Page 15 of Bullied Pregnant Mate (Silver Meadows Wolves #7)

After Jenks leaves for patrol, I stack the dishwasher, thinking things over. It’s good to have a simple, repetitive task to keep my hands busy while I think, so I take my time rinsing each plate and stacking it.

How did we get here? Jenks was the one thing in the world I was truly afraid of because I knew my feelings for him wouldn’t change, even if he was mean to me. Then I end up married to him, tied to him forever, determined to push through with my dignity intact… and now I’m actually feeling empathy for him.

It’s my worst fear come true.

I spent years hardening my heart so he couldn’t touch me, even in my memories, and now my body is aching for him worse than it ever has before.

Well, he is extremely good in bed.

A small smile lights up my face, and I close my eyes as I let a few choice memories flow through my mind. The images play out across my skin, until my body hums with pent-up desire that I don’t think will ever fade.

I can’t believe the childhood he suffered through. So much loss, abandonment, and isolation.

All that time he was hurting me, it was because he was hurting, too. Deep inside.

I can feel there’s more to the story, and I know it was hard for him to open up as much as he did. Even through all my pain, I can’t stop myself from reaching out to him and wanting to provide comfort.

Maybe there really is a good guy in there, someone responsible and accountable. More than a wise-cracking party guy who can’t be serious even for a second.

It’s easy to see how his upbringing came out in his behavior. That’s no excuse for what he’s done, but I can understand how his pain made him act that way.

If he didn’t joke about everything, then he’d probably have resorted to violence, like so many neglected kids do. Jenks didn’t have a chance at a normal upbringing, and it’s almost a miracle that he got this far in life without getting into serious trouble.

I finish stacking the last of the plates and turn the dishwasher on, wiping down the counter before I leave the kitchen. I’m contemplating what I should do while Jenks is out when the doorbell rings.

Good. I could use the distraction. I don’t want to get stuck in my own head all day with these thoughts.

As I walk towards the front door, I try to calm my jitters. There seems to be no way out of this paradox—I want to help Jenks and be there for him, but I still can’t trust him. My heart has taken the leap, and my body is drawn to him like a magnet.

I’m pretty much on fire every time he comes near me.

But logically, I haven’t seen enough evidence to convince me that he’s changed. Even after last night, I still feel like he could turn on me and become his old self.

And if I trust him, and the worst happens… I know I can’t ever recover from it.

I open the door and am instantly relieved to see Amanda and Body.

“Hey, newlywed!” Amanda says, hugging me. “Can you cope with a visitor today?”

“I sure can,” I answer, hugging her back. “I’m so glad you came over. Jenks is out on patrol, Body.”

“I know,” Body replies. “I’m supposed to be joining him. I can track his scent up the mountain, don’t worry.”

“Was he supposed to wait for you or something?” I ask, wondering if Jenks just wanted to get out of the house to avoid a potentially confronting conversation.

He’s exposed himself to me now. That might soften him up… or it might force his defenses back into place.

“No, Bae wanted him to go straight out,” Body answers. “He wants me out a little later, as a rear guard. We have a grid set up, trying to catch the new guys and see what they’re up to.”

“Okay,” I say. “So long as Jenks is doing the right thing. He’s really trying to do his best.”

“We know,” Body says, smiling. “I’ll head out, if you guys want to hang out and chat.”

“We definitely do,” Amanda laughs, holding up a bag of goodies from the bakery. “Let’s go get comfy in the den and catch up!”

Body goes down the hall, heading for the back deck. Amanda grabs my hand and hurries me into the den, where we get comfy on the big, soft couch.

“This place is great,” Amanda says, looking around. “I’ve always loved it. Body has a nice house, but Jenks’s place is truly extravagant.”

“Yeah, it’s nice,” I say distractedly.

“You don’t sound too enthused. Are you okay?”

I rummage in the bag for a donut and quickly stuff a glazed chocolate one in my mouth so I don’t have to answer. Amanda smiles, grabs a treat for herself, and watches me with wide, expectant eyes.

“What?” I mumble around the mouthful of donut.

“I’m just here to listen, Alisa. I think you should unburden yourself, because it’s pretty obvious you’ve got something to discuss.”

“Is it that obvious?” I sigh.

“Well, I think anyone would notice you’re worried, but it’s especially easy for me to read your aura.”

I smile softly. “It’s silly, but sometimes I do forget that you’re a master witch.”

She shrugs. “I’d prefer not to be called that, but okay.”

“None of us have the skills that you do, so it fits.”

“Alisa, you’re deflecting.”

I roll my eyes a little. “Okay, okay.” Putting my donut down, I blink a few times and let out a big, deep breath. “Jenks bullied me pretty badly in high school,” I begin.

“We know,” Amanda says quietly. “Most of the school witnessed it. You can open up to me, Alisa. I’ve lived a similar story.”

“It wasn’t just that he was mean. I became so self-conscious about what he said to me that I couldn’t express myself. I chose different clothes, kept my head down, changed the tone of my voice, everything. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I tried to disappear.”

