Page 31 of Broken Hearts (Hibiscus Hearts #1)

Damn him. Not that I didn’t think this was going to happen, but still. He is stubborn and infuriating, but I know he’s so damn broken.

“Nate,”

I yell, hearing the door to his house slam behind him, but I’m not giving up that easily. That’s what he wants. It’s easier for him to push me away than to let me in. It’s what has happened his whole life, watching people leave, but not this time.

With heavy feet, I stomp my way over to his house, and if he really wanted me to stay away, he would have locked the door.

But he didn’t, and I fling it open and storm right inside, slamming it behind me exactly as he did. It only takes him a second to register that I’m now standing in his house, and I can see the anger and the hurt flare in his eyes, and behind them, there are the tears he’s holding back.

“Just go, Sage,”

he hisses, his hands clenched in fists at his sides. “I can’t do this. I can’t handle this right now. I can’t handle this ever.”

I step closer, and Nate’s body tenses, and I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces, breaking for how much he’s been hurt and how I have to make him see that I’m here to stay, that he can trust me.

“I’m not leaving you, Nate,”

I whisper, and he quickly looks away from me, his fists tightening till his knuckles turn white.

“You’re just making this harder!”

Nate yells, his eyes welling with tears, and I swallow hard, taking in all his pain. “Just go.”

This time his words come out quiet and strangled, and I step closer to him, wanting to take him in my arms, to hold him until he realizes I’m not going anywhere.

I say it again, my words firm, but I need to say more. He needs to know that I will never break his heart the way everyone else in his life has. “I’m not leaving you, Nate. I know you’re scared and angry, and rightfully so, but I will never leave you. Not now, not ever. Do you hear me?”

The last part comes out as a demand, and I walk so I’m now standing in front of him. Lifting my hand, I rest it against his cheek.

His eyes are bloodshot and brimming with tears. And I hate everything that has happened to him to make him feel this way.

“Do you understand, Nate? I’m not leaving. This is what happens when you love someone. You stay. I will be here when you’re angry and when you’re sad, when you’re happy and when you come home from surfing and want to tell me about every little detail. I want to take care of you and wake up next to you and make you breakfast and hold your hand and experience every second of life with you.”

I stop, waiting for it all to sink in, for him to realize that what we have is intense and perfect and something I can never walk away from.

“You’ll never be alone again. I will be here,”

I whisper, leaning in to kiss the tears that spill down his cheeks. My hand rests over his heart, feeling it hammer beneath my touch. “It’s okay to be afraid. I’m terrified, but I can’t imagine my life without you now. I’d rather live my life arguing with you than not.”

I swipe away a stray tear from his face, pressing my lips to his, and it’s like the weight of the world leaves his body and his arms wrap around me. I hold him close, pulling him to me, letting my body comfort his.

He needs it.

He needs me.

We’re messy, and this probably won’t be the last time something like this happens, but he won’t push me away. He’s buried too deep in my heart, like a thorny vine, wrapped tightly around me, never letting go.

“And you don’t get to tell me you love me and then run away.”

I pull back, holding his face in my hands, letting my forehead rest against his. I close my eyes, exhaling hard.

“You deserve better, Sage,”

he whispers, swallowing hard, and I shake my head vehemently.

“No, you deserve better. You deserve to have people stay and love you. You were just a kid, and your heart was broken. I will spend the rest of my life fixing all the broken pieces.”

I rest my head against his chest, my arms closing around him, holding him so he knows I mean it, that I will be here no matter what.

“I love you,”

I say, the steady beat of his heart thrums under my ear, listening to it kick up a few notches at my words, and I smile.

Closing my eyes again, Nate’s chin resting on my head, we stay like this for what feels like forever. Holding each other, our bodies seeking the comfort we need.

“I want to give you the world, Sage,”

Nate murmurs, his lips gliding over my hair, the hard exhale of his breath feathers against my skin.

“I don’t need the world. I just need you. This is all I need,”

I whisper.

“I love you.”

Hearing him say it this time feels like the first time, making that admission during his rage disappear, replacing it with this perfect moment.

And again, we just hold each other.

When we finally separate, Nate looks exhausted, and I imagine this has taken a toll on him. He isn’t the kind of guy who shares his emotions, and we will struggle with this for a while. He has someone else to worry about now. He can’t just disappear when he gets pissed off or hurt.

But we’ll work through that.

“Can I tell you about the rest of my day?”

I now say, taking his hand in mine. I guide him over to the couch.

“I’m sorry I lost it on you,”

he says, sitting down, taking me with him so I’m now sitting on his lap. “It’s really fucking hard for me.”

“I know it is, and I told you before, I’m not giving up. You can’t push me away. I’m like concrete. You’re stuck with me now.”

Nate lets out a chuckle, his hand sliding around to the back of my neck, pulling me in for a kiss. “I love you, and I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

“You don’t have to. I know what I’m getting myself into, you grumpy pain in the ass,”

I tease, and he laughs a little harder now.

“So, fill me in. You went to see your dad’s lawyer?”

“I did, and he needs to see you too. There’s some paperwork you have to sign,”

I start, and Nate narrows his eyes, confusion in his expression as he tilts his head to the side.

“Why do I need to sign shit?”

“Because you are part-owner of The Pipe Dream.”

My smile spreads so wide that my cheeks hurt, and the expression on Nate’s face upon hearing this news negates the argument we had earlier.

Saying he’s shocked would be an understatement. He’s speechless.

“We’re co-owners. Guess my dad knew what he was doing, almost like he knew we were meant for each other,”

I say, smiling as I kiss the tip of Nate’s nose.

