Page 3

CHAPTER

TWO

AMBER

As I turn on Nella’s white-noise machine, I peek at her in the pack and play and make sure she’s still sound asleep. This pack-and-play is infinitely nicer than the one she sleeps in at our apartment back in Ohio. This is the Cadillac of baby beds. Because of course it is.

I grab my phone and sneak out the door, pausing to appreciate the grand curved staircase that leads downstairs, where Ford is waiting on me. It’s been longer than usual since I’ve seen him, since he was busy with his teammate’s wedding over the summer and I was working extra hours to save up for my maternity leave. I swear he’s aged since I saw him in May after his last season ended. But not in a bad way. He looks mature and debonair, with just a few more creases around his eyes, and deeper smile lines. He also got glasses over the summer for reading and driving, and they look so good on him.

Why do men age so well? Or are they just allowed to age, and women aren’t?

When I step into the kitchen, I smell the familiar scent of the sweet tobacco mixed with cleaning supplies. I smile, loving how I can always count on his steadiness. He’s always been particular about scents, but those sweet tobacco candles from Target have been his favorite since college.

As I round the corner into the living room, I find Ford holding two small white teacups in his giant, paw-sized hands. He extends one to me, and I take it.

“Couch?” he asks, dark eyes twinkling in the overhead kitchen lights.

I nod and follow him into the living room where we sit beside each other. Close enough to chat but not touching.

“You look tired,” he starts.

“Gee, thanks. You sure know how to make a new mom feel good,” I tease.

“That’s not what I meant,” he says urgently, not picking up on my teasing tone. “You always look great.” He blushes slightly, and I wonder briefly if I’ve ever seen him blush before. “It’s just that you’re yawning, and?—”

I hold up my hand up to stop him, unable to help the laugh that escapes me. “Ford, I was teasing. I am tired. Exhausted, actually.”

His already frowning mouth, turns into an even deeper frown. Ford isn’t one of those broody types, but he’s serious. He thinks before he speaks—or acts. I think he was born with the brain of a forty-year-old man. He’s always been protective of me, even when we were kids. I guess even me becoming a mother won’t stop that protective streak.

“I hate him. I hate him for leaving you. And I’m not a big fan of your mother at the moment either.”

“I know. I know.” I place a hand on his bicep, and his shoulders relax. “There’s no use being angry, though. I’m not. I have a beautiful baby girl, don’t I?”

A moment of silence stretches between us. Ford takes a sip of his tea, studying his bare white wall with interest .

A contented sigh escapes me. I’d forgotten how nice it is to be with my best friend. He doesn’t need to fill every silence with chatter. He’s my calm, steady presence. My big protector.

“How’s the season going?” I ask, wanting to talk like we normally would, even though the tightness in my chest reminds me of something I want to talk to him about. Or maybe that’s the literal hole in my heart causing the tight feeling? Either way. A reminder.

He swivels his head to look at me, close enough now for me to see the masculine lines around his eyes, the lines that are adding to the whole mature but handsome effect I noticed earlier.

One corner of his mouth turns up. We both know I know how the season is going. I haven’t missed watching one of his games since we were kids.

Ford finally huffs out a laugh and sets his tea back on the tray. “Did you see my breakaway a few nights ago?”

I grin. “I did. Very impressive. Me and Nella were cheering you on.”

He smiles back, drawing attention to that little dip in his chin that I used to poke just to annoy him—one of the few touches he’d allow. I’m tempted to do it now, but his body language seems stiff, like he’s nervous.

“Knowing you’re watching always helps me focus. I can ignore the crowd and the clatter and just think… Amber is sitting on her couch watching right now.”

I laugh. “Maybe someday I’ll make it to a game in person.”

“I’d love that. I might be able to get you good seats.” He raises his eyebrows.

“Think they could spare a few for the team captain?”

“Probably.” He shrugs.

I let my head fall back onto the couch with a laugh.

His face is stoic and serious, even when he’s jesting. I used to have to tell the people around us when he was joking or not, but I can tell easily. It’s all in the eyes. They get all shiny when he’s joking.

Ford leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Even hunched over he’s huge, taking up twice as much space on the couch as I am. “All right, Ambs. Enough chitchat. What’s going on?”

I blow out a long sigh. “You know me too well.”

He doesn’t say anything, just looks at me expectantly.

“First, don’t be alarmed. I’m fine. Totally fine.”

“Then, why would I be alarmed?”

Ignoring his question, I continue, “Second, I may need a favor in the near future, but when… if I ask, you can’t give me an answer until you’ve taken time to think about it. Like, a week, at least.”

“I already know the answer is yes,” he says, his eyes not leaving mine.

My fragile heart skips a beat. I knew he’d say something like that. He’s just that kind of person. Always there, no matter the ask.

Clearing my throat, I force myself to keep going, “So, the thing is… I might need a tiny, little, no-big-deal surgery.”

Ford’s dark eyes go wide, his thick eyebrows rising in alarm. “What kind of surgery?”

