Page 13

THIRTEEN

GRáINNE

I’m tired. God, I’m so fucking tired. It’s been two weeks and I haven’t recovered from the loss of my dad. I went to his funeral, something I did without having Connor at my side. That’s not something I had ever imagined would happen, but I couldn’t—can’t—bring myself to see him right now. I’m hurt. Christ, I’m heartbroken.

Having sex with Connor was never supposed to happen. He’s my best friend, and we were drunk, but we both knew better. Nothing good would ever come from us fucking, but we were stupid—ironic, given the fact that Connor’s a damn genius. Now, I’m trying to find a way to overcome the heartache so we can get back to being friends.

As I unlock the door to my apartment, I'm already fantasizing about a hot shower and crawling into bed. But as soon as I step inside, I freeze. Connor is sitting on my couch, his elbows resting on his knees as he looks up at me.

"Jaysus!" I cry, my hand flying to my chest. "You scared the shite out of me, Con. How did you get in here?"

He holds up a key. "You gave me this, remember? For emergencies."

I bite my lip, cursing myself for forgetting about that. "This isn't an emergency," I say coldly, dropping my bag and keys on the side table.

"The hell it isn't," he growls, standing up. "You've been avoiding me for two weeks, Gráinne. Two fucking weeks. That's not like you."

“I’ve spoken to you,” I remind him. “We’ve talked almost every day.”

He scowls at me. “Talked yeah, but you’ve not let me see you.”

I cross my arms over my chest, trying to keep my emotions in check. "I've been busy. And grieving. In case you forgot, I just buried my father."

His expression softens slightly. "I know, Sunshine. And I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. But you wouldn't let me."

"Because I needed space," I snap. "I needed time to process everything without complications."

"Complications?" he repeats, his voice low and dangerous. "Is that what I am to you now? A complication?"

I close my eyes, willing the tears not to fall. "Con, please. Can we not do this right now? I'm exhausted."

He takes a step closer, his eyes burning with intensity. "No, we need to talk about this. I'm tired of you shutting me out."

I feel my resolve weakening. God, I've missed him. Even with all the hurt and confusion, he's still my best friend. The one person I want to turn to when everything falls apart.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, my voice cracking. "I just... I didn't know how to face you after what happened."

His expression softens. "Grá, you don't ever have to hide from me. No matter what." He reaches out, gently cupping my face in his hands. I lean into his touch instinctively, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine. "I fucked up," he says softly. "I shouldn't have left like that. I shouldn't have made you feel like it didn't mean anything."

My heart races at his words. "Didn't it?" I ask, hating how vulnerable I sound.

He leans in, resting his forehead against mine. “It meant fucking everything, but what we have, it’s too fucking good to ruin by dating.”

I swallow hard. He’s right. As much as it hurts to admit. Dating would be one huge fucking complication, and if things went wrong, we’d end up hating one another, and that’s not something I want happening.

I feel my heart clench at his words. He's right, but it still hurts. I take a shaky breath, trying to steady myself.

"So what do we do now?" I ask softly, my eyes searching his.

Connor's thumbs gently stroke my cheeks. "We go back to how things were.”

“Friends,” I say with a nod.

His eyes brighten, and the smirk that forms on his face has butterflies forming in my stomach. “Friends with benefits?” he asks with a raised brow.

Can I do that? Can I push aside my feelings and have sex with him time and time again and watch him walk away?

"I don't know, Con," I say softly, biting my lip. "That could get complicated real fast."

His eyes darken as they focus on my mouth. "Only if we let it," he murmurs, his thumb gently tracing my bottom lip. "We're both adults. We can handle it."

I shiver at his touch, desire coiling low in my belly. God, I want him. But I'm scared of getting hurt again.

"What if one of us catches feelings?" I ask, voicing my biggest fear.

Connor's hand slides to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. "Then we deal with it," he says, his breath hot against my lips. "Together. Like we always do."

I'm wavering, my resolve crumbling under the heat of his gaze. "Con..."

"Just say yes, Sunshine," he whispers, his lips barely brushing mine. "Let me make you feel good."

With a soft whimper, I give in. "Yes," I breathe against his mouth.

In an instant, his lips crash against mine, hot and demanding. I melt into him, my arms wrapping around his neck as he lifts me off my feet. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist as he carries me to the bedroom, his lips never leaving mine. He kicks the door shut behind us and lays me down on the bed, his body covering mine.

"God, I've missed you," he growls, trailing kisses down my neck.

I arch into him, my fingers tangling in his hair. "I've missed you too," I gasp as he nips at my collarbone.

His hands slide under my shirt, pushing it up and over my head. I help him remove it then reach for the hem of his T-shirt, desperate to feel his skin against mine. He sits up briefly to pull it off, and I take a moment to admire his muscular chest and abs.

"Like what you see?" He smirks, catching me staring.

I roll my eyes but can't help smiling. "Shut up and kiss me," I demand, pulling him back down.

He obliges, his mouth hot and insistent on mine as his hands roam my body. I moan as he cups my breast through my bra, his thumb brushing over my nipple.

"Off," I pant, reaching behind to unhook my bra. He helps me slide it off then lowers his head to take one peaked nipple into his mouth.

I cry out, arching off the bed as he sucks and licks, his other hand kneading my neglected breast. My hands scrabble at his back, nails digging into his skin as pleasure courses through me.

Connor's mouth trails lower, planting hot kisses down my stomach as his hands work to unbutton my jeans. I lift my hips, helping him slide them off along with my panties. He sits back on his heels, his eyes roaming over my naked body with hungry appreciation.

