Page 18 of Best Laid Plans

Nerano to Sorrento. Walking away from Nerano will be hard, but the cheering lure of Sorrento calls…

When Indigo woke up, she couldn’t quite place where she was. Opening her eyes a crack, all she saw was a plain white wall, which swooped up towards the ceiling like a roof in an attic room. Strange. She didn’t remember going to bed in an attic.

Coming round a little more, she became aware of an unfamiliar rocking motion beneath her and a heavy weight around her waist that pressed gently into her tummy. Despite her disorientation, she felt curiously safe and protected.

Even so, something in the back of her brain told her that this wasn’t where she was supposed to be and as she shifted a little, she felt a warm pressure behind her sink a little harder into her back.

Okay, that definitely wasn’t normal.

Holding her breath, she turned over carefully and found herself face to face with Julien. His eyes were still firmly shut and flickering slightly in REM sleep, his chest bare above the covers.

It all came flooding back to her in one long agonising rush.

She’d totally lost it last night after telling Julien all her sorry woes and he’d felt forced into taking her to bed to comfort her.

Ugh! What a fool she’d made of herself.

Poor Julien. He’d invited her for a sail and swim from his boat and she’d gone all melodramatic talk-show on him.

Trouble was, she’d been holding in this guilt – this fear that the failure of the relationship with Gavin had all been her fault – for so long she’d not realised how close to the surface her pain and sadness really was.

She’d just kept pushing it down in order to survive, and as soon as anyone had shown the slightest bit of interest in her she’d blurted the whole thing out in one long rambling splurge.

And he’d been so kind about it. In fact, he’d been more than kind, he’d been downright generous in his praise of her. Which had only served to heighten the emotion of it all.

It had been like a catharsis, hearing Julien – someone she respected, revered and whose opinion she cared about – tell her it wasn’t her fault. It had released something inside her. She’d finally been able to let the shame go and see the bigger picture.

It had brought it home to her what a fool she’d been, thinking that Gavin could be someone she could spend the rest of her life with. She’d actually had a lucky escape when he left her.

Winter Wedding Woman was welcome to him and his inferiority complex.

But watching Julien now as he slept so peacefully, she felt like a fraud.

She’d let him think she was distraught about Gavin leaving her, but that hadn’t really been it at all.

It was Julien she was most upset about. As she’d told him her miserable tale and seen the understanding and support in his eyes, she’d known without a doubt that she’d lied to herself about their connection meaning nothing important to her.

She’d fallen for him.

Hard.

But of course, she knew it was pointless to hope he felt the same way. He’d already backed away from her more than once, citing his need for freedom after his messy divorce, and one night with her wasn’t going to change that.

Because that’s what they’d agreed, after all. Just one night.

In the heat of the moment, it had seemed like a good idea. A lovely way to conclude their time together. But now she wasn’t so sure.

After the pain of Gavin’s cruel dismissal, she shouldn’t have put herself in a position where she might feel rejected again.

Unless Julien gave her a sign that he’d changed his mind about not looking for another relationship? But she was pretty sure he wasn’t going to do that.

He’d probably only slept with her last night because he’d felt sorry for her and didn’t know what else to do when she’d blubbed all over him.

Her whole body flooded with prickly heat at the thought.

Was that all it had been? A kindness to her? Because he was kind – she knew that now she’d finally broken through his gruff exterior. But would he regret what they’d done this morning?

She stared into his handsome face, wondering what it would be like to wake up every day and find him lying next to her. To be allowed to reach over and cup his face in her hands and plant a tender loving kiss on his lips. To be grateful every day for his presence beside her.

There was an ache deep inside her ribs that was making it hard to breathe. The hopelessness of the situation made her want to scream with frustration. Why did she have to meet him now? At the worst possible time in his life.

Perhaps because it wasn’t meant to be, a small voice in her head warned.

If only he’d lower his defences enough for her to get through to him.

But she understood why he was afraid to let her in; divorce could be a soul-destroying experience that could take years to recover from.

And with him living so far away from her there would be no opportunity to take things slowly, to try each other out for size, without making a major commitment.

