Page 6 of Bullied Pregnant Mate (Silver Meadows Wolves #7)

When Alisa leaves the kitchen, the silence seems to ring through the whole house. It’s so intense, it almost hurts my ears.

I feel like such a fucking jerk. What was I thinking?

All I wanted to do was lighten the mood and have a joke with her. It was only after the words were out of my mouth that I realized what I’d done.

I walk slowly up the hall, a sharp ache in the center of my chest. My thoughts are racing so hard, it feels like my brain is on fire.

What can I do to convince her that I’m not that guy anymore?

If I suddenly start telling her I think she’s a goddess and I’ve always loved her, it will be even less believable. More than anything, I want to apologize for the hurt I’ve caused, but I don’t even know how to start.

After I go into my room, I hear her footsteps in the hall as she heads into the bathroom. I shut the door in a hurry, backing away when I hear the water start.

Oh, fuck.

My mind floods with images of Alisa slowly taking off the beautiful gown, then stepping under the steamy water. I imagine her hands sliding over her pale skin, slicked with foam as she cleans herself with slow, purposeful strokes.

For so many years, I fantasized about her, but I never had anything real to fuel my imagination. Now I know what she feels like in my arms, and what her lips taste like.

A soft groan eases through my lips as thoughts and sensations collide, sending heat streaking through my body. I’m suddenly so hard that it’s painful, and I have to get up so I can take off the tightly fitted pants.

Once I’ve put on some sweats, I pace slowly back and forth, still listening to the water running. When it stops, I get into bed and close my eyes, trying to relax.

I thought once I knew she was out of the shower, I’d be able to stop picturing her naked.

That didn’t work.

Sleep doesn’t come easy, and I toss and turn for hours before I fall into a brief, restless sleep. When I wake, I have a vague impression of horrible dreams where I’m standing in the halls back in high school, mercilessly teasing Alisa, picking out all the little things about her that I actually adore—and bullying her for them.

I get up slowly, as if the guilt is making my body heavy. After making sure she’s still asleep, I take a shower and get dressed, heading for the kitchen to put on some coffee so it will be ready when she wakes up.

I stand next to the bench for a moment, thinking about her words the night before and the look on her face. Under her fire and fury, I could sense deep waves of pain that still tear at her heart, even though it’s been so many years since I tortured her.

A peace offering, maybe. I’ll make breakfast.

As I turn around to look through the cupboards, I realize I have no idea what she likes. I’m always well-stocked with food because I often cook at my parties, but serving up bacon and eggs is going to backfire pretty badly if she’s vegan.

Instead of backing away from the challenge, I decide to tackle it head-on. Oiling up two frying pans, I prepare some fried potatoes, bacon, eggs, sausage, and pancake batter. I become so occupied with the task, I don’t have time to think about anything else. Between flipping pancakes and turning bacon over, I set the table with mixed fruit, whipped butter, and yogurt. When I spin around to take the syrup to the table, I almost jump out of my skin when I see Alisa standing behind me.

“Jesus, you scared me!” I say. “I almost dropped the pancakes.”

“You can call me Alisa. I’m not the lord and savior.”

It takes me a minute to catch the joke, and it’s only the slight curve of her lips and twinkle in her eye that lead me to it.

“Okay… good one! You got me there. I’ll try again. Good morning, Alisa, you almost scared the crap out of me.”

She shrugs, smiling. “It’s not my fault if you don’t have good ears.”

“I do have good ears. I’m a wolf. But that’s the second time you’ve snuck up on me.”

She shrugs again, sitting down at the table as I bring the pancakes over. “It’s not like I did it on purpose.”

I don’t know how to answer that, because I’m pretty sure she did do it on purpose. Her unnerving way of appearing in unexpected places was one of the things the other kids found so strange.

And scary. It wasn’t just my attraction I was trying to hide. She definitely spooks me.

Luckily, I enjoy thrills.

“I wasn’t sure what you like,” I say, hurrying back to the kitchen to pile up two more plates. “Or if you had specific dietary needs, so I just made everything.”

“You sure did,” she mutters as I set down a loaded platter of sausage, bacon, eggs, and crispy fried potatoes.

When I sit down opposite her with my own food, I see a dazed look on her face, and doubt blooms in my guts.

“I’m sorry,” I say, feeling genuinely stupid. “It’s too much, isn’t it? I just wanted to do something nice. I felt like having a fancy breakfast together would be a good way of beginning our life as a couple.”

She looks up at me. Her crystal eyes are so still and cold, I feel like I’ve been hit with a blast of icy wind. I can’t even move under the force of it.

“Normally, I don’t eat much for breakfast,” she says. “But I am pretty hungry today.”

I watch her pick up a fork and attack the fried potatoes, waiting for her to say thank you. She gets about halfway through the plate before I realize she isn’t going to.

Why should she? I completely overdid it. It’s not a nice gesture, it’s a clumsy attempt to cover my guilt. I put so much effort into it, I practically forced her to sit down with me. I didn’t even ask if she wanted to!

The silence stretches out, becoming worse than awkward as the only sound in the room is the scrape of cutlery on plates. I can’t focus on my food, just keep looking up at her as if she might disappear if I don’t keep a close eye on her.

She can vanish just as quickly and quietly as she appears, and that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.

“Were you comfortable in the guest room?” I ask. Even though I’m trying to be diplomatic, it’s also a roundabout way of reminding her she didn’t sleep with me.

I’m such a fucking jerk. When am I going to grow up?

Alisa looks up at me, her eyes still and calm. “It was fine, thanks.”

