Page 104 of Blade

Ada Olson: Why not?

Mio Akasawa: Because she asked me not to.

Chapter Forty-Four

Ana

Before—Third Year at The Palace

The next morning Ana woke up at six a.m. for her skating sessions. Dawn was there in her blue puffer coat. She said nothing about the night before, about what had happened in her house. About Indy. About Ana running away.

About her and Emile having killed Indy.

Instead, she skated over to Ana for a lesson. “Good, you’re here,” she said. “Let’s get to work. Go. Now—the triple Lutz.”

Ana stroked around the edge of the boards, past the other skaters, who kept gathering in small clusters to stare and whisper about Indy.

They could all go straight to hell. All of them and their mothers in the stands who’d done nothing to help any of them. The others were gone, but Ana was still here. And she would never let them forget the four Orphans.

She passed Coach Emile, who averted his gaze in shame. And who would do that for the next ten months, until she left. She would do thesame to him. Like nothing had ever happened in the tangled sheets, in his bed, in the guest cottage.

Down the center, she gathered speed, as much as humanly possible for a girl her age and with her strength. Left blade. Back outside edge. Right toe pick reaching back, jamming into the ice, so hard she left an enormous divot. Springing into the air for the three full rotations, arms and legs coiled like a spring ready to explode. Into the landing on the right back edge.

She felt the sole of her boot release moisture from the soap and water.

And this brought a flash of memory of the blood that she and Mio had washed off, and from the man in the woods who had smelled of pine and worn a beaded necklace. But that was all she would allow. It was surprising how easy it was, when she put her mind to it, how she was able to keep it in the very back of her mind with all the other things she didn’t want to think about.

She had Dr. Westin to thank for the skills this required.

Dawn was waiting for her with open arms. But Ana stopped a few feet away. She was done with all of that. With being agood girl.

Three weeks later at Nationals, she landed all her jumps and placed fifth in the junior division—which was a significant accomplishment for her first time out.

Carl and Tim both came to watch. Carl said Connie would be so proud of her—though what did she really remember about her mother, after they’d kept her away for so long? She, too, was tucked far away in the back of Ana’s mind.

That March, Carl agreed to let her live with Mio in a new condo complex a little farther down the access road. Mio would train year-round now that she had enrolled in a local college. And sure, why not? Ana was fifteen and had been living as an Orphan for over two years. She was basically all grown up.

For eight more months, Ana returned to her old routine. But then, one morning, she heard her alarm and didn’t jump from her bed like she usually did. Instead, she sat on its edge, staring out her window at the dawn. And the mountain. The trees glowing with the florescent colors of dying leaves.

She went to the kitchen and made coffee. Then she sat at the table, sipping it while she scrolled through photographs on her phone. Jolene in her red Jeep, her hair wild around her face. Sunglasses, a sleeveless top. Kayla outside the rink, black leggings and a sweatshirt. Smiling as she held up two middle fingers. And Indy—there were so many images it was hard to land on any one of them. She eventually stopped on a selfie they’d taken outside Avery Hall. A Sunday afternoon, sitting on the bench her mother had noticed the day she’d dropped her off.

“I’ll picture you there,” she’d said.

Ana missed the morning sessions, then the afternoon, and two full days after that before she finally returned to The Palace. When she did, she said nothing to Dawn, who was waiting on the ice. The expectation contorting her face trickled down to every part of her—folded arms, squared shoulders, feet pulled together in a first position. Ready for Ana to cower over. Make excuses. But instead, Ana barreled past her without as much as a glance. For a split second, Ana saw her push away from the boards, thinking she might chase her down. Ask her what the hell was going on. But then she stopped. Maybe she knew that it was over. Maybe she didn’t even care.

After a few more days of this, Ana sat with Mio in front of the TV. They’d made dinner. Chosen a show. But Mio grabbed the remote and hit pause.

“Why do you stay here?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” Ana said after giving it a thought.

“Well,” Mio said. “I do. This is the best place to be punished—for you to torment yourself over whatever happened that night,” she said, though she had no idea whathadactually happened the night Ana called her from the rest stop outside Denver.

“Skating isn’t life,” she said. “Think of all the other things you can do.”

Which was a strange thing for Mio to say, since skating had been her life for her entire twenty years. She’d won the silver medal at the Olympics the year before. The year Indy was supposed to make the team for the United States.

But Ana listened, because like most everything Mio said, it was right.