Page 14

FOURTEEN

GRáINNE

Present Day

“Gráinne,” I hear Mike say as I exit the hospital. I turn and see him striding toward me, a sexy smile on his face.

He’s still my friend and is now a doctor at the same hospital I am. I’m not blind; Mike is hot, and his smile would make anyone weak at the knees.

It’s eight in the morning and the emergency room is already busy. Last night was crazy and I was rushed off my feet. Right now, I can’t wait to crawl into bed and fall asleep. Thankfully, I have the next two days off before I do it all again.

"Hey, Mike," I respond, trying to keep my voice steady. "Heading home?"

He nods, falling into step beside me. "Long shift. I could use a coffee. Care to join me?"

I give him a soft smile. “If I have coffee right now, I won’t be able to sleep. Can we have a rain check?”

His gaze heats as he grins wider. “Tell you what, Grá,” he says thickly. “How about we change the coffee to dinner?”

My heart races. Holy crap, I hadn’t expected him to ask me out. Shit. What do I say?

Things between Connor and I are still up in the air. We have sex—frequently—but he keeps me at arm’s length. He’s a fully patched member of the Fury Vipers MC and he’s hell bent on ensuring that I’m not in any way, shape or form a part of it. I get it to some extent, but I work for Jerry Houlihan, for Christ’s sake. That man has more enemies than anyone else I know.

But I love Connor. I have since I was a kid and had no idea what the feelings actually were, and I have no doubt that I’ll love him until I die. But something’s got to give. I can’t keep coasting through life being his fuck buddy. I want more. I deserve more.

I give Mike a sad, small smile. “I appreciate the offer,” I begin, hoping I don’t hurt him by rejecting him, “but I'm kind of involved with someone." It’s not a lie, but not exactly the complete truth either.

Mike's smile falters for a moment, but he recovers quickly. "Ah, I see. Lucky guy."

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. Lucky? Maybe. Complicated? Definitely.

"Well, the offer stands if things change," Mike says, his tone light and filled with a little hope. "You're a beautiful woman, Grá, and you’re a good friend."

Heat rises to my cheeks. "Thank you, Mike. That means a lot."

We reach the parking lot, Mike close to me, matching me step for step. I fumble for my keys, suddenly eager to escape and get home.

"Take care of yourself, okay?" he says softly. "You work too hard."

I manage a small laugh. "Look who's talking. But I will. You too, Mike. I’ll see you in a few days."

As I drive home, my mind races. Mike's invitation lingers in my thoughts, a tantalizing what-if. But as I pull into my driveway, I see a familiar motorcycle parked there. My heart leaps at the sight.

Connor.

I take a deep breath, knowing that he’ll be here for a few hours before he’ll leave again. I can’t remember the last time he actually spent the entire night with me. I’m nothing more than a booty call, and I’m so deeply in love with him that I’ll let it continue.

I step out of my car, my exhaustion momentarily forgotten as anticipation thrums through me. Connor's here, waiting for me.

As I approach my front door, it swings open. Connor stands there, all six feet of tattooed, muscular biker glory. He’s gotten a lot more muscular in the past year. His dark eyes rake over me with a hungry look that sends shivers down my spine.

"Hey, Sunshine," he says, reaching out to pull me into his arms. "Missed you."

I melt into his embrace, inhaling his scent of leather. It's intoxicating, just like everything else about him. "I missed you too," I murmur against his chest.

He pulls back slightly, cupping my face in his rough hands. "Rough shift?"

I nod, suddenly aware of how bone-tired I am. "Yeah, it was crazy."

Connor's lips quirk into a smirk. "Well, let's get you to bed then."

My breath catches as he scoops me up, carrying me effortlessly to my bedroom. He lays me down gently then starts to undress me with practiced ease.

"Connor," I whisper, my body responding to his touch despite my exhaustion. "I need to sleep..."

He chuckles, a low, rumbling sound that sends heat pooling in my belly. "Sleep, Sunshine. I'll be here when you wake up."

Surprise floods me. He will? That’s new. He's never stayed before, always leaving right after we've had sex. This is different, and I'm not sure what to make of it.

He finishes undressing me, his touch gentle and sweet. Then he strips down to his boxers and climbs into bed beside me. I curl into him instinctively, relishing the warmth of his body against mine.

"Sleep," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I've got you."

Despite my racing thoughts, exhaustion quickly overtakes me. I drift off to sleep, curled up in Connor's arms.

When I wake up, the room is bathed in late afternoon sunlight. I'm alone in bed, but I can hear movement in the kitchen. The smell of coffee wafts through the air.

I sit up, rubbing my eyes. Did Connor really stay? Is he actually making coffee in my kitchen?

