Page 63 of Between These Broken Hearts (Cursed Stars #2)

“It’s easy to want the good days,” Fherna says, flipping through the pages of her book. “It’s the others that make the decision

so hard. The bad and the painful and the gray and the numb. You can’t just imagine a happy life and decide it’s worth it;

you have to choose all of it.”

Wind whips around me, snapping my hair against my tearstained cheeks. “I know.”

“No one can promise you any future. No oracle can see every path; no seer can speak a truth that won’t change with tomorrow’s

tide.”

“I know.”

“So you would choose this uncertain, painful existence even if it might be any of these?”

“Any of what?” I ask. I look around and see only darkness. But then I look again and realize I was focusing on the wrong thing.

There’s so much more than darkness. There are all these stars—swirling and changing like a kaleidoscope before my eyes.

A million images, sensations, and emotions swamp me all at once. I am in the mind of the person I become in a dozen different

turns of fate.

In one, I see my sister holding a baby, and the joy that fills my heart as his chubby fist wraps around her finger makes me feel like I might float off the ground.

But in this same fate, I’m keenly aware, as I look into the baby’s silver eyes, that a child is something I will never have.

Because I’m alone. Because Kendrick died the night of the battle and I can’t bring myself to make a family with someone else—no matter how much I may want one.

The pain is an ache that starts in my heart and lives in my bones. I carry it with me everywhere.

In another, I’m looking into Kendrick’s eyes as someone ties colorful ribbons around our wrists and murmurs a prayer about

the Mother blessing our union. I’m so happy in that moment, but time goes too fast and before we’re celebrating our fifth

year together, he’s slain when he steps in front of a poisoned blade to save my sister from assassination.

I die too young.

I die too old.

I find love.

I know loneliness with an intimacy no one in my life can understand.

I have children who have Kendrick’s eyes and children who die in my arms.

I have an achingly empty womb, and I have children I orphan when I die too soon.

I know friendship and betrayal. I know the comfort of the magical bond between two faeries.

I know pleasure. I know pain.

I bury my sister and become queen of the shadow court, Kendrick by my side. Then no one by my side.

I move back to Elora and live on a farm with Kendrick.

I move back to Elora and nearly starve on the streets when I can’t find work.

War comes and takes everything that matters. From me. From the people I love.

War comes and change follows. Revolution that feels worthy of the sacrifice it demanded.

I bury my friends. My friends bury me.

Every existence has pain and joy and sacrifice, and I know them all at once.

I can no more pick from these myriad futures than I can pluck a single grain of salt from the sea. I can’t choose. My stars

may feel cursed or my fate may feel charmed, but my reality will inevitably be a little of both.

“Do you see?” Fherna asks. She’s behind me and I meet her eyes in the mirror before me.

I touch the scar hooked around my eye and nod. “They’re part of me. They aren’t the pain or the memory. They are simply a

sign of where I’ve been.”

“You could let the fire take them, pretend they were never there.”

My heart surges into my throat and I shake my head. “No. They’re mine. I endured.”

She lifts her chin, pride shining in her eyes. “You’re ready,” she says.

“Yes.” My mind and body are ravaged from the grief of the losses in a hundred different fates, but my heart is full of the

gifts that came from choosing one more day. “I am.”

She gives me a slow smile that looks nothing like a goblin’s and everything like my mother’s, and when she speaks again, the words are in my head because she’s disappeared.

Then this is the part where you rise.

The ash on my bare skin is gritty and hot. My body feels weak, like I’ve been sleeping for a year, but when I open my eyes,

a full moon shines down on me and the stars are spread in a blanket across the sky. They appear closer than ever, like I can

make out the edges of each individual one.

I sit up, pushing myself off the ground and out of the ash surrounding me. I’m on the palace lawn, in the same spot where

I stepped into the fire and nearly surrendered to escape the agony of the flames. The battle is over now. The pain gone. All

that’s left is this ash, the clear night sky, and a collection of stars that feel brand-new.

