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prologue

WILLA

7 YEARS AGO

I’m not an outdoor girl. I hate the leaves and mud sticking to my shoes. I don’t enjoy the smell of the forest or whatever Belle is going on about. I’d much rather be reading a book or binge watching a period drama on Netflix.

“How long do we have to stay?” Kai asks. Our band just played in front of my high school graduating class and a few alumni. Shattered Halo is going to be big, according to Callahan. That man is a dreamer, though. Kai is more realistic and is as big of a fan of these parties in the woods as I am.

“I have no idea. I lost Cal immediately. You pissed Belle off, and she wandered away an hour ago, and I don’t know where your reflection is.”

Kai snorts. He and Ezra are identical twins, but they’re easy to tell apart by how they wear their hair. Kai likes messy where Ezra prefers a close and neat cut. Their personalities are opposite too. “I’ll go look for Ez, and we can give you a ride home. Cal knows he’s responsible for his sister.”

I shrug as he walks away, completely ignoring my comment about pissing Belle off earlier. I take out my phone to check the time and smile at the missed call. I hit the name to call them back immediately.

“Hey Princess. How did the show go?” Declan’s soothing voice makes me smile even wider.

“It was great. Totally won over a bunch of slightly drunk high school kids.”

Declan laughs, and I can picture the way his green eyes flash in amusement. “Don’t undersell yourself. A female drummer is badass.”

Declan and I have been friends since our parents picked spots next to each other at the campground when I was six and he was eight. We spent two weeks together every summer, and they’re still my most cherished memories.

“Cal sang ‘Fortunate Son’,” I tell him.

“Was it better than the video you sent me last week?”

“I think it was worse,” I admit, earning me another laugh. Cal is a great singer, but he keeps trying to put his own spin on that song and it just isn’t working out for him. “How’s being a big hockey star?” Declan signed with the San Diego Barracudas right out of high school. He’s currently on the second line as the right wingman. Which means this is the second summer in a row I won’t see him.

“I’ll miss you, you know,” he says, hearing the words I didn’t want to speak. He’s always been good at that.

“You’ll be too busy with all your model girlfriends and insane parties,” I say, deflecting so I don’t have to deal with my feelings.

“I’m never too busy for you, Princess. I’ll always take your call.”

“I know,” I say and sigh. “Everything is changing, and I still don’t even know what I want to major in. How am I supposed to know what I want to do for the rest of forever?”

“Figure it out as you go. Whatever you choose to do, you’re going to be amazing.”

“Says the guy that’s been a hockey golden boy since the moment he put skates on,” I mutter, but Declan hears me and laughs.

“I fell a lot. I just got back up.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It is,” he says. He pauses for a moment before speaking again. “So, what are you going to do?”

“Get back up.”

“That’s my girl.” That comment has me smiling like an idiot, but I can’t stop. No one believes in me like Declan does.

“Willa. I can’t find Ezra,” Kai says. I turn to him and frown. He looks worried.

“I have to go,” I tell Declan.

“I’ll call you soon, Princess.” He hangs up and usually I would pout alone for a few minutes, but Kai grabs my hand and pulls me back to where most of the party is happening.

“I’m sure he’s around, Kai,” I say, searching the crowd. It’s not easy considering I’m all of five foot two.

“No one has seen him in a while.” His voice is starting to shake. Kai is hardly ever concerned about anything, so now I’m worried.

“Have you seen Belle? They’re probably together.”

Kai stiffens for a moment. “You’re right. I’ll find her. Can you keep looking?”

“Of course,” I tell him.

It only takes a few minutes and a couple of questions to figure out that no one has seen Ezra since we finished our set. Kai found Belle and Cal, who were also no help. Now we’re searching the woods and yelling Ezra’s name.

We spend the entire night searching. The police eventually took over, but that didn’t stop us. We looked under every log and behind every boulder. I’m pretty sure Kai was about to try to jump in the river at one point and look, but Cal stopped him.

He’s gone. There isn’t a single trace of him. No one saw him leave. One of my best friends just vanished into thin air.