I pull on a robe and pad out to investigate. Sure enough, there he is; his back to me as he stands at the counter. He's wearing just his jeans, his muscular back on full display.

"Connor?" I say, my voice still rough from sleep.

He turns, a mug in each hand. "Hey, Sunshine. Sleep well?"

I nod, still trying to process the situation. "Yeah, I did. You... you're still here."

He hands me one of the mugs, his expression unreadable. "Yeah, I am. Is that okay?"

I take a sip of the coffee, buying myself a moment to gather my thoughts. It's perfect– he remembers exactly how I like it. "Of course it's okay," I say finally. "It's just... different."

Connor leans against the counter, his dark eyes studying me intently. "Different good or different bad?"

"Good," I reply without hesitation. "Definitely good."

He nods, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Good."

We stand in comfortable silence for a few moments, sipping our coffee. I can't help but drink in the sight of him–his tousled hair, the sight of his bare skin and tattoos. He's gorgeous, and for once, he's not rushing out the door.

"So," I venture, breaking the silence. "What brought this on?"

Connor sets his mug down, his expression turning serious. "I've got a card game. I’ll be gone for about a week," he tells me, his gaze no longer on me.

My heart starts to race. He’s still working for Lorcan? I thought that stopped when he joined the Fury Vipers?

"For Lorcan?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.

He takes a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah,” he says thickly. “Na Cártaí Dubha is hosting one of the biggest cash games in Spain. Lorcan wants me there.”

“I hadn’t realized you were still working for Na Cártaí Dubha,” I say, unable to keep the bite from my tone.

Connor's jaw tightens. "It's complicated, Grá. I can't just cut ties completely."

I set my mug down, frustration bubbling up inside me. "Can't or won't?"

He sighs heavily. "Both. Look, I know you don't like it, but this is who I am. The club, Na Cártaí Dubha—it's all part of my life."

"And where do I fit into that life?" I ask, the words escaping before I can stop them.

Connor's eyes snap to mine, intense and unreadable. "You know where you fit, Sunshine."

I shake my head, feeling tears prick at my eyes. "No, Connor, I don't. I don't know what we are anymore." I look up at him. “I don’t know you anymore.” The words slip from my lips before I’m able to stop them.

He takes a step toward me, his eyes wide and his face slack. "Grá..."

"No," I say, holding up a hand to stop him. “I’m too tired, Con. I’m so fucking tired.” I pick up the mug once again. “I’m going to have a shower. I’ll see you later.”

I turn and walk away, my heart heavy in my chest. I hear Connor call my name, but I don't stop. I need space, time to think.

The hot water of the shower does little to ease the tension in my muscles or the ache in my heart. I lean my forehead against the cool tiles, letting the water cascade over me as I try to sort through my jumbled thoughts.

When I finally emerge from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, I listen, my heart breaking when I realize he’s actually gone. I thought he’d stay, want to talk, but I was wrong. I should have known better than to get my hopes up, to think that he’d want more. He’s made it perfectly clear that we’re just friends with benefits.

I quickly dry and get dressed. Once I’m done, I strip the bed sheets, needing to have fresh ones on. I don’t want to smell him, not tonight, not when I’m so exhausted that I can hardly think straight.

After putting the sheets in the washing machine, I settle down on the sofa and put on a movie. I know that no matter how exhausted I am, I won’t be able to sleep right now. My mind is whirling with thoughts of Connor and me. I have no idea what the hell I should do.

I hear a knock at the door as I’m about to put on another movie. I’ve remade the bed with fresh sheets and my house is clean. I couldn’t sit down and watch the movie. I needed to do something and cleaning needed to be done.

My heart leaps as I make my way toward the door, thinking it might be Connor, but I quickly squash that hope. He's never come back after leaving before.

I open the door to find Mike standing there, a paper bag in his hand and a concerned look on his face.

"Hey," he says softly. "I hope I'm not intruding. I just... I couldn't shake the feeling that you needed a friend tonight."

I'm taken aback by his thoughtfulness. "Mike, I... Thank you. Come in."

He steps inside, holding up the bag. "I brought some food. Figured you probably haven't eaten yet."

The smell of Chinese food wafts from the bag and my stomach growls in response. I realize I haven't eaten since my shift at the hospital.

"That's really sweet of you," I say, leading him to the kitchen. "I appreciate it."

We settle at the kitchen table, and Mike starts unpacking the food. There's an awkward silence between us, and I can feel his eyes on me.

"Grá," he says finally, "I hope I'm not overstepping, but are you okay? You seemed off earlier."

I consider brushing off his concern, but something in his kind eyes makes me pause. "I'm... it's complicated," I admit.

Mike nods, passing me a container of lo mein. "Complicated relationships usually are," he says with a wry grin.

