Page 11

Chapter eleven

Ryann

I don’t often get out of bed with a guy and have instant regret. Normally, I don’t even remember them. They just vanish from my mind completely. Jeez, we didn’t even have sex!

But, no, this time, I’m living here, and I like them, and that makes a difference. It makes all the difference. So while I might not regret the experience, I deeply regret the consequences, which is essentially the same thing.

I stalk down the stairs and walk straight out to the kitchen, pulling the blind to the side and checking the street before I let it snap back.

The relief is short-lived; that hunted feeling has returned, but, to be fair, it never really left. But, this morning, it just feels like eyes on my back, shadows in the corners, movement out of the corner of my eye. I’m exhausted and regretting so many things.

“Morning.”

I almost jump out of my skin. Callan is leaning against the kitchen bench, smiling at me with a coffee in his hand.

“You’re up early,” I say in lieu of a greeting.

What could I possibly say to this alpha that he would want to hear? Sorry I let your alphas eat me to the orgasm of the century, or sorry I regret it? How about I wished you were there? No, no, none of those.

Perhaps I’m sorry for the trouble I caused with Mama Raines. Except I’m not.

Just thinking about it incenses me all over again. Yeah, I’m definitely not sorry, not at all .

I clench the cool countertop behind me and try to think of something to say that won’t upset him.

Why am I worried about upsetting him?

Callan lifts his coffee to his mouth, and I find myself captivated by the movement. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt and black track pants, which I decide promptly are a crime against the planet. He’s not wearing shoes.

He looks perfectly normal.

And mouthwatering.

I could see a life where I woke up happy to be in the presence of an alpha who walks barefooted into his kitchen, coffee in hand, his hair deliciously messy.

Every morning getting older together. Serene and happy just to exist.

I turn towards the fridge, trying to dispel the images of a future that I can’t have. Why torture myself? I should go back to bed and see if I can wake up without all these feelings.

“Did you find out what was with the boxes?” I throw out to distract myself.

“Yeah, they were empty. It was strange, but the kids down the street often play with Kit, so there’s a good chance it was them.”

Callan puts his cup down and turns to the bench behind him. When he turns back, he has another mug in hand, and he holds it out to me.

I move closer to him, but that only emphasizes how small this kitchen is. How narrow. I take the cup, and he walks past me. We don’t touch, but I’m enveloped in a cloud of parchment and tea.

I sway towards him, inhaling that scent for as long as I can.

“Breakfast?”

“Sure.” I hesitate, but I have to do it. “About last night-”

“No, you were right.”

I snap my mouth shut with a click. I’m right? “No, I was rude, and it was absolutely not my business. I should not have done that.”

“I don’t know how you do it,” Callan murmurs.

“Do what?” I turn my cup anxiously, trying to see his face, but he’s turned away from me.

“You’re so brave and you seem to know what’s the right thing to do, even if it upsets people.”

I’m confused. His shoulders tense and stay that way.

“Why would I care what other people think?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“I can’t control their thoughts, and, at the end of the day, the only people’s opinions who matter are- ”

I slam my mouth closed, unwilling to say the rest.

“Who matters?” Callan asks. “Who are the people you hold dear? The ones that keep your behaviour in check?”

I lick my lips. You. I’ve never met anyone I cared enough to check my behaviour with until I met you. But I don’t say that, I can’t, because this is too fast, and I don’t get attached like this. I have rules. Keep people at arm’s length because I’m leaving. I’ll always be leaving.

But it’s too soon to have these soft, warm feelings for this pack. Ugh, what is wrong with me?

I take my coffee and raise it in his direction. He’s facing me now, that kind look in his eyes and a soft smile on his lips. “Excellent coffee.”

“Fine, keep your secrets.”

I smirk at the frustration in his tone.

“Thank you for last night and for trying to go to the coach. I’m glad Raider didn’t let you. None of us want you to be in trouble.”

I huff. “It was stupid.”

“It was one of the nicest things anyone has done for him, and I know he appreciates it.”

I think of the stunning alpha wrapped in Wren’s arms and try to hide the discomfort I feel. He made up for it.

“How is your head?”

“My head?” I squeak.

“From when your wig was snatched off, is it all right?”

I blink at him and raise a hand to my head. It’s a bit tender but nothing serious. “It’s fine.”

I stalk out of the kitchen before he can ask me anything else.

I went out in public with nothing to hide my face or hair. I went to a game where anyone could see me. My hand trembles, and I trip on a rug, staggering and catching myself on the wall. Coffee covers my hand and the floor, burning hotly. I didn’t even remember that I did that.

