Page 66 of Burn Bright (Cobalt Empire #1)

He’s breathing harder like we’re already under the sheets together, like he’s already wrapping me up in his strong, unwavering arms. Ben licks his lips, then says deeply, “I believe in you. I know you’ll get into the Honors House because they’d be so fucking dumb not to accept you.

And they’re supposed to be the smartest people on campus, right? ”

I shrug. “In theory, I guess.”

“But I can’t let you go to the Kappa president and tell him we slept together.”

“Even if I lie?”

“You’re not lying for me.” Ben is very adamant, his hand leveled like this is a hard no .

A thousand-foot wall he will not hurdle or let me even touch.

“The risk of getting caught in a lie is one I’m not going to take.

The consequences of that could be fucking catastrophic for you.

Kappa could retaliate. I don’t trust what they’d do.

So if I take the bet, I need to honestly complete it. ”

I understand, and I’m totally fine with that too. “Okay, then I get in the Honors House and we bang.”

Ben is vigorously shaking his head.

“What’s the problem?” I question with a pained frown. “Am I such an embarrassing lay that you’d want to keep it secret?”

“ What? ” Shock catapults his brows and drops his jaw. “No. I’m not ashamed to be with you—are you kidding?”

Unfortunately not.

I lift my stiff shoulders, holding my elbows.

“Harriet.” He slides his hand against my forearm, his warmth loosening the grasp I have on my own body.

“If we have sex so I can get housing, it’s a transaction, and I don’t want to sleep with you just so I can have a place to stay.

On top of that, I know guys like Leif, and the bet is coming at your expense.

I don’t want any of them to humiliate you. ”

“It’s not humiliating to me, and I’ll slingshot the panties in his face. Make him the butt of the joke first.”

His jaw hasn’t untensed, but he also hasn’t stopped touching me.

He’s brought me toward his firm chest. His hand gradually ascends my hip to the small of my back, to my neck, up into my hair where he cups my skull.

It dawns on me that he’s bracing the weight of my head, letting my neck rest while my gaze dives deeper into his.

I’d like to say physical touch is Ben’s love language, but does that assume he loves me? Is he loving me in this second, this moment? As his hand becomes a pillow for me to rest against.

I just want to be that for him too. A soft place. Comfort. Why won’t he let me?

“Harriet,” he murmurs.

My eyes scald. “It’s not transactional if we have sex before I’m in the Honors House—because maybe I don’t even get in.” The thought impales me worse than ever. “So maybe we just have sex, Ben. Maybe everything will fall into place if we let it.”

His desire so clearly drips over me, and as he licks his lips this time, the heat in his next breath ratchets up mine. I feel his fingers tighten against the back of my head, and the clench between my legs, my need for him to be inside me, just grows.

His flexed muscles say he’s trying not to move his hands down my body. He’s trying to root himself in place. “I want to, I want to,” he murmurs deeply, “but I don’t want to hurt you. Why do you think I haven’t made a move on you again?”

I just figured he preferred teasing and maybe wasn’t interested in following through. Questions tickle my brain, and I let one out, “Do you imagine lifting me in your arms?”

“All the time, Friend .” The sultry depth of his voice on friend is cranking the temperature between us.

“Then why?—?”

“I’m leaving ,” he emphasizes. “I will leave, Harriet. I will leave.” Each word is a blade, but I can see it slices through him too. His voice goes more hushed, more vulnerable as he says, “I don’t want you to think that if we have sex, I’ll stick around, because I won’t.”

“I won’t think that,” I whisper with force. “I’d rather be closer to you now, even if it’ll hurt worse when you’re gone, because I’d always wonder what if —and regret is more painful to me.”

Ben breathes in so deeply, his hand tangling in the back of my hair. I feel the heat of his fingers against my head. I could bask forever in his touch.

“I’m telling you I want to do this,” I say from within, desiring more than anything to just be there for Ben.

“We have sex. You help me get in the Honors House. I help you complete the bet. We’re both benefitting here.

” All I imagine is Ben hugging me goodbye, then drawing so far away, the warmth replaced with an excruciating coldness.

If this is what it takes to keep him here for longer, it’s honestly not even a big price to pay.

