Page 23 of Caelum

TWENTY-TWO

EVE

I don’t want you to go.

I thought the words but didn’t say them aloud.

How could I?

How selfish would that make me if I asked them not to go because I didn’t want to be left alone at Caelum?

Funny how I just figured out that I wasn’t homesick or worrying about my parents or siblings because Stefan, Nestor, and Eren had overtaken them in my lives.

That should have made me feel horrible, but it didn’t. They’d shown me more love and compassion in my time at Caelum than my family ever had. Was it any wonder I was dreading being without them for however long they were going to be away?

I kept my face turned to the window where I stared out onto the ocean. At my back, Eren and Nestor were talking about things they’d need for their trip. Their excitement was bubbling over, and it hurt, yet again, that they weren’t going to include me.

Why didn’t they?

Didn’t they want me there?

Was I a drag?

I knew that was what everyone else thought. Well, save for Frazer and Reed of all people. They were the only students who actively spoke to me. Everyone else just pointed at me and snickered when I almost puked in gym class, or the girls bitched at me because, and I’d been slow to realize this, Stefan was popular and they didn’t appreciate his tending to me the way he was.

Did they really not want me hanging around? Did they just keep me there out of pity?

I’d never thought things like this before, but their lack of inclusion on this trip put me on edge in a way that made me recognize I’d been calm since coming to Caelum.

“Hey, what is it?”

I blinked at Eren, surprised to see Nestor had gone. “Where’s Nestor?”

“He had gym.”

That was their usual response. I knew it wasn’t always the truth, but I didn’t mind. I wasn’t their keeper, nor did I want them to think I was their jailor.

“Oh.” I turned back to look at the window. The sky was so startlingly blue it was enough to make my eyes sting, but the ocean itself was dark. The sea should be blue too, but it was more navy. Like the comforter I had on my bed. And the spray? It was the purest white I’d ever seen. The way the water crashed into the cliffs made me wish I could dance amid the spray… without getting crushed into the rocks, of course. But it was light and effervescent in a way that I wasn’t.

A way that I felt sure I’d never be.

These guys had found their place here, but I hadn’t. I’d only found more questions that needed to be answered. In the interim, though, I thought I had them, but this trip was making me insecure.

And I didn’t like it.

“What’s wrong?” Eren repeated, and when his hand touched my chin, I jerked in surprise. In fact, I jerked so hard that he dropped his fingers.

For a second, we both just looked at each other, and then I swallowed and whispered, “Sorry.”

“For what?” He gamely tried to let my stupid reaction go.

“For that.” I licked my lips and reached for his hand, and then turning his palm up, I lifted it to my cheek, motioning for him to cup my jaw again.

We both released a shaky breath when he touched me, the dry skin of his palm brushing my silkier flesh. His had calluses and were hardened from everything he did in the gym, in contrast to mine.

His thumb began to move, back and forth, back and forth, caressing my jawline in a way that had me swallowing, but I couldn’t take my eyes from his. His gleamed a chestnut brown, but there were amber striations around the pupils that reminded me of the ocean spray. They seemed to dance, inviting me along for the ride .

“Your Lorelei is in full force today, isn’t she?” he murmured, making me blink.

“She is?” I knew which soul was in control, but I didn’t think he’d be able to tell. Could I sense his? Before I could think about it more, concentrate on what he was today, he nodded.

“I can sense her.” When he closed his eyes and inhaled, I cursed my pale skin for yet another blush. This time it was in surprise and… shockingly enough, want.

I wanted him. Just as I had yesterday morning when I’d awoken with my head in his lap. I’d opened my eyes, looked at his sleeping face and… I’d wanted him.

Those three words didn’t penetrate well at first.

I was used to being wanted. It happened on days like today or when my Succubus was around. But this was different.

I felt it. Normally, it was as irritating as a fly buzzing around my head in the summer sun. This? It was a heat that seemed to make my blood sluggish.

My mouth quivered and, though I didn’t mean to say the words, they just fell out: “I’m going to miss you.”

His eyes darkened. “Truly?”

He didn’t sound put out. If anything, he sounded… pleased ?

I nodded. “Yes. Very much,” I rasped, aware of how husky my breath was and even more aware of what he could read into that.

Lips curving, he stepped closer, pressing into me in a way that should have set my nerves on edge but didn’t. I enjoyed the way his heat hit me from the front. It was a huge contrast to the cold chill of the window at my back.

“I’m going to miss you too.”

Gulping, I whispered his word back to him. “Truly?”

“If you could come, I’d take you with us.”

If ?

My brow started to pucker in confusion, but his thumb moved down to my mouth. He ran it along my bottom lip before reaching up to trail over the arch of the upper.

If my response had taken me aback before, that was nothing to now. My lungs heaved as an ache for something burned inside me.

I’d seen the movies, watched the couples kissing and writhing around on top of each other.

Did I want that?

I wasn’t sure what happened. They never did deep enough close-ups, and surely they weren’t actually doing it on camera .

Or were they?

My eyes flared wide at the thought before they retreated to half-mast again when he tapped the fleshiest part of my mouth then dragged it down slightly, opening me up in a way that no one else ever had.

His skin dragged against the moisture from my bottom lip, and it was natural to suck on the tip of his thumb, to, albeit hesitantly, lick it too.

His response startled me. He released a hiss then staggered back.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” I demanded, my voice low and so unlike my own that I didn’t recognize it at first.

He shook his head. “Stefan deserves your first kiss.”

I blinked at him. “Huh?”

Another shake of his head was all I got before he ground out, “It will make sense soon.”

Before I could argue, before I could say another word, he stormed off, slamming the door behind him. The frame actually jolted at the weight he packed into the move, and I stared at it, trying to regulate my breathing, and ignored this intense ache I suddenly felt deep in my belly, and, oddly enough, in my breasts.

Gulping, I reached up and gently caressed one. They felt heavy, swollen. Why? I didn’t know, and I was suddenly furious at being so damn ignorant about the most natural things in this world.

At that moment, I hated my parents. Hated the compound. Hated the New Order.

Why couldn’t I just be normal?

If I were, Eren wouldn’t have stalked off like I’d grown three heads! And what did Stefan have to do with it?

Clenching my eyes closed, I shook off those thoughts. As painful as that experience had been—painful because I’d been denied something that I felt sure would be delicious—it had told me something.

Eren wanted me to go to Aboh with him .

That had to count for something.

Didn’t it?