Page 2 of Bittersweet Endings (Agostino Crime Family #6)

OCTAVIA AGOSTINO

T he dead of night was the only time I found peace. It was the silence that calmed my brain and let my soul breathe. During the day, someone was always lurking. Watching and waiting.

The weakest link would break.

She’d never survive a man like Carmine Ragetti.

But as the days ticked by, their concern for my well-being transitioned. Suddenly, it was less about if I was okay and more about if it was okay that I was in their home. They didn’t trust me.

And maybe they shouldn’t.

A monster had burrowed his way into my head and my heart. The emotions ravaging my mind, body, and spirit were sending me into a downward spiral. I felt completely out of control. And I wanted fucking revenge.

On him.

On my family.

On so many people for so many travesties committed against me over the years. A vicious loop of bloodied scenarios was on repeat in my head. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t function.

My father had aged thirty years, and the guilt I saw on his face was making me angry. I knew he loved me. I knew he was taking all this very hard because he’d failed protecting me. But so had Lucky and Apollo.

They had no guilt for their part in this. But I couldn’t trust them either. They’d failed to protect me and their whispered accusations were following me around like a heavy cloak on my shoulders.

We can’t trust her with the kids.

We can’t do business around her.

We need to watch our backs. He’s plotting something and she could be helping him.

We need to put her on lockdown.

We need to make sure he doesn’t get to her again. We’re missing something—missing why he gave her back.

It was easier to hold on to my anger when they acted like I was the enemy. When they acted like I was the one they needed to protect their family from. But why didn’t they protect me?

Someone did. Someone avenged you. Someone freed you from yourself and killed your nightmares.

I climbed to my feet and stormed down the stairs. Riffling through the kitchen until I found a bottle of wine and opened it. Copious drinking was the only way I fell asleep these days. It was the booze that shut my mind off for a short time.

Filling a glass and taking the bottle, I walked out to the back lanai and stared at the stars. I almost laughed, wondering what God saw when he looked down on me.

Did he see his greatest creation or his biggest failure?

An Agostino had fallen in love with a Ragetti. Real Romeo and Juliet shit right there. Except, in the end, I wouldn’t die. He would. And I’d be the cause of it.

There was no other option.

I took a large gulp of wine while the stars mocked me. I remembered the exact moment he broke me. How he’d used my feelings against me and thrown me away.

***

His tongue traced the trail of salt along my face. “You don’t have to do this,” I whispered into his chest.

Carmine held me for a moment longer before I felt the rumble of laughter. Pushing me out to arm’s length, he pinned me with a glare. And I hated it. There was a semblance of pity, but worst of all, there was amusement. My demise and disgrace—it was all so entertaining to him.

“Oh, Octavia,” he barked out, and I winced.

“Once I realized you loved me, I won. You’re a fucking Agostino.

I got what I wanted and now I’m done with you.

Simple as that. I can’t wait till your father smells me on your skin.

” Carmine rubbed his erection against me.

“One last round before I send you back?” He laughed when I shoved him off.

“Fuck. You.”

“No time. Now listen closely, little doll. You’ll be my fucking eyes and ears in that house. Every closed-door conversation. Every underhanded deal. All of it. If someone takes a shit, I want to know about it.”

“Not a chance in hell.”

“Hell? Funny you should say that. Because I could very easily make your life a living hell. You think a little bit of starvation, a lack of clothes… was hell? Try being locked in that basement with just your thoughts. Around-the-clock beatings to remind you who owns you.”

“You wouldn’t,” I gasped. Though his smile told me he would. “I won’t do it. You might as well kill me now. I’m not a rat.”

“You will. Or I’ll kill everyone you love. Starting with your little nephew—Nico, I believe that’s the kid’s name, right? Just look at how easy it was for me to take you… You know I can and will do it. Now, do we have a deal? Your life, your family’s… for a little intel.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“Not as much as your family is going to hate you.” He stalked closer.

“Think about it. We never used protection. Not once.” His eyes dropped to my stomach before flicking back up to me.

“I hope I knocked your ass up. That your parents won’t be able to bear the sight of you with a little Ragetti in that womb of yours.

Now stay the fuck out of my way until it’s time to leave. ”

“I hate you!” I screamed at his back. It was the only thing I could think of in the haze of my growing rage.

