Page 13 of Bullied Alpha Bride (Wolfshade Brides-for-Hire #2)

I run from the room so fast that everything around me becomes a blur. I can barely feel my feet hitting the floor as I race across the rec hall and slam through the huge swing doors.

I have to get out of here!

Loretta’s words ring through my mind, over and over. I can’t escape them, the shocking vocalization of my worst fear echoing through my soul as I try to flee from the shame they invoke.

A toy, a concubine… a momentary distraction!

I don’t know where I’m going, and I can barely see through my tears. Somewhere ahead, a smear of green appears against the neat rows of buildings. I bolt towards it.

I have to get out of here… but where am I supposed to go?

I manage to push down all my emotions as I focus completely on running. The ridge of green gets bigger, and as I get closer, it swallows my vision, becoming a welcoming stretch of forest that leads directly into the Range.

Go, go! Alone forever… It’s the only way to be safe!

I keep up my pace for about a mile before my foot hits a big tree root, sending me crashing to the ground. The forest floor is soft, padded with fallen leaves, so I don’t get hurt, but the shock leaves me trembling so hard I can’t get up.

I wrap my arms around myself, curling up and letting myself cry.

A momentary distraction…

The humiliation of that day is still too much for me to bear. In a way, Father’s abuse was more honest. He made it clear from the outset that he had no respect for me and that he was going to hurt me as often as possible.

Kit promised me the world. He told me he loved me, and I believed him.

Pain rips through me again, and I sob as hard as I can, letting the grief take me. I can’t hold it back anymore, and I don’t want to.

Let me be unmade. Pain is all I am, and I’m trapped now, just like I’ve always been.

Through the horrible memories of the last few years, older ones begin to surface. I see my mother’s soft smile, hear her voice.

You are beautiful, dear one. Precious and loved. Never forget that, my darling.

“Mom,” I whisper. “I don’t know anything anymore.”

Calmer now, I sit up and look around. Tears still slide down my cheeks, and I’m shivering from exertion, but my emotions are beginning to settle down. I wrap my arms around my knees, rocking back and forth.

All of this would be bearable if I didn’t want him so damn much!

Pain throbs through my chest, making me scrunch up my face and fight against it. That is the ultimate truth here—that I don’t trust myself around Kit.

I’d let it happen all over again, just to feel the excitement of being in his arms. If I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing…

Shame and denial rise in me, but I know I won’t have peace until I face this.

I’m not afraid of Kit.

I’m afraid of myself…

If my thoughts slip back to that night years ago or even just to last night, my body begins to throb and ache.

The sensation is so pleasurable, I close my eyes and simply feel it, letting it banish all the fear and pain.

For a few minutes, I ride on the sweet wave of desire, imagining how it could be if I trusted Kit.

We are married now. It’s not like he could just dump me.

Then Loretta’s words return to ring through my mind. He absolutely could put me aside and take someone else, if he really wanted to.

He could marry Derrik’s daughter, for instance. Maybe he just wants another night with me. One last roll with the girl from the wrong side of the tracks before he goes back to his own kind.

None of these doubts would hit so keenly if I felt Kit was being truly honest with me. There is still that tension in his face, the way he slides his eyes away from mine. I don’t know if it’s to do with what happened between us or something to do with my mother.

It was easy to believe Father when he said he did it. But the more I think about it, the less likely it sounds. He would have done anything to capture her and take her back as his slave. Anything else would be a waste and a failure of his ego.

Bringing Laura back in chains would definitely deter any other prisoners of his from attempting to escape. My mother made a good run of it, too, evading him for several years. Reclaiming her would have been his ultimate triumph.

I’m not as afraid of Father as I was. I know that my current position grants me security and safety. But all this recent talk about putting me aside awakens fresh terror inside me.

Father could reclaim me, and no one would stand in his way. Cyan Lock would probably say good riddance.

If only Kit—

“Lexa,” Kit’s voice breaks through my jumbled thoughts. I’m so shocked, I jump.

I look up at him, not even trying to hide my red, swollen eyes.

“Oh, Lexa,” he says, kneeling beside me. “It’s alright. That’s not how I feel about you, I promise. Loretta is just being mean, don’t let her get to you.”

“Is it true, though?” I ask. “What she said about putting me aside if I’m not… not fertile?”

“Yes,” he affirms, nodding. “But it’s not like I would. That’s tradition in a lot of old families, not just wolf lines. But I would never let you go, Lexa. Don’t you know how hard I tried to find you?”

I keep my eyes on him, seeking any sign of falsehood in his manner or words. He appears completely sincere, and it doesn’t comfort me.

What’s harder to believe? That he wants to use me, or that he’s done a complete turnaround from the day he dumped me in front of his whole family?

For the first time, I truly take into account that his grandfather is dead. I saw the dissent at the meeting, how the younger members are trying to change the pack for the better.

Maybe there’s no more death squads, no more killing.

Maybe… Kit did what he had to do.

I look up at him, a new realization dawning. I was so wrapped up in my own pain, I never considered that he was also carrying his own.

