Page 47 of Blind Devotion (Letters of Ruin #1)

Marie snapped the curtains open. I groaned from the sudden burst of hazy light.

“Good morning, Mademoiselle Tessa. It is after ten.”

“So late,” I mumbled. Marie usually had the whole house up by eight during the week like clockwork.

I felt around the bed for Adrien. His side was cold, and his pillow still lay in my grip. I jolted upright.

“Where’s Monsieur De Villier?”

“He is in Germany, mademoiselle.” Germany? For business? Or for a kill, like Thibault had done weeks ago? “Did you not know?”

I swept a hand over my face. “I did. He told me.”

He hadn’t. Not a word. He even neglected to say goodbye or tell me when he’d be back. Not that I was going to admit that. Not when he’d told his staff but not his lover.

“He asked me not to wake you until now. Said you had a hard night but to remind you of the note he left for you. On your nightstand.”

I bent over, patting the furniture until I found the braille-embossed paper.

I’d gotten quite good at reading it over the last few weeks.

From the thick paper and uneven dots, this was braille Adrien had typed himself on his new braille typewriter.

He’d learned beside me, not only to encourage me, but so he could understand this language with me.

He bought not only the typewriter, but also a printer for larger texts like books—his way of showing he cared.

Which I knew he did, even if his avoidance hurt.

Even if my memories of what broke us were tearing me up.

“Do you have a phone that I could borrow, Marie?”

“I…it’s that…I shouldn’t…”

“He told you not to give it to me if I ask, didn’t he?”

“I am sorry.”

I blew out a puffy breath and shook my head, disappointed.

What good did he really think this was going to do?

I cradled my knees to my chest and rested my cheek against them.

He really was that insecure about this. He really thought I’d leave him without an explanation.

Was he wrong to worry? Was I being foolish to stay and wait?

Our love was like the sun. It was a blaze that shone through the darkness of the world, bringing warmth and joy where there was only emptiness before. But if you stared directly at it too long, it blinded you, and too much of it eventually burned you to a crisp.

My fingers swept over the words on the paper, the ones he’d made with effort for me, and only for me.

Work emergency. I have to leave. You were sleeping so well, I could not wake you. Stay. We will talk when I return. I promise. I love you.

No one would ever think Adrien an easy man to deal with, but for better or worse, he was mine.

“Marie, when did Monsieur De Villier say he’d be back? I can’t remember.”

“Not before tomorrow afternoon, I believe.”

I shut my eyes and sighed. “Seems my boyfriend forgot my audition tomorrow morning.”

So upset, it must have slipped his mind. It wasn’t helping his case, that was for sure. I gnawed on my lower lip.

“Would you please let me know about alternative transportation options for getting to Lyon? And would you mind sending Alizé over? I need her opinion on my wardrobe.”

“Good idea. She has a cunning eye for fashion. I do wish you the best tomorrow, mademoiselle. Your playing is…divine. It deserves to be heard. Is the plan still to leave this afternoon?”

“Yes.”

“That might be a little short notice. Perhaps you should ask Monsieur Erel to reach Monsieur De Villier for you. He will have better suggestions.”

That sounded like Adrien didn’t want me leaving the house without his approval. Well, he could go shove his control where the sun didn’t shine. With or without his approval, I was going to that audition.

“The princess beckoned?” Alizé’s heels clacked along the tile in the bedroom. Her figure blurred into existence against the dark backdrop of the wall tones.

“Over here,” I called from the walk-in closet. I had yet to pick an outfit. I needed to wow these judges. This was my future, something for me that had nothing to do with Adrien and my feelings for him.

“You playing dress up?”

“How do you feel about some girl bonding time during a trip to Lyon this afternoon? We’d only return tomorrow after my audition at the conservatory.”

“Only if we take the helicopter. I’m not a road trip sort of woman.”

“Fine by me. Not like I’d enjoy the scenery.” I groaned in exasperation.

“Wonderful, I will arrange it.”