“Make sure you’re nice and pretty for Daddy.” He grinned, then slammed the door behind him.

***

They thought they couldn’t trust me and maybe they were right. Because Carmine was a man capable of far more than any of them realized. It was only a matter of time before he came to collect.

Would I continue to suffer and protect the only family I had?

“Can’t sleep?” My father’s voice was warm at my back.

I lifted my wineglass. “I was parched.”

He walked over and reached out an arm. “Do you mind?”

I took the bottle from the table and filled a glass for each of us before we walked over to the outdoor sofa in the sunken firepit enclosure. He lit a fire and draped a blanket over my shoulders. Burrowing into the warmth, I hadn’t noticed the chill in the air until now .

“You can’t sleep?” I asked, taking a large sip.

The fire danced shadows across my father’s face but did little to hide his tired eyes. His guilt was silently torturing him. When the devil came for payment for the life he’d paved for you, you’d better be ready.

And my father was paying for his sins through his children. We were all affected by his actions and it was taking its toll on him.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I should’ve told you sooner. I should’ve let you in.”

His eyes searched mine, but I could see he was hurting. I know the family didn’t understand how I could hide all this from them.

“It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you.” I took a sip of wine. “God, I did. I do. But… everyone always looked at us like we were invincible. Like nothing could touch this family. And for a long time, I believed that too.”

“I would’ve protected you. Hell, I should’ve protected you.” He paused, and I swallowed hard.

“But it all shattered that illusion. It made me realize we weren’t untouchable. I hid it because I thought… if I carried it alone, maybe I could keep everyone else safe. Maybe the illusion could stay intact, even if I was falling apart underneath it.”

“Baby, I am so sorry.” He held me tighter.

Tears blurred my vision, but I didn’t look away. “I know it wasn’t fair. To you, to me. And I’m sorry for that. I really am. I just didn’t know how to be the crack in the armor.”

“I should’ve seen it. Should’ve realized how evil my friend was. I didn’t realize… I never saw it, for fucking years. How he… And Serafina… And…”

I reached over, grabbed his hand, and squeezed. “Sometimes, monsters bury their true selves so deep they don’t even know they’re there. He deserved everything I gave him in the end.”

“I will find that other bastard.” My father’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he stormed to his feet. My heart broke because I had no plans to follow him.

If he couldn’t face what had happened to me, how did he expect me to?

He strolled back over a few minutes later, a wine bottle in each hand, and I couldn’t hold in my laugh. He waited for my answer. Lifting my glass, he filled it quietly and we continued to drink in tempered silence.

“I never gave you enough credit,” he said, his voice rough. “You’re so strong. Look how you carried things none of us ever saw.”

“It’s okay.”

He shook his head. “You were always the quiet one. Always so steady. I thought… I thought that meant you were untouched by our world. But you were just carrying it in silence. I should’ve known something was wrong when I saw your light dim.”

“I’m here, Dad. I made it.”

He held me tighter. “I failed you. I was supposed to protect you. And I didn’t. I’m so damn sorry for that. But I’m in awe of you. You’re still standing. Still fighting. You’re more than strong, Octavia. You’re incredible. And I see you now. All of you.”

Curling my legs under me, I wrapped myself in the blanket and leaned against the pillow. I had nothing to say because I was scared I’d cry. So I let his words settle over me and I felt myself drifting off.

His fingers stroked over my hair and right before I was lulled to sleep, I smiled. He finally saw me—the real me. His little girl wasn’t this weak flower that was terrorized by a swift breeze.

I was a monster that buried that weak shell .

And I was unstoppable and unapologetic.

***

The next day, I could tell my father felt those bottles of wine just as badly as I did. Sitting at the kitchen island, I pushed my eggs around my plate. I’d had to take some aspirin and chug water before I could even attempt to eat.

He squeezed my shoulder as he passed, getting his own water before heading back to his office. I heard my brother moving in the hall to follow him. Apollo walked in and paused when he saw me. I ignored him as I tried to eat, but I could feel him staring at me.

“You can have it,” I muttered, going past him as I abandoned my eggs on the table.

Their stares. The silent accusations. It all pissed me off, but what seemed to make me snap was a singular question that was asked on repeat.

“Hey.” Sienna caught me on the stairs.

Holding on to the railing, I tried to smile. “Where’s Salvatore? Napping?”