Page 29 of Bricked Up

“Sid, all the time you bailed me out and kept me from murking niggas. It’s all good, my dude,” Truce nodded at Saddiq as they climbed in the ride and he headed out of the parking lot.

“So I ain’t even stressing that shit, but what I am worried about is you murkin’ that nigga.

If we ‘bout to be on the run nigga, now is the time to speak the fuck up. What’s the plan? ”

“Nah, his weak ass already stole enough of my life. So, I’mma let him be as long as he stay the fuck from around Zia.

I am gon’ beat that nigga’s ass a few more times though.

Break a few bones and rearrange his face.

Maybe cut off all his toes except the pinky toes.

And rip off that nigga’s index fingers on both hands. ”

Truce shot his friend a quick side eye before he burst out laughing as he neared the hotel where Saadiq’s ride was parked.

“Nigga, I know you always been a special brand of psychotic, but bro, what the fuck is that nigga gon’ do wit’ two pinky toes only and no index fingers?

Who even thinks of some shit like that, and how is that letting that nigga make it?

That nigga ain’t gon’ be able to even beat off right, play in a coochie or walk straight. ”

Saadiq shrugged with a smirk as Truce burst with laughter again.

“Shit,” He chuckled, “Ain’t my problem. But death is too easy for that nigga.

He needed to be reminded that blood is supposed to be thicker than water.

I always felt bad for muthafuckas who didn’t fuck with their own family, but I get that shit now. ”

“Same bro,” Truce agreed. “I felt that in my soul, bruh. Sometimes blood can’t be trusted. Trusting the wrong muthafuckas out here will get you killed, fareal. And unfortunately, ninety percent of the time, the betrayal comes from blood or someone you consider blood.”

“Shit, tell me about it.” Saadiq nodded his head in agreement.

“The whole situation had his mind fucking blown. Even though he wanted to teach Jabari a lesson and then leave him to wallow in his own misery and envy, something told Saadiq that before all was said and done, he was gonna have to kill Jabari. “Anyway, homie, thanks again,” Saadiq said as he exited Truce’s ride.

“Sid, don’t thank me again, nigga. Unlike ya shady ass cousin, I’m ya blood through and through. I’mma always have ya back.”

“A’ight bro, I hear you, my nigga,” Saadiq laughed as he closed the door behind him. “Thanks, my bro, for standing ten toes down for a nigga.”

“Yup,” Truce saluted his friend. “Same bro, same.”

Saadiq climbed into his ride as Truce pulled off, and he just sat there for a minute.

Then, out of nowhere, he punched the steering wheel several times before taking a deep breath and reclining his head against the headrest. While some of his anger came from his jealous ass cousin, Zia was the current cause of his frustration.

Saadiq didn’t want to admit it, but that shit Jabari said as he was being dragged away hit a nerve.

The same nerve that had him furious that she didn’t fight for what they had all those years ago.

She just fucking left. She believed the word of a stranger she’d just met that day over him.

He thought he’d gotten over the pain of that day now that she was back in his life, but now, he wasn’t so sure.

Starting the engine, Saadiq put his ride in drive and sped to Zia’s crib.

Hey, Zia’s lips curved into a big, sexy smile. I’ve been calling you for the last few hours. “I was worried that something had happened and?—“

“I ain’t wanna answer,” Saadiq walked up on her and kissed her. He wanted to resist, but with the way her lips constantly called to him, Saadiq didn’t even try to fight the chokehold every inch of her body had on him. “And something did happen. I beat Jabari’s ass and got arrested.”

“What, why?” Zia’s face instantly contorted into annoyance as she closed the door and followed Saadiq over to the couch. “Saadiq, why would you ignore my calls and why–“

“You lucky all I did was ignore you. I should’ve fucked you and gone about my muthafuckin’ business.

You didn’t even try to fight for us. You deserve to watch me dick another bitch with jealousy in your eyes.

You deserve to see me marry and get another bitch pregnant and live happily ever after with somebody else ‘cause you fuckin’ left me.