A few feet away, Kendrick’s body lies limply in the grass, and my heart sinks. He didn’t make it.

When I chose to rise, I knew nothing was promised and accepted that, but that does nothing to spare me from the grief of knowing—

Wait.

His chest gently rises and falls. I lean closer to make sure I’m not imagining it, and tears turn my vision blurry. He’s sleeping.

I roll to my knees, crawling across soot and silt, through bits of charred wood and scorched earth, to get to lie by his side.

I can’t help myself, so I stroke the side of his face, let his stubble tickle my fingers, let his breath tickle my ear.

When his eyes slowly open, his lips part and he places a gentle hand on either side of my head. “Jasalyn.”

I take him in, those blue eyes, his full mouth, the steady beat of his heart beneath my hand. Every sense is so heightened.

It’s like I can see him with all my senses. “Kendrick,” I say in return, then more softly, I try, “Hale.”

“I love my given name on your lips.” He scans my face over and over and shakes his head in wonder. “Is this a dream?”

“If so, I think it’s mine,” I say. “You’re alive.” My voice is full of awe and gratitude, but it doesn’t come close to matching

the magnitude of what’s happening inside me.

He lifts shaking hands to cup my jaw, his touch so tender, as if he thinks I might disintegrate if he’s not careful. “ You’re alive,” he says.

I smile. “Are you surprised?”

“I refused to believe anything else, but Jasalyn...” He squeezes his eyes shut for a beat. “It’s been days.”

I try to imagine what that was like for him. For Brie. Waiting for days and not knowing if I was gone for good. “It felt like

many lifetimes.” Maybe someday I’ll tell him all I endured to get back to him, to get back to this life, but not tonight.

“But you made it. You beat him. I knew you would.”

I nod. Yes, someday I’ll tell him that beating Mordeus was the easy part, but for now... I look toward the palace. “Abriella?”

He must see the worry on my face. “Your sister is well.”

Relief washes over me, opens my lungs for a long, shaky breath.

“She was injured but recovered quickly. Crissa’s battalion showed up and saved our asses.”

“Your queen,” I murmur. There’s no bitterness in my voice. How could I be bitter toward the girl who saved me once? Toward the girl who saved my sister and my friends?

“Elora’s queen,” he says, then runs a finger across his forehead. “I think the Mother accepted that I won’t be taking any

throne.”

“It’s not glamoured away?”

He shakes his head. “This is me.”

“And that’s what you want?”

He kisses me hard, as if to ask how I could doubt him. When his kiss turns softer and longer, I moan against his lips. “I

don’t want any life without you by my side,” he says when he finally pulls away. “And anyway, I don’t need a throne to change

Elora.”

“No, you don’t.” He’s so amazing and I wonder at how lucky my home realm was that they had him fighting for their future.

“How long has it been? Since...” I glance toward the ashes.

“Three days. The soldiers who were clearing the lawn tried to shovel out the ash and your sister lost it on them.” He bows

his head but can’t hide his smile. “I’m pretty sure she would’ve made them leave it here for a century even if there’d been

no sign of you. And she was right. We were right. Because here you are.”

“And you slept out here? By a pile of ash? For days?”

“There was nowhere else I wanted to be.” He shrugs, then flicks his gaze down my body. “And seeing you naked in the moonlight

isn’t doing anything to make me regret that decision.”

I stifle my smile. “I’m covered in ash.”

He arches a brow and gives a self-satisfied shrug. “It looks good on you.”

“You’re ridiculous,” I mutter, but my insides are dancing. I’d missed his words. His eyes. His laugh. Three days for him, for my sister, for my friends. Lifetimes for me.

“Are you hurt?” he asks.

“Not anymore.”

“Good.” He puts one hand behind my head and one behind my back and rolls us so he’s on top of me and there’s nothing but soft

grass at my back. His thigh settles between my legs, his weight on his elbows. He kisses me tenderly, drinking me in in sips

before he angles his mouth over mine to demand more. Every inch of my skin is more sensitive than I remember and I shiver

beneath him.