“Oh my God, Alisa,” Amanda gasps. “I thought you were just naturally shy. I didn’t think it had anything to do with Jenks.”

I shrug and sigh. “Well, now you know. I’m aware that you were bullied, too, as well as some of the other girls, but it didn’t seem to stop you from expressing yourselves. In fact, for some of you, it seemed to make you more determined to be who you really are.”

“Yes,” Amanda agrees, nodding. “It really didn’t change me. It hurt me, for sure, but I never wanted to bend to fit anyone else’s idea of what I should be.”

A tear threatens my eye, and I wipe my cheek irritably. “I don’t know what I could have been if it wasn’t for Jenks looming over me in high school,” I mutter. “It’s hard to forgive him for that.”

“I understand,” Amanda says. “I do. It must have been a shock to find out you’re marrying him. I’m guessing you went along with it to protect your sisters in the coven?”

I nod miserably, the tears finally brimming up and spilling down my cheeks.

“Oh, Alisa,” she whispers, leaning over to hug me. “I had no idea you were this miserable.”

“I’m not… well, I was, but not so much now.”

“Oh?”

“There’s more to the story.”

“There always is,” she chuckles. “Go on.”

“I feel bad that Jenks was isolated up here by his mom. She wouldn’t let him hang out with the other kids, even his family. He grew up with little contact from other people.”

“So I’ve heard. It doesn’t excuse him being cruel to you.”

“I know, but it sounds like his life was very hard. And because he grew up like that, his social skills are really lacking.”

“And he played the clown so no one would notice,” Amanda says, shaking her head a little. “He never got close to anyone—no friends, no steady girlfriend. I’m seeing a whole new perspective here. Poor Jenks.”

“I know.”

“And everyone thought he was the luckiest, happiest guy at school!”

“It sucks, doesn’t it?”

“It really does,” she says, frowning. “Body hurt me because he was in a nasty situation at home, but it wasn’t as severe as this. He was able to overcome it on his own before we crossed paths again. It sounds like Jenks is still fighting with it.”

“He is,” I say, thinking of the pain I’ve seen in his soul. “He is fighting it with all his strength.”

“Are you going to fight with him?”

I want to say yes. My entire body is ringing with my deep need to help Jenks, and heal him, at any cost.

But not if it’s my heart on the line, or my sanity!

“It’s okay,” Amanda says, rubbing my arm. “You don’t have to answer that right now. How have your powers been?”

“Really strong,” I answer, looking at my hands. “I can hear and feel spirits everywhere, but it’s not like when my powers first bloomed, either. I have full control over what I hear, and I can tune it out if I want to.”

“That’s amazing!” Amanda exclaims. “The biggest problem for most mediums is being able to maintain their own peace of mind when their sensitivity is strong. Do you have any idea how you’re doing it?”

I shake my head. “It started a few days ago. I can hear, and feel, everything. I can’t read people’s minds, but I can see their auras in detail. I also feel some connection to the land, and have a bit of control over the weather.”

Amanda smiles, taking my hands. “It looks like we have another master witch in the making right here.”

“No!” I yelp, suddenly terrified. “I don’t want any of that.”

“I don’t think you have a choice. Alisa… you know what we discovered about our powers, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I reply sullenly. “That our abilities are dependent on our belief in love.”

“Not our belief,” Amanda corrects. “Our faith. My powers started to fail because I lost my faith in love. Not Body, but love itself. If we truly believe that love is the answer, our powers grow. And so far, we have no idea what the limit is… or if there even is one.”

She squeezes my hands gently, and I look up into her eyes. Around her, blue prisms glitter with power. My own aura matches hers, sending goosebumps prickling across my skin.

Good , she whispers in my mind.

I can hear you?! I think back.

“Yes,” she states. “I just wanted to test you a little, and I’m really impressed. Were you aware of how strong you’ve gotten?”

“No! I didn’t think I could read thoughts!”

“Well, I was projecting to you, which makes it far easier. But with some practice, you could send psychic messages over great distances.”

I chuckle. “So, I’m a radio transmitter. Great.”

“But if you are gaining new powers, then your ability as a medium has also grown in strength,” she says. “You might even be able to heal, Alisa, and the world hasn’t seen a witch healer for years.”

I shake my head. “I think I’ll just stick to talking to ghosts and flowers for now. This is all a bit much for me. I still don’t know how to process my feelings about Jenks.”

Amanda sighs, letting go of my hands. “Firstly, if your powers are growing, you have to address it. If you don’t learn discipline, then you are a danger to yourself and everyone around you.”

The idea of confronting my new powers is too frightening, so I just shrug off Amanda’s statement. I can tell by the way she frowns at me that she feels what I’m doing and doesn’t approve.

“The second thing is,” she continues, “if your powers are growing, then you know what that means.”

I look up into Amanda’s eyes, and even though she’s the stern high priestess, she’s also glowing with happiness for me.

If my powers are growing, then that means I have faith in love… that I am in love.

My heart twists in my chest as it fights with my mind, but I know the struggle is useless. I love Jenks… and I always have.

And now, for the first time, I have faith that his love for me is real, and when the two of us are together, nothing can stop us.