Page 24 of Best Laid Plans

‘I tried to get her friends to talk to her, to give her the kind of support I couldn’t,’ he said, wanting Indigo to know he hadn’t been totally heartless about it, ‘but she froze them out, saying they couldn’t possibly understand how she felt.

She hadn’t spoken to her parents in years – she and her father had had some kind of falling out when she was eighteen – so there was no support there either.

And she refused to go to counselling. She wanted me to make things better, but I had no idea how to make her happy any more.

It got too much. I started working later and later and ignoring her calls, just to get some space. ’

The words seemed to be pouring from him now, as if the pressure they’d been stoppered under had finally found a release.

‘Then she stopped talking to me, to punish me, I think, and my life outside work became one long silent nightmare. So then I spent even more time away from the house so I didn’t have to face what had gone wrong with my life.’

‘Oh, Julien, that sounds horrendous.’ She put her hand briefly over his and he found comfort in the warmth of her touch. But only for a moment.

‘It wasn’t the best year of my life, that’s for sure.’

‘So who ended it?’

‘She did. She told me she wanted a divorce out of the blue one morning, then walked out and didn’t come back.’

‘That must have been difficult for you.’

‘Honestly – I didn’t try very hard to stop her.’ He sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. ‘I didn’t love her.’

‘Oh, Julien?—’

But he didn’t want her sympathy right then, didn’t feel as if he deserved it.

‘She needed more from me. She needed my understanding. I knew she wasn’t coping well with the miscarriage, but I kept pushing her away because I didn’t know how to deal with everything that had happened either. I failed her.’

He felt Indigo move closer to him on the sofa. ‘You mustn’t think that. It must have been awful for both of you. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not trying harder. It sounds like you did everything you could think of.’

‘I offered her a very generous divorce settlement to get it over with quickly. At least she’ll never need to work another day in her life. I fixed her with money.’ He let out a long, low rush of breath. ‘And I feel relieved to be free of her. That makes me a terrible person, doesn’t it?’

He glanced over at Indigo and was relieved to see understanding in her eyes.

On his way here he’d been terrified about how she’d take all this. He’d almost turned back a couple of times, but he knew if he wanted her, he had to have the courage to tell her everything.

‘It doesn’t make you a terrible person. It makes you human,’ she said, giving his hand a squeeze this time. ‘And it doesn’t sound like there was much of a relationship to save after you lost the baby.’

He picked up her hand from when it lay in her lap and linked his fingers through hers, feeling her shiver at his touch. The discovery that she felt the same way he did gave him courage.

‘ Oui . It became clear pretty quickly that we didn’t have a lot in common after we got married.

We thought and reacted to things in completely contrary ways.

When we found out she was pregnant I told myself it wouldn’t matter that we were so different because we’d have the child to hold us together. ’

‘It sounds like there was a good chance the marriage wouldn’t have worked even if the baby had survived and then you’d have felt guilty about depriving him or her of a stable family background instead.’

‘Perhaps,’ he said, letting her words wash though his mind. It felt good to have finally said all this out loud, after it had festered in his head for so long.

‘Have you talked to someone? A counsellor or a friend?’

‘Non.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I’m fine.’

‘But you lost a child too.’

‘I’m fine.’

‘I get it now,’ Indigo said, screwing up her face in sympathy.

He gave her a puzzled look. ‘Get what?’

‘The enforced solitude in Italy. You were making yourself walk the coast path alone as a penance – because you were punishing yourself for not doing more to save your marriage.’

‘I didn’t do a very good job of being on my own, though,’ he said, forcing irony into his smile.

‘Perhaps that’s because, deep down, you knew there was nothing you could have done to make things better, but you felt like you should punish yourself anyway.’

‘Or I just couldn’t keep away from you, no matter how hard I tried.’

‘I’m glad you didn’t,’ she whispered, looking deep into his eyes, and he knew for sure at that moment – it hadn’t been a mistake to come here. She loved him as fiercely as he loved her. He could see it there, written plainly on her face.

And now he wanted to show her how much she meant to him.

‘Are you hungry?’ he asked. ‘You must be after working with food all day.’

‘A bit,’ she said, giving him a baffled smile.

‘Good, because I managed to get hold of the recipe for that pasta dish you liked so much in the beach restaurant in Nerano. I have all the ingredients in there.’ He pointed to the black shopping bag he’d left on the kitchen counter.

She stared at him, clearly shocked at this revelation. ‘You persuaded them to tell you their secret?’

‘ Oui .’

‘And you’re going to cook it for me?’

‘Sure I am.’

She raised an eyebrow at him, the expression in her eyes wary. Clearly, she still wasn’t entirely sure what he’d come here for.

‘Are you trying to woo me with your culinary skills?’ she asked hesitantly, confirming his suspicions.

‘You might want to taste my food before you decide whether it’s woo-worthy. I’m not as experienced as you. To be honest, I very rarely cook.’ He flashed her a smile. ‘But I like a challenge.’

‘I’m sure it’ll be delicious,’ she said, her eyes wide with badly concealed bewilderment, ‘but I’m happy to lend a hand.’ She started to get up from the sofa.

‘Non.’ He held up a finger, gesturing for her to stay where she was. ‘You sit down and relax. I’ll fetch you a glass of wine and you can watch me work.’

* * *

Indigo watched in baffled pleasure as Julien made a production of opening an expensive-looking bottle of wine, searching through her cupboards till he’d found her paltry selection of glasses, pouring a large measure into one of them and handing it to her, then going back to the counter to unpack the bag he’d brought with him.

