Page 106 of By A Thread

“Sorry, buddy,” she said gently. Appeased, he flopped back down on a groan.

“I’m saying I can’t take these games anymore, Dom. I don’t want to play. I have too much going on, and it’s not good for me to let you toy with me. It hurts me.”

I closed my eyes. “I don’t mean to hurt you, Ally.”

“You showed up on my date. You showed up at the club. You say you don’t want to want me, yet it was your idea to get to know each other better. You wear vests just to mess with me. Then you tell me to quit the job that I desperately need so you can feel better about wanting to fuck me.”

“I’m an asshole.” There was no other way to cut it. I was a selfish, out-of-control monster.

She scooted closer, and when she took my hand, I felt like the worst human being in the world.

“Listen to me before you go into some shame spiral. You didn’t force me onto that stage, and you didn’t force me into that room with you. I wanted to dance for you. I wanted to make you feel the frustration you make me feel. I wanted to make you come and feel bad about it. You didn’t make me do any of that. The only thing you forced me to do was not wait for a bus in freezing temperatures. Okay?”

I squeezed her hand and closed my eyes. “I can’t seem to leave you alone.”

“You’re fighting this mutual attraction really hard without giving me a real reason. And if you can’t trust me with your why, then I can’t trust you with mine.”

I hated that. I hated myself. I wanted to tell her why. To tell her everything. How it was all my fault that my father had free rein to inflict the damage he’d done. But I couldn’t unpack that. Not to her. Not to anyone. Russos didn’t air their dirty laundry.

I could only try to atone for it.

As if sensing my dip into self-loathing, Brownie crawled over to me and rested his head on my stomach. Having a dog was pretty great. However, having Ally in my bed was too much of a temptation. I needed to get her out of here before I broke.

“How much do you need?” I asked briskly, pulling my hand free from hers.

“How much what?” she asked, confused.

“Money. Tell me how much money you need.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I had cash in the safe and a checkbook in my desk. I’d make it go away.

“I’m not taking your money,” she said.

“You were willing to take money from strangers. You didn’t know it was me in that room, and you walked in there willingly. You were going to take that money from someone. Why not me?”

She rose up on her knees on the mattress, looking like the goddess of war. I was mildly surprised when flames didn’t shoot out of her eyes to incinerate me.

“Because I’m not going to owe you a damn thing. Not now. And not ever.”

“Yeah, well, I owe you for the dance. You earned it.” Offense was my default defense.

“Consider it a parting gift from me,” she said, getting off the bed.

I stood up, and we met halfway to the door. “What do you want from me, Ally?” I asked coldly.

“The truth,” she spat out.

“The truth? Fine. I’ve never not wanted you. Ionlywant you. I’m no better than that dickhead you went out with. I don’t want a relationship with you. I want a quick, dirty fuck to get you out of my system. But we both know it won’t be enough. You’ll get your hooks into my soul and—”

“Oh, shut up! I’m not some magical siren, you jackass! I’m not casting a spell and seducing you.”

I grabbed her by the arms and squeezed. “Yes, you fucking are,” I said through clenched teeth. “You dry-humped me in a strip club until I fucking came in my goddamn pants. I have no control around you, and you think it would be nice to have a fun little off-the-books fling? Then what?”

“How thehellshould I know?”

I was grateful for the soundproofing in the walls.

“What does it matter now? I’m not on the table anymore,” she said, quieter now.

“You mean the pole,” I said bitterly.