Oh, god.

I put the coffee cup on the bookcase and grab some clothes, cleaning up the mess I made, then I pace, but it doesn’t help. If anything, it winds me up higher and higher.

“What’s going on?”

I hear the voice, but I don’t look in their direction.

Someone grabs my shoulders, and I only just manage to keep the scream inside.

“Ryann, you’re safe.”

“Not safe,” I hiss. “I’m never safe. ”

Callan’s expression sharpens, but I panic and jerk myself free of him.

“Forget I said that.”

He follows me into the lounge, but Wren is coming down the stairs, and that overwhelming sense of panic mixes with guilt. I speed up, heading for the back door, but now I’m here, trapped in a corridor, my hand on the door handle, and I just can’t fucking open it.

I can’t turn the knob. I can’t walk out the door.

I press my forehead against the wood and laugh.

“Ryann?”

I laugh harder because I can’t escape him, and I want him to hold me. I want him to make it okay. I want to be rescued. But, even more than all of that, I don’t want him to see me like this.

Callan’s scent wraps around me, and his hand rests lightly on my shoulder. These alphas are born to ruin me.

“Tell me how to help you?”

I shake my head, unable to answer honestly. Unable to tell him anything without needing to tell him everything. And that would be pointless.

“Go away,” I whisper. “Just turn and walk away and don’t look at me.”

“I can’t do that.”

I turn and look up at him, forcing him to see the nightmares that live in my eyes.

Blue eyes search mine. How is he so beautiful? Good people like him don’t exist. How can he be so caring and not ruined? Life would have chewed up and spat someone like this out if it had a chance. So how is it that he is here?

He opens his mouth, but I step into his chest and wrap my arms around him.

“Callan?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t ask me what’s wrong. Don’t say you can help me. Don’t be nice.”

He lifts his arms and holds me to him, his hands gently moving in slow, warm circles on my back. “If that’s what you need?”

“That’s what I need.”

When Callan hugs you like this, you feel like the entire world can burn around you, and you’ll be safe in these arms. He envelopes you, pulling you into him. His scent, the feel, all of it around me, taking over my senses, and this yearning for him, to stay here with him always, just like this, awakens in me.

I don’t even try to stop it. I just surrender to this alpha.

“Wren! Someone left flowers on the porch for you!” Kit shouts.

“I don’t like flowers. Throw them in the bin!” Wren hollers back .

I snort a laugh into Callan’s chest.

“Yeah, the house is bedlam at the best of days, but you’re welcome to stay for as long as you want. We told you this, but, you know, if it ends up being longer, that’s okay, too.”

I still. “You can’t offer me that.”

“On the banned list?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I withdraw the offer.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

I rest my cheek on his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeats. It’s one of my favourite sounds.

“Callan!”

Kit stops, and I hear the squeak of the floorboards as he shifts his weight but doesn’t leave.

“What’s up, Kit?”

“Uh, it’s just, Raider’s family are back.”

Callan sighs heavily, and then, to my utter consternation, he ghosts his lips over my hair before he pulls himself free. I stand there glaring at the floor, reliving those seconds over and over.

So familiar and so different. Different scent, feel, person, but the gesture is one my mother did a million times.

I blink back tears and turn, seeing the Raines clan push into the house. I really am starting to dislike these people.

Charles Raines was once the heir to Alpha Labels, a massive recording studio that picks out artists and creates superstars. His pack is August, who is a beta, Sol, who is an ex-musician, and Wayne who used to be Sol’s bodyguard. Raider told me about them last night. Who they are, what to expect.

While they line up on one side with the extra two adult males, Raiders pack line up across from them.

Bethany makes a sound that pisses me off.

I stalk forward, uncaring of the fact I smell like Raider and Wren, uncaring of the fact I’m wearing Raiders clothes. I don’t care if they think I’m a slut or a whore.

I move straight to his side and take his hand. Clearly marking my territory as loud as I possibly can.

“I told you to leave,” Raider says coldly. “I said I wasn’t interested.”

“Raider, please.”

He shakes his head, but the door opens, and more people walk in. Raider bristles .

I recognise them instantly. Locke Raines, Ryn Raines, and the third must be another one, maybe a sister to Locke. They have the exact same coloring.

Ryn, with the dark hair and teal highlights, crosses the room, ignoring my growl, and throws herself at Raider. To my dismay, he lets go of my hand and hugs her.

The other two join him, and I move backwards and away, feeling like I’m intruding.

“That’s Ryn, Locke, and Lia. They are his cousins,” Kit whispers.