“You know the west wing has several rooms, and two bathrooms. You’re welcome to use any you like.”

She just nods in response, keeping her eyes on her plate while she scoops up some bacon and egg.

“There’s the movie room, just at the end of the hall,” I continue. “The den has plenty of books and a big fireplace. There’s a ballroom in the east wing, but I don’t think you’ll have much use for that.”

I lighten my tone, trying to make a joke, but when she looks up at me, her face is set in an expression of indignation.

“Jenks.”

“Yes?”

“I’ve been in your house before.”

“Oh? Oh! You mean, you actually came to my parties in high school?”

She shrugs. “Once or twice. It’s true that I didn’t look around much, but I got the general layout and stuff. I won’t get lost.”

Is that a joke? Should I laugh?

Since I’m not sure, I decide to just finish my breakfast, demolishing the sausage and potatoes in a few bites. When I look up, Alisa is stacking up a couple of pancakes and drenching them in syrup.

“So… I have to go to town soon and meet with Bae,” I say. “I shouldn’t be too long, and I’d like to take you out shopping later. You can get anything you like. I just want you to feel comfortable here.”

Alisa looks up at me, slowly licking syrup off her lips. “That sounds really good, thank you.”

I’m so mesmerized by the slow movement of her tongue that it takes me a moment to catch up to the conversation again. When I finally do, I clear my throat and stack up the plates, taking them to the sink.

“I’ll just get ready, then,” I say. “Leave your stuff on the bench, I’ll clean up later.”

She doesn’t look up, just nods. I’m a frothing mess of anxiety as I get dressed and head back to the kitchen.

“Okay, I’m heading out,” I announce.

“All good,” she answers, still focused on finishing her pancakes.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Looking forward to it,” she says, waving goodbye with a little smile. I impress that moment of happiness into my memory as I leave the house, letting it give me hope.

It can work, I know it can. This is progress. We just need time.

I drive over to Shelley’s. The small parking lot out back is almost full. An entirely new kind of anxiety sings in my blood. This is the first time I’ve ever attended an official pack meeting.

Can’t say I’m looking forward to any of this. Boring at best, hard work at worst.

I try to push down my doubts as I enter the back door. Seeing Carson, Bae, Jack, Kyle, and Rider at the table brings my anxiety back in full force.

What am I getting myself into?

“Jenks, good to see you,” Bae says, gesturing for me to sit at the end of the table. “Thanks for coming.”

“Just doing my duty,” I answer, trying to make a joke. It falls flat, and nobody laughs.

Damn, I’m on a hot streak today.

“Okay, everyone. You all know why you’re here,” Bae begins. “There have been no outright attacks, but the woods are anything but quiet. Nate says the wild wolves are always watching us, and Decker is keeping a heavily armed perimeter.”

“We’ve got full security at New Hope,” Rider says. “But we’re not seeing much out there.”

“You don’t have any witches,” Jack points out. “It’s them they’ve got beef with.”

“Yes,” Bae agrees, nodding. “I’d appreciate it if you could extend your patrols into our territory, if it doesn’t thin out your perimeter.”

“Can do,” Rider agrees. “We aren’t taking any action?”

“Not directly,” Bae says, shaking his head. “I don’t want a war.”

“You may get one, whether you want it or not,” Carson says softly. “We haven’t heard a whisper about the Ancient Ones for over fifty years. If they are out running now, it’s only a matter of time until they attack.”

“What are the Ancient Ones?” I ask, cutting in without meaning to. “I’ve heard rumors flying around, but really, we know nothing.”

“I don’t want a panic,” Bae says firmly. “That’s need-to-know information. The only thing I want the rest of the pack to do is report sightings to me. Any larger-than-normal pawprints, a particularly strong, pungent smell, or signs of incredibly big, messy kills.”

“Like what?” I ask. “Any wolf might make a mess while hunting.”

“These things can disembowel a moose easily,” Bae says, his gaze hard. “And a lot of the time, they won’t even eat it.”

I want to ask more questions, but from the expressions on the others’ faces, it won’t do me any good. I press my lips together and try to just listen.

Never my strong point.

“We need you to participate on patrol, Jenks,” Bae says. “You know the area around your cabin better than any of us, and that’s where they’ve attacked before. I want full details from you daily, do you understand?”

“Yes,” I answer, holding in my questions with difficulty.

If the Ancient Ones are out there, shouldn’t I be prepared for it?

“I know you haven’t had much experience with patrol, and it’s more dangerous these days than it’s ever been. You will be backed up by an experienced pack member until you can manage, okay? It’s time to step up and do your duty, just like everyone else.”

My heart sinks as I realize this work is going to take me away from Alisa. I just want to spend time with her, try to make up for all the pain in our past.

How can I convince her I’m not the same guy I was before when I’m not even there? She’s going to think I don’t care.

I open my mouth to protest, but then I see the glow in Bae’s eyes as his wolf rises. He’s not asking me as a cousin or friend. He’s telling me, as the alpha, that I have to do this.

Deep down, I know I’ve avoided pack duty for far too long. Going to help Sam in Silverton got me off the hook for a while, but now that I’m back, there’s really no excuse.

Holding a party—or a funeral—at my place isn’t enough. I have to work and show my pack I’m committed to our new course.

“Okay, Bailey,” I answer with conviction in my voice. “I’m on it. Just say the word.”

“Good man,” Bae says.

He turns to the others to begin to schedule ongoing rotations of pack members. I try to pay attention, but pretty soon, their voices become a swirl of noise I can’t make out.

All I can think about is Alisa, and how I finally have a chance to show her how I really feel. But now pack business is going to take me away from her.