If I didn’t like the woods before, I fucking hate them now.

“For someone who just signed a major record deal, you don’t seem excited.”

“I am,” I say, mustering up as much enthusiasm as I can. The loud sigh from the other end of the phone tells me Declan isn’t buying it.

“When did we start lying to each other?”

“I’m not lying, Dec. I’m just confused.” I throw myself dramatically onto my bed in my very purple bedroom. My mom decorated it when I was five, so it’s covered in unicorns and rainbows. The walls are light purple with unicorns running on rainbows painted on them. The carpet is dark purple with polka dots that used to be white but are now more of a light gray. Even my comforter is purple. Not really my style, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to change it since she died when I was eight.

“Alright. Let’s talk it out. Pros and cons, Princess. You want me to start?” I smile despite myself. Declan is one of the least organized people I know, but he knows how much I love a good pros and cons list.

“Go for it, hockey boy.”

“The pros are easy. Rich, famous, you get to travel like you always talked about. Men and women will want to be you and be with you.” There’s a pause that causes me to pinch my lips between my teeth to stop myself from laughing. “On second thought, that last one is on the con list.”

I laugh this time, not bothering to smother it. “Are the rules different for me? I was going to follow yours. No kissing. Never sleep with the same person twice. Make sure they know what this is upfront so feelings aren’t hurt. Always use a condom.”

“I hate this conversation,” Declan mumbles.

“I’m not a virgin, Dec.”

“No one is good enough for you, Willa.” I sigh at his words. Declan has always been overprotective, which is really a feat considering we lived six hours apart. And that was before he moved to the other side of the country.

“It doesn’t matter if people don’t like us.”

“People are going to love you.”

I bite my lip and stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out how to put my fears into words.

“Whatever it is, you know you can tell me,” Declan says, his voice soft.

“Sometimes I feel like I make decisions too fast and one of these days, it’s going to catch up to me,” I admit. “What if it’s the worst thing I could do, and I won’t know it for another twenty years?”

Declan chuckles. “Princess, what if it’s the best? Even if it backfires, you’ll still have a really cool experience.”

I look at my purple walls and try to remember the face of the woman who painted them. I have so few memories of her, but I remember how much she loved to live in the moment. If it started to rain while we were outside, we would dance in it, our matching blonde manes plastered to our faces. If the store was out of oranges, it was a great time to try dragon fruit. When the radio died in her old beat-up station wagon, we would sing at the top of our lungs.

I’m on to my next adventure, my darling. I’ll see you again when you join me and oh, what fun we’ll have . Those were her last words to me, and I think I’ve been unconsciously living by them. I didn’t realize it until hours after I signed my name on the line next to Kai’s. There was no hesitation in my decision. Because it was the next adventure.

“Do you want to do this?” Declan asks, interrupting my thoughts.

“I do,” I admit.

“Then give it everything. If you fail, you won’t be able to say you didn’t try to make it work.”

I get up from my bed and move to my mostly packed suitcase. On top of all the clothes is a picture of me with my parents at my kindergarten graduation. I’m in a dark blue graduation gown, the cap slightly skewed on my head, standing in front of my parents. My dad’s arm is slung around my mom’s slight shoulders. We’re all grinning at the camera. My dad was dark where my mom was light. Dark hair to her blonde. Brown eyes to her green. He was also twenty-four years older than her, so he looks more like a grandparent. Tears start to form in my eyes as I look at the happy family I barely remember.

“What if I get sick?” I whisper into my phone.

“Don’t say that!” Declan shouts. “You’re not getting sick, Willa. You’re going to become the most famous and badass lady drummer. You’re going to live a long and happy life. Probably marry some bastard I’ll hate and have a truckload of children.”

“It could happen, Dec.” My mom had what my dad would simply call a weak immune system. It wasn’t until later, after he passed, that I found her death certificate. She died from complications of type 1 diabetes. That’s all it said. A quick Google search let me know it could be hereditary.

