Page 34

THIRTY-THREE

willa

Christmas is tomorrow. I’ve spent the entire month of December either in Declan’s arms, at his games, or doing promotional stuff for the upcoming tour. I’ve never been more busy or more happy than I have been since I married Dec. I still haven’t told him I love him. I know I do. I had that revelation one night while he was sleeping, and I just watched him, loving every little twitch and noise he made. If only I could get the words out instead of struggling like they’re physically thick in my throat.

I wish this was something I could talk to Belle about. Trying to explain to her that I haven’t been able to tell my husband I love him without also explaining that I lied to her about why I married him is impossible. We leave for the tour in two weeks. I need to tell him before we leave. Our time together will be limited for two whole months.

“Blue with snowflakes or elves loading Santa’s sleigh?” Declan holds out two rolls of wrapping paper.

“Snowflakes for adults. Elves for Cora.”

“Duh. That was so obvious,” he mutters to himself, making his way back to the stack of boxes he needs to wrap. He got everyone his jersey, but he’s extremely excited about the small one he found for Cora. He also bought her a plush hockey puck and a mini stick. Uncle Declan has quickly become her favorite person without really trying.

I watch as he wraps each gift with care before placing it under the tree. I usually decorate my tree with silver and red ornaments, but Declan wanted black and gold to match his team’s colors. I have to admit; it looks really good.

“I don’t see any presents under here for me.” I look up from the monster romance Jo let me borrow to see an exaggerated pout. He smiles when I laugh at him.

“I hid them. I didn’t trust you not to peek.”

Declan gasps and clutches his chest like he’s appalled by the accusations. I laugh at his antics, watching the amusement in his eyes morph into pure love. The way he looks at me simultaneously stops my heart and kickstarts it. It melts every doubt I have about our relationship. Declan took a wrecking ball to the walls I built around my heart without me noticing. Or maybe he was already behind those walls before they were built.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks. I can see the smile in his eyes. He knows exactly how I’m looking at him.

“How am I looking at you, husband?” I tease, getting off the couch and making myself comfortable in his lap where he’s sitting in front of the tree.

“Like I’m all you see.”

I cradle his face in my hands, feeling the scratchy stubble along his jaw. “You’ve always been all I could see.”

Declan surges forward, kissing my lips so desperately I’m sure they’ll bruise.

“You better have made room in your fridge!”

Declan growls against my lips but doesn’t move away from me.

“You say that like there was anything in there to begin with,” I call back to Belle. I move to get up to help her put the food for tomorrow away, but Declan’s arms tighten around my waist.

“Gross,” Cal complains. I look over my shoulder and glare at him.

“I have a doorbell. If you used it, we wouldn’t be in this situation,” I point out uselessly.

“A minute later, and you would’ve seen things I’d have to remove your eyes for.” I snort at how possessive Declan is being. He still hasn’t loosened his hold on me. “I’m not kidding, Princess.”

Cal looks alarmed and then thoughtful. “Yeah, I get that. I’d kill anyone who saw me balls deep in Harlow.”

“They wouldn’t find the body if it was Belle,” Kai says, walking by us with his arms full of grocery bags.

“You all have issues,” I yell, making sure Cal and Kai can hear me in the kitchen. I finally pry myself away from Declan, giving him a soft kiss. He pouts, but it just makes me smile.

“I kind of like it,” Harlow says. Cora is on her hip and making grabby hands at Declan.

“Unca Deeeee!” she squeals, squirming to get to him. Harlow laughs and hands her over.

“How’s my favorite niece today?” he asks her, swinging her around. She giggles and flails her arms.

I watch them, warmth blooming in my chest at the sheer joy on both their faces.

“He’d make a great dad,” Belle says, coming to stand next to me. She laughs at the sudden panic on my face. “You’d be a great mom, you know. Doesn’t have to be right now. Just don’t rule it out because you lost yours.”

I glare at her.

“Hey, don’t be mad at me for knowing you’re scared you’d either be a bad parent or die and leave them. You’re my best friend, and I know you.” Belle pauses. “I think I know you better than I thought I did when everything with Declan went down.”

I smile and wrap my arms around her. It’s still a touchy subject, but not as much as it once was.

“You do,” I promise. “Speaking of dying.”