“Wow, okay, great. Can you…Would you help me pick out an outfit?”

As suspected, Alizé pitched right in, practically rubbing her hands in glee. As she passed me, I purposely bumped into her to get a feel for her pockets. No phone. I was hoping that meant that she left it somewhere in the bedroom instead of not bringing it with her at all.

“I’m going to go freshen up.”

I learned the layout of Adrien’s bedroom within the first couple of days of sharing it with him. I didn’t need my cane here to navigate the furniture. I did it from memory.

I checked the throw on the bed, the top of the nightstand, and the dresser last. There it was, but the screen was a large, bright blur.

I couldn’t see the buttons nor feel them.

Nothing I seemed to touch was changing anything.

I grunted a cry and marched back into the closet. I held the phone out to Alizé.

“I need to call my brother, and you’re going to help me.”

“Am I?” she asked, amused.

“You owe me for all the shit you said and did when we were younger.”

She sighed. “So I do.” She took the phone. “What’s the number?”

I gave her the number I remembered for Renzo from months back, hoping he hadn’t changed it.

“I told Adrien you’d find a way. I’m glad you did.”

“Are you? You and I never exactly got along.”

“That was before. This is now.”

“So you think I should ignore everything that happened before?”

“This isn’t about us, is it?” Her question lingered between us like a bad taste. With our history, I wasn’t sure how much information to give, and yet with all she’d done to get Adrien and me back together, maybe she wasn’t how I remembered her. “Yes. Ignore it.”

“If I can’t?”

“Then you’re a fool.” The phone started ringing in the background. “Adrien lost my father’s respect in order to keep your family together. He did it for you, and he suffered for it. Don’t think that losing you wasn’t the hardest thing he had to do.”

The phone kept ringing.

“What do you—”

“Hello?” Renzo answered on the other line. My breath caught at the sound of my brother’s voice.

“Why do you think your brother was never tried for Yannick’s murder?” Alizé continued. “Adrien stepped in, and it almost cost him everything.”

“De Villier, this better not be you calling again,” Renzo rasped sharply.

Again? Alizé and I spoke in French, so it was disorienting to hear Renzo speak in English.

“Renzo, aspetta un attimo .” Hold on a second.

“Persetta? Is that you? Persetta? Rispondimi .” Answer me. I zoned him out and dropped the hand holding the phone down along my leg.

“I need to speak to my brother, Alizé, but I really would like for us to continue this. I meant it when I asked you to come with me to Lyon.”

“Some of it’s not my story to tell,” Alizé replied. “But I’ll come with you. Even if it’s just so he knows you didn’t go alone.”

“Thank you.”

“But if we go, we go my way. You ride in the back of any car we get into. Four guards with us from my mother’s and my detail. No arguments.”

“None. I’m not trying to sneak out.”

“Good. However, we might need to, considering how obsessive Adrien’s been about you. I left a couple outfits on the bed. Have Marie pack them for you.”

“Wait,” I called after the clip of her heels. “I have to know. Is Yannick’s death why your mother hates me now?”

“No, not Yannick’s. I think she always knew what he was. But my father…He took Yannick’s death hard. His strokes and subsequent heart attack happened within a year of it. For that, no matter how irrational, she blames you and your family.”

“Persetta,” Renzo screamed. “Pick up the phone!”

“It’s silly and illogical,” Alizé continued, “but you can’t rationalize emotional responses. She’ll get over it…with time. Once she sees how happy Adrien is with you. It’s what she really wants.” She sighed. “You should get that before he has a coronary. I’ll come back later for my phone.”

I didn’t wait for the door to snick shut on her way out before lifting the phone to my ear. If anything, I half expected her to spy and report back to her brother.

“Persetta, I swear to all that’s holy, if you keep ignoring me, I’ll—”

“You’ll what? Send me halfway across the world in a sex trafficking ring? Babbo’s got you beat on whatever you could think up.”

“Don’t joke about that!”

