Page 22 of Bleed for You (Bloody Desires #6)

C raig staggered into his apartment, shutting the front door behind him as he slowly slumped to the floor.

He stared at the cream carpet, his mind going over what Jinx had told him.

He stalked men. He kidnapped men. He hurt them.

Made them bleed. Jinx murdered them, then disposed of their bodies.

And he enjoyed it. Swallowing, Craig closed his eyes and took several deep breaths that did nothing to calm his turbulent emotions or his racing heart.

Fuck, it hurt. Two years he’d been with Jinx.

Two years, and all along Jinx had been torturing and killing men.

He’d gone from that to Craig. Touched him with the same hands he’d used to kill, and what was worse was that Craig had no idea it was happening.

At no point had he picked up that there was anything wrong with Jinx.

That Jinx was a psychopath. He held down a job, a relationship, then followed men, kidnapped them and did what he did to them.

Craig pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them.

He rested his cheek on his knee and ignored the tears that slipped free.

He didn’t want to cry over Jinx, but it hurt.

He loved him. Had loved him for a long time and had wanted them to live together, to plan a future together, and all along he never truly knew the man he slept with.

How much of their relationship was based on lies?

Was anything between them real? And the worst thing was, Craig knew why Jinx did it.

He’d been seven when it had happened. A child.

Left with his uncle. Left with a man who liked little boys.

At first Craig hadn’t realized what was happening, how his uncle was grooming him.

He’d thought he was the favorite nephew because his uncle wanted to spend time with him.

Even when something had happened, he hadn’t understood.

Not fully. He thought something wasn’t right, wasn’t how it should be, but he hadn’t known why, and by the time he did know, he’d been too scared to say anything.

He’d kept silent for two long years before he’d seen his uncle look at another boy and he’d known he had to tell someone or that child would go through what he had.

It had taken weeks to work up the courage to tell his parents, scared they’d reject him.

Scared they wouldn’t believe him. His parents had been shocked, then angry, but they had stood by him and Craig had begun the long journey of recovery.

Not long after it appeared their relationship was becoming serious, Craig had sat Jinx down and told him.

Jinx had held him, loved him, and Craig had thought he had finally found a man he could trust, could lean on when needed.

But it turned out to be lies. All lies. How did he move on from this?

How did he rebuild his life and trust another man the way he had Jinx?

He should never have told him. Should have kept what happened to himself.

Did he go to the police? Tell them what Jinx had said?

What Jinx had told him he’d done? Would they believe him?

The ex-partner saying the man he’d been involved with was a serial killer who kidnapped and tortured men?

Craig rubbed his face, then used the door to stand.

He stayed there staring down at his sneakers, then lifted his head and walked into the kitchen.

Opening the fridge, he grabbed a beer and opened it, drinking half of it in one go.

Wiping his mouth, he shut the fridge door and moved to the living room where he sat on a chair and stared at the wall.

He breathed in and out, then closed his eyes.

“Why?” he whispered. Shaking his head, he let the can of beer swing between his legs as he licked his lips.

He ignored the tears because he wasn’t ready to face the reality of his relationship with Jinx.

Wasn’t ready to cry over its demise. The reality was that he didn’t have one now.

How could he when Jinx had a screw loose?

He had to have one loose to do what he did.

Following men, tracking them, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

That’s what Jinx did when he wasn’t working or with Craig.

Doing horrible things to horrible men. Their crimes didn’t justify what Jinx did.

In the cabin. A place Craig had no idea existed.

How long had Jinx owned it? Had be purchased it for the purpose of taking men there to torture and kill?

Why would Jinx do that? And what did he do with the body after?

How did he dispose of it? Even with what Craig had told Jinx about his own past, there was no reason for Jinx to do what he said he’d done.

Did he actually believe Jinx? Craig paused when he considered that.

The look on Jinx’s face as he’d told Craig what he did was one Craig had never seen before.

The hard stare, the hard jaw. The eyes that tracked every move he made.

Even when Jinx stood with his hands in his pockets, Craig had the feeling he could explode into action with ease.

Like he was a coiled spring ready to snap.

Leaning back in his chair, Craig bit his lip and blinked.

Tears rolled down his face, and he put his beer on the floor so he could wipe his face.

Not that it mattered. More tears replaced the ones he’d wiped away and Craig wrapped his arms around his waist, sobs wracking his body.

He loved Jinx. Even when he thought Jinx might be cheating, he’d still loved him.

Still wanted to spend all his time with him.

Live with him. Build a future together, and now it was all gone.

How could he stay with Jinx, knowing what he did?

“What do I do?” Craig spoke the question into the empty room.

Did he go to the police? Did he report Jinx?

Hadn’t he asked himself those questions already?

Hadn’t he? Shit, it seemed like his mind was going round in circles, asking the same questions but not coming up with answers.

