Page 20 of Bullied Alpha Bride (Wolfshade Brides-for-Hire #2)

When I hear Lexa enter the room, I keep still, trying to relax. It takes all my concentration to keep my breathing even, and I’m not sure I’m even doing a great job of it.

Why am I even pretending to be asleep? I should just confront her. Right now.

The idea seems incredibly adversarial, and the last thing I want to do is fight. I don’t know how to ask my questions—or expose my secrets—in a calm manner, so I bury myself under the blankets like a coward and pray that she falls asleep soon.

I feel her sit on the edge of the bed and hear her crunching the cookies. It gives me a warm, satisfied feeling that she’s accepted my gift, even though it’s such a small one.

The idea of just going to bed and not speaking to her doesn’t feel right. I have to do something to show her I’m thinking of her. So far, cookies and cocoa seem to be the best way of doing that.

I squeeze my eyes shut, making another attempt to settle, but every time I try to fall asleep, I see that guy again, trailing her into the side street. My first reaction is to protect her, to absolutely destroy anyone who would dare threaten her.

But she is not the sweet, shy girl I knew before. Last night proved that. She’s confident and powerful. If she can fuck me like that, she must have experience. She knows how to take her own pleasure… and tie a guy up in his own damn clothes!

My heart starts to pound from a combination of my own passion and the horror of my suspicions. If there was someone else she really wanted, then I wouldn’t be able to stop her… and I wouldn’t want to. All I want is for her to be happy.

I’d be jealous as fuck. Destroyed.

But I’d let her go.

That idea brings me unbelievable pain. I almost groan in agony before I remember that I’m supposed to be asleep. It’s not so much the idea of another guy that’s tearing me to shreds, but the possibility that Lexa might be lying to me.

She hasn’t done anything to soothe my suspicion, either. She won’t tell me why she left or where she’s been. If I had those details, I might feel safe enough to explain what actually happened.

Briefly, I think about her running away with another man, releasing me from the guilt of explaining to her how I found her mother and the possibility I might have had something to do with it.

The idea of slithering out of that situation disgusts me so much, I immediately discard it.

Besides, Loretta would never let her live. By the old laws, a runaway bride can be hunted down and killed, and I wouldn’t be able to stop her.

I hear Lexa stretch out beside me. Her sweet scent fills my nostrils. Lying beside her and not reaching for her is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it only gets harder as the seconds drag by.

Speaking of hard…

I can’t calm my body down, not even slightly. Her scent gets thicker, and I can almost taste her sweat on my lips.

I want to devour her… every inch of her…

Oh, God, I want to eat her pussy so bad!

Memories flow through my mind, and I don’t try to stop them. That night, all those years ago, when I made her gasp and cry out in my arms, hearing her scream for pure joy as my tongue explored deep inside her.

And last night, when she had me pinned in my clothes, completely at her mercy…

The dreams are too sweet, and they lure me in. I don’t feel sleep creeping up on me, but suddenly, I’m back in the cabin with Lexa all those years ago. Her long, wavy hair is spread out across the pillow like dark clouds, and her pale gray eyes shimmer like stars as she writhes under me.

I stroke her cheek, not taking my eyes off hers as I thrust into her. She stares back, confident and unafraid, letting me into her soul.

“I will love you forever,” I whisper.

“And I have always loved you,” she answers.

The moment of connection streaks through me, the pleasure becoming one with hers. Her pussy tightens around my hard cock, and she gasps, digging her fingers into my shoulders and not breaking eye contact as she comes.

I’ve never, ever felt anything like this before. You are mine, Lexa. I will never let you go.

The dream changes abruptly, with Lexa disappearing from beneath me and appearing on the other side of the bed, sitting with her back to me. I’m standing naked on the other side, reaching for her, but she’s too far away.

“You didn’t just let me go,” she says. “You threw me away.”

“No, Lexa,” I moan. “I had to. You don’t understand.”

She turns and looks at me, her eyes blazing red.

The shock is so extreme, I awake with a jump, as if I literally leapt from the dream back into bed. The sheet is twisted around me as if I’ve been wrestling with it, and I’m soaked with sweat.

That’s when I realize Lexa isn’t beside me.

Panic hits me right in the chest, and a billion possibilities spin through my mind. I sit up so fast, my head spins, and I have to wait for the room to stop rocking.

How did we even get here? We had so much fun on our date. It felt like we were really connecting. But today, it’s worse than being strangers.

I’d almost rather be strangers—two people who have never met before can’t have this kind of complicated history.

I get up slowly, wrapping my robe around myself and hurrying downstairs. I decide that I have to stop being a coward and come clean.

It’s time to tell her what happened that day. Grandfather’s plan, the way I found her mother—all of it.

I’m still terrified she’s going to blame me, but I have to trust her. Maybe then, she’ll be able to trust me.

I can hear Lexa moving around in the kitchen, and even though I’m relieved that she’s here and safe, my anxiety rises sharply as I think about telling her what I know.

“Hey,” I say gently as I come through the door.

Lexa jumps, turning around so fast she knocks a jar of sugar off the bench.

“Shit!” she yells.

“Hey, it’s okay,” I say, grabbing the broom. “It’s no problem. Sorry I startled you.”

