Page 8 of Borrowed

I t didn’t happen all at once.

First, I heard the clinking of metal against the kitchen floor. Then, the low hiss of gasoline sloshing in a container she’d been hiding. I could hear her from the hallway—I could hear her breathing. I knew she wasn’t planning on stopping. She was too far gone now.

I followed her.

I didn’t even think. Just listened to my instinct. But I wasn’t ready for the moment her hand shook the door open, her eyes wild.

She was shaking, but not with fear.

She was cold.

My denials of her fucked version of ‘love’ had pushed her too far. I was going to leave. Take my sister out of this warped hell and leave our parents to wither.

Mother never feared anything except that someone would see behind her mask of poise and perfection. The number of times my sister had tried to overdose had enraged our Father enough to snap Tabby like a twig. Anything to keep her own hands clean. It was all too much, and now she was angry at me.

She tossed the can, and I lunged. But she was quick…quicker than I was. She slammed it down on the floor, pouring the gasoline over everything she could reach: the chairs, Tabby’s crafts, and the dining table. Nothing was left clean.

“Get back, Tobias,” she hissed. “You’ve made your choice, and now I’ve made mine. I’m finishing what I started. Ridding the world of the broken children I created.”

My heart slammed in my chest. I could feel the desperation clawing in my throat. I didn’t know what to do. I dropped to my knees at Mother’s feet, trying to touch her like she liked, begging her to stop this insanity.

“Mom,” I grunted. “Stop. Please. I will do whatever you want. Don’t do this.”

I fumbled with my belt and tried to get my body to respond, even though my stomach felt like rot was surfacing.

She stared at me, watched my frantic hands, eyes wild, lips pulled back in a sick smile. “I told you last time you weren’t worth saving. You’re just like him. All of you. Every fucking last one of you.”

Her hands trembled, but it wasn’t because she was scared. She was sick, not scared. She was done pretending like we weren’t just mistakes she could bury under her heel.

I couldn’t let her burn Tabby for my mistake.

I saw the lighter through my tears.

Before she could flick it, I was on her.

Slamming her into the wall with everything I had, but she fought back.

She fought like I was a stranger to her.

Her nails dug into my skin, ripped at my body, and she hissed in my face like a demon.

“You think you’re gonna save her? You think she’s worth your love, my sweet Toby? ”

Her breath reeked of liquor and gasoline. I could taste it in my mouth.

I fought with my mind. I tried to replace her honey-laced words with the poison that she was.

My Mother, a monster.

I hit her again, harder this time. My vision blurred, but I didn’t stop.

Not while she was still holding the lighter in her hand.

Not while she was going to burn my sister for existing.

But then it happened, in her other hand. She pulled out the lighter and flicked it, and the sound made me freeze.

Flooofff!

A bright, fiery heat began to take hold.

It was like the whole house groaned under the weight of the flame.

I turned to look toward the hallway.

Tabby’s room.

Tabby.

My poor Sister.

I took off from Mother, heading for Tabby’s room. But before I could even get through the hallway, Mother was on me, clawing at my body and kicking me into the open door of the bathroom.

The door rammed into my head, making everything out of focus.

Unable to see, I tried to wipe my eyes.

Blood.

There was so much blood…

It was streaming down from my head into my eyes.

She was too fast, all the doors locked from the outside of our home. And now it was shut. My heart sank when I heard the lock sliding into the metal grate. The slow sound of that metal scraping into the groove was the loudest thing I’d ever heard.

I banged my fists against it. Screamed. I pounded so hard I saw stars. The blood in my eyes burned.

“Tabby!” My voice was raw. It was pleading, breaking. I didn’t even recognize myself. “Get out of there! You fucking run, and you don’t come back! Get out now!”

But I knew she wouldn’t listen. She never did. She thought I lied to her to take all of our family’s love. She didn’t know it was abuse. It was pain and filth.

The fire was spreading…crawling like the house had been waiting for it. The smoke flooded under the crack of the door, and it filled my lungs as I cried harder for Tabby to run. It filled my mind, thick and suffocating, like a black curtain being drawn over everything.

I collapsed to the floor, gasping. I was still clawing at the door until my fingers bled from the cracking wood.

“Tabby, please. Don’t you see?” I said to the grate, knowing it went right to her room.

“She’s going to kill us! Run!”

I could hear the flames crackling, roaring louder now. Like a living thing, eating everything in its path.

I couldn’t breathe anymore. My chest was tight, and my throat was on fire.

But I had to keep going. I had to make sure Tabitha was safe.

I crawled to the window. It was too high to reach, and the smoke blurred the area. The clouds were thick and burning, but I didn’t stop. I punched and scraped. My skin tore against the glass, radiating through my broken body.

I could hear her now…Tabby, my twin sister. Her voice. She was so quiet. But I heard her on the other side of the door.

“Toby…Toby…Toby.”

I screamed, bolting to the door and pounding again on the splintered wood. I could see her through the small cracks lying by the door. “Get out! Get down! Leave the house, Tabitha, like the bunnies. Go through the holes under the house.”

I wanted to reach her. I wanted to save her so badly it hurt.

But I couldn’t.

“Mother is gone. Is she loving you in there? Is that why I’m alone?”

I could feel the heat through the walls, pressing against me like a thousand knives. My body was shutting down.

“No Tabby. Please, you have to get out of here. Can you unlock the door? We can go together. hurry!”

I kept fighting.

“It’s hot, Toby. It’s orange.”

Fuck! She couldn’t open the door. I couldn’t fit through the window, and the smoke was nearly suffocating me.

I was…

I kept thinking of her.

She had to be okay.

Tabby. My twin sister.

“I love you, Sister. It’s okay. Just get out of here, okay? Stay away from Mother.”

“Are you leaving me, Toby?”

I tried to hold back my sobs, anger, and desperation.

“Stand back, Tabitha.”

With all my strength, I smashed the door again and again. Finally, my foot went through the wood, and I could squeeze myself free.

I pulled off my shirt and wrapped it around my sister’s mouth, keeping her low to the ground, trying to navigate to find the door.

But it was hopeless. There was so much smoke, so much fire. Everywhere I looked was a bright, blurry end to death.

“Fuck.” I panted, coughing and spitting up from the black clouds above us.

“Tabby,” I said, no other way out of this hell. “Go under the house like the bunnies. Find a way out.”

She looked at me, her bright, icy eyes curious and glassy. “I like bunnies.”

“Yes, Tabby. Follow the bunnies. Go find the bunnies.”

Tabitha smiled, and I felt relief from my pain.

She had to survive this.

For both of us.