There was something wonderful about watching him moving around her kitchen, preparing and cooking a meal especially for her. Being the one who was looked after for once.

‘I’m moving to London, Indigo,’ he said suddenly as he dropped pasta into a pan of bubbling water. ‘I’ve decided to branch out and set up a new arm to the business that focuses on providing affordable housing for first time buyers and low wage families.’

She stared at him. ‘Wow, that sounds amazing.’

He was moving? Here, to London? Her heart tripped over itself at the news.

He looked up at her, flashing her a smile. ‘You inspired me.’

‘Me?’

‘Yes, you. After you told me about your community cafe it made me realise that I’ve been too profit-focused for too long. I want to make a difference to people’s lives too. And that’s the best way I can employ my existing skills and knowledge in order to do that.’

‘Well, I think that’s wonderful, Julien, but I thought you loved living in Paris?’

‘I do, but you’re not there.’

The shock of his words reverberated through her head, making her feel a little dizzy.

‘You’d move here for me?’

‘ Oui . If we’re to give a relationship a chance we need to be living in the same city, since we’re both very busy people.’

She gaped at him, her mind reeling as a small but persistent bubble of hope pushed upwards.

‘Anyway, you persuaded me whilst we were away that London could come a close second to Paris,’ he continued, abandoning what he was doing at the counter and walking back over to her at the sofa, ‘and it won’t take long to travel back there for a weekend when I need a fix.

I can introduce you to my favourite parts of the city. I’d like that.’

He sat down next to her, taking her hands.

‘But what if it didn’t work out between us?’ she asked warily, unable to ignore the memory of how badly things had gone with Gavin. She didn’t want to feel responsible for Julien giving up everything he loved if it made him miserable.

‘Someone once told me that you’ve just got to keep positive and everything will work itself out in the end.’

‘Someone once told me that was total claptrap,’ she pointed out.

‘That guy was an idiot.’

She closed her eyes and smiled. When she opened them again he was looking at her with an expression of utter seriousness.

‘I’ve had enough time on my own to think about things.

When we talked in Capri, I was afraid – afraid that I couldn’t give you the level of attention you deserve, that I couldn’t be positive enough for you, that you’d come to resent me for my dour outlook and selfish moods.

I didn’t want you to think of me like that.

I wanted to be ready and capable of showing you the real me.

Not the shell of a man I was when we first met.

It nearly killed me, walking away, but I had to be sure I could handle it. ’

‘And are you?’

‘ Oui . After panicking that I might have lost you, and realising that would make me so much more miserable, I know I can now.’

Indigo swallowed hard, feeling a familiar tightness in her throat, only this time it was from overwhelming excitement.

He leaned forwards, stroking his thumbs over the backs of her hands.

‘I’ve thought about you every single day since I left you, Indigo.

Pretty much every minute of every day. What we had felt so right – no matter how much I tried to convince myself it wasn’t – and in a way that it never did with Celine, or anyone else I’ve ever met. As soon as I met you, I knew.’

‘Me too,’ she whispered.

He smiled, relief lighting up his eyes. ‘I want to be near you so we can make a real go of a relationship. If you want that too. What do you say? Has fate kept my slot open for me?’

She was so excited by what he was saying, but she still couldn’t stop a deep-seated worry from tugging at her.

‘What is it?’ he asked, clearly sensing her indecision.

‘I’m worried that I get too argumentative around you and that you’ll get fed up with it.’

‘You mean your fighting spirit? I love that you stand up for yourself.’

She felt a smile pull at the corners of her mouth.

‘But what if I become really self-centred again? I need to be able to concentrate on the cafe to keep it running and I might not always be around when you need me.’

‘You mean you’d put yourself first for once?

Instead of always considering other people’s feelings before your own?

I think I could handle that.’ He flashed her a wry grin.

‘I want to be here to support you, Indigo. Not with money,’ he added quickly when he saw the look on her face, ‘but to be here when you need me. In fact, I’d live in a cardboard box if it meant I could be with you.

The money, the possessions, they mean nothing to me; they’re just noise.

I have far more than I need to be happy and if me having money makes you uncomfortable then you can help me decide where it could best be donated in order to help other people. ’

She stared at him. ‘You’d be willing to do that?’

‘Yes. For the woman I love.’

‘Love…?’ She could barely say the word as her throat filled with happy tears.

‘ Oui .’ He nodded. ‘I’m in love with you.’

‘Oh, thank goodness,’ she said in a rush, ‘because I’m in love with you too.’

There was a look of acute happiness in his eyes as he slid his hand into her hair, angling her head towards him and crushing his lips against hers, kissing her with such passion it took her breath away.

When he eventually pulled back, she almost growled with frustration, until he cupped his palms around her jaw and looked deep into her eyes.

‘Yes, I’m in love with you, Indigo. I love you for your strength and your determination.

Your generosity even when you have nothing left to give.

Your kindness to a stranger who needed someone to take an interest in him and make him feel like he had something left to offer.

That’s why I love you. Because you remind me of all the good things about me that I’d forgotten about.

You’re the person I’m supposed to have my happy-ever-after with. I believe that now.’

‘I believe it too.’

‘Good.’

He kissed her again, even more thoroughly this time.

‘I want it all with you, Indigo,’ he said, kissing her nose, her eyes. ‘A home, a family…’ He kissed her forehead, her cheeks. ‘A future.’ He drew back and smiled, deep into her eyes. ‘But mostly I want you.’

She experienced a surge of pure joy at his words, knowing for certain now that this was meant to be. That this was fate, and she could give him everything he wanted.

And more.

Much, much more.