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EIGHT

GRáINNE

“Gráinne,” Jer greets me as I’m brought to his table by the server. I lean across the table and press a kiss to his cheek. “How are you?”

I smile at him, my heart full of love for the man who has given me everything that my own father couldn’t. Jerry hasn’t been in my life for very long, but he’s made such an impact that I could never repay him for everything he’s done. “I’m good, thank you. How are you?”

He waves for me to take a seat opposite him. “I’m good. How was your party last night?”

I roll my eyes. “Jer, you were there with me.” He watched everything, including Connor and I kissing, but of course Connor pulled away and left.

“How are you really, Grá? You’ve been in love with that man for longer than I’ve known you.”

I sigh, fiddling with the napkin on the table. "I don't know, Jer. It's complicated."

"Love always is," he says with a knowing smile. "But that doesn't mean it's not worth pursuing."

I shake my head, memories of last night flooding back. "You saw what happened. He kissed me and then just... left."

Jer leans forward, his eyes kind. "Did you ever think that maybe he's just as scared as you are?"

"Connor? Scared?" I scoff. "He's not afraid of anything."

"Everyone's afraid of something, Gráinne. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart."

I bite my lip, considering his words. Could Connor really be scared? The same Connor who's always been my protector, my rock?

"But what if..." I start, my voice barely above a whisper. "What if I'm reading too much into it? What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

Jer reaches across the table, patting my hand gently. “You’re not, but right now, Connor isn’t ready for what he truly wants. He’s dealing with a lot of shit, Grá. I know you love him, but sometimes, love isn’t always the answer.”

My heart aches at his words, but I understand what he means. Connor’s dealt with so much shit in his life. Maybe a relationship is the last thing he needs right now.

"So, what do I do?" I ask, feeling lost. Connor has always been a constant in my life. He’s my best friend, someone I have always known that I can rely on.

Jer gives me a sympathetic smile. "You be there for him, just as you've always been. As a friend. Give him time and space to sort through his own feelings. And in the meantime, focus on yourself."

"Focus on myself?" I repeat, the concept feeling foreign. I don’t know how to do that.

"Yes, Gráinne. You've spent so much of your life taking care of others—your father, Connor. It's time you started thinking about what you want, what makes you happy."

I sit back in my chair, considering his words. What do I want? For so long, my wants and needs have been secondary to everyone else's. The idea of putting myself first is both exciting and terrifying.

"I... I don't even know where to start," I admit.

Jer chuckles softly. "That's okay. Start small. You’re in college now. You’ve always dreamed of being a doctor—again, taking care of others—but I want you to really focus on that."

My heart warms even more at his words. “You’re an amazing man, Jerry. You know that?” I can feel my cheeks heating. I’m not usually so emotional. "Thank you, Jer. For everything."

He waves off my gratitude. "That's what family does, Gráinne. Now, let's order some food. I'm starving."

Family... God, that’s not something I’ve truly had. Connor was the only person I could ever rely on, who I could ever count on, and now I have Jerry.

“Now, I’ve brought you here to have a nice dinner to celebrate your birthday. Browse the menu and see what you’d like.”

As I peruse the menu, I can't help but feel a glimmer of hope. Maybe Jer is right. Maybe it's time I started living for myself. And who knows? Perhaps in time, Connor will sort through his own feelings and be ready for something more.

But for now, I'll focus on being the best friend I can be to him, and on discovering who I truly am. It's a scary thought, but also an exhilarating one. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm on the brink of something new and exciting.

As I look up from the menu, catching Jer's warm, fatherly smile, I realize that no matter what happens with Connor, I'm not alone. I have people who care about me, who want to see me thrive. And maybe, just maybe, that's enough for now.

“Jer,” I ask a few minutes later as I take a sip of wine. “Why did you take me in? You didn’t have to. You’d have been better off if you hadn’t. I mean—” I fumble over my words. It’s a question that’s been on my mind for a while now. I don’t understand why he’d want to become my guardian.

