Page 13 of Bittersweet Endings (Agostino Crime Family #6)

OCTAVIA AGOSTINO

“ J esus Christ, I have to stop letting that asshole in my head.” I rubbed at my eyes, then put my gloves back on.

The Ragetti boys were out in the Cali nightlife, partying it up like they weren’t leaving a trail of broken hearts. I tried to tell myself I was only researching Cali because of the author I was scheduled to meet.

But I was a lying bitch.

Prior to the twisted online rabbit hole I went down, I was feeling more composed. My business venture was coming to life and all the little things I’d needed handled were slowly being checked off. I was at peace.

And that had been when the asshole decided to call.

“Octavia.” His voice slithered through the phone—smooth as silk, jagged as broken glass. My name had never sounded so sexy, so dangerous.

“What do you want, Carmine?” I tried for defiance, but it came out like a craving I couldn’t choke down. And I was met with a low chuckle that did things to me.

“What are you doing, little doll? Missing me?”

God help me—I was. Every breath was stained with him. Every part of me tingling for him. And the bastard knew it.

“Why would that matter?” I was proud of my annoyed tone.

“Because I like it.” His voice dipped lower, velvet and venom. “Knowing you're aching for me. Imagining me. Touching yourself.”

A beat of silence was my answer. But the soft pants of my breath were tickling across the line. He had me right where he wanted me.

“Tell me what your hands do when I crawl into your thoughts.”

I clenched my jaw, heat licking up my spine. “You’re disgusting.”

“And you're soaked,” he purred. “I want you too, little doll. Every. Fucking. Piece.”

Don’t say it. Don’t feed the fire. But I was already burning.

“Then come get me, Carmine,” I whispered darkly. “Drag me back into your hell. Let me show you how much I missed it… and how good I am at making you bleed for me.”

A hiss of breath on the other end. “Oh, little doll… you have no idea what you’ve just started.”

I was about to respond when a female giggled directly into the phone, and he hung up.

“Ugh!” I slammed my fist into the pads.

Rocco was barking at me, but I couldn’t hear him over the sound of my own heartbeat. Left. Right. Left. Over and over. My fists pummeled into the pads, and I ducked under his arms, avoiding him kicking out my legs.

I was covered in sweat, but I was finally feeling like the best version of myself. Even if he haunted my mind .

“Oomph.” Landing on my back, I blinked past the stars in my eyes as Rocco leaned over me.

“Get your head out of your ass, girl! Get in the game or get out of the ring!” he barked.

I swung out a leg, and he jumped to avoid me taking him down. It was enough of a distraction to allow me to roll to my feet. We started sparring again, but before I knew it, my body was exhausted and my mind had slowly shut down.

“Better.” Rocco tossed me a water bottle as I sat on the mats. “I lost you for a few there, but you picked it back up. Don’t let them see you drop your guard. We need to work on your poker face.”

“My face or my heart?” I flopped onto my back, my chest heaving.

“Both.” Once again, Rocco’s eyes appeared haunted. “If you drop your guard, it’ll be open for people to take everything from you until there’s nothing left.” He reached out a hand. I accepted it and he pulled me to my feet and patted my back.

“Don’t I know it.” Don’t I fucking know it.

I showered at the gym and then Rocco took me back to my apartment. I was responding to emails, relaxing on the sofa, when a picture came through. Marco was holding a glass of some kind of liquor.

Peace offering? Your fav place?

The bastard made me smile. While he was technically on Lucky’s side since he was one of the captains, he was still the same ol’ Marco. Except a little more grown up and a lot more hardened.

I quickly changed before texting Rocco, who was down to come. In fact, he was going to have someone meet him there. I smiled.

Two birds. Several drinks.

** *

Marco was seated in the back of an old bar, nestled in the heart of New York. It was down a long alley, outdated but somehow modernized. An all-wooden interior with an ornate bar and stools, and two fireplaces with traditional trim.

My brother had been right. It was one of my favorite places.

“Damn, sis.” Marco stood to hug me. “Bitch. Cocky. Once damaged. You look good.”

He was such an asshole, but when his dimple popped out, I couldn’t be mad at him.

Rocco moved to the front of the bar as some blonde walked in and joined him. My darling brother ogled the girl before turning back to me. We rambled on about the family and updates on things. I told him about my business and the new authors I was trying to sign.

“California,” he deadpanned. “I bet there’s no talking you out of it. So, you’re not going alone.”

I went to comment that of course Rocco was coming, but Marco cut me off.

“I’m coming too.” He gave me that boyish grin, and I shook my head. Then he turned almost solemn.

Marco swirled his glass on the table, staring like an answer to some unspoken riddle was hidden in the whiskey. His fingers tapped against the table, an uneven rhythm that didn’t match the fast beating of the pulse in his neck.

“All right,” I said, tossing back my own drink and ordering us another round. “What’s going on?”

He let out a sharp exhale. Like he’d been holding something in for too long and was unsure how to release it without shattering. Whatever it was, it was also what caused the change in my once fun-loving and irresponsible brother.

He didn’t meet my eyes at first, just continued to stare at the glass and rub at the condensation sliding onto the table. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet but heavy.

“You ever have someone just… vanish?”

