Page 12 of Bullied Pregnant Mate (Silver Meadows Wolves #7)

The whole way home, I feel tense, even jittery. Bae said he didn’t want me on patrol for tonight, and that makes me feel even worse.

Does he trust me? To be fair, I don’t even know if I trust me.

Alisa doesn’t talk much on the way home, and it makes me feel like she’s losing faith in me, too. I can tell by her concerned glances that she does care, though, and obviously wants to comfort me somehow.

I don’t even know what I need right now.

We pick up takeout on the way home, and it’s a small relief to not have to worry about dinner. I love cooking for Alisa, but tonight, I feel like it’s just one more thing I might screw up.

As we sit at the kitchen table with our burgers and fries, the silence between us deepens. I don’t like it, but I can’t bring myself to open up.

Seeing that other wolf was so strange. I felt like I knew him, but I’m sure I’ve never seen him before.

It makes me feel even worse that I didn’t do anything about the sighting—and then those wolves were practically at my door, attacking my wife.

“Jenks?”

“Yes?” I answer, almost jumping out of my seat.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. I mean, no… I don’t know.”

She smiles at me, and her eyes are so gentle, I just want to throw myself into her arms.

No one has ever looked at me like that before.

“Do you want to talk?” she asks.

“No, not really. Sorry. But I just have to figure a few things out for myself first.”

“I understand. I just want you to know, I’m here to listen.”

“Thank you, Alisa. That means a lot.”

“How about some music?” she says, pulling out her phone. After a few taps to the screen, the lilting strains of Tchaikovsky’s violin concerto fill the air.

The effect of the music is so powerful, my eyes prickle with tears. I’m not going to cry—far from it—but the sounds soothe me right down to my bones. My scattered thoughts immediately begin to settle.

“How did you know?” I whisper.

She shrugs. “When you said you use classical music to inspire your DJ tracks, I realized I’ve heard this, or a version of it, a lot of times. I was hoping it would be just what you needed.”

“It is,” I say. “Thank you.”

She tilts her head a little, as if she’s feeling shy. Her eyes shimmer in the light, and her pale hair falls against her face like a glittering curtain, catching the light with gold and silver strands.

I look down at my plate, fighting with my desire. I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, and now that I know she can read my emotions, I have to be extra careful.

After we finish eating, I go out to the deck and pace a bit, looking up into the hills. I can’t see or smell anything, but I occasionally hear a spiraling howl as the patrols communicate with each other.

I hope they find those wolves. I can’t stand the idea of something happening to Alisa. I was so fucking stupid to let that happen!

Shivers run through my bones, infecting my blood and making my skin crawl. Horrible images flash through my mind, vivid impressions of what could have happened if I’d been even a second too late.

Eventually, the emotions begin to wear me down, and I go back inside. I can’t hear Alisa anywhere, and when I stop by her bedroom door, I listen intently until I’m sure I can hear her breathing on the other side.

The last thing I want is another scene like last night. I don’t know if I could control myself if it happened again.

I take a long shower, but my muscles stay knotted up and tense. When I lie down in bed, I don’t expect to sleep at all. The emotional drain of the day and my exertions from the night before—including the previous night of restless sleep—all catch up at once. Instead of tossing and turning, a thick, encompassing darkness reaches up and swallows me, dragging me down into the depths of my memories.

Mom! All I did was go and ride bikes with Gina and Jack, then Aunty Carla offered me cookies after. We were just hanging out.

I don’t care, Jenkins! You do as I say, and be back here straight after school! You are to be on that bus every afternoon, do you understand?

Why, Mom? The other kids can go play.

Just do as I say, Jenkins! I don’t want you hanging around town, is that clear?

Yes, Mom.

I struggle against the memory, wrestling with my subconscious as it forces me forward in time.

What did I tell you about hanging around in town? Huh? Jenkins, are you listening to me?

You can’t tell me what to do anymore. I’m not a little kid. You can’t keep me locked in this house!

The hell I can’t! You’re my son, Jenkins, and you’ll do as I say!

No, I won’t! Why do you keep me away from the others—away from my family and friends? Please, talk to me, Mom!

It’s not safe, Jenks! It’s not safe for you in town. Please, listen to me, please!

She was almost in tears. It was the only time I ever saw her cry.

Why don’t you go and record another song or something? You’d rather do that than talk to me.

Tears kept pouring down her face.

My music is the only thing I have, Jenkins. It’s not safe for me in town, either. Do you think I like being cut off from all my friends, my family? My sister?

So why , Mom?

She wouldn’t answer, and I ran from the house.

The dream switches to a crowded dance floor, where terrible music throbs to an insane, frenzied beat. The sound is intolerable, and I feel drunk. So drunk, I can’t stand up.

That is how I’ve always dealt with my problems.

I try to find someone I know, but every time I turn around, all I see are unfamiliar faces. They twist into grotesque shapes, mouths too wide, eyes glittering and dark.

Get out of here!

I run as fast as I can, not caring about the direction, just running. Within seconds, I pass through the familiar sliding doors of my house out onto the deck. I see the turntable in front of me, and the thick crowd of people on the grass below.

No, no, no…

The screams rip through the air, further down near the forest. Fear flashes through me, and cold sweat breaks out across my body.

Go! Go now and help them!

But I can’t, just like I couldn’t on that night. I’m frozen in place, useless to my pack and all my friends.

“Jenks!”

