Page 49 of Blood and Magic (RBMC: Helena, MT #2)

I was thankful we weren’t sharing those. I’d come to rely on him to bring me out of them. More than once, he’d roll on top of me and slot himself between my legs and bring me such intense pleasure that the bad memories drifted away to ancient history.

But all was not well with my knight in shining armor. He struggled to regain what he lost, and in the days immediately afterward, he could hardly lift anything over fifty pounds.

“I’ll be back to normal after the next moon,” he insisted. “The moon always heals.”

I worried he might not even survive it. In the heat of the attack, Mill had given me all of his strength and magic. It was what gave me the power to get to my feet and kill Marx. But in doing so, Mill had made himself vulnerable. If I could return the favor, I would.

“Do you need to feed from me?” I asked him one night after an intense orgasm. He’d collapsed on top of me and shook so badly, I thought he might be having a seizure.

He lifted his head and stared at me with eyes nearly as red as his wolf’s. “No.”

“It’s okay,” I told him. “I know it’s you.”

Maybe I should have been more scared of him drinking my blood, especially given the trauma I survived, but the difference between my mate and the Scorpions was so vast, I could clearly distinguish between them.

Mill would never hurt me like them. He would never make me feel powerless.

If anything, the blood tie between us strengthened us both, and I adored that part of our relationship.

“I won’t ever do that to you again,” he said, kissing me. “Not ever.”

I didn’t like his answer, but I didn’t push him. He’d come around when he was ready.

“There’s something else bothering you,” I said. There was an undercurrent of shame rattling around in his soul, and until he let it out, I worried it might eat him alive. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” he said.

“Come on, I can feel it.” I brushed hair away from his face, resting my hand on his cheek.

He gave me a sad smile and shook his head. “It’s just…I sent you three out there that day. I should have gone with you. I should have stopped you from going. Now, Holden is dead. Marx got on our turf because our alarms failed. You were taken because…because I didn’t stop it.”

“That’s not your fault,” I said. “You couldn’t have known. And if you were there…” I didn’t want to think about what would have happened to him in Holden’s place. “We still don’t know why the alarms failed. Marx was coming for me no matter what.”

It didn’t matter what I said. Mill took his job as the head of tech seriously and blamed himself for not being better equipped to deal with such an attack. We’d been blindsided, and in his mind, he should have done better.

“No one blames you, Mill. You’re the only one doing that.”

He nodded and kissed me again before rolling off me to head to the bathroom.

When I saw Ginny for the first time since the attack, she rushed into my arms and squeezed me tight, and we both broke into tears, sobbing until we could have a coherent conversation. Steadfast and strong, we’d survived the worst together and come out the other side.

“I’m so glad you're okay,” she said. “I thought they’d kill you. I thought?—”

“We’re okay,” I told her. “We survived, and we’re okay.”

A few days later, I had to face the music. Ava had been calling me nonstop since it happened, and I suspected I knew why.

“I felt it,” she said, concern in her voice. “Something happened to you. I swear it.”

“It’s nothing,” I said. “It was just a…blip.”

Guin stood anxiously in the corner of the room while Sol paced and chewed her lip.

I’d been sworn to secrecy, even from my twin, my other half, but that didn’t mean I liked it.

They were both sure I’d slip and spill my guts.

After all, Ava was the only sister who didn’t know now, and according to Lycan, she’d be next.

Since he was still in Paris with her, I figured he’d be the first to know.

“A blip?” Ava scoffed. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m alive, and you don’t need to worry about it,” I told her.

“So what? You’re keeping secrets now, too?”

I sighed. “Would you believe me if I told you I’m in love with a Bastard?”

That distracted her long enough to have her squealing. “Is it Mill?”

I chuckled and admitted it was. We talked for a few more minutes before she had to run to a work meeting.

“I’ll be home in five more weeks,” she said. “And then you’re going to confess whatever you’re keeping from me.”

“I’m not keeping anything,” I said, but she knew better. Twin telepathy had always been strong between us, and this new shift in my character would only make her more suspicious. After we hung up, I looked at Sol and Guin and raised an eyebrow. “I hate lying to her.”

“It’s for the best,” Sol said, standing next to me so she could hold my hand. “Once she transitions, she’ll know.”

“Why can some of the other Bastard clubs know but she can’t?” I didn’t see the logic in it. One way or the other, this secret was too big. It was a wonder the rest of the world hadn’t found out already.

“They’re sworn to the club,” Guin explained. “Loyalty or death. Everyone knows that.”

“Besides, you need to start worrying about your initiation and mating ceremony.” Sol smiled that classic Vanderbilt grin, and I tried not to let the pressure get to me. Was it idiotic to mate myself to a man I’d only admitted to loving a week ago?

Maybe.

But he did save my life, and the nine-year-old girl inside of me screamed with excitement.

