Page 32 of Blood and Magic (RBMC: Helena, MT #2)

Vermillion

“Y ou look like shit,” Guin said from the other side of Kodiak’s desk. After Maeve had showered and dressed in some of my old clothes, we drove to the homestead because Fenris said Kodiak needed to see me… now… in person. I hadn’t been expecting an ambush from the eldest Vanderbilt sibling.

“No worse than when you went through your transition,” I said, adjusting my hips.

“Definitely worse,” Kodiak added with a wince.

“My little sister, Mill?” Guin crossed her arms, clearly displeased with the whole situation. “You told me things were fine, that you had a handle on it.”

“I did,” I said. “I do.” I gestured to the office door, where Maeve sat on the other side and waited for her turn with these two overbearing dominants. “As you can see, she’s alive.”

Better than alive. She’d come out of my room, wearing one of my T-shirts, instinctively choosing to cover herself in my scent, something that pleased my wolf immensely. I didn’t tell them that, though. It was just my magic in her making my wolf react like that.

So what if the transition had been different with her?

So what if we were sharing dreams, if my emotions were in sync with hers?

It didn’t matter that being with her gave me a new lease on life.

She was a newborn shifter in a sea of unmated males, and she deserved to find whoever made her happy. Even if it wasn’t me.

The beast in my head growled at that idea, but I reminded him that fantasies dreamed up under the throes of the transition were simply that—dreams, works of fiction, idealized notions of romance that didn’t exist. In reality, we were still as wrong for each other as before.

Guin sucked in air through her teeth and raised an eyebrow, looking from me to Kodiak.

“You said if one of my sisters went into their transition while I was in Bozeman, you would send someone other than Vermillion to help.”

Kodiak smirked and leaned back in his seat. “I said I would try. You know how these dominant wolves get. Once they’re in the haze, there’s no pulling them out.”

She rubbed a hand over her face and groaned. “You’re the alpha, aren’t you? The one keeping these Bastards in line? Can’t you tell him to back off? She has bite marks on her neck, for Christ’s sake.”

“You can’t get everything you want, Guin,” he said.

“You asked me to send someone I trusted to man your ranch , and I did. You asked me to keep your sisters safe while you handled your father’s business, and I did.

Making sure Mill happened to be outside of the blast radius when Maeve ultimately exploded wasn’t part of the deal. ”

She put her hands on his desk and leaned in, holding eye contact with him. In our world, that was a threat, and no one could maintain it with the alpha for very long. I grimaced, anticipating his reaction.

“Deal?” She laughed. “Your piddly little homestead would still be a hovel if it weren’t for our merger. You needed money, and I needed men. That was the deal.”

I expected Kodiak to bare his teeth and rise to his full height, at least six inches over her, but he stayed seated, simply smiling while she read him the riot act.

“Now your Bastards probably think they can fuck any Vanderbilt who goes into transition.”

“And who started that, huh?” Kodiak asked calmly, his steady voice betraying his rising temper. “Perhaps you’re so upset because Mill helped you through yours, but you didn’t carry his scent out of it?”

“Thank God for that,” she continued. “I’d rather swim through hot vampire guts than be a part of your stupid little cult.” She gave me a sidelong glance. “No offense.”

How was I not supposed to be offended by that? But I didn’t answer. Getting in the middle of two dominants when they were measuring their… egos… was never a bright idea.

“That can be arranged,” Kodiak sneered.

Sensing the argument had ventured into dangerous territory, I started to push to my feet, yearning to make my way toward the door.

“Sit down,” they both roared in unison.

Fucking. Yikes.

I planted my ass back in that seat so fast, but between me and God, I didn’t know whose order I was following more. I had a healthy fear of Kodiak as my alpha, but Guin was downright terrifying.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Just like a wolf. Arrogant and prideful.”

“ If Maeve wants to join the pack, she’ll be given the invitation. The same as Sol. The same as you.” Guin opened her mouth to speak, but Kodiak cut her off. “And if she chooses a Bastard as her mate…or chooses Mill as her mate, you’ll have to make your peace with that.”

“She’s not my mate,” I said, but the words tasted like venom.

Kodiak shifted his knowing gaze to me, and I resisted the urge to squirm.

The alpha always knew more than he ever said.

All of our connections ran through him. He was the lifeline, the literal spine, of this family.

