Page 26 of Blind Devotion (Letters of Ruin #1)

He was kissing me. Five minutes ago, I wanted nothing more than to be alone with my thoughts. Now, his lips were on mine, and despite everything, I couldn’t come up with a single good reason to push him away.

Tonight, he might decide to end my life again, but not right now, and maybe I needed that.

So when his lips moved against mine, I melted into it.

When his tongue licked against the seam of mine, I let him in.

When he began to devour my mouth with fervor, I followed him right off the ledge and down into debauchery.

The concrete wall scratched against my hair and back as his weight kept me locked in place. His hands gripped my hips and squeezed my ass. I lifted my leg around his hip and dug my heel into his firm backside.

I should’ve expected my leg to become his next target.

The way his hand slid up from my calf to my thigh made my head spin.

My body was on fire as that hand teased its way to my inner thighs, closer to my core.

I gripped the placket of his dress shirt, ready to slip my hand inside and feel the hard muscles of his abs for myself, but when his thumb swept over my panties and tapped against my clit, I dropped my leg back down and pulled back.

Street noises filtered back in. Honking.

Talking. The squeal of tires. The light and blurred colors and shapes were overwhelming, giving everything a gray haze.

I couldn’t decide whether to keep my eyes closed or deal with all the new stimulation that had none of the focus and clarity of my memories.

We were both breathing hard, and honestly, I wanted to keep going.

I really did. It hadn’t been a heavy or imposing touch.

Alarm bells hadn’t rung in my head like they had yesterday, but things were headed in a direction that didn’t match where we were together.

Not to forget, we were in public, for heaven’s sake.

“All this seduction just to get me to talk?” I asked breathlessly to move us past whatever this was.

His chuckle was an achievement all on its own.

While we couldn’t go further, especially not here, I leaned against him for just a bit more.

Our kisses turned languid and gentle instead of hot and heavy.

It was perfect, and yet not enough. I wanted more, but I didn’t.

I wanted to take a leap of faith, while everything in me was saying to hold back.

Whatever this was between us had no future, especially if he made sure I didn’t have one.

I couldn’t forget that, no matter how he made me feel in moments like this.

“You haven’t seen a seduction yet.”

I believed that. “Ah, so a regular aficionado.”

“No. I don’t seduce women.”

“Why? You’re obviously great at it.”

He cradled my cheek and whispered, “What I told you earlier applies to sex too.”

My brain stuttered a moment. “Wait…you’re not a virgin, are you?”

His answer was a booming laugh that had heat tinging my cheeks.

Sure, I couldn’t see if people were stopping to look at us, other than fuzzy, shifting shapes.

That didn’t mean I didn’t know they were there or that my own embarrassment at my question wasn’t flaring.

I mean, seriously, there was no way a man at twenty-five, with a body fit enough to lift at least two of me and a voice like his, was a virgin.

“Right,” I said, rocking back and forth, “okay, I get it, silly question.”

“You always find a way to surprise me.”

“Gotta keep you on your toes, after all. Too easy prey isn’t any fun.”

He grunted but didn’t respond, our teasing at an end because I just had to go and ruin it with a reminder of our dynamic. But what he didn’t get was that I was always thinking about it. It didn’t help that I was being sucked in by his big dick energy and enjoyed all our time together.

“Look, it’s not a big deal.” I took a deep breath, ready to admit this if it killed the sudden awkwardness.

“This vision thing is just throwing me for a loop. It’s one thing to assume I’ll never see again.

I’m okay with that. I accepted it the moment I woke up on that boat.

At least I thought I had. But it’s…” I blew out a breath.

“It’s another thing entirely to know it’s gone.

It feels like I lost a part of myself that I didn’t even realize mattered to me until now.

The doctor took that rug and just pulled it out from beneath me.

Now I’m free-falling, and I have no choice except to fall on my ass. ”

“Or you twist mid-fall to land on your hands and feet and leap for what you want. What do you want, Tessa?”

You , I almost voiced like a nitwit. My brain was still too hot and heavy after that make-out session.

He tugged me away from the wall and twisted me around until my shoulders were snug under his arm, my body tucked into his.

What did I want? It was a hell of a question to ask someone who couldn’t even remember a quarter of who they were.

The only thing I was sure about was music.

I liked listening to it. I loved imagining my fingers dancing along piano keys, which I had no memory of ever playing, or fiddling a violin to various tunes.

My fingers played in the air a mimicry of whatever song played on the television.

Is that what I wanted to be? A musician?

