Page 52 of Blood and Magic (RBMC: Helena, MT #2)

But that’s what they said about kings and alphas—uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.

* * *

Caelum looked terrible, and I didn’t blame him.

He and Holden had been friends since they were cubs, and losing him in such a horrific way had left its mark on all of us.

I’d seen him since the attack. He’d come to check in on me in the infirmary, and he’d even brought Lyra once or twice, though I got the sense they were still trying to keep their relationship a secret.

Now, he looked like someone had ripped his heart from his chest. His eyes were red-rimmed and heavy, his cheeks sunken, his features drawn and stoic.

I rubbed a hand over his hair and pulled him into a hug. He clung to me like he did when he was a boy, after our parents died and he didn’t have anyone else except for me and Wyn.

“Hey, it’s okay, kid,” I said, holding him tighter. “It’s okay.”

“I swear I’m going to track down every last one of those fuckers and rip their throats out,” he mumbled against my shoulder.

“And I’ll help you.” Pulling back, I grabbed his shoulders and stared into his eyes. “But first, we have to lay Holden to rest, okay?”

He nodded and sniffed.

“You need to be strong for his parents, you got it?” I barely got the words out without breaking down myself. I didn’t like seeing anyone in pain, much less my little brother. Fuck, I’d basically raised him as my own. His agony was my agony, and I felt this as much as he did.

“Got it,” he said, forcing a smile up at me. “Kai, Nyx, and some of the others are planning a get-together out in the woods after the memorial. You wanna come?”

I shook my head. “No, you take your time together. You need it.”

Caelum smirked, a knowing look dancing behind his gaze. “You need to get back to your mate?”

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head and shoved his shoulder playfully. “Leave it.”

“Hey, I’m not judging,” he said. “Isn’t she my age?”

“Shifter magic doesn’t care about age,” I said.

“Unless she’s nine.”

His teasing made me feel a little better. It made me hopeful that he would heal from this. Even though he would never forget his friend, he wouldn’t let Holden’s death keep him from being who he was.

“I didn’t mate her when she was nine,” I said. “It’s just…ya know…it’s complicated.”

“Uh-huh,” he said.

“What about you? You still with Fenris’s little sister?”

“Hey.” Caelum shook his head and tsked through his teeth. “Lyra and I aren’t together. It’s just…” He cleared his throat and shifted his shoulders. “Complicated.”

“Right.” I laughed and wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him into a teasing headlock, which he wrestled out of by elbowing me in the gut.

We smacked each other around for a bit before collapsing on the couch in his dorm, side by side.

I thought of our parents and how they might feel about the situation we’d both found ourselves in.

I’d like to think they’d be proud of us both for the males we were turning out to be.

I’d like to think they’d approve of Maeve, even if she was a Vanderbilt, and they’d be happy with how Caelum had grown up.

I’d done my best. Looking at his profile, I noticed how much he looked like our mother, especially as he got older, and a pang shot through my heart at how much I missed both of them.

Six months ago, I wished I’d died. Hell, I’d almost given in to the temptation of staying in that dreamy paradise with Maeve after the attack. But she was right, as she so often was. I had so much to live for. My family needed me, and I needed them.

“I’m glad you didn’t die…again,” Caelum said, turning to face me, catching me staring at him.

“Yeah, me too.”

He squinted at what he must have seen on my face. “What’s that look?”

“There’s no look.”

“There was definitely a look,” he said. “Come on. Out with it.”

I shook my head. “Just thinking about Mom and Dad.”

“I thought you were trying to cheer me up,” he said, clutching his chest. “Fucking Debbie Downer.”

“I think they’d be proud of you, Cae,” I said.

He smiled and nudged me with his shoulder. “Yeah, I think they’d be proud of you, too, Mill.”

Two days later, we buried Holden’s ashes in the woods in the memorial gardens where all the pack’s ancestors rested.

Kodiak made a speech about how those who came before us still lived within us, in the blood and magic of the pack.

Holden may be gone from this realm, but we could still find him in the ties that bound us together.

“We’re a chosen family for a reason,” he said. “We’re blood bound for a reason. Fate, destiny, magic, it brought us together, and we will always be together. May he never be forgotten.”

“May he never be forgotten,” we all repeated.

Maeve held my hand through the entire ceremony, gripping me for strength and sending me her own in return.

Watching Holden’s parents place his remains in the tiny grave sent tears down my cheeks, shattering my heart all over again.

I made a vow then and there that I would never wish for death again.

There were those who deserved to be here and weren’t.

And if they couldn’t live, then God fucking damn it, I would do the living for them.