He pulls back. “You’re cold. Do you need some clothes?”

“Not cold,” I promise, looking into his eyes. “But the clothes might be a good idea.”

“Debatable.” He winks but sits back on his heels and peels off his tunic, helping me sit up so I can cover myself with it.

The buttery-soft material slides over my sensitive skin. It smells like him. Like home.

“What about everyone else?” I ask.

The delight instantly flees his expression. “We lost a lot of people, but our closest friends, our family, they made it through.”

“Erith?” I ask.

“Gone. Felicity made sure of that.” He frowns. “Unfortunately, Konner, Felicity’s twin, didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I whisper, my heart aching for her.

“You are the talk of your sister’s court. The reason that Mordeus is gone for good, they’re saying.”

“There were so many ways we could’ve lost. Infinite potential heartbreaks. We are so lucky.”

He nips at my lips. “Luckier than I could’ve ever hoped.”

“We should probably go inside.”

His dimples flash. “Probably,” he says, but he doesn’t resist in the slightest when I lie back on the grass and pull him with

me.

The door to my bedchambers rattles when it slams against the wall.

I push up in bed, eyes bleary. Abriella marches into my room and stands beside my bed with her arms crossed.

“Seriously?” she says, looking back and forth between me and Kendrick.

Kendrick rubs his eyes and blinks at her. “Morning,” he mutters. She swats him on the side of his head, and he flinches, then

tugs me onto his lap. “Protect me, Slayer.”

“My sister has been back long enough for you to come back inside, sleep, and”—she waves a hand—“gods know what else, and you

didn’t. come. get. me? ”

“We were a little busy with the gods-know-what-else part,” he says, then ducks behind me when she makes to swing at him again.

I nudge his hands off me and climb out of bed. “You were sleeping,” I explain, “and I needed a bath.”

She looks me over, taking me in like she wasn’t sure she’d ever get to again, then her eyes fill with tears and she drags

me into her arms and hugs me tight. “I was so afraid we’d lost you.”

I wrap my arms around her and hug her back. “I’m sorry. Apparently resurrection isn’t as speedy as we expected.”

Her chest shakes against me with silent laughter. When she pulls back, her cheeks are streaked with tears but her eyes are clear. When she touches my face, she traces the scar around my eye. “I don’t know why I expected these to go away when you rose from the ash.”

I study her for a long time, thinking of the shadows we share and the trials we’ve both had to endure to get where we are.

“They could have, but I wanted to keep them.”

She cocks her head to the side. “They’re a reminder of how strong you are,” she says, answering the question for herself.

“Yes, that’s what makes them so beautiful on you. The fae ears are a nice touch too.”

I jolt upright. I hadn’t even thought about that. “That’s right. I’m fae now.” That explains everything I was feeling last

night. Fae senses are supposed to be extra sensitive. “Interesting.”

“ Interesting? ” she says. “That’s it?”

Kendrick doesn’t even try to disguise his smug smile.

Brie blows out a breath. “Get dressed and come have breakfast with me? I’ll cancel my meetings.”

“What meetings are those?”

She shrugs. “Nothing important.”

I look to Kendrick.

“The remaining four of the Elora Seven are here,” he says. “They’re eager to discuss the future of the realm.”

“But it can wait,” Brie says.

She opens the drapes, then stares at me as she backs toward the door.

“What?” I ask.

“I’m just happy,” she says, then she disappears.

I crawl back into bed with Kendrick. “I can’t believe you didn’t say anything.”

“About what?” he asks innocently.

“The ears? My fresh immortality?”

“Didn’t think I needed to.” His eyes soften. “And didn’t want to put a damper on our reunion if you weren’t happy about it.”

“I...” How do I feel about being fae? I knew this was what was coming but I never let myself think this far ahead. “I’m

glad we’re both fae. One human lifetime couldn’t possibly be enough.”

His eyes heat and he tugs me down toward him. I go happily.

“Also”—I block out the morning sun with my shadows—“this comes with cool tricks.”