Page 173 of Bonds of Starfall

There was no response.

The doctors continued to do things out of sight.

A faint whirr sounded. That was the only warning he got before pain ripped through his skull.

Kit screamed, the sound cracking against his broken, bruised, battered,corruptedbody.

Oh, god. Please no?—

Kit couldn’t think past the pain burning across his skull. Something cracked. Hefeltit in his body yet heard it echo around him.

Blood splattered the white sheet and ran down his temples, clinging to his lashes and dripping from the corners of his eyes like bloody tears.

Time stretched. The doctors rooted around in his brain with metal tools that scraped against his skull and prodded his insides. He trembled. They kept him awake to ensure they didn’t hit anything vital.

It was endless torture.

He screamed and screamed, and they never stopped him because they needed to know he still had the ability to scream and to feel pain.

"Emotions are a weakness, but pain is a necessity," Sabine said. "Pain is the one thing we need to survive."

So he was forced to feel it all.

Everything.

Rin’s face came in and out of focus. He kept the image of her in his head, even as they tugged and snipped in his brain, and suddenly…

He forgot…

What he was?—

Thinking about.

Who was…

Rin?

No, Kit knew who Rin was. His Soulbond. His love. His reason for not tightening that noose around his throat and killing himself, for not bashing his head against the walls and letting death take him.

He focused on her face. Her laugh. The sound of it. Sweet and light. Rare.

The feel of her hands against his. The smell of her burnt lasagna. How her eyes would light up when she got excited.

Her taunts. Her coldly teasing jokes. Her protectiveness and determination.

Kit blocked out everything—except Rin.

When they took his happiness, he kept thinking of her.

Kit forgot the joy of the wind on his face or flying through the Stars. He knew he once loved it, but he couldn’t quite recall the way those things had made him feel.

And then, they took her from him, too.

"Please—not her," he cried.

They didn’t listen.

As thoughts of Rin’s laughter and light and sweetness evaporated, leaving him cold and numb, Kit was left with only rage and apathy. The memories of her were blurred and dark. Tainted. Like he was.