Page 19 of Bleed for You (Bloody Desires #6)

J inx watched Craig sleep even though he was Dalton right then, and slowly closed his eyes.

The number of missed calls and messages had told him he’d been gone longer than he’d anticipated.

He’d been able to smooth things over with work.

Two other staff members had been ill with the flu, so it was an easy enough excuse to use, especially as the boss had been ill with it as well.

Work didn’t bother him. Craig did. He knew he’d hurt him.

Knew how much Craig loved him and wanted to spend more time together, but Jinx kept the distance.

How did he explain to him what he did? How he hunted those who hurt others, tortured and killed them? How he enjoyed it.

No, it was better this way. He could keep their relationship as it was and do what he needed to do because he needed to track them, needed to torture them.

Needed to hurt them. The sound of their screams filled him with joy, a sense of power that he relished.

Knowing he was the one to make them beg and plead, make them cry, make them bleed.

Perfection in action. The red spreading out, leaving a pretty pattern of death.

Walking away, Jinx went into his own room and stood in the center.

He clenched his hand into a fist, his mind drifting back to Rafe.

Rafe who felt certain he would never be caught, but he had been, and Jinx had made him pay for the crimes he’d committed.

And had enjoyed it, too. He grinned as he remembered wriggling Rafe’s lip in front of him, chuckled at the sound the saw had made when it got stuck on Rafe’s bone.

Sighing softly, he relaxed his hands and stared at the wall in front of him.

“Craig.” He whispered his name, then dropped his head.

“Craig.” Said softer this time. The power he had over Jinx should concern him, but in a way, he needed it, craved it.

It stopped Jinx from diving off the deep end and becoming the monster he knew he could be.

Would be if he let it take over. He knew he wasn’t functioning on all cylinders, knew he had a well of darkness inside of him and he accepted it.

It was part of who he was. Part of what made him survive the abusive hell his childhood had been.

It didn’t matter now. He’d learned to control it, and with Craig by his side, he could live a semi-normal life.

He loved and was loved in return, but he knew without a shadow of doubt Craig would walk away from him if he knew the truth about Jinx and what he did.

Walk away and not look back except in the courtroom, because Craig was too honest to hide what Jinx did.

Jinx should have walked away from Craig when he began to realize how deep his feelings for the other man were becoming, but he was selfish. He wanted Craig, wanted his love, wanted someone to care for him. Craig did that…

“Jinx?”

Jinx turned to find a naked Craig walking over to him. He held his arms out and Craig walked into them, and he held him close, kissing his neck as Jinx breathed Craig deep into his lungs. “Did you sleep well?”

“I thought I would wake and come in during the night, but I slept straight through.”

“I guess you needed it.” Lifting his head, Jinx kissed Craig’s lips. “Sorry.”

“You were ill.” Craig smiled, but it quickly disappeared. “At least you’ve recovered. How was work?”

“Not impressed, but the boss has been ill with it, so he understood. I have a full week, though.”

“To keep you busy.” Craig pulled away and Jinx couldn’t help but watch him walk, his ass something Jinx could spend the rest of his life admiring.

High and tight and perfect. Biteable too, as Jinx knew, because he spent far too much time doing exactly that.

Craig opened the closet and pulled out a dark blue suit and white shirt, then grabbed some boxer briefs from the drawer.

He dressed, hiding a body Jinx knew like his own. “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat. What do you want?”

Craig gave him a quick smile. “I’ll do it.

” Jinx walked toward him, a small smile on his face that drifted away when Craig walked out of the bedroom.

He rubbed his chin, listening to Craig go down the stairs, and swallowed.

Distance. That was what Craig was creating.

Distance. Maybe he didn’t believe what Jinx had said.

Following him downstairs, Jinx walked into the kitchen and watched Craig set up the coffee machine. “Are you okay?”

Licking his lips, Craig nodded. “You’ve been ill.”

“Yeah. Wasn’t fun, but I’m over it now.” He approached Craig, dropped a kiss to the back of his neck. Craig gave him a smile, then went back to making their drinks. Jinx could see the tension in Craig’s shoulders, tension he hadn’t picked up on the night before. “What’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you call me? I could have come to look after you?”

“I didn’t want you to get it.” Jinx watched Craig, who nodded but didn’t respond. “I was rough. The last thing I wanted was for you to catch it.”

“I’ve been here for you before, when you’ve been ill. Why not this time?” Craig turned and leaned back on the counter. “You could have sent me a message, Jinx, but there was nothing.” Craig looked at the floor, then asked, “Is there someone else?”

Jinx’ eyes widened in surprise. “What? Of course not! I love you. Why would I be with anyone else?”

“You don’t want us to live together. Why?”

“Why ruin what we have?” Jinx watched Craig as he turned back to the counter and finished making their drinks, then picked his up. When Jinx realized Craig wasn’t going to hand him his drink, he picked it up and watched the ripples dance across the surface. “We’re good as we are. Why change it?”

“We’ve been together for two years. Is this how it’s going to be between us? We see each other mainly on the weekends, hardly during the week. Are you hiding something from me? Is there someone else and you can’t tell me?”