“Would you rather I fall to pieces?” I asked gently, smoothing my hands over the selection of outfits. “It happened. Nothing you say, think, or do will change that.”

“It shouldn’t have.”

“The world doesn’t live on should haves,” I whispered, picking a ball of lint off one of the outfits Alizé left behind.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t home. I’m so sorry I didn’t stop him. I tried finding you. I swear. I never stopped a moment.”

His exhales sounded shaky across the line, and I was trying really hard not to cry. Not to go back there and think about all that had happened.

“I can’t believe it’s you. You’re alive. You’re really there.”

“I really am,” I repeated.

“I was losing faith I’d ever find you. I tried, Persetta. I really swear I did.”

Tears came unbidden to my eyes. “I got out. That’s what matters. I can’t…I can’t talk about it more than that.”

“We don’t have to. It’s just so good to hear your voice. Where are you? I’ll come get you. Why are you calling from a French number? Did De Villier have anything to do with this? I swear if he hurt you—”

“Calm down. He helped save me.” No way was I mentioning the bullet scar, or how he left me on a burning boat, or the number of times he threatened to kill me since then. Come to think of it, we were really lucky to have gotten to this point.

“What does the fucker want in return?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing, my ass. No one does anything out of the goodness of their heart.”

Maybe not, and maybe things hadn’t started out that way this go-around between Adrien and me, but it didn’t change where we were now.

It didn’t change how I felt about him or how I knew the way he felt about me.

Just like I knew we could work through this.

As long as he opened up, there was nothing that could break us apart.

“I love him, Renzo.”

“No, don’t you put yourself through that again. He’ll never be the man you deserve. Just come home. I’ll help you get through this.”

I huffed a short chuckle. Adrien had predicted almost to the word how Renzo would react.

“Things are different now. We’re different. I want to give this a chance. Give him a chance.”

“Persy…”

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You’ll always be my kid sister.”

I wiped the tears beneath my eyes. “What about Mammina? How is she? Can I talk to her?”

His voice dropped to a whisper. “He didn’t tell you?”

The way he said it scared me. My knees wobbled as I leaned against the furniture. I almost didn’t want to know. “Tell me what?”

“She killed herself, Tessa. Right after our father took you away.”

I wailed a tortured cry. I’d known it. Deep down, I’d known she was dead. The way Adrien didn’t talk about her when mentioning Renzo. The way Alizé had said she was sorry, but I hadn’t wanted to admit it to myself. She had deserved so much better than Babbo.

“Tell me you hurt him. Tell me you made him pay.”

She might have been the one to end it, but he might as well have tied the noose.

“I did.”

“How?”

“Persy.”

“How did you do it, Renzo?”

He sighed, probably debating how much to say in case the line was tapped. He was probably scratching at his eyebrow, a signature tick for him. “Police found him riddled with bullets.”

I nodded. “Good.” I just wished I’d been the one to pull the trigger.

“You’re safe now. You can come home.”

“I’m happy he’s dead, and I’m grateful you never gave up on me. But I’m not coming home.”

I told him about my upcoming audition. He argued I could do the same at Juilliard.

He didn’t get it. He didn’t want to. I was staying, and that was final.

We spoke about everything and nothing, about his new responsibilities as the mafia don, about my eyes, about time lost. He was one of the toughest people I knew.

You had to be to survive our father. In the end, he said he wouldn’t interfere and take me back to California but that he wanted it known he disagreed with my decision to stay with Adrien.

I wanted to give Adrien a chance to explain. Whether I stayed with him afterward was undecided, but if I told Renzo that, he’d be on a plane to come get me within the hour.

“Renzo, wait,” I called out before he could hang up. “About what happened with Yannick. How were you in the hospital with me instead of…you know?”

“Adrien.”

It matched the clue Alizé gave, but I was still swimming in the dark. “Then why do you hate him?”

“Because I didn’t need protecting. You did. Take care, sis. I love you. Make sure that fucker treats you exactly like you deserve, and you call me the second he doesn’t.”