Page 40 of Blind Devotion (Letters of Ruin #1)

An awful mechanical mooing accompanied my entrance into my office. Erel sat in his dedicated chair, fiddling with the toy cow box I kept on my desk. The very same one Tessa gifted me nine years ago on one of her trips to France.

She thought my cringed face looked hilarious when the box mooed after being flipped upside down and back upright.

So much so, she fell into a fit of laughter that I ended up joining in on.

Little ten-and-a-half-year-old Persy told me, “You should never stop laughing” as she gave it to me.

While everything else we exchanged over the years was tucked away on a shelf, this I kept close.

It was gaudy in its design with the bright, colorful picture of a cow wrapped around the green plastic.

It clashed with every piece of thick cherrywood furniture in my office, but she was right.

It brightened my mood every time I saw it, or perhaps that was because of the way visitors fidgeted at the sight and sound of the mismatched item.

I shut the door behind me with an audible click. He tossed the trinket back on my desk, then gripped his armrests.

“You finally showing your face after making me wait an entire fucking day and a half?”

Erel’s tone grated on my nerves. Anyone else but him, and they’d already be bleeding from a knife wound. I knew this confrontation was coming, so I shook off my rising anger and strode to the bar cart.

“Is this how it’s going to be?” he said with barely concealed rage.

“Be more specific.”

“You told me when you took over as Ca?d to the Milieu that your priorities now rested elsewhere than Endgame. Some silent partner you’ve turned out to be,” he groused.

“If you’ve got something to say to me, say it.”

“You demand to take on a job for a thrill. That I get. But you botch it. And yeah, I know this one’s on you. Mr. Perfection. Never misses. Never hesitates. What the fuck do you call this?”

“Watch it.” I served myself a finger of cognac, the warm spices and fruity notes smooth enough to remind me to keep calm.

“I confirmed it with the team,” he continued, my warning unheard.

“None of them left a living mark on that boat. But you rescue and treat your fuckup’s injuries.

Not only that, but come to find out, you knew what she was from the moment she set foot on your yacht.

And what do you do? You have the nerve to lie to me about how this is going to play out. ”

“Don’t insult my honor.”

“You gave assurances. That was your word.” He slammed his fist against his chair.

It was sobering to see Erel’s composure break.

The man shielded himself behind humor and utter control.

“I’m your partner in this, not just an overseer of the clan heads and gangs managing the Milieu businesses, damn it.

I deserved to be consulted. But no, I don’t even get that courtesy.

And what do you do? You go ahead and fuck Endgame’s biggest liability yet. ”

I took a sip of my drink. “We done with the recap?”

“You’re not even fucking denying it.” He hissed through his teeth and dragged a knuckle over his chin. “If this is you handling it, I have a new appreciation for our business.”

A mirror rested against the wall behind the bar cart.

I stared, focused on that shelf of memorabilia locked behind a cabinet panel.

Gilly, the ghastly rhinestone-decorated stuffed animal only a child could love, an origami butterfly and lion set, a tray with every letter we’d exchanged, even the unopened ones, a keychain she brought me back from a trip to Colombia, other tidbits, and lastly a framed photo of us shortly before her eleventh birthday.

At sixteen, I held her up under my arm by the belly, her head tilted up for the camera, arms out wide.

She was giggling as I tickled her. Even I smiled in the picture.

I had tortured myself for so long with the items on that shelf, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the sudden fuzziness building inside my chest. She made me happy back then. She did more so now. I wasn’t letting go of that.

“One miss won’t kill the business. It’ll hurt, but we’ll bounce back.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“If you check your account, you’ll see it’s all there.”

“What’s there?”

I swirled my drink and tore my gaze away from the mirror. “The contract price, both our shares. All two million of it.”

“Why the hell would I want that?”

I downed my drink. The glass clinked against the bar as I set it down. “Because you’re going to inform Rurik Leontyev that we’re voiding the contract and refunding him.”

“The work was done.”

“Not all of it.” I gave him a hard look. “And it never will be.”

“Endgame is not losing face because you want to wet your dick.”

“Erel,” I warned.

“It’s my turn to handle this since you can’t.” He shoved past me, flicking his knife open, but I grappled him into a chokehold.

“Now you’re going to listen. I’m giving you this one courtesy.

I’m going to ignore your words and threats because of our friendship and our shared stake in this partnership.

But don’t forget I remain Ca?d. Speak to me that way again, and I will demand a finger.

Threaten her again, and I’ll take your head. ”

He elbowed me and twisted out of my hold, his eyes blazing. He shoved me off, that barely held restraint fisting his fingers. “All for a random woman?”

“All for Persetta.”

“You don’t talk to her for years, now you want to use her as a bargaining chip?” He chuckled. “You’ve got some nerve. After everything we worked for? You want to risk throwing it all away for a target that might or might not look like the woman you abandoned?”

My fist crunched against the side of his cheek. His body twisted with the hit.

“She is Persetta!” I yelled.

His cheek was red, and a thin trail of blood seeped from his nose. He wiped a finger underneath it, his gaze incredulous.

“What did you just say?” he asked slowly.

I swept a hand down my face. I needed another drink for this. We both did. After pouring two more, I handed him a glass and nursed my own.

“You heard me.” You could have heard a pin drop in the silence. “I think I knew. I think in some way I recognized her from the very first moment. That’s why I never could do it. There was always a reason not to.”