Jer sets down his glass, his eyes softening as he looks at me. For a moment, he's quiet, as if he’s choosing his words carefully.

"Gráinne," he begins, his voice gentle, "when I first met you, I saw a young girl who’d been hurt and abused, but I also saw a girl with so much potential, so much fire in her eyes. But you also carried so much pain in your eyes that it hurt to look at.”

He pauses, bringing his glass to his mouth once more and taking a sip. "I don’t know if you know this, but I have a son. One that I love with everything that I am. But to him, I am not his father. I am a man who screwed his mam while she was married to his father. I’ll never have that place that I should have. I’ve always wanted to have children. I just never found the right person to settle down with." He gives me a sad smile. I hate that he had to go through that. "Then you came into my life, and I saw an opportunity to be the father I've always wanted to be. To give you the love and support you deserved but never received."

His words hit me like a tidal wave, and I feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I blink rapidly, trying to hold them back.

"But I'm not... I'm not an easy person to love, Jer," I whisper, my voice thick with emotion. "I'm broken. I have so much baggage." Losing my mam at such a young age and then having my father be an abusive asshole has taken its toll on me and I feel utterly broken.

Jer reaches across the table, taking my hand in his. His grip is warm, comforting. "Gráinne, you aren’t broken, loveen; you’re just bruised. Over time, the bruises will fade.” He squeezes my hand. “And you, my dear, are more than worth it."

A tear escapes, rolling down my cheek. Jer pretends not to notice, giving me a moment to compose myself.

We fall into a comfortable silence as our food arrives. As I take my first bite, I realize how lucky I am. Not just for the food or the celebration, but for having someone like Jer in my life.

"Jer?" I say after a while.

"Hmm?" He looks up from his plate.

"Thank you. For everything. For being the father I never had."

His eyes soften, and for a moment, I see a flicker of something—pride, maybe?—in them. "It's my pleasure, Gráinne. Truly."

As we continue our meal, chatting about my studies and his work—the legitimate side of it—I feel a sense of peace settle over me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I belong somewhere. Like I have a real family.

And even though my heart still aches for Connor, I know that with Jer's support, I can face whatever comes my way. Because now, I'm not just surviving. I'm learning to live.

One Week Later

"Christ, I’m struggling,” Mike says with a low groan. “I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t expect medical school to be this bloody hard.”

Mike is one of the guys from my class. He’s sweet and easy to get along with. I don’t have many friends. I’ve never been one to make them easily.

I nod sympathetically, understanding all too well the challenges Mike is facing. "I know what you mean. The workload is intense."

I pull my bag onto my shoulder, glad another day is over. I can’t wait to go home and crawl into bed and watch a movie. Jerry’s supposed to be away this week in Spain with Malcolm—his son.

"How do you do it, Gráinne?" Mike asks, his eyes filled with frustration. "You always seem so... together. Like you've got it all figured out."

I can't help but let out a small, bitter laugh. If only he knew how far from 'together' I really am. "Trust me, Mike, I don't have it all figured out. I'm just... good at pretending, I guess."

Mike looks at me curiously, and I can see him debating whether to probe further. Finally, he says, "You don't have to pretend with me, you know. We're friends, right?"

The word 'friends' catches me off guard. It's been so long since I've had anyone other than Connor that I could call a friend. I feel a warmth spreading in my chest at the thought.

"Yeah," I say softly. "We're friends."

“Grá, loveen,” I hear called out and turn, surprised to see Jerry waiting for me.

“I’ll see you around, Mike,” I tell him as I walk away smiling, happy to see Jerry. “Hey,” I greet as I reach him. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Spain?”

Jerry smiles warmly as I approach. "Change of plans, loveen. Malcolm had some work come up, so we postponed the trip."

I can't help but feel a twinge of disappointment on his behalf. "Oh, Jer, I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to spending time with him."

He waves off my concern. "It's alright. These things happen. Besides, it means I get to spend more time with you." He smiles softly, but I know he’s been excited to see Malcolm. "Now, how about we grab some dinner? I'm starving."