In reality, he should go to the police. He should report Jinx, but he hesitated.

Because he loved Jinx. He wanted him in his life, but that meant accepting a part of Jinx that should have Craig running for the hills and the police.

The darkness that must be inside of him to do the things he did and enjoy it.

Exhaling, he leaned his head on the back of the chair and stared up at the ceiling, seeing a cobweb and chuckling even though he didn’t feel like laughing.

If he believed Jinx, then Jinx was a murderer and should be reported to the authorities.

If he didn’t believe him, then that meant Jinx was lying to him.

Why would he lie? If he was cheating, he would lie, but then Craig would have to dismiss the complete change in Jinx’s demeanor when he’d found Craig at the cabin.

The hardness, the remoteness, the way he stood and watched Craig like he was a man Craig didn’t know.

“What the fuck do I do? Do I go to the police or keep his secret?”

The thought of not seeing Jinx again cut him deep inside.

Made his breath catch, pain stabbing him in the heart.

It physically hurt thinking about Jinx not being in his life.

Craig had made plans for them. Places they could go, restaurants where they could eat.

The future with Cat and her baby and them being the best uncles ever.

How did he move forward when all those plans lay in ruins around him?

Shattered illusions of a future that now lay in dust.

His phone beeped, and he pulled it out of his pocket and stared at Jinx’s name on the screen. Licking his lips, he contemplated opening it, reading what Jinx had written. He couldn’t read it. Not just then. Not when it felt like his heart was breaking.

He sat still for a minute or so, simply staring off into space, then picked up his phone and read Jinx’s message.

I love you

Craig caught a sob, held it back, his hand covering his mouth.

He shouldn’t cry, because if Jinx had been honest, then he was a cold-blooded murderer.

It didn’t matter that he killed men who preyed on those who were innocent.

He was a killer, and he should be reported to the authorities, but Craig found he couldn’t do it.

He found he didn’t want to do it. Didn’t want to see him locked up, and what did that say about Craig?

“How weak am I?” He held his phone, his thumb sliding over the screen. He didn’t know if he should respond or not. “Fuck I’m messed up. Why do I have to love him so much?”

If he stayed silent, that would make him an accessory.

It would allow Jinx to carry on. Allow him to take more hideous people off the streets.

“Now I’m trying to convince myself that he’s not that bad for murdering child molesters.

” But he knew if anyone tried to touch his niece or nephew, he wouldn’t hesitate to step in if the justice system failed. Did that make him the same as Jinx?

No, because even if he did do something like that, he wouldn’t take pleasure in it, and Jinx said he did like it.

Jinx obviously had some mental issues, but not with Craig and not with Cat.

Craig had seen him with others, knew he could be cold and distant, but never with him.

He was the perfect partner to him and gave Craig what he needed.

A Daddy who Craig adored. A partner who Craig loved.

His phone beeped again, and he saw it was another message from Jinx. Picking it up, he quickly read it. I’m sorry I’m not who you thought I was. I never cheated on you. I love you. I hope you live a long, happy life.

The sob he’d been holding back ripped free, and he bent over, tears streaming down his face, his body folding as pain lanced through it.

The thought of not having this man in his life ripped him apart, but to keep Jinx meant accepting the obvious darkness he had inside.

A darkness that Jinx let out on a regular basis.

“Why him?” Craig asked. “Why the man I love? What did I do to deserve this?”

And now he found himself in a difficult position and he knew what he should do, but to do it would cut a wound so deep he didn’t know if he would ever recover.

Maybe in time, maybe when the dust had settled…

maybe. Could he do what he should do and report Jinx to the police?

He had the directions to the cabin so could tell them where it was or lead them there.

Could he do it? Could he be the reason Jinx went to prison?

Well, Jinx would be the reason, having done what he’d done.

All Craig would be doing was letting the authorities know.

Shaking his head, Craig wiped his face. Sniffing, he licked his lips, then picked up his can of beer and drained it.

He needed another because that can hadn’t been nearly enough, so he stood and went back into the kitchen.

Hand on the handle of the fridge door, Craig paused and let his head fall.

Leaning forward, he rested it on the door, feeling the cold on his skin.

Closing his eyes, he remained in place, letting the cold sink into his body, into his bones.

He hurt, deep inside. Pain lanced through him at the thought of leaving Jinx, but he had no choice.

Jinx was a murderer. Craig shouldn’t even be in his house debating what to do.

He should be at the police station telling them everything he knew, but he found he couldn’t do it.

Not right then. Maybe when he didn’t hurt so much, he’d be able to do it.

Pushing away from the fridge, he opened the door and grabbed another can of beer, then reached in and grabbed a second.

He needed to drink the pain away, drink the day away, and in the morning, he could decide what he was going to do.

His head was in too much of a mess and his heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest.

Sitting back in the chair, Craig slumped back, closing his eyes. “Why Jinx? Why?”