“Well, shit.” He collapsed in a chair, all anger drained out of him.

No better word for it. I raised my glass in a toast. “Cheers to that.”

“Does she know?”

“She remembers that much now.”

“And what? What I witnessed was the happy reunion? After everything?”

“No, that hasn’t come up.”

He snorted. “You mean she doesn’t know.”

I didn’t contradict him.

“That’ll go over well.”

“I asked her to marry me.”

He snickered. “Moving a little fast, aren’t you?”

“Am I?” It didn’t feel like it. Not after our history.

Not after knowing what she’d been through without me.

Not after sitting at her bedside for weeks.

Certainly not after our time together the last ten days.

Everything about this past week and a half was better than anything that came before.

She was the calm in my storm. My beacon of light within the abyss of my soul.

We were always meant to go down this path. We just took an unintentional detour.

“Congratulations are in order, then.”

“She turned me down.” I hated admitting that. I tipped my glass back, surprised to find it empty.

“Ah, not the little puppy that nipped at your heels anymore, is she?” he jeered.

“No,” I conceded without any remorse. I liked her bite. “It’ll happen. I’ll force her down the aisle if I have to.”

“That’s sure to go well. You don’t care that she—” He gestured to his face.

“No, and nobody else better say a damn word about it, or I’ll start collecting eyeballs.”

“Do you want a spoon or knife?”

Just like that, I knew this argument was behind us. “I was planning on using my fingers.”

“Too much cleanup.”

“It’s the suffering I want. No one will ever make her feel like less.”

“The world is a cruel place. You know it. I know it. Persetta’s lived it. You can’t protect her from everything.”

“Yes, I can.”

“You’ll only suffocate her.”

I grunted noncommittally. My lack of presence and protection was exactly what allowed her to be trafficked. “So the contract?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course, man. I’ll handle it.”

I glared at him, not a fan of his choice words. He smirked.

“Too soon?”

I led him into the private billiard room attached to my office and tossed him a cue stick. We discussed various parts of the business, both legal and side businesses, including what different gangs were bringing in, what they were up to, and what the latest was on international interests.

I lined up my latest shot, irritated we were still matched in score, not thrilled with the smug look on Erel’s face.

“Feelers are saying FinTech’s pulling out. He refused our deal. Won’t part with his shares.”

I missed, shit. Erel did that on purpose. I glared at him.

“Then he dies once someone picks up that contract, and we buy out his successor.”

“The business rival was found dead. The contract’s closed.”

“Huh, didn’t think someone as straightlaced as him had it in him.”

“People do all kinds of shit to survive.”

“What’s his reason this time for pulling out?”

“He’s had two more offers. One has bankruptcy written all over it, but it’s not gone public yet. Easy enough to deal with. The second’s got Barrot’s name on it.”

The cue creaked under my tightening grip.

“Darts?” I’d had enough of this game. Hearing that name only darkened my mood. First, he outed Persetta’s presence to the Russians. Now he messed with my business. I was going to rip that mama’s boy a new asshole.

“Sore loser.”

I tossed him my cue, then opened up the darts game that hid a plywood board instead of the standard game. We used throwing knives instead of feeble darts.

“Elder or junior?” I threw the first knife, dead center, right where I imagined the younger’s head to be.

“Barrot Junior. Rumor is he doesn’t want to invest in shipping lanes like his father.”

“Nah, he’s just trying to fuck with us.”

Erel’s knife thunked in, only a finger’s width from mine. “Why’s that?” I gave Erel that knowing look. “Ah, petty jealousy then. Daddy didn’t give him enough?”

I took up a new knife and tossed, enjoying the solid thunk it landed. “Leontyev knows Tessa’s alive because of him.”

“Surprised he’s still breathing.”

“Working on it. I wanted to toy with him first. He’s nothing without his money.”

“You cleared him out?”

My turn again. “Yep. But Barrot Senior bailed him out.” I threw three in quick succession. “We’ll need to keep a close eye on Senior once I pay Junior a final visit. I’m going to skin him.”

Erel whistled.

“I’m almost certain he visited Kulmi . Whether as a buyer or a patron, I don’t care. I’ll gut him for it.”

“Or, hear me out,” Erel said, “you have Thibault handle it.”

I snapped around to face him, surprised at his suggestion after the fiasco with the Serbs.

“No one is taking this kill from me.”

He raised his hands in surrender. “I get it. I do. She’s Persy, the love of your life, but Senior probably knows something’s up.

Come to think of it, he’s been avoiding us.

Stay at her side. Send Thibault instead, and you’ve got deniability.

No one would ever suspect your brother. He smiles too much.

Everybody thinks he’s a puppy. Use that, and let him redeem himself. ”

With all my throwing knives in the board, I slipped my hand around my pocketknife, thumbing the ridges on the spine. It helped me think.

“A solid way for Thibault to show his skills to the crew without an extra cleanup required. No means to embarrass himself further. If he can’t stomach it, I step in.

” I flicked my pocketknife open to plant it into the board with the rest of the knives.

“Set it up, but I want it done to my exact specifications.”

Hours of pain, patch by patch of skin removed, every finger hammered to bits, and lastly, his favorite appendage disposed of. Before the end, Gaspard Barrot was going to regret every decision of his short, pathetic life.