How I know that you won’t do that dumb ass shit again?

That shit is gon’ always be in the back of my mind thanks to you. ”

“Saadiq,” She placed a hand over his. “We went through this already. “I apologized for?—”

“I don’t want ya gotdamn apology, Zia. I wanna know that you won’t break my fucking heart again.

Did you even think about how that shit affected me?

Here I am, giving you my all, all over again, while wondering if somewhere down the line, history is gonna repeat itself.

Only this time, you might try to take my kid, and all hell is gonna break loose if you try and do that dumb ass shit.

As much as I love you, as much as I’m in love with you, I’ll hunt you down and rip your heart from your throat and tell our child that you died from natural causes. ”

“Saadiq,” Zia began as tears welled up in her eyes, and she placed a hand over her chest. “Things are different this time. I’d never hurt you like that again. Nor would I ever take our child away from?—”

“Bullshit, Zia,” Saadiq slid his hand out from under hers and quickly put some space between them.

“You did the shit before. And I love you even more than I did when I first fell in love with you. Ain’t shit different.

You left without even trying to fuckin’ fight for us.

I can’t take you for your word that you won’t do that shit again. ”

“You know what, Saadiq, you are too wound up. So, let’s talk about this when you’ve calmed down some,” Zia stood and headed for the door. “But right now you need to leave.”

“Yeah, the fucking truth hurts, don’t it?

” Saadiq met her tear-filled gaze. “You let that nigga break up what I thought was an impenetrable foundation.” He stood and approached her.

“You may be the only woman in this big ass world I want, but I refuse to let you break my fuckin’ heart again.

My heartbeat didn’t start beating correctly until the night I laid eyes on you again, so I know that means that my heart is wherever you are, but I’d rather walk this earth in bearable pain than to endure the damn near unbearable shit you beat me down with when you fuckin’ left me. ”

“Saadiq, I’ve apologized so many times,” She dried her eyes with her hands. “What more do you want from me? You said you understood my position, so why all the fucking hostility now? I thought we were starting over fresh. What happened?—”

“I may have understood it and accepted it, but it didn’t lessen the pain that seeped into my gotdamn bones.

You kept me whole, sane, grounded. You were my muthafuckin’ anchor, Zia.

And you told me I was yours, too. You kept me from drifting into despair, rage, sadness, and so much fucking pain.

On really bad days when I struggled with the loss of my parents, you didn’t know what the fuck to say to me, but you knew when I was smoking weed and staring into space that I needed to laugh or I needed to be encouraged, and you did that shit effortlessly.

And I did the fucking same to you when you cried or were sad about your momma abandoning you.

I was your fucking anchor too. We always lifted each other up.

Then you just fucking left me. How you moved alone let me know that you never gave two fucks about me. ”

“So, what are you saying, Saadiq?” Zia screamed as she wiped away the tears that pooled at her chin. “What do you want from me? You wanna break up and just raise the baby?—”

“I need a minute.” After a quick peck on the lips, Saadiq strode out the door and didn’t look back as he drove away.

When he pulled up to Paradise Hills retirement village a half an hour later to visit his grandad, Saadiq sat alone with his thoughts for a minute.

He hated himself for the way he’d just unloaded on Zia, but hell, he couldn’t help it.

Even though Jabari said the shit he said just to get under his skin, it was true.

Which only became even more terrifying when he thought about the child they had made that was currently baking.

Even as his wife, she could still run, and taking his baby with her this time would ruin him, would break him to his core.

And he couldn’t have that. Sighing, Saadiq exited his ride and went inside to spend some time with his gramps.

After signing in at the visitors’ desk, he headed up to the third floor and took a left.

A few minutes later, he was knocking on the door.

“Granson, hey now,” Glen smiled as he excitedly pulled Saadiq into a bear hug. “What it do, youngin?”

“Wassup, Pop-pop,” Saadiq hugged the man back who could pass for his older twin brother instead of his grandfather. “Nothing much. Just came to get a lil’ of that grandfatherly wisdom that you so effortlessly dish out, whether I wanna hear it or not.”