Declan freezes, and I can feel Belle stiffen from where my arms are still wrapped around her. Probably wasn’t the best way to break this news.

“I called the hospital and got my mom’s medical records,” I explain. Which does little to erase the worry on Belle and Declan’s faces. Cal, Kai, and Harlow make their way over to me, the worry clear on their faces too. I’ve always been terrified I’d get breast cancer like my mom did and die early. At twenty-five, I’m already close to how old she was when she died. So I contacted the hospital last week, and her records were in my email this morning. I read through them twice while Declan was at the gym with his team. It was a relief as much as it was heartbreaking.

Declan hands Cora to Cal and comes to stand in front of me. I let Belle go, but take her hand in mine, Declan’s in the other. “She apparently had diabetes since she was a child and never really took care of it. She technically died from end stage renal disease. Her kidneys were so damaged that they stopped functioning, and she didn’t want to be put on a donor list. Her death wasn’t as sudden as it felt.”

Declan and Belle both throw their arms around me, sighing with relief.

“I also called my doctor, and she said that there’s always a chance I could develop it later in life, but it’s becoming less likely as I get older. As long as I do my yearly bloodwork, I’m in the clear.”

“You just scared the shit out of me, Princess.”

“Yeah, that was a really fucked up segue,” Belle mutters.

“Sorry,” I say into Declan’s chest, Belle still clinging to my side. I look up and see the love shining in Dec’s eyes. I smile as he leans in to kiss me. I feel Belle back away as he does, which makes me laugh into his mouth.

“Thanks for the heart attack, but we need to get Cora to bed,” Cal says. “Have fun watching your terrible movies.” I stick my tongue out at him at the same time Belle pinches his nipple. He screams and runs away from her.

“Where are you going?” I ask Declan. He was following Kai to the door.

“I have something I need to finish for tomorrow over at Kai’s. You and Belle can have your night and watch your Hallmark movies. I put the popcorn on the counter for you and there’s margarita mix in the pantry.” He kisses me. “I love you, Princess. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

I watch him walk out the door, admiring how good his butt looks in his jeans.

“He didn’t have to leave,” Belle says.

“I know. I think he wanted to let us have our tradition.” I have a lump in my throat just from how thoughtful he is. The man is turning me into an emotional mess.

Belle and I have always watched cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies on Christmas Eve every year. Maverick started to join in with us.

“Where are Jo and Mav?” I ask, just realizing they weren’t here with the rest of the group.

Belle sighs and flops down on my couch. “Mav volunteered to go check on Adira for Kai. Jo went with him.”

I flinch. Kai and Ezra’s mom has been in a hole of depression and alcohol since Ezra was legally declared dead. Kai has tried really hard to get her help and maintain a relationship with her, but all she sees when she looks at him is Ezra.

“Have you checked on the house recently?” Belle asks. She knows I haven’t. We’re still keeping track of each other, even though there hasn’t been an incident since the night Eva was here.

“Ask what you really want to know,” I say, giving her a small smile to let her know it’s okay.

She sighs. “When are you going to sell it?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it, and it’s not the house I want to keep. My memories behind those walls are mostly sad. But I don’t want to lose the walls my mom painted. I have nothing of hers. Those walls and the blurry images in my head of my mom painting them herself are all I have left.”

My dad kept all her things for years. He locked them away in the spare bedroom, not letting me in to see them. Then one day, he had a breakdown and donated all of it. There wasn’t a single shirt or stray hair tie left. I was so devastated I didn’t speak to him for months.

Belle remembers how upset I was, so she just nods and grabs the throw blanket on the back of the couch to toss over our legs. I snuggle up to her, grateful that some things never change.

“Merry Christmas, Princess.”

I snuggle into Declan, not wanting to wake up and leave the warmth of his body. He chuckles but holds me tightly anyway.

“Merry Christmas,” I mumble into his neck.

“Can I have my presents now?” He sounds so eager it makes me laugh.

“They’re under the tree. I moved them while you showered last night.”

I squeal as he scoops me up and drops me to my feet just long enough to throw one of his shirts over my naked body, then I’m right back in his arms. He runs down the stairs, tosses me onto the couch and starts dropping presents at my feet as he gathers his into his arms.

“How many gifts did you get me?” I ask him, looking at the small mountain at my feet.