It can’t have been easy, living as Leopold’s second. Leopold might have been just as bad—or worse—than my father.

An uncomfortable feeling rises in me that I might be making excuses just so I can kiss him again. Maybe even justify falling into his arms.

“We’ll need to fix this,” Kit says. “Obviously not today, but you’ll need to face the elders—”

“No!” I cry out.

“You have to, Lexa,” Kit insists. “It’s the only way to maintain our power. I’ll punish Loretta—I’m not sure how yet, but I will. You’ll still have to face her and remain confident in yourself and your right to rule, no matter what she throws at you.”

“I’m not cut out for this, Kit!” I protest. “Don’t you see? You have no idea the life I’ve had to live, the things I’ve done—”

“Then tell me!” he says a bit too forcefully. He lunges towards me, grabbing my arms and making me look into his face. “Tell me everything, where you’ve been all this time, what happened the night you left… tell me what you know!”

There is a frantic look in his eye, and I sense volumes behind that last question. Suddenly, my guard comes up again.

“Tell me what you know,” I echo, searching his face. His eyes widen, and his fingers tighten on my arms.

“I don’t know anything,” he whispers hoarsely. “I know nothing.”

Liar!

I don’t know what he’s lying about, but I can sense it. There is some dark, ugly secret inside him, and he definitely doesn’t want me to find out about it.

I’m doing the exact same thing, so how can I blame him?

“I’m sorry, Lexa,” he says, pain in his voice. “I really am so, so sorry. All I can do is keep apologizing, and swear to you I will never let you get hurt… ever again.”

Even though there was a lie in his previous words, there is no dishonesty in him now. I can feel the truth of that statement, and it’s the one thing I needed to hear more than anything else.

“Do you promise?” I ask, my voice coming out high and trembly. “Do you promise you will protect me, no matter what comes?”

“I do,” he says fiercely, gripping my arms and pulling me closer. “These aren’t empty words, Lexa. I made my oath to you, and I will stand by it!”

His face is so close to mine now, his eyes are all I can see. Deep, warm blue, swimming with points of turquoise. I never knew how beautiful his eyes really were until that night he pulled me close to him and I saw into his soul.

I try to stop it, but lust rises in me, an ache that spreads between my legs, throbs across my belly and chest, and tightens my nipples. Kit feels it, and I see the look in his eyes turn desperate.

He’s so close, I barely have to move at all. Just the slightest tilt of my head, and our lips touch.

Kit stays almost completely still, letting me kiss him. I softly run my lips across his, teasing gently as I enjoy the thrills of pleasure that sing through me. With these tender touches, memories return to me in a rush. Things I locked deep inside so I never had to feel them again.

But I want to. Oh, dear God, help me, I’ve never wanted anything more!

I can feel his mouth all over me, devouring my breasts, diving between my legs and lapping deep into me with his tongue until I came like a fucking fountain. How he made me come, over and over again, with his hands and his tongue, teasing me with his body until he finally pierced me with his cock.

The memory of the hard length of him sinking into my hot, wet heat breaks me.

I lunge at him, grabbing his shoulders and hurling him to the ground.

I grip his sides with my knees and grind downwards with my hips while I devour his mouth, sliding my lips against his and darting my tongue between his lips.

Kit groans under me, his hands roughly moving up my waist and caressing my ribs under the shirt. I thrust into the pressure, encouraging him, and as his hands cover my breasts, I gasp with pleasure, falling against him to writhe in pure ecstasy.

This… this is what I ran from. The pure truth of our bodies together, the absolute rightness of it… and his impossible denial.

With Kit’s hands on me and his hard body clamped between my thighs, it’s easy to push away thoughts of his betrayal. I’ve held my lust back for so long, it’s incandescent. A living fire that burns away all my restraint.

Even if this is the stupidest fucking idea I’ve ever had, I’m still going to do it. I can’t stop… I won’t!

Kit wraps his hands around me, caressing my back as he pulls me down against him. I can feel his erection through my pants, and a moan pours out of my throat as I rock back and forth, teasing myself with it.

Oh my fucking God, this is hot.

I feel Kit’s fingers trail down my back, and he grabs my ass, squeezing hard and making me jump. I grind down harder with my hips, making him cry out as my weight presses against his hard cock.

I break the kiss, grinning as I look down on him, my mind completely empty of all trauma and doubt. He smiles back, and I know he feels just as free. All the secrets between us, the pain in our past, none of it matters right now.

Kit reaches up, cupping my cheeks with both hands. For a moment, his eyes shimmer, and his lips part as if he’s about to say something. I feel a trickle of fear attempt to break my desire, but then he pulls me down to him and kisses me hard.

I moan through the kiss, loving the feel of his arms pinning me against him as his mouth devours mine.

Trapped by my own lust and Kit’s obvious desire for me, I writhe in ecstasy, squirming on top of him as I urge him on, almost begging him to take me and replace all the pain in me with pure, white-hot pleasure.