As we walk toward his car, I can't shake the feeling that there's more to this story than he's letting on. Jerry's protective of me, sometimes to a fault. "Jer," I start hesitantly, "you didn't cancel your trip because of me, did you?"

He looks at me, surprise evident in his eyes. "What makes you think that?"

I shrug, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "I don't know. It's just... You're always taking care of me. I don't want to be the reason you miss out on time with your son."

Jerry stops walking and turns to face me fully. His expression is serious, but his eyes are kind. "Gráinne, listen to me. You are not a burden. You're not keeping me from anything. I'm here because I want to be, because you're important to me."

His words wash over me, and I feel a lump forming in my throat. It's still hard for me to accept that someone could care about me this much; could put me first without expecting anything in return.

"Now," Jerry continues, his tone lightening, "how about that dinner? I was thinking Italian. What do you say?"

I nod, grateful for the change of subject. "Italian sounds perfect."

As we drive to the restaurant, Jerry asks about my classes, and I find myself opening up about the stress and pressure I've been feeling lately. It's a relief to share these thoughts with someone who understands, someone who doesn't judge.

We're seated at a cozy table in the corner of a small, family-owned Italian restaurant. The smell of garlic and fresh bread fills the air, making my stomach growl.

"So," Jerry says as we peruse the menus, "I couldn't help but notice that young man you were talking to earlier. Mike, was it?"

I look up, surprised, wondering how he knows Mike’s name. "Yeah, Mike. He's in my class. Why?"

Jerry shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant. "No reason. He seems nice."

I narrow my eyes suspiciously. "Jer, what are you getting at?"

He holds up his hands in surrender. "Nothing, nothing. I just thought... Well, it might be good for you to spend time with people your own age. Make some friends."

I sigh, setting down my menu. "Jer, I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. I don't need?—"

"I know you don't need anything," Jerry interrupts gently. "But it's not about need, loveen. It's about living, about experiencing life. You're young, Gráinne. You should be out there, making friends, having fun."

I feel a familiar tightness in my chest; the anxiety that always comes when I think about opening up to others. "I'm not good at that stuff, Jer. You know that."

Jerry reaches across the table and takes my hand. His touch is warm, comforting. "I know it's hard for you, but I've seen how you've grown. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for."

I look down at our joined hands, feeling a mixture of gratitude and fear. "What if... what if I mess it up? What if they don't like me?"

"Oh, loveen," Jerry says softly. "Anyone who truly gets to know you couldn't help but like you. You're kind, you're smart, and you have a heart of gold. Don't let your past keep you from your future."

His words hit me hard, and I feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I blink them back, not wanting to cry in the middle of the restaurant.

"I'll try," I whisper, my voice barely audible over the chatter of other diners.

Jerry squeezes my hand. "Try, Gráinne. For yourself."

The waiter arrives then, breaking the moment. We order our meals, and Jerry starts to talk about a dinner that he’s attending tomorrow evening with his family. He had two sisters; one died a few years ago, and from what I’ve heard about Nichola, she’s not exactly the nicest sometimes. But they’re Jer’s family and he adores them. He has two nieces and a nephew.

The stress I’ve felt today ebbs away as we talk. Everything is different from when I was younger. I’m not afraid to walk around the house or to come and go as I please. I feel safe and protected. I know that if I ever need anything, Jer will be there for me, as will Connor.

By the time we finish our dinner, it’s dark out.

"Thank you," I say once we’re leaving.

Jerry smiles as he clicks the button on his key fob to open the car. "Anytime, loveen. Now, let's get you home. You've got a big day tomorrow."

"A big day?" I ask, confused.

"Of course," he says with a wink. "You're going to meet the family."

I roll my eyes, but I can't help the small smile that tugs at my lips. "We'll see," I say, knowing I’m not really ready for that. I know he’s trying to help, to get me to meet new people, but I’m not ready.