"Fucking beautiful," he growls, his hands sliding up my thighs.

I reach for him, tugging at his belt. "You're overdressed," I complain.

He chuckles, standing to quickly shed the rest of his clothes. My breath catches as I take in the sight of him, all hard muscle and tanned skin. His cock stands thick and hard against his stomach.

"Better?" he asks with a smirk.

"Much," I breathe, reaching for him.

He crawls back onto the bed, settling between my spread thighs. His cock brushes against my wet folds and we both groan at the contact. He captures my lips in a searing kiss as he slowly pushes inside me, stretching and filling me perfectly.

"Fuck," he hisses against my mouth. "So tight, Sunshine."

I wrap my legs around his waist, urging him deeper. "Move," I plead.

He doesn't need to be told twice. He starts to thrust, slow and deep at first then picking up speed as our bodies find their rhythm. I meet him thrust for thrust, my nails digging into his shoulders as pleasure builds inside me.

Connor's thrusts grow more urgent, his hips snapping against mine with increasing force. I can feel the tension building in his body, mirroring my own rising pleasure. His hand snakes between us, fingers finding my clit and rubbing tight circles.

"Come for me, Grá," he growls, his voice rough, causing me to shiver in delight. "I want to feel you come around my cock."

His words and touch send me over the edge. I cry out, my back arching as waves of pleasure crash over me. My inner walls clench around him, pulsing with my release.

"Fuck," Connor groans, his rhythm faltering. With a final deep thrust, he buries himself inside me, his cock pulsing as he comes.

We lay there for a moment, tangled together and panting. Connor's weight is comforting on top of me. I want him to stay here, but I know it’s not going to stay like this forever. Eventually, he lifts his head to look at me, a soft smile on his lips.

"You okay?" he asks, brushing a strand of hair from my face.

I nod, returning his smile. "More than okay."

He rolls off me, pulling me into his side. I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat slowly return to normal. His fingers trail lazily up and down my spine, sending pleasant shivers through me.

"So," I say after a while. "Friends with benefits, huh?"

I feel him chuckle beneath me. "Yeah," he says, his fingers still tracing patterns on my skin. "Are you okay with that?"

I take a deep breath, considering. Part of me wants more, wants to explore the deeper feelings I have for him. But I know that could jeopardize everything we have. And I'm not willing to risk losing him completely.

"I think I can handle it," I say finally. "As long as we're honest with each other. No secrets, no jealousy."

He nods, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Agreed. And if either of us starts to feel like it's too much, we stop. No hard feelings."

"Sounds good," I murmur, my heart pounding as I take a deep breath. “But that brings me to my next point. I’m on the pill, but you’ve gone ungloved twice. Are you with anyone else?”

Connor tenses slightly beneath me. "No, I'm not with anyone else," he says after a moment. "You're the only one, Grá."

I lift my head to look at him, searching his eyes. "Really? I mean, I know you hook up at parties sometimes..."

He shakes his head. "Not lately. And definitely not since... this," he gestures between us. "What about you?"

"No one else," I confirm. "But if that changes for either of us, we tell each other, right? And use protection?"

I watch as his jaw clenches. He’s silent for a few moments. "Absolutely," he says thickly, his voice rough. "I don't want to risk your health, Sunshine. Or complicate things more than necessary."

I nod, settling back against his chest. We lie in comfortable silence for a while, his fingers continuing their gentle exploration of my skin.

"Con?" I say softly.

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you came over tonight. I've missed you."

He tightens his arm around me. "Me too, Grá. Don't shut me out again, okay? No matter what happens between us, you're still my friend."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I won't. I promise."

As I lie there in Connor's arms, I can't help but wonder if we're making a mistake. If this friends with benefits arrangement will end up destroying the friendship we both cherish so much. But for now, I push those thoughts aside, choosing instead to savor this moment. It’s not going to last forever.

"I should probably go," Connor says reluctantly a while later. "I've got an early start at the clubhouse tomorrow."

I try to ignore the pang in my chest at his words. This is what I agreed to, after all. "Yeah, of course," I say, sitting up and wrapping the sheet around myself.

Connor gets up and starts gathering his clothes. I watch him dress, admiring the play of muscles under his skin. When he's fully clothed, he turns back to me with a soft smile.

"Are we good?" he asks, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

I nod, forcing a smile. "We're good."

He leans down and kisses me softly, his hand cupping my cheek. "Get some sleep, Sunshine. I'll call you tomorrow."

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. He gives me one last lingering look before heading out of the bedroom. A moment later, I hear the front door open and close, and then the sound of his bike rumbling.

I flop back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. What have I gotten myself into? Friends with benefits sounds good in theory, but I know myself. I know how I feel about Connor. Can I really keep my emotions in check?

But the alternative—not having him in my life at all—is unthinkable. So I'll take what I can get, even if it means my heart might end up broken in the process.

With a sigh, I get up and head to the shower. As the hot water cascades over me, I try to wash away my doubts and fears. This arrangement with Connor might be complicated, but it's better than nothing. And who knows? Maybe it will be enough.

As I dry off and get ready for bed, my phone chimes with a text. It's from Connor.

Connor: Sweet dreams, Sunshine.

I can't help but smile, even as my heart clenches. God, I think I’m in trouble. I’m so in love with him that I don’t think I could say no to him. This is going to end in heartache. I can feel it. I just pray that it doesn’t leave me broken.