“Yeah, and I could take a skate to the carotid or end up in a plane crash or choke on a fry while eating alone in my apartment.”

“Don’t say things like that!” I yell at him. He just hums in response, and I sigh. “I get it. Don’t mention dying and leaving you.”

“Best friends forever and ever and ever, remember?” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

“I was ten when I phrased it like that,” I grumble.

“Still stands. You’re my best friend, and I will not let you die.”

I roll my eyes. Not even the great Declan Monroe can stop death. I’m about to tell him as much, but there’s suddenly a lot of commotion coming from his end.

“I’ll be right there,” he says to whoever is in the room with him. “I have to go, Princess. It’s Finn’s turn to drive to practice, and he might have a stroke if we’re not at least ten minutes earlier than everyone else.” Declan’s roommate, Finn, is an anxious guy from what I’ve been told. So I’m not surprised being late gets to him.

“Maybe you can use that extra time to get your ass off the second line,” I say.

He barks out a laugh of surprise. “You should’ve been a coach.”

“I do love making grown men cry.”

He laughs and grumbles something to Finn. “Talk to you soon, Princess.”

“Thanks for talking me off a ledge,” I say quietly.

“Anything for my best friend forever and ever and ever.”

I snort and hang up on him before he’s in even more trouble with his roommate.

“Hurry up, Willa!”

I flip Cal off as I stand in the doorway of my childhood home. It’s not like I won’t be back. We’re flying to LA for a month to record our first album. We all refused to move out there in case something developed with Ezra here.

I own this home now, with its worn hardwood floors and flowery wallpaper. The large black sectional taking up most of the room that I spent a lot of my time watching movies with Belle on. My dad died a month after I turned eighteen. I graduated from high school as an eighteen-year-old orphan. Kind of a depressing start to the rest of my life. As I play with the ends of my newly purple hair, I take a deep breath and shut the door.

I take out my phone to text Declan as I walk to the limo taking us to the airport.

Is it weird that leaving my house right now feels a lot more final than it should?

Hockey Boy

One door closes, another one opens, right?

Yes? But I’m still going to live here.

Don’t remind me.

Declan was hoping we’d be on the same coast once we signed the recording contract. We haven’t seen each other in two years. He would’ve come home for my dad’s funeral, if I had told him. I didn’t because I didn’t want him to do anything to risk his career. He’s still a little mad about that one.

I’m nervous.

You’re going to kill it. I’m proud of you no matter what, Princess.

I have to go. Media day. Have a safe flight and text me when you land.

I will.

BFFEE!

I shake my head and shove my phone into my pocket as I slide into the seat next to Mav. I have no idea how Kai talked him into joining us, but he really doesn’t look like he wants to be here.

“Nervous flyer?” I ask him.

His honey brown eyes meet mine, and he looks devastated. “No. I’ve flown a lot. Leaving here without Ezra . . . I guess I didn’t realize it would be this hard.”

“I didn’t realize how close you guys were.” I honestly didn’t even know they knew each other until Kai told us they were friends.

“He’s my best friend,” Mav says before taking a deep breath like he’s trying to force calm into his body. A lump forms in my throat and all I can do is nod. Ezra is one of my best friends and what happened to him is hurting us all. No one is convinced he’s dead, but we don’t know what else to do at this point.

So we’re all trying to move on with our lives as much as we can. Life doesn’t seem to care when you need it to stop or slow down. I learned that too young, and it sucks to watch everyone I care about learning it now.

“I like the new hair,” he says, giving me a small smile.

“Thanks. It was my mom’s favorite color. I wanted to take her with me somehow,” I explain, even though he didn’t ask.

“I can tell,” he says, nodding towards my house. I laugh at where he’s gesturing to. The purple lilac bushes surround the small white house.

Kai and Cal pile into the limo. Kai’s expression is blank like it has been for weeks, but Cal is vibrating with excitement. I tune out his excited ramblings and stare out the window as our homes become smaller and smaller. I hear my mom’s voice in my head.

On to the next adventure, my darling.