“So wait…”

He trails off, still confused by my comment.

“I’m staying, Nate, but I don’t know a damn thing about running The Pipe Dream, so I thought I could be like a silent partner or whatever.”

“You’re really staying?”

“That’s all you got out of this? You own The Pipe Dream. You can continue what my dad started all those years ago.”

I shake my head, letting out a chuckle. “And yes, I’m staying. I obviously have to go back to New York to get my things, but I want to make Hawaii my home. I want to be an islander.”

Now it’s Nate laughing, tilting me back so he can kiss me. With his mouth close to mine, his eyes shining with happiness, he whispers, “You’ll never be an islander, babe. You were born on the mainland.”

“Oh my god, what? So you mean to tell me I can never be one?”

I let out a hard sigh. “Fuck this, I’m going back to New York.”

I pretend to get up, but Nate wraps his arms tightly around me, holding me to him. “The hell you are!”

he shouts, laughing as he does.

“And there’s something else,”

I now say, turning to look at him, knowing we’re going to need each other for this.

“What’s that?”

“My dad wrote us each a letter and the lawyer gave them to me today. He gave me one for Alana too, but I figure you should be the one to give it to her.”

I visibly see Nate’s face fall, and his throat bobs as he swallows hard. I feel it too. Reading these letters is going to be more difficult than these last few weeks. The emotions I feel just thinking about it shift from needing to read the letter, to never wanting to open it.

It could break me.

It could break both of us.

Nate carries around so much guilt and hurt from being abandoned and then having my dad show up when he needed him, only to have my dad pass away so suddenly.

And then there’s me. What could he possibly say to me? He’s a better person than I am if he’s not angry with me for the way I treated him. I know I would be. And now I can never make it up to him, but I will spend the rest of my life carrying on his dream, building it up and making it better than he ever could have imagined. I want The Pipe Dream to be a name that isn’t just famous here on Maui, but all over the islands. I want his name to be known for all the wonderful and great things he’s done.

“We can read them together if you want,”

I tell Nate, wondering if he needs the support to get through it like I do.

“I’d love that.”

“Hang on. I’ll go grab them.”

I climb off his lap, heading out to the car where I left them in the glove box. Opening the car, I’m hit with the smell of the blueberry surf wax and tobacco, a smell that I will forever associate with my father, and it makes me smile.

I grab the three letters, looking at his handwriting on the front, and smiling. As hard as this will be, I love that both Nate and I will have this closure. I hope it also brings Alana the guidance she needs right now too.

My father had no idea he would die unexpectedly, but these letters show he was always thinking about us, even when I wasn’t here, even when Nate was difficult, even when I was difficult, and I love that.

I take in a deep cleansing breath as I open the door to Nate’s house, the letters warm in my hand, ready to be read, ready to feel that connection to something we’ve both lost.

Walking over to where he’s sitting, I hold his letter out to him, and he takes it from me, looking at his name on the front, the little surfboard drawn on it.

It’s perfect, and when Nate takes it in, he looks up and smiles at me. I turn my envelope so he can see it, and his smile widens.

“A hibiscus,”

he says, nodding. “It’s his favorite because of you. I always wondered why he loved them so much, but now I know. It was you all along.”

“You ready to do this?”

I ask him, and he nods, turning my envelope over in my hand, he reaches up and stills me, his hand resting over mine.

I hand him Alana’s letter, and he sets it down on the table beside him, leaving it there. I don’t know what his plan is for her letter, but I leave that for him. There’s no one better to know what Alana needs than him.

“Hang on,” he says.

Nate slips his hand into mine, weaving our fingers together as he leads me out of his house and across the street to the empty beach.

It’s hard to believe a beach this gorgeous, this serene could be empty, but it’s a local’s beach, a beach that the people of this little town love and cherish, a beach where my father would surf every morning, a beach that will always hold a special place in my heart.

“Here,”

Nate says, sitting down in the sand, his legs crossed, his letter in his hand. “Mitch’s favorite place.”

I nod, swallowing back the lump that forms in my throat. This trip has been a test of my emotions at every turn, and this will be no different.

“You go first,”

Nate says, and as much as I want to argue with him, to tell him I’m not ready, he’s not ready either. I’ll take this one for us, letting him adjust to the idea of opening his letter.

The fact that he wants me here when he reads his is huge. The growth it shows is tremendous, and I hope I can be here to support him in the way he needs.

I slide my finger under the seal, pulling out the handwritten letter. I bring it up to my nose and smell it, smiling when I catch the whiff of surf wax. It lingers on everything he touches.

“Blueberry,”

Nate whispers, and I nod, letting my head fall onto his shoulder. He slips his arm around my waist, holding me close, the warmth of his body soothing.

And I begin to read.

* * *

My dearest Sage,

* * *

If you’re reading this, I’ve passed away, but don’t be sad. Hawaiian tradition says we don’t mourn the dead but celebrate them.

I want you to know that not a day went by when I wasn’t thinking about you. You were and always will be the most important thing in my life.

I loved you more than life itself. More than the shop. More than surfing. More than the ocean.

You were the greatest gift I was ever given.

I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become, and everything you will do and have done with your life is special and amazing and important.

Never dwell on what was, look forward to your life.

Fall in love.

Dream of happiness.

Share your kindness.

And most of all, smell the hibiscus.

I love you.

* * *

Dad

* * *

I’m sobbing by the time I reach the end. Tears stream down my cheeks in endless rivers. Clinging to Nate, I cry into his T-shirt. And he holds me. Just holds me and lets me cry.