Page 72 of By A Thread

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Maleficent,

This wasnotmy dream. In the spirit of honesty, this is closer to a nightmare. When I was nine, I wanted to be a math teacher. How many jobs do you have?

Charming

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Prince of Nightmares,

I am the current holder downer of four jobs. Five if you count freelance graphic design, which is feast or famine—mostly famine. Bar shifts, a sporadic catering gig, dance instructor, and my illustrious career as a jill of all trades atLabel.

I need to know more about this math teacher dream job.

For now, let’s put the “why I need 700 jobs” in the Don’t Talk About Column.

Former Princess of Pizzas

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Pizza Princess,

The mystery of why Ally Morales needs 700 jobs is annoying me.

I had a nice math teacher. His name was Mr. Meloy. He helped me with my homework after school sometimes. He loved math, and he loved teaching kids to love math. I thought being a math teacher would be cool.

What did you want to be when you grew up? I’m guessing pizza server wasn’t high on the list.

Nerd Unveiled

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Dear Nerd,

This isn’t working. I’m imagining cute little Dominic looking up to his teacher with those baby blues asking for help.

Tell me the top five things you hate STAT. (This is the secret to finding out just how bad a person is in case you need it for interviewing future wives or human sacrifices.)

I wanted to be a dancer from the time I was three on. I realized early on that I didn’t want a ballet career (hello, carbs and alcohol and sleeping in), but I also loved design and art. So I decided to do all of it.

Now hurry up and disgust me.

Rapidly Thawing Iceberg

P.S. Why was Mr. Meloy helping you with your homework and not your parents?

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Dearest Climate Change,

So you’re saying you knew what you wanted to do since you were a kid, and then you went out and did it? That’s… unusual. Are you always so tenacious? Did you ever consider other lines of work?

If we can’t talk about why you need 700 jobs, we will also not be discussing my parents.

Things I Hate:

1. People who litter