Page 16

SIXTEEN

BOZO

My grip tightens on the bottle of beer as I watch Gráinne smile brightly at the guy offering to buy her a drink. She looks stunning, utterly fucking beautiful, and that dress, it's like it was made to drive me wild. Not to mention those heels. Christ, I want to fuck her in nothing but the heels.

I take another swig, trying to drown the jealousy burning in my gut. The sound of Gráinne laughing has my teeth clenching. I watch as she laughs at something the guy says, tossing her dark hair over her shoulder. The movement draws my eyes to the curve of her neck, and I remember how it feels to trail kisses along that soft skin. My cock tightens against my pants as it does whenever I think about touching her.

Fuck, I shouldn't be here torturing myself like this. But I can't seem to tear my eyes away from her. Whenever she goes out and lets her hair down—which is rare—I’m always here, watching, waiting, making sure she’s okay. I won’t ever let anything happen to her. Grá is by far the most important person in my life and I will protect her with everything I have.

The bartender slides another beer in front of me without asking. He knows the routine by now. I nod my thanks, but my attention is drawn back to Gráinne as she accepts the drink from her admirer. Their fingers brush as she takes the glass, and I grip the edge of the bar so hard my knuckles turn white.

Gráinne glances in my direction, her eyes meeting mine for just a moment. I'm rooted to the spot as she gives me that soft as fuck smile, the one that’s solely reserved for me. That smile, it's like a punch to the gut. If things were different, if I were different, I’d give her what she deserves, be the man she deserves. I want to go to her, to pull her away from that guy and claim her as mine. But I can't. That’s not something I can do. Her life is untouched, the way it should be. After all the shit her dad put her through, I won’t be the reason she’s hurt again.

I take another long pull from my beer, trying to cool the fire in my veins. The guy leans in closer to Gráinne, whispering something in her ear. My jaw clenches so hard I think I might crack a tooth. Fuck, I know that over the past few weeks, she’s changed. She’s cooler with me. She’s not wanting to lose the friendship we have, but I won’t be able to keep my cool if she wants to start dating other people. Fuck.

Gráinne laughs again, but this time it sounds forced, uncomfortable. I straighten up, every muscle in my body tensing. I know that laugh. It's the one she uses when she's trying to be polite but wants to escape. The guy doesn't seem to notice, or maybe he doesn't care. He puts his hand on her lower back, and I see Gráinne stiffen.

That's it. I'm off my barstool before I even realize I've moved. I weave through the crowd, my eyes never leaving Gráinne. As I get closer, I see that she’s tense as a bow and there’s a slight tremble that runs through her body.

"Thank you for the drink, but I should really be going," I hear her say, her voice tight and forced.

The guy's hand tightens on her waist. "Come on, the night's still young. How about we get out of here?”

I'm at Gráinne's side in an instant, my hand coming to rest on her shoulder. She jumps slightly at the contact, but then relaxes as she realizes it's me. I see the relief shining in her eyes.

"Everything alright here, Grá?" I ask, my voice low and dangerous. I turn to the asshole who’s still got his arm around her waist. My eyes are locked on him, daring him to make a move.

"Con," she breathes, relief evident in her voice. "I was just leaving."

The guy looks between us, confusion and annoyance warring on his face. "Hey, man, we were in the middle of something here."

I feel Gráinne press closer to me, her warmth seeping into my side. It takes everything in me not to wrap my arm around her and pull her even closer.

"Doesn't look like it to me," I growl. "She said she's leaving. I suggest you let her."

He scoffs, puffing out his chest. "And who the fuck are you? Her boyfriend?"

“I'm leaving," Grá says, her voice soft, but I can hear the fear in it.

She moves to step away, but the guy grabs her arm. "Come on, don't be like that?—"

In a flash, my hand is wrapped around his wrist, squeezing it tight. There’s no doubt that I’m going to leave a bruise, but he shouldn’t be fucking touching her.

"The lady said she's leaving," I growl, my voice low and dangerous. "I suggest you take your hand off her."

The guy's eyes widen, a flicker of fear crossing his face as he realizes he's out of his depth. He releases Gráinne's arm, and I let go of his wrist. He takes a step back, rubbing his wrist and glaring at me.

"Whatever, man. She's not worth the trouble anyway," he mutters, trying to save face as he slinks away into the crowd.

I turn to Gráinne, my eyes scanning her for any sign of harm. "You okay, Grá?"

She nods, still trembling slightly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, Con."

I want to pull her into my arms, to hold her and never let go. But I can't. Instead, I settle for placing my hand on the small of her back, guiding her toward the exit.

"Come on, let's get you out of here."

We step out into darkness, and I feel Gráinne take a deep breath beside me. She's still shaking, and I can't help but pull her closer to my side.

"Your place isn't far," I say, trying to keep my voice neutral when all I want to do is go back in there and kill that motherfucker for putting his hands on her. "We can grab a taxi if you want."

Gráinne looks up at me, her eyes shining in the streetlights. "Can we just walk for a bit? I need to clear my head."

We start walking in comfortable silence, my hand still on her back. I can feel the tension slowly ebb away from her.

"I'm sorry, Con. I shouldn't have gone out tonight. I just needed a distraction."

I glance down at her, a frown furrowed between my brows. "A distraction from what?"

She sighs, running a hand through her hair. "Everything. Work, life... you."

My steps falter for a moment. "Me?"

Gráinne stops walking and turns to face me. "Con, I can't keep doing this. I've been trying to protect our friendship, but the truth is I want more. But you—" she pauses, shaking her head.

My heart is racing as I watch her. The fuck is going on? "But me, what, Grá?"

