Page 19

Chapter 19

Zeke

M y thumb hovered over the send button.

I shouldn’t be texting Piper. I couldn’t come up with a single good reason to justify sending this text to her. After our conversation on the dance floor during the gala, it was clear neither of us wanted a relationship, not now, not ever. So why was I still thinking about her more than a month later and wanting to be with her more now than I had before that conversation? Oh, yeah, that kiss we’d shared.

That kiss had been very different from our first kiss. The first one had been fueled by built-up tension, want, and so-called acting. But the gala kiss? (Yes, I’d named the kiss, so what?) That kiss had been out of connection, need, and for me, a sense of coming home.

It had freaked me out. Kissing Piper had felt right in a way that nothing else had in my life—maybe ever. But with everything I’d been through, I wasn’t built for love. Or at least, I didn’t think I was. My feelings for Piper were confusing. The only thing I knew for sure was that I craved to be with her. It didn’t matter if we were talking or not talking, doing a therapy session or riding the team bus, sitting in a hotel lobby or at a coffee shop, all dressed up on a dance floor or wearing sweats on the couch watching a movie—as long as I was with her, I was happy.

Which…didn’t that mean I wanted more than a platonic relationship with her? A relationship I’d said I didn’t want? I mean, the answer was yes, I wanted to be with her. But it wasn’t that simple. When I played it all out in my head, no matter what route I went down, it never ended well.

If we got together, when it ended, she’d be right back in the same situation of having to work for a team with her ex on it. She had promised herself she would never do that again. I would hate myself for putting her in that position and feeling like I’d ruined her job for her.

Then again, I’d probably be getting traded soon anyway, so it wouldn’t be a forever problem.

And then there was my career to think about. If we got together and I was traded, could a long-distance relationship really work for two people who didn’t believe in love and relationships? So again, it would end.

Then another path: we got together and things went great. At least for a little while. They always did in the beginning. But eventually she would find someone else who was more interesting, and she’d leave. Just like the last girl I’d given my heart to. Because let’s be honest. A girl like Piper? She could have anyone she wanted. Why would she ever be satisfied with a washed-up has-been hockey player who would eventually be forced into retirement some way or another?

So no matter what way you looked at it, Piper and me getting together only had one outcome. Me ending up alone. Like always.

I set my phone down beside me on the couch cushion, looking out the floor to ceiling window as snow slowly fell. Yeah, texting her was definitely a bad idea.

But…just because I texted her didn’t mean that we would necessarily jump into a relationship. We could just be two people hanging out, enjoying each other’s company.

I nodded at my own thoughts as I sat alone in my living room. Picking up my phone, I pushed send before I could talk myself out of it again.

Zeke

Do you want to come over? I’ll make dinner.

Last time I’d had her here, she’d had to do most of the work because of my knee, but this time, I would cook for her.

Her reply came quickly, and I hoped her response was a yes.

Piper

Do I get to help?

I smiled. That was a yes. Hallelujah.

Zeke

Do you want to help?

Piper

Yeah, it sounds fun. Should I come over now?

I wasn’t going to tell her I’d been debating with myself for half the day about whether to text her and that I wished she had come over hours ago.

Zeke

Yeah, sounds good.

Piper

Do you need me to bring anything?

Zeke

No, I already have everything.

I might have gone shopping this morning with Piper on my mind.

Piper

Okay, see you soon.

I had been worried she regretted our kiss at the gala and would say no, wanting to put more space between us. So, I rested my head back on the couch’s backrest and let myself enjoy a few moments of knowing Piper was on her way over. Then I hopped up off the couch and went to the kitchen to gather the ingredients we’d need.

I’d just finished setting the table when a knock sounded at the door.

Slowing my pace to not look overly eager, I made my way to my front door. Opening it, I found Piper standing there with a smile on her face, looking beautiful in a pair of jeans and v-neck sweater, her hair down again.

I smiled back. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“C’mon in.” I stepped aside and gestured for her to enter. Her sweet floral scent wafted through the air as she walked by me. “I bought stuff to make salmon, veggies, and rice. Is that okay?” I asked as we made our way into the kitchen.

“Yeah, that sounds amazing.”

I set the cutting board on the counter and handed Piper a knife.

“You good with chopping the vegetables?” I asked, pushing up the sleeves of my hoodie.

“Yeah, as long as you promise not to burn the salmon,” Piper teased, taking the knife from him.

I smirked. “I make no promises.”

As I unwrapped the salmon, I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at Piper as she worked. I enjoyed seeing her in my kitchen even more now than the last time. It felt good to have her here, to be working alongside her as we did something as simple as cooking dinner. It was such an everyday thing, but with Piper by my side, it felt like something more, something that made me want the normalcy this brought to my life.