I sigh, picking at my food. "You could say that. It's just... I don't know where I stand with him. One minute he's here, making me feel like I'm the only woman in the world, and the next…"

Mike listens attentively, his brow furrowed in concern. "And the next?"

"The next, he's gone. Like he was never here at all." I push my food around with chopsticks, my appetite suddenly gone. "I know he cares about me, but sometimes I wonder if it's enough."

Mike reaches across the table, gently touching my hand. "Grá, you deserve someone who makes you feel valued all the time, not just when it's convenient for them."

His words hit me hard, and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. "I know," I whisper. "I just... I've loved him for so long. It's hard to imagine my life without him."

Mike squeezes my hand. "I understand. But sometimes, loving someone isn't enough. You have to love yourself too."

We sit in silence for a moment, his words sinking in. I know he's right, but the thought of letting go of Connor feels impossible.

"Thank you, Mike," I say finally, managing a small smile. "For the food and for listening. You're a good friend."

He smiles back, warm and genuine. "Anytime, Grá. That's what friends are for."

As we continue to eat, the conversation shifts to lighter topics. Mike tells me about his family and his brothers. He seems close to them, and from how he describes it, they have a great relationship. Mike’s funny, and I can’t help but laugh and smile. It feels good to do so, to forget about my complicated love life for a moment.

After we finish eating, Mike helps me clean up. Things between us are easy and I don’t feel uncomfortable, which is surprising, but I’m grateful that he came over this evening.

As he's about to leave, he pauses at the door. "Grá," he says softly, "I know you're going through a lot right now, but I want you to know that I'm here for you, whatever you need."

My heart warms at his words. "Thank you, Mike. That means more than you know."

He nods then hesitates for a moment, before speaking again. "And Grá? Just remember, you deserve happiness. Real, lasting happiness. Don't settle for anything less."

With that, he leaves, and I'm left standing in my doorway, his words echoing in my mind.

I spend the rest of the evening trying to distract myself with mindless TV shows, but my thoughts keep drifting back to Connor. And, surprisingly, to Mike. The contrast between them is like night and day. My mind is even more jumbled than before.

I’m halfway through the newest episode of Grey’s Anatomy when my phone buzzes with a text. I glance down at the screen and see that it's from Connor.

Connor: Miss you already, Sunshine. See you when I get back.

I stare at the message, my heart aching. I didn’t realize he was leaving today. God, no wonder he didn’t leave me straight away.

Ugh, what the hell is wrong with me? I love Connor, I really do. He’s one of the best men that I know. But he’s made it more than clear that he doesn’t want what I do, and maybe now is the time to start easing back from the arrangement we made. I want a lot more from life. I want to have a family, to have the chance to have a real family, one that’s filled with love and happiness—everything that mine wasn’t. I had always imagined it would be with Connor, but right now, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, and I’m not sure I can wait any longer for him to decide if he wants me or not.

My mind turns to Mike and how sweet he was for turning up this evening. But just as quickly as that thought hits me, my entire body seizes. A chill runs down my spine as the realization hits me. I never told Mike where I lived. How did he know? My mind races, trying to recall if I ever mentioned my address to him at work. No, I'm certain I didn't.

I jump up from the couch, suddenly alert and on edge. I double-check that all the doors and windows are locked, my heart pounding in my chest. Is Mike creepy? Or am I just being paranoid?

I grab my phone, my finger hovering over Connor's name in my contacts. But what would I say? That I'm freaked out because a coworker brought me dinner? It sounds ridiculous even in my head. Besides, Connor's probably already in Spain. What’s he going to do for me over there?

Instead, I text Jerry, remembering the conversation we had at my graduation from university, where he met Mike, someone he already knew.

Me: Hey, quick question. Do you remember Mike from the hospital? You said he was the son of an associate. Did you give him my address?

Jerry's response comes almost immediately.

Jerry: No, I didn't. Why? Is everything okay?

My stomach drops. If Jerry didn't give Mike my address, how did he find out where I live?

Me: Just wondering. Everything's fine. No worries.

I lie, not wanting to worry Jerry unnecessarily. But my mind is whirling. Could Mike have accessed my personnel file at the hospital? That seems like a stretch, and a huge violation of privacy.

I pace my living room, trying to calm my racing thoughts. Maybe there's a logical explanation. Maybe I mentioned my address in passing and just don't remember.

I’m freaked out and have no idea what the hell to do about this. I need to keep Mike at arm’s length until I can find out what the hell is going on.

I don’t like it. I feel creeped the hell out. But he’s not technically done anything wrong. In fact, it was sweet of him to check in on me and bring me dinner. I’d look like a crazy person if I went to HR with it.

Ugh, what the heck am I going to do?