I sensed I was the only one who didn't do this. Either this was a memo I'd never received or it simply didn't work for me.

“I did that before Caelum,” Stefan admitted.

“Me too,” Eren said. Reed and Frazer also nodded, and when I cut Samuel a look, he dipped his chin in agreement.

“Well, I don't,” I told them.

As their eyes narrowed, I discerned that they were puzzled, but not concerned, so I continued, “I've never done that. I've never known how. I only really know what day it is when one of the souls reacts to something. Dre made me look deep inside myself to find where the souls cohabit.” It was a strange word choice, but it fit. They did inhabit me, but more than that, they had to live together. “From Dre’s description, he made it sound like the seven souls were battling for space. That’s not how it is with mine.”

“So, you found it then?” Eren prompted softly, and I was touched when he reached for my hand and gently squeezed my fingers. His support bled into me, and it soothed the ache where Stefan and Samuel had hit me.

I nodded. “Eventually. It took a while. I never knew it was there.”

Samuel scowled. “Then what happened?”

“As I was studying it, I found the Were. She was in control today. But it wasn't like she was lording it over the others. She was just there, in charge. For the moment.”

“And?” Eren asked, and though it came across as brusque, his dark amber eyes told me that he just wanted answers. I couldn't blame him for that. I'd like them too.

“When I studied the Were, I don’t know... I kind of felt him. I tested that feeling, trying to figure it out, but I didn't do anything else. I promise. Not on purpose. But after a few minutes of me looking, he just shifted.” My mouth worked as I tried to explain, but there was no explaining this. I hadn't done anything.

“You think you triggered his shift by studying your Were?” I wasn't offended by Samuel’s question. How could I be? I knew he was trying to make sense of a situation that apparently made no sense.

Nodding, I whispered, “Then, when I started talking to him, trying to figure out what was going on, I realized that when I spoke with him, there were no answers, obviously, but deep inside, just where I'd been studying, I understood what he wanted me to know.” I gnawed on my bottom lip. “This isn't normal, is it?”

I wasn't even sure why I asked the question when I knew the answer. The boys didn't have to say a word for me to understand—they knew this was beyond strange.

Blowing out a breath, I whispered, “Why can't I just be normal?”