Page 20 of Brutal Reign (Shadowed Heirs #5)

20

W hen I left the squad complex on Friday afternoon to head home for the full moon run, I was actually excited at the prospect of getting away for a few days to recharge. I figured I’d spend time with my family, catch up on sleep, and come back to training camp on Monday morning fresh as a daisy, relaxed and ready to tackle another week. Boy, was I wrong.

As it turns out, fate had other plans. Jake had other plans. And somehow, my entire life completely blew up in one damn night.

I’m not even sure which is worse– being challenged by Jake, or finding out that the boys who have been tormenting me are my fated mates. Each are tough enough pills to swallow on their own, but together, it’s enough to choke.

Thankfully, Avery and Sloane were around all weekend to give me the metaphorical Heimlich whenever I started to spiral. They never strayed far for the two days I was holed up in the Goldenleaf packhouse, and though my dad wasn’t happy about the change in my weekend plans, Mom talked him into agreeing to give me space. A challenge to my future Alpha rank is a lot to deal with, after all.

If only they knew how much I’m truly dealing with.

Which they don’t, and they won’t– at least not until I’ve decided what the hell I’m going to do about this.

I already know how my dad will react, and there’s no point in giving him a heart attack unless I’m sure I even want these mate bonds. My knee-jerk reaction is hell no , considering the amount of bad blood between me and those boys, but then there’s also the rush of old feelings that have been rising to the surface again; buried memories of better times that I have no business revisiting. That’s the niggling little part of me that wants to give them a chance.

I used to have a huge crush on Ace. One glance from those blue-green eyes could set off a swarm of butterflies in my stomach, and the deep connection we shared with music made it feel as if our souls spoke the same language. With all the quiet intensity of a tortured artist, he was always the calm one; the rational one. The one I could count on to anchor me through any storm and hold my hand when I needed comfort. Ace made me feel safe.

My crush on Seb was totally different, but no less consuming. Though the two of us fought more than we got along, I lived for the exhilaration of pushing his buttons and making that ticking time bomb detonate. Being around him was akin to dangling from the edge of a cliff– a constant flurry of excitement, chased by the thrill of his unpredictability. The rush was addictive. It called to some deeper part of me, pushing me out of my comfort zone in ways I couldn’t get enough of. Seb made me feel wild.

Of course, I can’t base my entire future on memories of happier times. I’ve spent the past three years wondering what the hell I did to warrant their dismissal, feeling like it was something I did wrong or that I somehow wasn’t good enough. They crippled my confidence so badly that it took years to rebuild, only for them to start dismantling it again the second I arrived at training camp.

The mate bond doesn’t un-do the years of damage inflicted by those boys. I’m still harboring so much animosity toward them that I’m not sure I’ll be able to get past it. And while I’m all for second chances, I can’t decide if they deserve one, especially considering what’s at stake.

After all that’s happened between us, how could I possibly trust them with my heart?

It probably doesn’t even matter, anyways. Despite Uncle Gray’s anecdote, I’m still not convinced that having two mates is possible. Even if both bonds could be sealed, trying to balance relationships with two men just seems like a recipe for disaster, bound to end in bloodshed. Being intensely possessive of our mate is part and parcel of shifter nature. The boys may be playing nice right now, but it’s only a matter of time before they come to realize just how impossible this situation really is.

I suppose it would make the most sense just to choose one of them, but the thought of doing that feels just as ludicrous. Seb and Ace have always been a package deal; they’re two sides of the same coin. I loved them each in very different ways, but that love was always equal. Looking back to when I was harboring those crushes, I never envisioned my future with just one of them. It was always both.

I wish there was a simple solution to all this, but fate seems intent on throwing me curveballs.

When I return to the squad complex on Monday morning, I’m dreading facing Seb and Ace. Even more than that, I’m terrified they might’ve told someone about this whole fated mates mess. I’ve had more than enough gossip about me slung around the recruit barracks– the last thing I need right now is the constant whispers on top of everything else I’m already dealing with. I hope the two of them actually respected my request to keep their mouths shut, but then again, it’s not like they’ve got a great track record when it comes to making my life difficult.

As I walk through the gate onto the practice field, I have one of those moments where it feels like everyone stops talking and simultaneously turns to look my way. My stomach immediately bottoms out, my heart hammering in my chest as Hayden rushes over, her violet ponytail blowing in the breeze and her eyes rounded in concern.

“What’s going on?” I ask nervously as she approaches, my gaze darting back and forth over the other recruits.

Hayden grabs onto my arm, leaning in and dropping her voice to a whisper. “Girl, I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all weekend, where have you been?!” she hisses.

Shit, I hadn’t even considered the fact that she was probably freaking out when I went M.I.A. after the full moon run.

“Sorry, I went to stay with my cousins and left my phone at home,” I mumble, wincing at how terrible that excuse sounds. Bottom line: I’m a shitty friend, and I need to do better.

