Page 42 of Breaking Rules

What I wasn’t willing to do was pretend that she and I could ever be a couple. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t enjoy spending time with her. I didn’t want to talk to her about anything other than Evanne, and only then because I didn’t want to take Evanne’s mother from her. We had been amicable for eight years, and I would hold no bitterness or anger for how she’d handled things when she’d moved to Italy.

But amicable was all I could find myself willing to give. And if she kept pushing, even that might vanish.

“Daddy, can you come help me?” Evanne asked from the table where her homework was spread out.

“One moment.” I finished rinsing suds from a pan and put it on the rack to dry.

Tonight, after I put Evanne to bed, I would take an uninterrupted look at my options. I would weigh the pros and the cons, both to Evanne and to me, and determine what the best course of action would be from here. Keli would be over tomorrow to take Evanne shopping for new shoes, and I would speak to her then. I knew she was hoping I would invite her to move into the house, even if it was into one of the many guest rooms, but I didn’t believe that if she lived here, she’d be willing to accept that I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with her. It would be best for me to tell her that, once she found an apartment, we would negotiate the child support I would pay.

And I would tell her that we would not be going back to the same custody arrangement as before. I had only just realized how much I had missed when I’d given up an equal split of Evanne’s time, thinking that my greatest contribution to her life was money. Never again.

I dried my hands and walked over to the table. As I sat next to her, I asked, “How can I help you,mo chride?”

“We’re starting fractions, and Ms. Browne said we have to learn how to do the work before she’ll teach us how to put it in a calculator.” Evanne heaved a sigh. “I told her that if she just showed us how to do it on a calculator, we could skip everything else because phones have calculators, and we’ll always have phones, but she said we needed to learn it, anyway.”

Dammit, Lumen.

“She’s right,” I agreed. “We may think we will always have phones, but technology breaks, does it not?”

“Yeah.” Another heavy sigh. “It’s just so boring.”

I could think of a few other adjectives to describe it, but not ones I could share with my daughter. I rubbed the palms of my hands on my pant legs and scooted my chair closer to hers so I could look at the math sheet with her.

“All right,mo chride. Show me.”

Twenty-Six

Lumen

“I honestly don’t knowwhat to say to that.”

Mai’s response did nothing to make things any better. After a week of watching Keli pick up Evanne and an empty weekend with nothing to do but grade papers and clean, I’d hoped things would get better. Yesterday hadn’t been any little bit better.

Today had been downright awful.

“I mean, I thought you’d had an awful week, but today…” She shook her head. “I couldn’t imagine it. Probably why it’s a good thing I’m not a teacher.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Mai. It’s a good thing you’re not a teacher.”

“How did you handle it? I mean, any kid being upset over a bad grade would be hard, but the kid whose dad you dated?”

I winced as I remembered the way Evanne’s face had crumpled when she’d seen the red marks on her homework. It hadn’t been an actual grade, but I’d marked what was wrong so that the kids could follow along while I showed the correct work and answers on the board. Evanne hadn’t spoken up in class after she’d gotten the paper back, not ask a question or to answer one.

It had broken my heart.

“You’re a stronger woman than me,” Mai said, her usual humor absent. “I mean it, Lumen. I don’t know how you’re doing it.”

I wanted to pretend that she was just talking about teaching, but I knew she’d seen just how much the break-up had hurt me. How much it hurt for me to have to see Evanne and Keli every day. I knew Mai had seen it, but I didn’t want to talk about it.

A loud bang on the door made us both jump.

“Lumen!”

My eyes went wide. “Alec?” It came out as a whisper.

He pounded on the door. “Dammit! Open the door!”

Mai was up and on her way to the door before I could completely process the fact that normally reserved Alec McCrae sounded angry at me.