I look down, avoiding those intense brown eyes even though they are glued to my face. “For my heart.” Closing my eyes, I collect myself. I hadn’t meant to jump into this conversation so abruptly. “There’s a small hole in my heart. It’s been there since I was born, most likely. But it went unnoticed all this time, until I was giving birth and my heart rate was all over the place.” Taking a deep breath, I will my shoulders to relax. The last thing I want is to pour all of my anxiety onto my best friend. “Which is why I ended up having a c-section. They kept me an extra day at the hospital to monitor things, and everything seemed normal, so they discharged me.” I roll my lips together and glance at Ford, who looks like I just told him I’m dying. “But my heart rate remained erratic. Sometimes it felt really fast, and I couldn’t tell if it was anxiety, or my heart. I went to see a cardiologist, and they had me wear a heart monitor for a few weeks, and when I get back to Ohio, I have an appointment for an EKG and a stress test.” What I don’t add, is how expensive it all is. And I try not to think about it, either. “My cardiologist is positive I have a hole in my heart, they’re just covering all the bases to be sure they need to operate on it. At my appointment Monday, we’ll discuss the options. But surgery is likely.”

Ford pushes his glasses up on top of his head and pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, his forehead shining with sweat.

“Ford, it’s okay. I swear, it’s a very minor heart surgery.”

Ford jumps up from his seat, and I rise from mine too. I place my hands on his arms and rub my thumbs gently back and forth. He’s not someone who enjoys being touched, but tonight it seems to soothe him. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Minor heart surgery? I’m pretty sure any heart surgery is major, Ambs.”

“It’s a tiny hole, itty-bitty. A cute miniature hole, really.”

He arches an eyebrow, unamused.

I grimace, realizing that making light of it isn’t easing his worry. So, I decide to go with facts—he will appreciate facts. “If they decide to operate, they’ll use a method called cardiac catheterization. A catheter will be placed in my wrist, or my neck. The entire procedure is done through the catheter. It’s non-invasive. Most likely, I’ll only stay one night in the hospital, then I’d be back home and good as new. ”

Ford doesn’t look any less stressed by my explanation. He brings up his hands, places them on my shoulders, and forces me back into a sitting position. “Sit down. Should you even be standing? Hell, are you even supposed to be walking? Or flying?”

“Ford, please. Calm down. It’s a procedure they do all the time, literally every day.”

Ford’s square jaw flexes as he closes his eyes. His nostrils are flared, and it’s obvious he’s getting angry. I prickle for a second, wondering why on earth he’d be mad at me. But then his eyes open, and the turmoil playing in the deep brown of his irises nearly breaks my heart. Wait, no that’s a terrible metaphor to use at a time like this.

“So, Theo not only got you pregnant and then broke off your engagement… but now your health is suffering?” He looks down then holds abruptly still, as if something just dawned on him. “Wait, do you even have insurance to pay for your procedure? Have you told him about this?”

I sigh. “No, I don’t have insurance. That’s actually what I needed to talk to you about. And I haven’t told Theo either. I don’t want him coming back because he feels guilty. He didn’t want me, and he didn’t want Nella. As far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t deserve to even know what’s going on in my life.”

He nods, seeing my point. “So, if you and Nella don’t have insurance, what about the cost of her birth?”

“No, Nella does. She qualifies for insurance through the state of Ohio until she turns 18. I’ve gone without health insurance the past few years. Since I was too old for Mom’s insurance plan. And at the salon I rent my booth, which makes me self-employed. I stupidly never got an insurance plan, because Theo was going to add me to his plan as soon as we got married, and he has great insurance—which I would’ve had access to, had we gotten married. But that’s not how things went down.”

“What can I do? Let me help,” Ford says, his voice low and pained.

I tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear. It must’ve snuck out of my braid during the flight. I really should’ve peeked in the mirror before coming down here. I probably look like a troll. “If we do need to schedule a procedure, I could use some help. Financially.” I close my eyes, hating the thought of asking my best friend for money. “The procedure would be expensive. And I don’t expect a handout, Ford,” I say quickly. “If you lend me some money, I’ll pay you back with interest. I never want you to think I’m friends with you for your money, and I hate even asking.”

“Yes,” he says adamantly. “I don’t care how much it is, and you’re not paying me back.”

“Please think about it for a few days. It’s a lot of money. No decisions about it now. I have money, savings even, just not enough…yet. And if you agreed, after thinking it over”—I shoot him a knowing glance and he rolls his eyes—“I’d want to write up a contract stating I’ll pay you back, for my own peace of mind. I never want money to come between us.”

He stares at the floor, hands on his hips. I know this is a big ask, because Ford is generous, and he really doesn’t care about money. But I saw how money made my mom crazy and fueled all of her relationships. I don’t want that for myself or Ford.

Finally, his eyes meet mine again. “Just let me do this for you. I already know you’re not friends with me for my money. You were there for me when I was an awkward eight-year-old, then when I was a scrawny pre-teen, and of course through my broody teenaged years. You’ve been there through it all, so let me be there for you. ”

I sigh heavily. “Just humor me and take a few days to think about it, okay?”

He rolls his eyes again. “My answer will still be yes in a few days. And didn’t you say that was just one of the things you wanted to talk to me about?”

I clear my throat. “Oh, right. Yes, there’s one more thing.”

He waits for me to continue.

“Like I said, the procedure isn’t a big deal.” I smile, putting on my bravest face, even though I’m terrified of being put under anesthesia and all the things that could go wrong. Which is why I have to ask what I’m about to. “But if something were to go wrong…”

His eyes widen.

“I said if . I need someone to agree to be Nella’s guardian. With my mom no longer speaking to me and Theo out of the picture, I don’t have anyone to raise her if something terrible happens. In or out of the operating room. What if I was in an accident or something?”

His face falls, and he does something that takes me completely by surprise. He hugs me.