“Is it true?” Gus asks breathlessly as he jogs up to join us, Kendrick following close behind.

My throat tightens in panic as I swing my gaze on him. “Is what true?” I choke out.

Goddamnit, the one thing I asked of Seb and Ace was to keep this a secret. If they couldn’t honor that simple request, then there’s no way in hell that we’ll ever…

“Everyone’s saying Jake declared a challenge for Alpha rank!” Gus exclaims incredulously.

All the air leaves my lungs in a single, relieved whoosh of breath. “Oh, that,” I mutter.

“Yes, that !” Hayden echoes, gaping at me. “How are you not freaking out right now?”

“Probably because she knows she’s got this in the bag,” Kendrick drawls, tossing me a wink. “Don’t you, River?”

“Absolutely,” I agree with a confident lift of my chin. “I’m not afraid of Jake Decker.”

And that’s the truth. It isn’t Jake I’m scared of, it’s the challenge itself and the ramifications it’ll have on how my pack views me. I’ve always kept the truth of my wolf carefully hidden, but there’s no way to do that in a challenge.

My pulse ratchets up a notch as I imagine how it could all go down– the blood, the screams. I dig a hand into my pocket in an attempt to distract myself from that morbid visualization, pulling out a tube of chapstick, uncapping it, and swiping it over my lips.

“You think he’ll actually go through with it?” Gus asks, wide-eyed.

“He can’t take it back now,” I reply, smacking my lips together as I re-cap my chapstick and slip the tube back into my pocket. “He’s already declared the challenge and set a time and place for it to happen.”

“How fucking ballsy is that?” Hayden scoffs, glaring daggers in Jake’s direction across the practice field. It hasn’t escaped my notice that Chandler’s suddenly hanging all over him, laughing and flirting as if he’s some damn prize that she just happened to overlook before. Social climbing at its finest.

“It’s a whole new level of petty,” Gus agrees. “I mean, just because you turned him down, he thinks he can steal your birthright?” His freckled nose wrinkles in disgust as he follows Hayden’s gaze, scowling.

“I’m not sure whether he was even interested in me in the first place,” I grumble, avoiding joining them in looking Jake’s way since that fucker doesn’t deserve another second of my attention. “Pretty sure that was all just part of his grab for power. He probably figured if the two of us mated, he could slide right into the Alpha rank and nobody would even bat an eye.”

“I’m surprised he’s still breathing,” Hayden huffs. “Your dad…”

“Respects the order of things,” I finish for her, delivering a pointed look. “He knows his hands are tied. I’m sure it’s driving him crazy to sit back and watch this all unfold, but he has no other choice.”

“You haven’t talked to him?” she questions, brows shooting up in surprise.

I give a little shake of my head. “I’ve been trying to avoid real life since Friday.”

“Yeah, I get that,” she sighs, reaching over to rub my arm comfortingly. “Pick up the phone next time though, huh? You could’ve at least let me know you were okay.”

“I know,” I murmur apologetically.

“Heads up, looks like Jake isn’t your only problem,” Kendrick remarks in a low voice, tipping his head to the right.

I turn to look in the direction he indicated, suddenly remembering that my problems are a lot bigger than Jake’s challenge. Seb and Ace are lingering nearby, their intense stares pinning me in place the moment I meet them. A sharp tugging sensation erupts in my chest, reminding me that we’re currently tethered together, for better or worse.

Hayden follows my gaze, snorting a laugh. “Wow, stalk much? What’s up with those two?”

I snap my head back around to face her. “What do you mean?”

The look she gives me says that I just asked the dumbest question in the world, but it’s not exactly easy to think straight with my heart racing and palms sweating, the damn mate bond practically humming in my chest. “They ignore you for years, then suddenly can’t stay away?” Hayden inquires dubiously. “Make it make sense!”

All I can do is shrug and shake my head, because none of this makes sense to me , either. Even after Ace explained why they cut me off, I still can’t wrap my head around the whole thing. I still find it hard to believe that they pushed me away because they cared too much, because if they truly cared, they wouldn’t have hurt me like they did.

I’d love nothing more than to confide in Hayden and talk through everything with her, but this definitely isn’t the time or place. Once I get her alone, I’ll bring her up to speed, and her head will probably explode.

“They’re still staring,” she points out, elbowing me in the ribs.

I whip a glare over my shoulder, groaning as I turn back around to face her. “Be right back,” I say, turning on a heel and stomping away from my friends.

Seb looks pretty damn pleased with himself that he was able to summon me, his lips curling into a smirk as I make my way over. Meanwhile, Ace is eating me up with his gaze, looking like he wants to take a bite out of me.

Shit, part of me wants to let him.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” I whisper as soon as I’m within earshot, scowling at the two of them.

“It’s Monday, you said we could talk,” Seb quips.

