Page 14

Chapter 14

Zeke

T onight had gone very differently than I’d expected. I figured I’d do my post-game therapy session with Piper and then head back to the hotel alone. Never would I have imagined blurting out being Piper’s boyfriend, then following her to a bar, then locking lips in the sexiest kiss of my life, then ending the night playing darts with the team, her by my side as we committed to the fake relationship. It was like I had stepped into an alternate reality. One that I was finding way more enjoyable than my actual life.

I’d been lying in bed replaying the night’s events. I might have replayed a particular part of our evening a few times, but anyone who had experienced a kiss like that wouldn’t blame me.

As I thought of Piper, I reached for my phone. It was late, but it hadn’t been that long since we’d said good night in the elevator. I guessed spending the whole evening with her hadn’t been enough—now I wanted to text her. Just to tell her thank you for being a good sport. Not because I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Zeke

Thanks for sticking around tonight.

I stared at my phone, hoping she was still awake. Soon the ellipses appeared on my screen, and I smiled.

Piper

You didn’t really give me a choice.

That was true. If I’d had any hope of enjoying my time in a bar, then she’d had to be with me. That just wasn’t my scene anymore. But apparently now wherever Piper was—that was my scene.

Zeke

Sorry I was so caveman-ish tonight.

Piper

Don’t be.

I liked it.

I sat up in bed at her response. Was she flirting with me?

Yes, we’d flirted at the bar in front of everyone, trying to sell that we were a couple, but now that it was just the two of us texting from our separate hotel rooms with no prying eyes, there was no need to keep up the pretense.

I sat there staring at my screen, wondering how I should respond. Should I say something flirty back? Should I move on to another topic to keep the conversation going? Or was I supposed to not reply and end the conversation here? I had only wanted to thank her, and I had done that.

I rubbed a hand down my face. Gosh, it had been so long since I’d liked a girl this much. I had no clue what I was doing. I felt like I was in high school again.

Come to think of it, I might have actually been more confident in high school. I had referred to myself as The Zeke Man, after all. And then with Anna I had never worried about what to say next or how to act. I’d always been a confident guy. Some might even say overly confident.

With Piper, though, I was feeling anything but confident.

Zeke

Anything else you liked tonight?

Piper

Is this your way of getting me to share my thoughts about the kiss?

Zeke

Maybe.

She still hadn’t told me her take about our kiss. I’d opened up and told her my true feelings about it, and I had hoped she would tell me in return. Hopefully her avoidance wasn’t her way of trying to soften the blow that she hadn’t liked it.

Piper

If you must know what I liked…

I liked playing darts with you and the guys. I liked your “handling” of the club soda. I liked how you showed up at the bar tonight. But there was one thing I liked the most…

I gripped my phone tight. I’d never wanted a text to come through so badly. Seconds ticked by, but they felt like minutes. She was purposefully making me wait, and I both loved and hated it.

Zeke

You’re killing me here.

Piper

For some reason, I don’t think you’ll be surprised to hear that the kiss was definitely what I liked the most.

To borrow your words, it just might be my favorite kiss to date.

My body warmed at her words. Her answer made me want to sprint from my room and knock on her door so I could kiss her again. I didn’t want to kiss her because we were pretending or to prove something. I wanted to kiss her because I wanted to. And I wanted her to know that I wanted to kiss her .

Zeke

It’s still nice to hear the enjoyment wasn’t one sided.

Piper

We went above and beyond, selling our fake relationship.

All the warm and fuzzy feelings left me, as if a bucket of ice water had hit me in the chest.

I struggled to know how to respond. My first instinct was to go along with her, to agree that we’d been stellar actors who were also talented kissers. But the longer I sat there staring down at my phone in my hands, anger started to prick at my skin. I wanted to adamantly disagree and tell her that there had been nothing fake about that kiss. Except I couldn’t be sure on her part. She might have liked the kiss, might have really enjoyed it, but that didn’t mean she had any more feelings than that. So instead of disputing her comment, I kept it simple.

Zeke

Yeah.

It’s late, and we have to be up early to take the bus back to Saint Paul. See you tomorrow.

I laid back down, setting my phone on the nightstand, not waiting for her response. I pulled up the covers and wished I hadn’t texted Piper at all. I’d been weak and stupid. That I was even entertaining the idea of having feelings for Piper was ludicrous. There was a reason I didn’t do relationships, and this was a perfect example.

This wasn’t my first time having stronger feelings for someone than they had for me. And I wasn’t about to make that mistake again. It never boded well to be the one more invested in a relationship. A person only needed to get left at the altar one time to learn that lesson.

Thoughts of Anna swirled through my mind. Memories of how my relationship with her had felt like the first time someone had cared about me, that someone had loved me. Or at least I had thought. I’d stood there in a tuxedo surrounded by a few hundred people in a beautiful chapel waiting for her to walk down the aisle, where we’d vow to love one another for the rest of our lives, to be there for one another no matter what.

But she’d never come.

The silver lining I had tried to sell myself was that at least there had only been a handful of people in the crowd who were there for me. Only a handful of people had seen my most embarrassing, devastating moment. Crew had been there, and a few guys who had been on my college hockey team, but that was it.

Now, more than ten years later, I didn’t mourn the loss of Anna. Although it had taken me a few years to realize that she and I never would have lasted. We wanted different things, but I had looked past all of that because I had been so desperate to stay in our relationship. It seemed like a lack of a loving family could make you do crazy things.

What I truly mourned was the loss of having someone in my corner, having someone want to be a part of my life, having someone to call home.

I’d be stupid to misread whatever was going on between Piper and me. Just because she liked kissing me didn’t mean a thing. Just because I felt drawn to her didn’t mean that she was someone I could let myself think of being with. Just because seeing her made me happy didn’t mean that things would be different with her than they had been in the past. Just because I couldn’t stop thinking about her didn’t mean that pursuing her was the right thing to do. And just because I felt more at home with her than I had ever felt with anyone else didn’t mean she was a safe option for me.

No, the only one I could truly count on was myself.

I’d been alone for most of my life, and I’d done pretty well for myself. I had a great hockey career that I could look back on with pride. I had…I had…

I shook my head and rolled onto my side, ignoring the sting of pain that wanted to settle in my chest.

I slammed my eyes shut, hoping the frustration that simmered wouldn’t keep me from falling asleep.

I had hockey. And I didn’t need anything—or anyone—else.