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. It’s your kitchen. I can’t be spooked if you want to use it.”

“Let me sweep this up,” I say. “Pour me a coffee, please?”

“Sure,” she agrees. “I’ll try not to drop it.”

“That would help. I’d rather not drink it off the floor.”

She laughs, and I hope that it’s a good sign. When I sit down at the table across from her, she slides a coffee cup over to me.

“Here you go,” she says.

“Thanks,” I answer, taking a sip.

Wow. Way to go. I really know how to talk to the ladies.

I look up at Lexa, trying not to sigh. I catch her eyes for a second before she quickly looks away.

“Look, Lexa…” I begin.

“What is it?” she asks.

I wait for a moment, struggling with my words. I have no idea where to start, and I’m ashamed to find that a lot of my struggle still has to do with jealousy.

If I just knew where she’s been all this time, and why she left, I’d feel better.

I’m a coward. I just don’t want her to run away from me again.

The realization shocks me, like lightning is sizzling through my bones. I’m so startled that I completely lose track of reality.

“Kit?” Lexa asks.

“Yeah?”

“Were you going to say something?”

I look up at her, and I’m so full of shame, I can’t believe it isn’t all over my face.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go out to the estate,” I say in a rush. “Grandfather’s estate? I think we could use a couple of days out of town, just to be together.”

She frowns, shaking her head. “Don’t we have the event to plan?”

“The others are happily doing that. Besides, we won’t be far away. It only takes an hour or so to drive there.”

“I’ve never seen the estate,” she remarks softly. “Or the lake.”

Silence falls between us again, and my anxiety rises. I feel ridiculously transparent. Surely she knows I’m just trying to get her alone, isolated, and focused on me.

Even if I can’t get her to tell me all her secrets, I won’t have to worry about her meeting up with anyone in town. I can see and smell intruders for miles up there, so if anyone comes after her, I’ll be ready and waiting for them.

“I’d love to go,” she says, smiling. “It would be really nice to see the estate.”

Her reply shocks me into silence. I was carefully preparing arguments about why we should go. The last thing I expected was for her to just agree.

“Okay,” I say with a small smile. “Let’s finish our coffee, pack some clothes, and then head out. It’s almost dawn, so we should be getting there by mid-morning.”

“Kit,” she says, looking down at her coffee cup and fidgeting. “I know I’ve been… weird, but I really do want to spend time with you. I’m feeling pretty conflicted because I had good reasons for agreeing to this—and those still stand—but seeing you again isn’t what I expected. At all.”

“Okay,” I say, watching as she looks up at me again. Her eyes are wide, full of an emotion I can’t identify.

Is she going to break up with me out there? Is that why she wants to go—to break the agreement without telling the rest of the pack?

The thought is terrifying to me, but even so, it increases my eagerness for the trip. The tension between us is so high, something has to burst soon. And I’d really prefer it wasn’t one of my brain cells.

“This is all very strange, you know,” she goes on. “And the last couple of days have been rough. We need to talk about so much, but it’s just really hard to say some things. Do you know what I mean?”

Yes, I fucking do.

“I do,” I reply. “I know I haven’t made this easy on you—”

“Oh, Kit,” she chuckles, shaking her head. “I think you’ve done a lot to help me feel comfortable. You deserve answers to your questions, and I will give them to you. I just don’t know how.”

This is sounding more and more like a “Dear John” letter.

“Okay,” I answer, nodding. “I’m really happy you’d like to come out to the lake, and even happier that you want to open up to me. I’m sorry if I’ve also been… weird, but I have some things I need to talk about as well.”

“Oh?” she asks, her eyes turning dark and serious.

“Yeah,” I answer, unnerved by her stare.

It’s almost like she knows how much blood there is in my past…

Oh, God, how can I possibly tell her all of this?

“Well, I’ll go pack,” she says after a moment. “I don’t have to do much. All my stuff is still in bags.”

“Yeah, right,” I remember, laughing softly. “I only need to grab a couple of things. The estate is always well-stocked, so we won’t need to pick up groceries or anything.”

“Cool,” she says. “I’ll get dressed.”

I watch her leave, trying to feel enthusiastic about the trip. In a way, I do. Sitting by the fire, walking along the shore, and exploring the manor with her all sound like great things to do.

But in my fantasies, she’s laughing with me, happy and relaxed. I’m a goddamn fool if I think that’s how this is going to go.

The sharp alternative slams into my mind—we fight bitterly, then go in separate directions. The manor is so huge, we could lose each other in there for a week if we really wanted to.

And no matter which way this goes, I’m going to be constantly tortured by her body. So turned on that I can barely breathe, but knowing the whole time that I can’t touch her.

Hell, knowing that I don’t even deserve to touch her.

Going to the estate suddenly seems like a bad idea. At least in town, there are distractions. Friends, pack business, restaurants, and shopping. Out on the lake, it’s just going to be us and our problems.

Fuck!

Can I get out of this somehow?

Lexa appears in the doorway, a big smile on her face. “You ready to go?”

No way.

“Just let me get dressed,” I say.

I trudge up the stairs, feeling like a man about to face the jury and not knowing if he’s about to be eternally punished or finally set free.