“No, I said maybe I’d talk to you on Monday.” I stop short, folding my arms over my chest and leveling them with a glare.

“If we didn’t tell anyone, right?” Seb drawls, tilting his head, cocky as ever. “We’ve held up our end of the bargain, so I think we’ve earned some quality time with our mate.”

I bristle as soon as that word leaves his lips, lunging for him and grabbing onto his bicep. “Shhh!” I hiss, yanking him to follow me to the edge of the practice field. My fingernails dig into his flesh, and I don’t miss the way his muscles bunch and flex beneath my palm or the sparks that bloom between our skin as I drag him further away from the other recruits, Ace taking the cue to follow along with us.

Once we’ve reached an acceptable distance to not be overheard, I let go of Seb’s arm, belatedly realizing that I clawed his bicep hard enough to draw blood. There’s a row of little red crescents adorning his bicep, but he doesn’t seem bothered in the least by his injury, grinning smugly at me like he enjoyed the pain. Sick bastard.

“Would you fucking stop?” I huff, glaring daggers at him. “Everyone’s already talking about Jake challenging me, and the last thing I need is to give them more fuel to add to the fire. You guys need to stop hovering. Just pretend I don’t exist, you’re good at that.”

“But you’re mine,” Seb growls, flickering a glance toward Ace before amending, “ Ours .”

“I’m nobody’s, so back the fuck up,” I snap, my shoulders bunching with tension as I punch my fists against my hips. “I told you I wanted to keep this quiet, and I meant it. I can’t have you guys hanging around or people will start to get suspicious.”

“Suspicious of what?” Ace cuts in, brow furrowing. “Just because we’re talking doesn’t mean they have reason to suspect anything. The three of us used to be friends. For all they know, we’ve just set aside our differences and are becoming friends again.”

Of course he has a point– Ace is always the reasonable one– but Seb shakes his head in disagreement, frowning.

“But we’re not friends,” he grumbles. “We’re–”

I cut him a glare and he snaps his mouth shut, holding up his hands in surrender.

“Okay, okay, I won’t say it again,” he concedes, smirking smugly. “But you know what we are, and I’m not just gonna pretend you don’t exist. I can’t. ”

“He’s right, babygirl,” Ace murmurs in a low, sultry tone, shuffling closer. I’m not sure if it’s the nickname or his proximity that suddenly has me all kinds of flustered. “Especially with what’s going on with Jake, we need to stay close.”

“No,” I grind out, shaking my head adamantly. “I need to handle the Jake situation on my own. You two need to back off.”

Seb opens his mouth– no doubt to voice another protest– but he’s thwarted by the sound of Ares’ voice barking out to get our attention.

“Alright, recruits, we’re gonna start the week off with a cardio session!” he announces, and he’s met by a chorus of groans in response, none more miserable sounding than my own.

I fucking hate cardio.

Ares grins like he gets off on torturing us, rubbing his palms together eagerly. “Let’s start off with ten laps around the track, huh? Get going!” He claps his hands to hustle us along and I pivot away from Seb and Ace, jogging toward the track to start in on my least favorite exercise. Seriously, fuck my life.

The soles of my gym shoes beat against the ground at a steady cadence as I set my pace, belatedly realizing that Seb and Ace have fallen into the same pace on either side of me.

“See, this is what I mean!” I whisper-shout, scowling as I swing my gaze back and forth between the two of them. “This looks suspicious as fuck. Go bother someone else.”

“How can you still suck so bad at running?” Seb teases, chuckling to himself.

“How can you be so dense about taking a hint?” I fire back, cutting him a glare. “Beat it, Walker.”

He rolls his eyes at me before jogging ahead, but then he tosses me a look over his shoulder that almost makes me stumble a step. That look promises that this isn’t over, and damnit if an unwelcome spark of excitement doesn’t rush through me in response.

Shit, I’d better not be blushing.

“You too, Conway,” I add once I’ve composed myself, turning my glare on Ace.

“C’mon, babygirl…” he murmurs, the low, velvety tone of his voice tugging at every thread of my restraint.

Is it just me, or has my reaction to these guys suddenly gone haywire?

It’s gotta be the mate bond; that’s the only explanation for this intense escalation in my response to these boys. I mean, I’ve always been ridiculously attracted to both Seb and Ace, but now… shit, it’s like I can’t look away. Despite my simmering resentment, everything about them draws me in.

I fling out a hand to swat Ace away, thankful when he finally gives up on pestering me and runs ahead. But damn does his ass look good in his workout shorts.

I ball my hands into fists, dropping my gaze to the track and focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. My mind spins out of control as I push myself to run lap after lap, and it’s not only the physical exertion that has me sweating.

Guess I’d better buckle up, because if that short interaction with my mates was any indication, then I’m in for a bumpy ride. Let’s just hope we don’t all crash and burn.