Jinx froze. Yeah, he was hiding something, but it wasn’t another man. “No. All this because I didn’t call you while I was ill? Come on, Craig. You know me. I’m your man. I’m your Daddy. Why would I ruin what we have? Why would you think that?”

“You’ve not been you lately, that’s why. It feels like…” Craig shook his head. “You’re so gorgeous, Jinx. You could have any man.”

“I don’t want any man. I have you. I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I didn’t mean to make you think I didn’t want to be with you.” Jinx thought over the last few weeks and he had become distant, but he didn’t think Craig would see it as him losing interest. “I love you,” he repeated.

“Not enough for us to take the next step. I get it. You’re young and used to being on your own.

I’m probably the longest relationship you’ve had.

We met when you were twenty-three. We’re at different stages of our lives.

I’m in my thirties and want to settle down and you’re just twenty-five. ” Craig nodded to himself. “I get it—”

“You get nothing.” Jinx sucked in a lungful of air, sweat breaking out over his skin.

He didn’t want to lose Craig, couldn’t figure out what had brought this on.

Him disappearing for a few days shouldn’t have caused this reaction, but here he was, standing in his kitchen, maybe losing the man he loved.

“I don’t want anyone else. I only want you.

No one comes close to you. You knew I was young when we met, yet I’m here with you. No one else comes close to you.”

“You’ve always kept part of you back, and I didn’t mind at first. I figured in time things would change, you know.

When we’d been together for a while you’d trust me more or knew I wasn’t going to leave, or you got used to being in a relationship.

” Craig shrugged. “I don’t know, and I didn’t mind because I had you and you’re so easy to love. ”

“What’s brought this on? Tell me. What can I do to fix things between us because I didn’t even know there was a problem between us?

” Jinx reached out to touch Craig and Craig stepped back, biting his bottom lip and looking away.

“Craig, please.” Jinx swallowed, rubbed his chest. “What do you need from me?”

“What I want you don’t want to give me.” Craig sighed, lifted his head and stared into Jinx’s eyes. “I want us to build a home together. We spend every weekend together. Why not the rest?”

“I’m not ready.” He would never be able to explain where he went when he was working and he wasn’t ready to stop because he needed to do what he did to calm the darkness inside.

He knew he wasn’t right, knew he wasn’t good, but being with Craig kept him on the right side of the line and he didn’t want to lose that.

“You’re right that I’m still young, but I want to spend my life with you.

Why do we have to live together? We have a great relationship, and I don’t want to ruin it by rushing. ”

“Rushing?”

“I don’t understand where this is coming from. Why now? Because I didn’t call you when I was ill? You think I don’t want you anymore?”

“I want more than what we have!” Craig suddenly shouted, then stilled, his eyes wide before he breathed out and walked out of the kitchen. Jinx followed and stood behind him as Craig said, “I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”

“I’m not ready for us to live together, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. Can’t you give me more time? Please, Craig.” What the fuck was going on here? What had he done wrong? Had Craig been telling him and he hadn’t seen the signs? “Craig. Tell me what I need to do.”

“It’s fine,” he sighed. “Maybe it’s me. Maybe I want more than what you can give.”

“Do you think I’m cheating on you?”

Craig looked at him and shook his head. “I worried, you know. Let my imagination run away with me.”

Jinx narrowed his eyes. Craig’s sudden change of mind surprised him and made him cautious. “Huh? So what’s happening here?”

“Me letting my insecurities get the better of me. I’m sorry. I’m having a shitty week, and I have to go to work and face Flint.” He sighed and Jinx went to him, pulled him back into his arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Want me to have a word with Flint?”

A quiet chuckle. “I wish, but he’s my problem to deal with. I might be leaving anyway.” Craig leaned back into Jinx’s arms, placing his own on his. “I need a vacation to reboot.”

“Arrange one, and I’ll be there with you.” Jinx kissed Craig’s cheek. “There is no place I’d rather be than with you.”

Craig turned in his arms and kissed him. “I let what’s happening at work spill onto us. Forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive.” Why would he forgive Craig when Jinx was hiding something from him? It wasn’t like he was going to admit to it. “Love you, and this weekend we can talk about us and what we both want.”

“You know what I want.” Craig stepped back. “I shouldn’t force you, though until you’re ready.”

“I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want us.”

“I know.” Craig picked up his suit jacket and put it on. “I have to go, but we’ll talk later. Want to go out for a meal?”

Jinx winced. He had to work, then go back to the cabin to do a final cleanup. “Can we do it tomorrow?”

Craig licked his lips, his eyes moving over Jinx’s face. “Need to do things for work?”

“Yeah,” Jinx chuckled. “Who knew the dead could fall behind schedule?”

“Yeah.” Craig kissed him, then turned away. “I’ll call you later.”

Jinx heard the door open and shut, then slumped on the sofa, staring at the fire. “What the fuck?” He rubbed his face, then dropped his hand into his lap. “I need to do better, or I’ll lose him. I don’t want to lose him.”