I frowned, waving a hand as if to say really? After everything that happened to me, pretty sure I did. But he didn’t laugh. I thanked the bartender before asking, “Like, ghost you?”

“No.” Marco shook his head slightly. “I mean, yeah, at first. But I mean, like completely gone. Like she never existed.”

A chill ran through me as I thought about the man who was a ghost in my heart. Marco wasn’t the kind to buy into paranoia. He didn’t spook easy. But the way he looked now—damn haunted—made my hackles rise.

“Who?” I asked, concerned about what the hell was going on.

He let out a breath, finally looking at me. “Her name was Tessa. At least, I think it was.”

“The girl I met at Lucky’s club?” My brows knitted as he nodded. “What do you mean think ?”

“You know me and chicks. I don’t settle, but she didn’t put up with my shit.

She was different from the rest. Still, I liked her.

” He paused, rubbing a hand over his face.

“But Apollo and Lucky always said being around me was dangerous. You especially know what I mean. All the attention this family gets, all the people who get hurt along the way to get to us. Until now, I always thought they were being dramatic. With her… But then…” His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Then she disappeared.”

I didn’t interrupt him. I just let him keep talking. I remembered the girl. They were partying in VIP together. She spoke French and had an air of way too good for him. Gorgeous. Smart. I didn’t want to tell him that the girl probably wanted a fling, then went back to her normal life.

“I don’t mean she stopped answering me. More than that.

No social media. No apartment. The friends she introduced me to didn’t really know who I was talking about.

Hell, I started thinking I made her up. Like she was some kind of dream I got too attached to.

” He let out a bitter chuckle. “But I know I didn’t.

You know she was real. And I think she got hurt because of me. ”

A silence stretched on between us. I studied my brother carefully, weighing the fear behind his words. It wasn’t guilt alone; it was something worse. He really believed this girl was gone. Maybe dead. More than that, he worried it was his fault.

“You think someone did something to her?” I pressed.

Marco exhaled, long and slow. “I don’t know. And I don’t think I want to know.”

“Well, we have the capabilities to find out. But first, I think you need to make sure you can deal with whatever the truth is. If you can’t, don’t go sniffing. Trust me, it never ends well.”

“Yeah.” He finished another drink. “I’ll take you home.” He nodded towards Rocco with his arm around the blonde. “Let him enjoy his night.”

I smirked, sending Rocco a quick text. He glanced back, and I wiggled my fingers at him. He whispered something to the girl and she nodded. Ever the gentleman, he then helped her from her seat and out the door.

“At least someone is getting laid.” I sighed.

Marco spit out his drink, the amber liquid dripping onto his chin. “Don’t… Don’t ever…” He cringed. “I know we fucked up protecting you more than once, but?—”

I snarled, leaning across the table. “But I’m not allowed to have sex when you’re a whore? And you?—”

“Whoa, retract the claws and let me finish.”

I sipped my drink, silently seething.

“I meant, I’ve fucked countless girls and it never made anyone feel better.

Maybe it was just survival. Maybe it was more.

” Even as he said it, he frowned. “To you, it was probably a mix of both. But make sure it’s what you want before giving it up again.

” And his words landed like cement in my stomach.

Heavy. Final. Meant to crush.

I’d told myself it hadn’t been real. That whatever had existed between us—if anything ever did—had just been manipulation dressed up in lust. Because there was no way I was na?ve enough to fall for Carmine Ragetti. No way I’d let my guard down for a man like that.

The things he’d done to me... The way he’d peeled me open with nothing but his hands, his mouth, his body. I’d told myself it was survival. My brain making pleasure out of pain, twisting the unbearable into something intoxicating just so I wouldn’t shatter.

But that had been a lie.

The unbearable part was knowing it had to end. Knowing we were enemies. That this—us—had been doomed before it ever began. I was meant to make my family suffer. Instead, it was me who had been on a never-ending roller coaster of self-loathing.

Even now, with him gone, my body still ached for him. I still craved the bruising grip of fingers that knew every inch of me. I still felt the ghost of his teeth dragging down my throat, the way he’d made me shudder, the way he’d made me surrender to what my body wanted from him.

I should have hated him.

Yet, the truth, the inescapable truth, was that I’d loved every goddamn second of it. Every rough, possessive, dark second. Carmine had marked me in ways I couldn’t erase. Ways that superseded the shit Peiro had carved into my flesh.

“Will you come to California with me?” I asked Marco, knowing he’d planned to come anyway, but the invite was my version of tentative peace.

“Is she hot? ”

I leaned across the table and punched his arm.

“Kidding, business is business. I get it. Listen, I know you’ll be pissed by this, but I’m running it by Pops.”

I opened my mouth, but Marco interrupted me.

“Pops, not Lucky. A lot is going on, and we need to play this safe. To be smart.”

I dismissed him with a wave of a hand, the warmth of the liquor burrowing into my gut. A calming peace settled over me. And like an addict, I typed out a text that I knew I shouldn’t send. But I wasn’t going to listen to myself.

I didn’t plan to listen to anyone. Not even Marco, who kept rambling on about my protection and the family wanting to right all their wrongs. They were just words smattered together. False promises. Nothing would ever change.

I nodded along anyway.

My brother didn’t understand something. I’d always played it safe in this family. And look at where it had gotten me.