It’s the easiest deal I’ve ever made. “Don’t make me beg, Friend.

” My voice carries a slight tinge of desperation that even scares me.

I’ve now become desperate to keep him in my life?

I wish he was as desperate to stay in mine.

Maybe he is. Maybe that’s why he’s here right now. I don’t have these answers. I’m not in his head, but it must be full of torment because fragments of confliction pulse through his baby blues.

I reach out to take my backpack from him.

He stops me. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Relief swells. “We’re doing this?”

“We’re doing this.” He unpockets his phone to prove it. He makes a two-minute call in the library, and I pretend to have more interest in my Ovid hunt than in his conversation. It’s so quiet, I can hear Leif on the other end.

“You’re one of us now. Welcome to Kappa Phi Delta, pledge.”

He had to accept their invitation into the frat first. As he shoves the phone in his back pocket, tension gnarls around the bookcases like thorny vines. Maybe we should leave before it snags us, but his eyes create fiery trails over my body, aching me, then they lift back to mine.

Does he want to have sex today? Now?? Here??? It sounds illicit and raunchy, but nerves prick my neck in slight alarm. We’re on campus. What if a librarian finds us screwing against the shelves? I can’t risk my education after I worked so hard for it.

I try not to jump to conclusions and play it cool. “You about to fuck me, Cobalt boy?” I ask, a little raspy, because I do want him to fuck me.

Just not here.

Ben has an elbow on the shelf, his hand to his mouth as he contemplates the situation, as he studies my body. “I’m not taking you in the library, Fisher.”

That was hot. Especially when his lips edge upward, like he knows lust is coursing through me. A rejection shouldn’t even sound that fucking sexy. After I mentally detour around the attraction, relief comes in soothing waves again. Ben and I are on the same page. Thank God.

“It’s too public for you?” I’m guessing.

“We get caught, you get kicked out of school, so yeah.” He is worried about what would happen to me. My lungs keep swelling.

Breathing in this heady feeling, I rotate to the books.

“Shit,” I say, my shoulders falling.

“What?” He follows my gaze to the literal highest shelf. Where Metamorphoses is situated.

“It had to be a thousand feet above me,” I mutter, about to search for a stepstool when Ben snags the book without any trouble.

He barely even had to reach. He places the hardback in my hands, and I wish this small act of kindness wouldn’t crush me like I’m being bulldozed by a love truck.

It’s one thing to openly acknowledge that we want to fuck each other, another to openly have feelings for someone who made it clear he won’t be around for long.

I look away.

He hunches over, his hands on his thighs, so we’re eye-level. I’m avoiding him.

“Fisher.”

“Do you hear that?” I swallow, peering behind me, acting interested in a dusty corner.

“Petit oiseau.”

I chew on the irrepressible smile. What has this guy done to me?

“Friend.”

I turn back to Ben.

He takes the absolute deepest breath, then he pushes my bangs up with his warm hand. Staring at what I’m sure is a grimace. His lips inch up and up. “Bel oiseau.” He translates, “Beautiful bird.”

My heart enlarges. “I think that’s you.” I’m lost within the light of his eyes for a moment. “Not a black sheep.”

“No?”

“No. Sadly we aren’t the same breed after all, Friend.” My mouth pinches in a smile though, totally okay with this realization. “You’re the bluebird in the lion’s den. That’s likely what you’ve always been.”

He seems overwhelmed with how I view him.

Don’t leave me. “I want you to stay,” I say through the lump rising in my throat.

“I want to stay,” he says so deeply, as if the yearning is even more torturous for him than for me. I don’t understand how it could be. He’s choosing to ditch New York for the woods.

“Then stay.”

He shakes his head once, pain all over his face. “I can’t.”

“What’d you buy—real estate you can’t sell?” I ask.

“I just can’t, Harriet.” It is physically hurting him to talk about this, so I stop prodding. He never poked me until I bled, and I recoil at the notion of doing that to Ben.

He stands, bringing me into his chest in a strong, affectionate hug.

I hug him back just as tightly, and I press my cheek to his body, hearing the pounding thump, thump, thump of his heartbeat.

It begins to slow. He begins to calm, and he says, “I’m going to be here for your birthday. I promise you that.”