It would be asking way too much of him.

And she knew how holiday flings went. He’d forget all about her once he returned to his real life, once the enchantment of their time together had worn off. She’d just be some girl he knew for a few days. An interlude. Barely even an anecdote.

And she wasn’t prepared to be someone else’s rebound relationship.

So this had to end now. Today.

Which was gutting.

Because meeting Julien had been the best thing that had ever happened to her.

As if her last piercing thought had penetrated his dreams, Julien’s eyes began to flicker open and he blinked hard, his pupils dilating as he stared into her face in confusion.

For just one heart-stopping second she thought he might lean forwards and kiss her, but he seemed to pull himself together and come fully awake, his brow creasing into a frown.

‘Good morning, Indigo, how are you feeling today?’

God, she loved how he said her name, as if he was stroking every syllable with his tongue.

A tell-tale warmth crept up her neck at the rogue thought, continuing upwards to flush her face with heat.

‘A little embarrassed if I’m honest,’ she said, averting her eyes from his searching gaze.

He shifted away from her and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

Realising how disrespectful that sounded, she put out a hand to touch the smooth skin of his back, but withdrew it quickly before she made contact. It felt like too intimate a gesture. ‘I mean I’m sorry for crying on you last night.’

Half turning back to face her, he exhaled in a rush of breath and shook his head.

‘No apology necessary. I had fun.’

A bit of fun. That was all it had been.

A feeling of cold acceptance flooded through her, as if the remains of her hope was being washed away, leaving her thoughts clean and jagged.

Hardening the last piece of her heart, she leant down and plucked the towel that she’d been wearing last night from the floor and sat up to wrap it tightly around her.

‘Well, I suppose I really ought to get back to shore. I want to get to Sorrento before the end of the day so I can have a good look around before setting off for Capri the day after. Could you take me back in the motorboat, please?’

Her words sounded so perfunctory she cringed with unease.

When she turned to look at him, he was staring at her in confused surprise, then blinked and nodded as if coming out of a trance when he saw she was looking at him. ‘ Oui . Okay.’

‘Thank you.’

Not daring to look at him again, she strode quickly out of the room and into the bathroom, where she’d left her clothes the previous evening after getting changed into her bikini, trying to ignore the voices in her head that were urging her to turn around and tell him that she’d changed her mind and that she could stay for a little longer.

At least till they’d eaten breakfast together.

Pull yourself together, Indigo, you fool! You’re not a couple and you never will be.

Pulling on the dress she’d chosen with such care for their dinner together last night, she turned to the mirror to try and do something with her hair.

It was sticking up in all directions after she’d slept on it wet and now it refused to play ball, so after a minute of fruitless fussing she gave up on it.

She was desperate for a shower, but now she’d made her mind up to go she didn’t want to linger.

It would only prolong the pain of leaving.

Giving her puffy face one last dismayed look in the mirror, she left the bathroom and made her way to the living area, where she found Julien sitting on the sofa waiting for her.

He stood up quickly when he saw her and walked with her towards the door to the upper deck, neither of them saying a word.

‘Wait.’ He put an arm across the doorway before she could walk through it, blocking her way out.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she looked up into his mesmerising eyes.

‘You know, Indigo, if you don’t mind missing that part of the walk, I can sail you to Sorrento, then pick you up again the next day and drop you in Capri. I’m going that way anyway. You may as well come along for the ride.’

It was so tempting. But what a ride it would be. Just the thought of having to put a brave face on for him, pretending she was fine with them just being friends again for the next couple of days, made her shudder with horror.

No, she’d be better to cut her losses now and walk away, while she still had some of her wits about her.

‘No. Thanks. To be honest, I don’t want to miss walking that bit of the track.’ She couldn’t meet his eyes. ‘I only have a couple of days left here before it’s time to get back to real life and I’m sure you don’t really want me tagging along for the rest of your holiday.’

He was frowning at her now, which wasn’t surprising as her voice seemed to have morphed into that of an ailing crow again.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ he asked with real concern in his voice.

‘Yes. I was just thinking about what you said about Gavin.’