Being a professional hockey player had its perks, for sure, but sometimes the mundane tasks with the people you love got lost along the way. Not that I had ever known what that was like, but it didn’t mean that I hadn’t craved it all the same.

I could safely say I wanted more evenings cooking with Piper. Eating dinner together and talking about our days sounded like a type of happiness I’d never pictured myself having, never thought I could have. It seemed like such a simple thing, but I was realizing, as I watched Piper and thought back on my life, that it wasn’t so simple at all.

“Are you going to keep staring at me or start cooking that fish?” She threw me a playful look before continuing to dice the bell peppers.

“It’s your fault for being so distracting,” I said with a smile, seasoning the salmon.

“You’re the one who invited me over,” she pointed out with a sassy look.

“And you said yes, rather quickly, I might add.” I didn’t stop the smug smile that spread across my lips.

She went back to focusing on the vegetables she was cutting. “You can’t say no when your sister’s celebrity crush asks you to come over for dinner.”

I let out a burst of laughter. “How long are we going to keep pretending we’re talking about your sister?”

She looked at me with a coy expression. “A little bit longer.”

I nodded, still chuckling. She obviously wasn’t ready to acknowledge she had feelings for me, whatever they might be. I was fine with that since she wasn’t very good at hiding them. She liked me even though she didn’t want to. Which I understood, because I felt the same way. I wished I didn’t like her. Things would be a lot easier if I didn’t. But I did like her. Way more than I wanted to admit.

As I placed the salmon in the sizzling pan, Piper asked, “So, how’d you get into hockey?” A strategic topic change, to be sure.

I hesitated for a beat, wondering how much to share, but then quickly realized I felt safe talking to Piper—had felt safe with her for a while now. I exhaled. “It was my escape,” I admitted, my voice quieter now. “Like I’ve mentioned, my grandma—she didn’t really want me. Took me in after my parents dropped me off on her doorstep and left without a trace, but I was more of a liability than anything else. Hockey was her way of getting me out of her hair. And soon it became the only thing that made me feel like I belonged somewhere.”

Piper’s knife paused on the cutting board. “Your parents really just left you on your grandma’s doorstep?”

“Yeah.” She must have remembered our conversation at the coffee shop and had thought I wasn’t talking literally when I’d told her how I’d ended up with my grandma.

I kept my gaze averted, focusing on cooking, not wanting to see the look on her face, but I could hear the shock in her voice.

“Have they ever tried to contact you?” she asked gently.

“Nope,” I said. “I don’t even know if they are still alive. And really, I don’t care. They might be my parents biologically, but they’re not my parents. I don’t have any.”

“And you’re not curious to find them, to contact them?”

“I don’t have any memories of them. So, no.” I shrugged. “I learned at a young age to not expect anything from people. Threw myself into the game instead, and it became my whole life.” I flipped the salmon, the scent of butter and garlic filling the air. “And now…now I don’t know what my life would look like without it.”

She turned toward me, leaning her hip against the counter. “It makes sense that you’re scared,” she said. “Hockey has been everything to you for so long. But just because you’re not playing professionally doesn’t mean it has to disappear from your life. There’s so much more you can do with it.”

“Like what?” I gave her a skeptical look.

“You could coach. Mentor younger players. Work with kids who need hockey the way you did. And beyond that”—she gestured around my apartment—“there’s a whole world outside the rink. You could travel, try new things, maybe even…I don’t know, find a life that makes you happy .”

I was quiet for a moment, watching her. Her face was so earnest. She truly believed there was more for me once I was done playing hockey, like maybe there was something that wasn’t just an escape but something I could find happiness in. I wasn’t sure what that was or if that was truly possible, but she was the first person who’d made me think—really think—that maybe there was a future for me outside of hockey. That maybe there was more to life than chasing the next contract, the next season, the next game.

I remembered Crew saying something similar to me—about how his life had truly started after he retired—but at the time it hadn’t made sense to me. I’d figured it had to do with him reconnecting with Addie and being in love, which I was sure was a big part of it, but he’d also found joy and fulfillment in coaching our hometown’s peewee hockey team.

For me, there was no love of my life with whom I wanted to rekindle a relationship, no youth team that I could coach. Those had seemed like great options to someone like Crew, but I wasn’t him. Although if anyone knew what I was going through, it was him. After his breakup with Addie when we were young, he’d thrown himself into the game just as much as I had. He’d struggled at the beginning of retirement too, but thankfully things had lined up for him in a way that helped with the transition.