“What are you doing here?” Raider asks at last.

Ryn wipes her eyes, but she’s still got hold of his hand. I don’t like it. At all.

“Just stopping in to check on you before I head off on a holiday.”

“I’m here to help Bethany win you over,” the blond says shamelessly. I decide I don’t like her.

“We were visiting and promised,” Locke says with a shrug. “Plus, Erin wanted to see your game.”

The door opens again and another one stomps in. My eyes widen, and I look between them in alarm.

“Motherfucker, you do look like me!” this replica says in shock.

Raider bristles.

“Bailey, we talked about language,” Charles says.

“Oh, yes, right.” He adopts a lofty tone and repeats the phrase. I like this other version of Raider.

“Bailey, right?” Raider asks and turns on his father with a rage that takes my breath away. “What’s he doing here?”

“Bailey’s got no family but ours, so I’m teaching him how to-”

“To be something other than a dumb-ass sports player?” Raider snarls at his parental pack.

I wince. Well, this is going downhill quickly.

I wonder where all their packs are. The combination of scents is overwhelming.

“I never said you were dumb!” Charles snaps.

“You acted like it!”

“This is ridiculous. Why are you throwing this teenage rebellion in your thirties?” Charles roars back. “Grow up!”

“I’m twenty-eight, don’t you even know how old I am? Kelly was the smart one, the one you doted on. So now you’re replacing him? Are we all just that expendable?”

“Raider, no, that’s not what-” Ryn tries to calm him, but he’s not listening.

I swing into action, throwing a vicious kick at his leg. It takes him down, and I’m on him in a second. His eyes blaze, and he launches up, only to have me wrapped around him .

I stare him in the eyes and brush his hair behind his ears. He stills instantly.

“You’re not dumb. You’re amazing. Your pack loves you. Everything is fine.”

He blinks really slowly and exhales, and all the anger and tension fades out of him.

“You have a pack?”

I snap my head towards Raider’s mother, who looks bruised and wounded.

Callan clears his throat, and August snaps her head towards him.

“You? But-” she cuts off and looks at Kit. “No, you would have told me!”

Raider’s aggression levels are rising again, and I look to Wren, who moves in on his other side.

“You were too busy dealing with Kelly and her,” Raider growls. He struggles, but I lean down and bite his neck.

He stills under my hold, exhaling slowly.

I let go and slide down his body, turning to look at the family properly.

The older pack looks completely devastated. Locke, Lia, and Ryn don’t look surprised at all.

“Did you guys know?” I ask.

“I mean, well, we guessed. When you had to be away from them, you called and talked to them all the time. It wasn’t really that hard to miss, Raider.”

“Hmm,” Bailey murmurs and wanders around the house, touching things.

Kit steps into his way, smiling with ice. “Stop it right now. This is not yours. And all you're doing is trying to get everyone angry.”

Bailey laughs, holds his hands up, and backs off. “Just playing.”

“Were you raised by wolves?” Kit hisses.

I’ve never seen Kit so aggressive. He’s deadly and so cuttingly polite.

“Bikers, actually, same thing some days.”

“Well, hint one, don’t wander into people’s houses and piss on their stuff.”

“I’ll write it down and say it every night.”

Bailey bats his eyes but salutes Lia and strolls on out of the house.

“Damn, he is going to be trouble.”

“Going to be?” Lia scoffs. “The Mirakill MC puts a babysitter on him when he wanders into our territory just to keep him out of trouble.”

“Are you done?” Raider snarls.

I look up at him. I couldn’t see past the anger yesterday, but I can now, and everything beneath it is pain.

He needs his family.

I grab Ryn’s arm and pull her towards the kitchen. “We need to talk. ”

Once in there, I turn and find the other three have followed me. I dislike Bethany being here intensely, but I can see the pain in her, too.

“I don’t really understand what happened, but you are dealing with someone who feels abandoned by everyone he loved,” I say and glance at Lia.

She winces. “Yes, we know how that feels.”

“I wonder if many people realised it, though, because he had his family around him?” Ryn asks with regret. “He always seemed so in control.”

Bethany sighs. “Us being together would have been a disaster.”

I look at her coolly. “Oh, I know. You are wrong for him. Anyone with a brain could see that.”

Bethany winces and presses her lips together in a tight line.

Lia and Ryn exchange a look and giggle.

“What?” I snarl, frustrated at this whole circus.

“A few days ago, we toasted the woman who can bring Raider to his knees.”

I stare at them.

“Welcome to the family, Ryann.”