I hear someone calling my name, but fight against it. I’m still frozen in the dream. I want to run, but I don’t know how to.

“Jenks, wake up. It’s okay.”

Suddenly, I feel a cool, soothing weight on my forehead, and a pale silver glow penetrates the darkness of the dream. Slowly, I open my eyes to see Alisa standing over me.

“Alisa?” I whisper.

“Yes, Jenks. I’m here. It was just a nightmare.”

“It sure was,” I mutter, sitting up. “I can barely remember it now.”

“Well, I helped a bit with that. It’s dangerous for you to forget your nightmares entirely because your subconscious has to process the information at some point. I put it away behind some happier memories, so you can rest a little now. It will come back, though.”

“You can do that?” I ask, astonished. “Control dreams, I mean?”

“Yes,” she says with a little smile. “Among other things.”

Suddenly, I realize that her hand is still on my head, gently playing with my hair. The feel of her fingers lightly scratching my scalp is wonderful, sending tingles running through me.

“Does that feel good?” she asks. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” I say sharply. “I mean, yes… I mean—”

“I understand, Jenks,” she says, smiling. “Most people forget how much tension is carried in the muscles across the scalp. It’s one of the reasons people like having their hair played with.”

You can play with anything of mine that you like.

Her smile widens, and I realize that even if she didn’t directly read the thought, she must be able to see my lust rising.

Fuck it. I don’t even care anymore.

I let my desire roar through me, all my pent-up frustration and pain crumbling before a frothing wave of arousal. Her eyes widen as it consumes me, every inch of my body hardening as my blood runs hot with lust.

I want you. The only place I can slake this thirst is between your thighs.

She stiffens a bit, like prey right before the predator pounces. She shivers, and that just makes my hunger worse.

“Yes,” she murmurs.

I lean towards her, cupping her cheek as I look into her eyes. “Are you sure? Tell me you want me, Alisa, and I won’t hold back.”

“I want you,” she almost moans. “God fucking dammit, I hate myself for it, but I want you so bad, I can hardly breathe, Jenks!”

A growl rips through my throat, and I lunge forward, grabbing her around the waist. With one step, I leap from the bed, grabbing her so hard that she shrieks. I pick her up, her weight nothing at all in my strong arms, before I turn and toss her on the bed.

She lands on her back, her legs opening. I fall to my knees, reaching up to grab her shorts and yank them down her legs. As I fling them out of the way, I grip her knees and yank her towards me, sliding her to the edge of the bed. Then I bury my mouth in her pussy.

Harsh gasps tremble through her throat as my lips find her clit, teasing it with the tip of my tongue and long licks. I wait until her breathing is coming in fast, short breaths, then wrap my lips tightly around her clit and suck.

She moans, writhing under me and putting her hand on my head. When she grips my hair and thrusts into me with her hips, it only excites me more. I eat her out even harder as she clings to me, wrapping her legs around my head.

I run my hands down her silky thighs, reaching under her to squeeze her ass. She cries out, jumping underneath me, and I slide my tongue through the slick lips of her pussy and lick deep inside.

Her hand tugs on my hair, and I wrap my arms around her thighs, dragging her even closer. When she is trembling so hard she can hardly breathe, I slowly tease my tongue back up through the sweet, slick petals and tease her clit, flicking it with the tip.

She writhes under me, her hands letting go of me to cover her face. I cling to her as she bucks up and down, sliding my lips over her clit and teasing her a bit more before I clamp my arms tightly against her thighs and suck as hard as I can.

Alisa screams, the sound reverberating throughout the room in the sweetest symphony I’ve ever heard. The force of her release crashes through her, making her convulse in my arms. Echoes of her pleasure reach me in rolling waves, and I feel them tingling and teasing in my mouth and in my hands.

I move away a little, looking up to see her writhing in pleasure. I stroke her thighs very gently, watching her shiver as the intensity of her orgasm dies down, leaving her trembling and breathless.

“Was that good?” I ask.

She nods. “Yes. That was—oh my God.”

“You can call me Jenks.”

She giggles, sitting up a little so she can see me. “That’s a good one, but if you’re going to keep that up, I’ll be screaming the word of God all night.”

“Does that mean I have such great power?” I ask mischievously.

She laughs, sitting up a bit more so she can touch my cheek. “You’ve always had power over me, Jenks. Don’t you know that?”

“What do you mean?” I ask, a splinter of fear striking through the sublime pleasure permeating my entire being.

I bullied her… I hurt her. Is that what she’s talking about?

“No, Jenks,” she says, softly stroking my face. “I’ve always wanted you. Couldn’t you tell?”

I’m full of guilt as I look into her beautiful eyes. I think I did know, on some level. The idea that she wanted me, maybe even loved me, was too much for my damaged, fucked-up, and immature heart to handle when I was a confused teenager.

But I’m not now. I decided it’s time to grow up and be accountable—and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

“Alisa,” I whisper, stroking her cheek. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I adore you—and I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“It’s okay, Jenks—”

“No, it is not okay,” I state, gripping her thighs. “I have to make it up to you, and I’m going to keep doing it until I atone for every single horrible thing I’ve done.”

“Jenks—”

“No!” I shout. “Shut up. I won’t be deterred.”

I lift her up a little and bow my head to caress her clit again with my lips and tongue. She shrieks, her back bending as she throws herself back down on the bed.

“Actually, scratch that,” I mumble, barely taking my mouth away from her pussy. “You can scream like that as much as you want.”