If the pack was a universe, he was the center, the proverbial black hole holding us all to him with his immense force of gravity.

“The moon is in four hours.” He kept his tone unusually calm.

If anyone else were to talk to him like this, he would have already snarled in their face and demanded their obedience.

“We’re making the trek to shifting territory, and our human packmates are on alert for any vampires that may try to test their luck. ”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” She scoffed. “Humans protected you the last time the Scorpions came in for a raid.”

It was bold, perhaps a little cruel, to mention the time her father hired the Scorpions to invade our territory during a full moon and wipe half of us out while we were shifting. Even though the Bastards and the Vanderbilts had a tenuous truce now, old feuds died hard.

“We’re better prepared this time,” Kodiak said. “What happened then won’t happen again.”

“I hope you’re right.” She ran her tongue over a canine before straightening and walking toward the door.

Guin swung it open with more force than was necessary, causing Maeve to shove to her feet on the other side.

The younger Vanderbilt met my gaze with a hopeful one of her own before the entry closed again. I looked back at Kodiak.

“That female is testing every last bit of my patience,” he sighed. “As for you, Morwyn filled me in on the research she’s been doing.”

“I haven’t checked in with her in a few days,” I admitted. Honestly, I didn’t want to know.

“Your blood changed again after Maeve’s transition. It’s spawning and dying at rapidly increasing rates, almost like it’s searching for something.”

I swallowed against a suddenly dry throat. Morwyn still had my samples from before Orion’s wedding, and I recalled her conversation about how they were still alive, still changing, still evolving.

“Oh? What does that mean?”

“You tell me,” he said. “Notice anything different about this transition?”

Like the bite marks on her neck? Like the weeks of sharing dreams before it? Like the irresistible urge to drink her blood? Like how badly I want to yank her into my room and never let another wolf look at her?

“It was…more intense,” I said. “Guin didn’t need me the same way Maeve does.”

Kodiak narrowed his eyes. “Did you drink from her during it?”

I gulped. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“You’re not an idiot, Mill. Of course, you know what I’m thinking.”

“I’m not a vampire,” I said. “I’m not rotting from the inside out.”

“But something is different.” Kodiak raised his eyebrows, demanding an explanation.

“Yes,” I said. “I drank from her. It was…” I shook my head, reliving the experience now that I was sober and (mostly) out of the haze. “Life-altering.”

Kodiak pursed his lips and steepled his fingers in front of his face. “Are you a danger to the pack?”

“No more than I was a month ago,” I said. “You weren’t concerned about me then.”

“I didn’t know you were walking around with bloodlust.”

“I’m not,” I said. “It’s just he—” I cut myself off before I said her.

He paused, letting the tension grow between us, making me more ashamed. Guin was right. Maeve would have been better off with Fenris or Poe or literally anyone else in that fucking rancher’s cabin. I should have stayed as far away from her as possible.

Morwyn shouldn’t have brought me back. She should have let me die.

But then, I remembered what Maeve had said when I took her out on my bike and we looked down on the valley.

“It’s easy to forget why we’re alive, and then you see something like this, and it all makes sense.”

I had forgotten the meaning of life…until Maeve. And now, perhaps my existential crisis seemed dramatic. No one could have helped her like me. The thought of it boiled my blood.

“Guin tells me Maeve almost died about six months ago,” Kodiak continued. “Her heart stopped while she was eating dinner. One second, she was fine. The next, she was on the ground.”

“I know.” Maeve had told me the story herself.

“Don’t you find it strange that you also almost died roughly around the same time?”

“I didn’t almost die, Kodiak. I did die. And magic brought me back to life. Maeve had her heart restarted by a crash cart.” I didn’t see what he was getting at. They were two totally different things.

“Uh-huh,” he said, clearly not buying my bullshit. To be fair, I wasn’t sure if I bought it myself.

I groaned and rubbed my eyes. “What are you trying to say?”

“I think there’s more going on here than you’re willing to admit.”

Understatement.

"Do you think you’ll be able to rein in your… impulses during the shift?” He raised his eyebrows, clearly demanding an affirmative answer.

I nodded.

“Words,” he growled.

“Yes,” I said. “I can.”

“Good. Go see your sister. Let her get another sample to compare the old ones to.”

Gritting my teeth and grumbling expletives, I stood and walked out of the office, making my way through the buildings to the infirmary.

* * *