“I’m not sure yet.”

He huffed, as though that disappointed him. Then we were walking away from our lewd rendezvous spot, down steps, and onto a busy walkway where a few people clipped against me as they strode by.

“Pay more attention, asshole, before I make you regret it,” Adrien threatened one, tugging me closer. “You alright?”

The care in his voice made me smile.

We made it to the car, no worse for wear, without even a bump or bruise, thanks to his protectiveness. When he swung me around and pressed me into the car, the back door handle crammed against my butt, I didn’t resist. I needed more of him, no matter how foolish that sounded.

“Adrien De Villier,” a man stated flatly, not far to my right, probably near the front of the car. I wasn’t particularly familiar with his accent in French. My best guess leaned toward Eastern European or Russian.

“What do you want?” Adrien snarled. Bad me for enjoying his gruff irritation.

“Rurik Leontyev extends his thanks, but don’t forget what’s owed.”

Adrien stiffened beneath my fingers. He didn’t say anything, but I could practically feel his muscles tensing in place. One of his hands slipped into his pocket, the one that held a knife. I had felt it there earlier. It made me wonder if I hadn’t been there, would he have pounced on this guy?

“For you.” The man slapped the hood of the car. “A gift.”

Adrien didn’t relax against me as the man’s footsteps veered into the pedestrian traffic on the sidewalk.

“Jules?” he barked the question. No answer from our driver. “Tessa, stay there.”

He withdrew from me and bent over toward the front of the car. It shook as he slammed his fist against the window frame. His leg kicked at the car repeatedly, the whole body vibrating from it.

“ Enculé de sa mère. Merde !” Motherfucker. Shit. He dragged the last curse word out without actually yelling a single one.

My hand tapped about the roof for whatever the stranger dropped off. It was an envelope, slightly longer and wider than my hand. Inside were three pages, each glossy and thick. I couldn’t make out any of it.

“What are these?”

He snatched them from me, his exhales shaking in anger. Whatever they were seemed to have ramped up his fury. “Pictures.”

“Of what?”

“It doesn’t matter. Get in the car, Tessa.”

Considering his reaction, I highly doubted that. “I deserve to know.”

He chuckled harshly, mockingly. “ Mais bon dieu, putain, quelle merde dans un bas de soie .” Fucking damn it, what a load of shit in a silk stocking.

“Adrien,” I said impatiently. I refused to be belittled in all this, not after what we just shared.

“Us. Photos of us in a moment that never should have happened.”

I ignored the hurt his words caused.

“All three? He must have just printed them.”

He was angry and upset. I was willing to look past that because it still felt like he was holding something back.

“Why give you these?”

“A reminder I didn’t finish the job and not to forget myself in a woman who has no place in my life.” His scorn burned. My eyes watered, but I faced him regardless.

“Don’t do this.”

“This one”—paper rustled and snapped firm in front of my face. I shut my eyes to avoid any glimpse of whatever it was—“means they know I failed. That tattoo on your ankle has been nothing but a pain in my ass.”

“Why would—”

“Just get in the car, Tessa. Now!”

I didn’t argue this time, too rattled and confused by his shift in attitude.

I knew what he was saying. Someone, this Rurik Leontyev, knew Adrien or his team hadn’t finished the job, but I didn’t deserve to have it taken out on me.

I wasn’t the one who refused to pull the goddamn trigger.

I wasn’t the one who’d shoved me against a building and stuck his tongue down my throat.

No, I was just the mistake about to give him an earful.

Except he didn’t slide in next to me in the backseat.

The door thudded shut behind me. Seconds later, the driver’s door opened, and a blob I assumed was Adrien hunched over the shape of our driver.

He huffed and grunted a bit, the driver disappearing from view, before Adrien settled into the seat and started the car.

“Where’s Jules?”

“He’s dead.”

That was the last thing he said to me before the divider buzzed up into place, cutting us off from each other.

Of course, I didn’t realize that was what it was at first. I spoke to him like a ninny and told him everything I thought of his attitude, cursed him for his silent treatment, and yelled at him for his lack of care.

Only after more silence did I realize he couldn’t hear me.

I thumped my fists against the divider, cursing him out in three languages.

He had to be able to hear that. Still, he didn’t react.

I was fully spent by the time the car stopped outside of what I supposed was his mansion, my arms aching, my throat sore.

Instead of facing me like a man, he was gone before I exited the car, leaving Marie to escort me back to my room with a hollowed ache in my chest.

He didn’t visit me that night or the next.