She’d been in love with him for years, and if I was honest with myself, it had only been a matter of time between us.

I’d wanted him from the first time I saw him, and now I’d have him for the rest of my life.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I said. “But first, I have to go see Morwyn. She’s got the results of the blood test back.”

“Want me to come with you?” Sol asked.

“No.” I waved her away. “It’s fine. If I was going to turn into a vampire, I’m sure I’d already be stinking up the place.”

I hadn’t forgotten what Marx said when he drank from me.

“You’ve got some of us in you already. Have you been sucking vampire blood?”

Why would he say that? What did he taste? What magic did he sense that no one else could?

Sol glanced sideways at Guin, who shrugged and pursed her lips in some kind of silent communication.

“Hey, none of that,” I said. “I’m fine. I’ll join the pack and mate my lover, and on the world spins.” I grabbed my phone and shoved it into my back pocket before turning to my eldest sister. “Don’t you have a meeting with His Highness, the almighty alpha?”

Guin rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “He can wait.”

“He hasn’t convinced you to join the pack, yet?” Sol asked with a girlish giggle.

“He fucking wishes I’d sink so low as to acquiesce to his every whim,” she said.

“It’s not exactly like that,” Sol said. “I mean, I still have free choice and everything. It’s more like…family. And he’s the patriarch. He wants the best for us.”

“Hmm.” Guin didn’t dignify that with more of a response, just headed toward the door and opened it for me so I could go ahead of her.

* * *

“Are you sleeping?” Morwyn asked, her wide eyes inquisitive and compassionate. I blushed when I realized how much she looked like her brother. But she resembled Caelum, too, and I wondered what their parents must have been like.

“Yes,” I answered. “But the nightmares are intense.” I paused for a moment, trying to decide if I should bring it up or not. Ultimately, his sister had known him longer. Maybe she could get through to him in a way I couldn’t. “I’m worried about Mill.”

“I know. Me too.” She grabbed her stethoscope and put the ends in her ears. “Do you mind if I listen to your heart?”

I nodded, and she moved behind me, pressing the circular part to my back. After a few moments of the inhale-exhale gig, she removed the earpieces and wrapped them around her neck.

“It all sounds fine.” She scribbled down some notes. “If there were any lingering magical effects, they would have shown up by now.”

I rubbed the side of my neck, absently hiding the scars from where Marx had bitten me. “Do you think he was trying to turn me?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “Marta, the witch from the Royal Harlots, said she would do some research on her end. It was an ancient ritual, not one they normally use to create vampires.”

“I don’t feel any different.”

“That’s good,” she said. “Marta thinks they didn’t get to finish.”

“Did she already head back to Asheville?” I would have liked to thank her for her help. Mill and Fenris would have died without her. I probably would have died without her.

Morwyn nodded. “The Asheville Witches are monster hunters. You don’t get to be a Harlot until you’ve paid your dues. I imagine she had other fish to fry.”

I hummed in disappointment and made a mental note to send her a fruit basket or something.

“The blood tests came back with some anomalies. I’m still trying to work through it. You said you have a history of cardiac arrest?” Morwyn asked, flipping through pages on her clipboard.

I explained what happened to me, making sure to include the medications I’d been on and what specialists I’d seen in the aftermath.

“When was this?”

“November 10th,” I said.

She froze and glanced up at me, raising her eyebrows. “November 10th? Are you certain?”

I nodded. “7:05 p.m. They used an AED to revive me.”

Her features dropped like she’d come upon some dawning realization that would solve all our problems.

“When did you first meet Mill?” she asked.

“When I was nine,” I said. “He worked on the ranch for a summer. Why? What’s that got to do with my heart?”

Morwyn blinked and shook her head, turning back to her computer and clicking through screens faster than I could see them.

“Christ, Kodiak was right,” she mumbled to herself. “I didn’t believe it. How could he have lived that long—so long without?—”

“What?” I tried to look over her shoulder, but she closed her laptop before I could catch anything worthwhile. “What’s wrong?”

“Maeve, I think I know what happened,” she said. “But I need to get Vermillion for this conversation.”

“Okay.”

She left in a hurry, and I waited in the exam room, trying not to let my anxiety get the best of me.

A small voice in the back of my mind warned me that what she had to say wouldn’t make Mill any happier.

Maybe I already knew what the solution was based on her line of questioning.

I mean, hell, it wasn’t that hard to figure out.

If Mill was my mate, exactly how long had we been connected like this?

And if she thought my meeting him as a kid had anything to do with my heart, maybe we had been more mated than we initially thought.

When she returned, Mill was right behind her, his features drawn tight, his eyes stoic but alert.

“What is it?” he asked. “Is she okay?”

“Yes, she’s fine,” Morwyn said, gesturing to the chair next to the examination table. “Sit down.”