“You don’ fucked up bad, huh?” Glen asked as they moved out onto his balcony. “What you do, get some girl pregnant? And now she’s trying to take you to the bank?”

“Uh, well,” Saadiq chuckled as he rubbed his chin after taking a seat in the chair opposite his grandfather. “You got part of it right. I’ll have a little me running around soon, but she ain’t trying to take me to the bank, I’mma marry her. It’s Zia.”

“Yeah,” Glen reached for the slice of cake he was eating. “That sexy thing you were in love with that broke your heart? The same one that reminded me of your feisty ass grandma, right?”

“Yup, that’s the one.” Saadiq nodded with a smile.

“A’ight, so what’s the problem? She don’t love you like she used to?” Glen asked as his brows shot up curiously.

“Nah, it ain’t that. But I’m just trying to figure out if she ever truly loved me in the first place,” Saadiq explained as he took a beat to gather his thoughts before he proceeded to break down what happened between him and Zia and why he wanted advice on the issue.

“A’ight,” Glen nodded after listening quietly to his grandson explain what was bothering him. “Now you know that even though I love you, I’m ‘bout to give it to you straight, no chaser.”

“Of course, that’s why I come to you for the truth.”

“Okay, so let me ask you this, do you feel the same way about Zia as you always have?”

“Yeah, absolutely, but?—”

“Nah, no butts, son. You love her. That’s it.

So why risk losing her a second time? One I might add would be your fault this time around.

The girl made a mistake. Was she wrong as two left feet to just run the way she did without talking to you first?

I would say yes, but that fight or flight response she had was from trauma.

From some nigga before you fucking over her.

So you can’t get pissed at her for protecting herself when you can’t say for a fact that you wouldn't have done the same thing. But you know what’s even more important, though, Saadiq? ”

“She apologized, you said you felt like she meant it, and it sounds like she’s still head over heels in love with you.

So, while it’s cool to address the past, if she was strong enough to apologize and you were strong enough to forgive her, there is no reason for the issue to become a current source of turmoil, poisoning your present and future.

Especially with a little one on the way. ”

“I get that, Pop-pop, but what if it happens again and she takes my kids. I barely made it through losing her the first time, if I lose her and my kid, ion know what?—”

“Saadiq, why are you stressing over something that hasn’t happened and isn’t guaranteed to happen again.

You're both older and wiser, and you’re about to become parents.

Still allowing what-ifs and fears to ruin the love that God blessed you with a second time is insane.

Life appears to be a long journey, son. But in reality, it’s so much shorter than we all realize.

So don’t be stupid and fuck up a love that the man upstairs allowed you to experience twice.

Time is ticking. Regret isn’t an easy thing to live with, and neither is living without your soulmate.

If Zia does it again, then you move accordingly.

However, based on what you told me about her, I don’t think she will.

But honestly, if I were you, I’d go get my woman, cuz I guarantee you this, whatever hurt and pain you’re feeling now, ain’t got shit on the pain you’ll feel if you’ve run her away. ”

Saadiq hung out with his grandfather a few more hours, just shooting the breeze and talking shit, before they called it a night and he headed home.

As he put the miles behind him and “Sunshine” by Alexander O’Neal, tried to soothe his frantic mind, Saadiq was still feeling some typa way.

He knew his grandfather was right, but he just needed time to figure shit out.

For the next three weeks, Saadiq couldn’t bring himself to say anything to Zia outside of texting her for updates on her and the baby’s health.

He felt like an ass, but he couldn’t help but still feel torn behind the shit.

He’d put security on her and was watching her every move, sending her flowers and lunch and dinner and all kinds of gifts and her favorite things, but he didn’t go near her.

He didn’t know what this shit meant for them, but he’d missed her more now than when she left his ass the first time.

Saadiq was missing her like crazy, but until he could come to terms with their past, he didn’t know how the fuck they were gonna have a future.