“No idea.” He sits next to me with this pile next to him and waits.

I roll my eyes. “Go ahead, hockey boy.”

After maybe ten minutes, Declan has opened all his presents and helped me with mine because he was too excited to wait. I got him more shirts since I keep stealing his, band merch for when he comes to our shows, a new game day suit in a deep green to match his eyes, a watch with our wedding anniversary engraved into the back, and a bunch of other small things I picked up when I went shopping with the girls. Declan got me my favorite perfume, oval cut diamond earrings to match my ring, a gold necklace that says Mrs. Monroe, team t-shirts and his jersey that also says Mrs. Monroe, a pile of books from my Amazon wishlist, and tons of lacy lingerie.

“There’s one more thing,” I tell him. He starts to get up to check under the tree again, but I stop him by climbing into his lap. “It’s not under there.”

“Is it here?” he asks, grabbing my ass with his hands and squeezing. I shake my head and look into his eyes. They’re twinkling with happiness and burning with lust at the same time. It’s been a pretty common look on him lately and I love it. I love him.

“I love you.”

Declan’s whole body tenses. “Say it again,” he whispers. His eyes are wide and there’s an uncertainty there that makes my stomach hurt. I know I put that look in his eyes. He’s worried he heard me wrong. That I didn’t just tell him what he’s been waiting to hear.

“I love you, Declan. I love you so much that love might not even be the right word to describe what I feel for you. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.”

“I love you so much, Princess. I always have, always will.”

I knew I couldn’t wait any longer to tell him. Watching the relief on his face when I told him the odds of me getting sick were less dissolved that thickness in my throat that kept stopping me from telling him how much I love him.

But the look in his eyes, that unconditional and all-encompassing love that’s there whenever he looks at me, broke every last barrier I had. I love him with everything I have and everything I am. And maybe I always have.

I kiss him fiercely, showing him how much I love him with every touch of my lips and graze of my fingers. Declan grabs my hips and pulls me down to grind against his erection. I moan at the feel of his hard length against me, only a few thin scraps of fabric between us.

“I need to be inside you,” Declan moans, shifting so he can get his pants and boxers off. “Please, Princess.” I was already wet, but his desperation would’ve soaked my panties if I was wearing any. I rip Declan’s shirt over my head and position myself above him, slowly easing myself onto his erection.

“You’re so big, baby,” I moan. “I feel so full.”

“Fuck, Willa. This pussy was made for me,” he groans, his grip on my hips bruising as he helps move me up and down his length. “Does my wife love her husband’s cock?”

“I love my husband, and his monster cock.” Declan groans at my words and slams me down on his massive length over and over. I’m panting, my head thrown back and so close to my orgasm I could cry.

“Look at me when you come, Princess.”

Lifting my head, I look into Declan’s lust-filled eyes.

“Good girl. You’re doing such a good job riding my cock. Look at how fucking sexy you are taking all of me.”

The dirty words mixed with his praise do me in. I come screaming his name and looking into his eyes. Declan keeps pounding into me, maintaining eye contact.

“Give me one more, Princess. You can give me one more.” I shake my head. There’s no way. “You can, Princess. Look into my eyes and soak my fucking lap.”

I gasp as he roughly circles my clit with his thumb, wrapping his other arm around my waist to pull me down as far as I can on him.

“Come with me,” he pants. “Now, Princess.” It’s as if his command went straight to my clit and set me off like a bomb. I come even harder than I did the first time, watching Declan fall apart with me, my name sounding like a prayer on his lips.

I fall onto his chest, both of us trying to catch our breaths. Our sweat glues us together, but I don’t care.

“I love you,” I whisper, peppering his neck with kisses and tasting the salt on my lips. His arms tighten around me as he buries his face in my neck.

“Fuck, I love you. I love you,” he murmurs, pulling back just enough to capture my lips. “I love you.”

I smile against his mouth and push against his chest. He frowns, not wanting to let me get off his lap.

“We’re going to be caught if we don’t get dressed, and I’d like my friends to keep their eyes.”

Declan throws his head back and sighs, but he lets me stand. He laughs as I rush to the bathroom to clean up the mess we made as it runs down my thighs. “I’m going to lick you clean next time,” he calls after me, causing a full body shiver.

Letting myself love Declan is the best and scariest thing I’ve ever done.