I didn’t see that happening for me. Like I said, there was no woman and no team just waiting to be magically handed to me to provide some amazing life. My future had always felt empty and bleak. But with Piper here, looking like I had a world of options yet to explore, I was starting to believe that maybe she was right.

And maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have to go through it on my own.

I swallowed hard and turned off the stove, plating the salmon. Thinking about having options after hockey was one thing, but imagining Piper by my side as I figured it all out was something else entirely.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I have no idea what it’s been like to be you, and I shouldn’t have assumed it was easy.”

She must have mistaken my prolonged silence as me being upset with her, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I faced her and smiled. “Piper, you have nothing to apologize for,” I reassured her. “I was only thinking about what you said. I think you’re the first person to crack the ‘not playing hockey is terrifying’ wall I’ve built over the years.”

She blinked, clearly surprised by my response. “Really?”

“Yeah.” I handed her a plate, our fingers brushing. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still anxious about retiring, but maybe I can start opening my thoughts to what else I can do. I like your idea of working with kids who need hockey like I did. Maybe start some kind of organization to give opportunities to kids who want to play. I don’t know what exactly, but I like the idea of thinking about it, of helping kids so they don’t end up like me.”

She set her plate down on the counter, then grabbed my plate from me, setting it next to hers. Then she was standing in front of me, her hands coming up and resting on my chest as she looked up at me, my hands naturally going to rest on her waist. My pulse picked up at her closeness, and I wondered if she could feel it underneath her hand.

“Zeke,” she said, her voice coming out soft but bold. “There is nothing wrong with you. Anyone who heard your story would understand why you feel the way you do, why you have the fears you do. Don’t think for a second that ending up like you is a bad thing. You are strong, courageous, hard-working, someone kids can look up to.” One of her hands slid up my chest and neck to rest lightly on my jaw. “Over the past few months, I’ve gotten to see lots of different sides of you, and every single one of them, I admire. You are an incredible person. Whether you choose to help kids who are experiencing hardships like you did or you decide to do something that has nothing to do with hockey, it’s okay to give yourself a chance to find happiness, to let yourself be free.”

I stared down at her, her green eyes looking at me with so much sincerity and affection that the pricking sensation behind my eyes caught me off guard. In my entire life, no one had said anything like that to me. No one had ever cared about me enough to help me see myself in a better light. But this woman? This brilliant and beautiful woman in my arms seemed to understand me, to know exactly what I had always hoped to hear. My heart swelled in my chest, a warmth spreading through me as we continued to look at one another, sharing an intimate moment—a type of intimacy I’d never shared with anyone before.

My eyes dipped to her mouth, and soon my lips were following. Our lips brushed once, twice, before settling into a slow rhythm. Her hand slowly moved from my jaw up to my hair, her fingers sliding into the curls. The kiss was gentle, infused with a tenderness that sparked a deeper connection than I had ever known.

My hands tightened on her waist, pulling her against me. A soft moan escaped her, fanning the fire building inside me. Our slow kiss deepened, but before it could go any further, I pulled away. Her eyes lazily fluttered open, and I wanted to go right back to kissing her, but I didn’t want this moment to be about the kiss. It was about showing her how grateful I was to her, for how much it meant to me that she saw me for more than just a hockey player.

I rested my forehead against hers. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Her voice came out so soft, it was almost a whisper.

“For seeing me,” I said, speaking as softly as she had. I lifted my head and stared into her beautiful green eyes. “For helping me feel not so alone.”

She gave me a soft smile. “I definitely see you, Zeke Lawson.”

The air around us was heavy and full of meaning, as soothing as it was frightening. I liked Piper, so that wasn’t a problem. But how much I liked her was the scary part.

I gave her a cheeky grin. “How do you think your sister is going to feel about that?”

She lightly smacked me in the shoulder, shaking her head at me but with a smile on her face as she stepped out of my arms. “Okay, fine. We can be done pretending it was my sister who had a crush on you.”

I laughed, not able to stop myself as I reached for her and pulled her back into my arms, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Good. Glad we got that cleared up.” I released her and grabbed our plates to head to the table. “Now let’s eat before our food gets cold.”

We ate, we laughed, we talked, we teased, and it was one of the best nights I’d ever had. And when I thought it couldn’t get any better, we cuddled on the couch to watch a movie. During the movie, we enjoyed moments of talking, commentating, and, at one point, tickling. But sprinkled into all that were some amazing kisses that neither of us could seem to stop from happening. All of it was so perfect, so right.

But the best part was how she was now cuddled against my side, her head resting on my chest as she slept. I wasn’t sure when she had fallen asleep, but staring down at her like a total creeper had me wishing for every night to be like tonight.

Because for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like I was alone. And that maybe Piper was the person I’d been waiting for all this time.