Page 4

Chapter Four

Bek works on Monday, but Ava has the day off, so she comes to hang out by the pool with me. A slight breeze helps to take the edge off the temps, but the summer humidity is in full force.

Because my skin is so fair, I shade myself with a big umbrella, but I still like to pretend to be laying out as if I’m soaking in the sun’s rays. Ava is in the sun with one of my huge, floppy sun hats on and SPF one million slathered all over her. She’s positioned so that the misters along the edge of our patio get her when the wind blows.

“Where’s your hunky bf today?” I ask.

“Working.”

“How’s your mom doing?” Ava had a pretty crap-tastic home life. Her mom and grandma were always screaming at each other and slamming doors. Ava’s mom used to work the graveyard shift and would go into a tirade if Ava or her brother ever walked too loudly past her bedroom during the day. Then her mom got sick. She had a couple of brain tumors the doctors removed. Her recovery has been slow, but the illness and a support group helped her to stop drinking. Ava says there is less fighting at home now, which is fantastic for her, since her brother will be moving out in a couple of weeks.

“She’s doing good. Her new job is a struggle for her. She’s never done office work before, and she comes home stressed. I worry she’ll start drinking again.”

“Why didn’t she get a job in retail? She would have been more familiar with that, right?”

Ava adjusts her bathing suit like just lying on the chaise made the top shift and reveal too much. “The office job pays more. She hasn’t said so, but I think she wants to move out.”

“What?” I sit up.

“Oh, I mean after I do. Maybe. I think Joel moving out and me getting a job made her realize that we won’t be around forever. I don’t think she wants to live with Grandma.” Ava frowns and looks up at the sky. “There’s a really dark story in their past that neither of them cares to talk about. I don’t think they will ever really get along. I’m just thankful the fighting has lessened, and the screaming has stopped altogether. They mostly avoid each other.”

I settle onto my chaise again. “It’s at least better at home now, though. Right?”

“It is. I’m cautiously optimistic that the next year won’t totally suck.”

“Doesn’t your mom own the house?” I ask. Ava’s grandma moved in with them when we were in second grade, I think.

“Technically, yes,” Ava says. “But I’m pretty sure Grandma has paid the mortgage payments since she moved in, so I don’t think mom will fight her for it.”

I sit quietly for a bit, contemplating if I want to ask the question that has been burning in my mind since dress shopping with my sister. Ava picks up her book and I know it is now or never .

“Ava?”

She looks up and makes a humming noise.

“Do you think I have…” I can’t even say it. What is wrong with me?

“Chicken pox?” Ava jokes. “Bad breath? Have what, Sam?”

I slam my eyes closed, though she probably doesn’t know that because of my big, dark glasses. “Commitment issues?”

Instead of responding, Ava is quiet. For so long, as a matter of fact, I open my eyes to make sure she hasn’t left. She has a far-off, contemplative look on her face that I can’t read.

“I don’t know,” she finally says. “I never thought of it before, and now, thinking back on your relationships with that in mind, I’m still not sure that’s the motivation behind your one-and-done or one-two punch dating style.”

I flop my hands on my thighs. “One and done, Ava? Really?”

She chuckles, but her expression softens. “I really think you’re simply a realist. Would you have me and Bek as lifelong best friends if you had commitment issues?”

I shrug. “I mean, it’s different. Friendship versus dating.”

“Ahhh, not really,” Ava says. “Both relationships require an emotional investment for them to last.”

I gnaw on my lip, considering that.

“It isn’t like you are from a broken home that has created a fear of abandonment.” Ava points to our house. “You have the most loving family I know.”

I squint. “There may be some abandonment issues. My parents are rarely home.”

Ava swings her legs off the chaise and sits sideways facing me. She rests her elbows on her knees. “Do you feel abandoned by your parents?”

I love that she is both serious and concerned. She isn’t making fun of me or judging me. I could tell her I saw a UFO fly over our house, and she would launch an investigation to find it and see if it is anything we need to be worried about.

“No,” I acquiesce. “I don’t feel abandoned. They’re always available, even when they aren’t home.”

“What brought this up?” Ava tucks her legs sideways on the chair and lounges facing me. The pose is so similar to how we’ve laid in bed together our entire lives, sharing secrets and dreams, that I immediately feel at ease.

“Ines.” I let my head fall against the chair. “She was radiant on Saturday.”

“She’s going to be a beautiful bride.” Ava’s far-off expression tells me she’s imagining what my sister will look like on her wedding day. “But, Sam, she’s what, eight years older than you?”

“I know. But neither of my sisters are serial daters like me. Ines and Lincoln have been together since their first year of college. Bridget and Cara dated for almost two years, and she hasn’t dated since breaking up with her.” I rub my eyes. “I don’t know why Ines’s happiness made me second guess my motivation. It just did.”

“Cisco is a serial dater.”

My immediate reaction to her mentioning my oldest brother is a grin. I’m pretty sure Ava has always harbored a small crush on him. But as I consider Cisco’s dating habits over the years, I realize it’s true. He could be categorized as a serial dater right along with me. Occasionally, he sees a girl three or four times, but mostly it’s only once or twice like me. “Oh my gosh. He is, isn’t he?”

“Do you think he has commitment issues?” Ava asks.

“You stole that smirk from your boyfriend!” I laugh. “No, Francisco doesn’t have commitment issues. He’s just practical.”

Ava turns so that she’s lying flat on the chaise. She stretches her legs out and drops her head back, eyes closed, face tilted up toward the sun, even though the floppy hat shades it completely. “I rest my case.”

A tickle of pleasure runs through me as I stare at my friend. She is so good for my self-worth. I, too, close my eyes and let my body relax into my chair. If Ava says I’m okay the way I am, I’m going to believe her.