She takes a shaky breath. "But you’ll never want more. You’re never going to want more. You’ll never want me that way."

Is she for real? “Grá,” I say thickly. “If there was anyone in this world that I’d want more with, it’s you. You’re the only one that I’d ever…” I pause, my heart hammering in my chest. The words are right there, on the tip of my tongue, but I can't seem to get them out. Gráinne's looking at me with those big, beautiful eyes, a mixture of hope and fear swirling in their depths.

"The only one you'd ever what, Con?" she whispers, her voice barely audible over the sound of passing cars and the distant thrum of the city.

I swallow hard, my throat suddenly dry. "The only one I'd ever want to be with," I finally manage to say. "But Grá, you deserve so much better than me. I'm not good for you."

She takes a step closer, her hand coming up to rest on my chest. I can feel the warmth of her palm through my shirt, and it takes everything in me not to pull her against me.

"Don't you think I should be the one to decide what's good for me?" she says, her voice stronger now. "Con, I've known you for years. I know who you are, what you do. And I still want you."

My hands move of their own accord, coming to rest on her hips. "Grá, you don't understand. The things I've done, the things I might have to do... I can't drag you into that world."

She shakes her head, a small, sad smile on her lips. "I'm already in that world, Con. I've been in it since you brought me to Jer.” She gives me a sad smile and takes a step backward. “But I get it,” she says, her voice soft and filled with sadness. “I need you to understand that you’re amazing, Connor, that you’re worthy of love.” She takes yet another step backward, and the space she’s putting between us is pissing me the fuck off. “I don’t think I can wait around for you to find out if you’ll ever be ready for more.”

I grit my teeth. This is what I was dreading. I knew there’d come a time when she’d want more, when I wouldn’t be able to give her what she needs.

Fuck, I can’t speak. I can’t do anything but watch her and pray that she doesn’t walk away.

I hear her heavy sigh, watching the disappointment seep into her eyes. “I think,” she says as she licks her lips, her gaze sliding to the left, away from me, “that it may be best to have some space.”

My jaw clenches. “Not going to happen,” I say. Not a fucking chance. “I get that you want a fuck of a lot more than I can give you, Sunshine, but I ain’t going anywhere.”

“What?” she splutters. “But you just said that you can’t give me what I want.”

I nod. “I can’t, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to give you space. Not done that in all the years I’ve known you. Why the fuck should I do that now?”

Gráinne stares at me, her eyes wide with confusion and frustration. "Because it hurts, Con," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. "It hurts to be around you, to want you, and know that I can't have you."

Her words hit me like a physical blow. The last thing I ever wanted was to cause her pain. I take a step toward her, closing the distance between us. "Grá," I say, my voice rough with emotion, "I never meant to hurt you."

She looks up at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I know you didn't. But that doesn't change how I feel."

I reach out, cupping her face in my hands. Her skin is soft under my palms, and I can feel her pulse racing. "Tell me what to do, Sunshine. Tell me how to fix it." I can’t fucking lose her. It’s just not an option. “What can I do?”

Gráinne stares at me, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Connor, you can't have it both ways. You can't expect me to be okay with just friends right now. I’m not able to turn off my feelings like a fucking light switch. You may find it easy to push me away but I can’t?—"

I release her and run a hand through my hair, frustration building inside me. "I'm not pushing you away, Grá. I'm trying to protect you."

"From what?" she demands, her voice rising. "From you? From your world? I told you, I'm already a part of it."

"You don't understand?—"

"Then make me understand!" she shouts, her eyes flashing with anger and hurt. "Stop making decisions for me and just talk to me, Con!"

I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "Grá, my life is dangerous. The things I do, the people I deal with... it's not safe. And the thought of you getting caught up in that, of you getting hurt because of me..." I shake my head. The thought is too much to bear.

Her expression softens slightly, but the determination in her eyes doesn't waver. "Con, I'm not some fragile doll that needs to be protected. I'm stronger than you give me credit for."

"I know you're strong," I say, my voice low. "You're the strongest woman I know, but that doesn’t change things.”

She sighs, her arms hanging loosely by her sides. “So that’s it then?” she asks, sounding defeated.

I don’t know what the hell to say. There’s nothing left to be said. We both know where we stand. I just wish that things were different. That I wasn’t such a fucking coward. If I could, I’d be with her in a heartbeat.

“I want to go home,” she whispers as she turns away from me and starts to walk toward her house.

I follow her, not willing to leave her alone, knowing the darkness that lurks in the shadows.

We walk in silence, the tension between us thick and heavy. This isn’t something I’m used to. Things between Grá and I have always been easy, carefree, stress free.

As we near her apartment building, I notice her steps slowing. She turns to face me, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"Con," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't want to lose you."

The vulnerability in her voice tears at my heart. I step closer, unable to resist the pull she has on me. "You won't lose me, Sunshine. Not ever."

She looks up at me, her gaze searching mine. "But things can't stay the same, can they?"

I swallow hard, knowing she's right. Things have shifted between us, and there's no going back. "No," I admit. "They can't."

Gráinne nods, a sad smile tugging at her lips. "So what do we do now?"

I reach out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. My fingers linger on her cheek, and I feel her lean in to my touch. "I don't know," I say honestly. "But we'll figure it out. Together."

She takes a shaky breath, her eyes never leaving mine. "Okay,” she whispers, a tear falling from her eyes. “Goodnight, Connor.”

I press a kiss to her forehead. “Night, Sunshine,” I reply, my voice hoarse.

I watch as she enters her home and feel a heaviness settle over my chest. She closes the door behind her, not once looking backward.

Christ, what the fuck have I done?