Page 35 of Breaking Rules

She stepped closer to me and put her hand on my arm, reminding me of how she’d kissed me on Saturday. Once I’d gotten past the initial shock, I’d stepped back and simply saidno, but I hadn’t addressed it with anything more than that. In fact, I’d intentionallynotbeen thinking about it…or about what she’d said right before.

“I just wanted things to get back to normal,” she said.

“You coming here to make dinner with Evanne is a pretty far cry from normal,” I pointed out.

Cherry red lips curved up in what had once been a sensual smile. Now, all that served was to remind me of another woman’s smile, one without ulterior motives.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Her hand slid up my forearm. “I meant what I said on Saturday. I want us to have a second chance.”

I picked up her hand and removed it from my arm, struggling to find the right balance between firm and gentle. “That’s not only your decision to make.”

“I know,” she immediately agreed. “But I was the one who walked away before, and I just wanted you to know that I regret it. I’m not going anywhere this time. I want us to work.”

I had so many responses going through my mind, I didn’t know where to start.

She had ended things between us, but it had been more complicated than her statement implied. Before she’d told me she was pregnant, I’d wanted to end the relationship because it had been obvious to me that we hadn’t been compatible, but once I’d learned about the baby, I’d pushed those thoughts back, not knowing if a child would change things. A few months after Evanne was born, Keli had broken up with me, saying she wanted more from the relationship than I could give her.

She’d been right. Especially back then. I’d been twenty-five, and she’d been twenty when Evanne had been born. We’d both changed since then.

Which meant I couldn’t ignore what she was saying simply because it hadn’t worked before.

Except I wasn’t attracted to Keli anymore. I hadn’t been for a long time. Not physically, and I didn’t find her personality appealing either. Even if I hadn’t been interested in Lumen, I wouldn’t have immediately agreed to what Keli wanted.

But I couldn’t completely discount Lumen either.

I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted a woman, and not only for the physical reasons. I liked her as a person and enjoyed the time we spent together. I’d already let her closer than Keli had ever been. I didn’t want to give Lumen up.

But Keli was Evanne’s mother.

I’d been eight years old when my mother died, and it had devastated all of us. Even all these years later, the pain was still there. While I had eventually accepted Theresa and her children as part of the family, it hadn’t been easy. It had actually been the birth of the twins, Sean and Xander, who had finally brought both sides together to form a whole. Still, I struggled with how to balance missing my mother and loving my family as it was now.

I didn’t want Evanne to go through that. I didn’t want her to worry that accepting a stepmother would be a betrayal of Keli. I didn’t want her to feel that her loyalty and love had to be unevenly divided or that she needed to protect her mother from her feelings toward another mother figure.

Before Evanne, I hadn’t really thought about having a family, but after learning that I would be a father, the immediate vision I’d had in my head had been of a child with both of their biological parents being there for them their entire lives.

I’d already fucked that up once by not being able to give Keli what she’d needed in order to stay back then. We’d made things work with what we’d had, but now I had a chance to give Evanne both of her parents, together.

Because of Lumen, I couldn’t flat-out accept it, but because of Evanne, I couldn’t refuse it either. I needed the one thing I knew I didn’t have much of.

Time.

“I need to think about it. We can talk more after Evanne goes to bed.”

Twenty-Two

Lumen

I really neededto get a car.

This wasn’t the first time I’d had that thought recently, but it was becoming more frequent. Besides the difficulties that came with taking the bus to get to work – I wasn’t looking forward to the evenings I had projects to take home – I had a feeling I would be the person Soleil called when she needed something that she didn’t want Brie or Josalyn to know about.

Such as getting caught shoplifting at the Grab ‘N Go two blocks from the group home.

I’d just finished washing up from dinner when store security called to say that my ‘sister,’ Soleil, had been seen stealing, and they were now holding her. If I was willing to come down and get her, we could discuss whether or not to call the cops.

Despite the little white lie concerning our relationship, I was glad that she’d given my name, though I wished the circumstances had been different. She still hadn’t told me why she’d called me the day of the shooting, but I didn’t think whatever that had been was resolved. She’d been looking more tired lately, and the few times I’d caught an unguarded glimpse of her eyes, they’d been haunted. Something was going on but pushing would only make her retreat more. I had to take things at her speed, no matter how maddening it was.

It was drizzling when I got off the bus, so I put up my umbrella and started up the sidewalk. Since the store was only a block from the bus station, it wasn’t long before I was shaking off my umbrella and stepping inside, grateful for the rush of warm air that greeted me. I went straight for the back where the security guard had told me he’d be waiting with Soleil.