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Chapter Forty-One

Ronan

The car felt too quiet as we drove. The only sounds were the hum of the engine and the occasional rustle of the wind against the windows. I had barely spoken since Travis offered to drive me to Elias’s grave. I didn’t need to say much. My thoughts were too loud, too jagged, to let any real words escape. The overwhelming weight of what I was about to do pressed down on me like a boulder on my chest.

The night before, I had barely slept. The idea of seeing Elias’s grave—acknowledging that he was gone—had kept me up, my mind turning over memories of him, of us, things I could never undo. I couldn’t even remember the last time he smiled, and the thought of never having that chance again was like a wound that wouldn’t heal.

We passed the familiar lights of Las Vegas, the noise of the city growing distant as we left it behind. Travis’s soft hum of a tune on the radio couldn’t mask the heaviness in the air, and even though I knew he was just trying to fill the silence, it only reminded me of how much space there was between us.

I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to feel. Nothing felt real anymore.

We turned off the main road and headed toward the cemetery—small, tucked away on the edge of town.

The gravel road crunched under the tires as we drove through the gates. I couldn’t bring myself to look out the window, afraid that as soon as I did, the reality of what I was facing would hit me harder than I was ready for.

When we parked, I could feel my heart racing, a knot in my stomach growing tighter with every second.

The graveyard was quiet. Too quiet.

The wind whispered through the trees as the late afternoon sun cast long shadows on the gravestones.

It was a peaceful place, but that only made the situation worse. Elias wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be alive, somewhere, anywhere, where I could still reach him, touch him, feel him next to me.

But he wasn’t.

I felt the car door open beside me. Travis didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. I took a long breath, my hands gripping the seat. When I finally got out, the air felt different, colder, as if the world around me knew something I didn’t.

I felt like I was walking in a dream, each step heavy, like I was being pulled toward something I didn’t want to face. But I couldn’t stop. I had to keep walking. Keep going.

The cemetery stretched out before me, rows upon rows of headstones marking lives lived and lost. But in the back, tucked away where the shadows grew long, was the one that mattered most.

Elias’s grave.

I couldn’t move for a moment. My feet wouldn’t obey me. It was as if my body had turned to stone, rooted to the ground like the trees around in a desperate attempt to avoid the truth.

Finally, Travis’s voice broke through the fog of my thoughts, quiet but firm.

“Ronan…he wouldn’t want you to suffer like this. He’d want you to say goodbye, to find peace. That man was all about savin’ people. Wouldn’t he want that for you?”

I nodded numbly, not trusting myself to speak. Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to run—to escape this, to pretend it wasn’t real.

But I couldn’t.

The moment I stepped forward, I felt like I was sinking. The words I wanted to say were caught in my throat. I couldn’t breathe.

There it was…Elias’s name and the dates carved into the stone.

1998 –2025.

Only twenty-six years. Just shy of his twenty-seventh birthday.

He was supposed to be here with me .

Not in the ground. He was twenty-six fucking years old. It wasn’t fair!

I knelt down slowly, the ground cold beneath me, the pain in my chest threatening to suffocate me.

“Elias,“ I whispered, my voice cracking before I could even get the words out. “Elias, I…I don’t know how to do this without you. I don’t know how to fucking exist without you by my side. You were supposed to stop running, remember? You chose me. And I chose you. But in the end, took you anyways.”

I closed my eyes, trying to push back the tears that were already building. I could barely see through the blur of them.

Why?

Why did this happen?

“I…I didn’t get enough time to tell you,” I choked out, the guilt slicing through me like a thousand knives. “I didn’t get to tell you how much I love you. How much you mean to me. I didn’t have enough time.”

I had always been afraid of showing too much, of feeling too deeply. And now it was too late. Elias was gone, and I couldn’t take back the things I hadn’t said enough.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my voice trembling, the words falling out like they were too big to carry or heavy to handle. “I failed you. I should’ve been better. I should’ve fought harder to get you out. I?—”

I gasped, choking back a sob, and my fingers trembled as they pressed against the cold stone.

“Elias…I can’t do this. I don’t know how to live in a world where you’re not here. I don’t know how to live without you. It hurts so much.”

The tears fell then, finally. I let them. I didn’t try to hold them back anymore. They poured down my face like a river, and I couldn’t stop them. Every sob, every gasp for air, was a reminder of how much I had lost, how much I would never get back.

It felt like the fire in the church. All my air was consumed into one section. Stolen by a burning force I couldn’t escape.

“I don’t want to say goodbye,” I gasped, the words a desperate plea. “Please don’t make me do this…”

But I knew I had to. I had to let go.

I had to let him go .

And it broke me.

I stayed there for a long time, not sure how long, my fingers still gripping the stone. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving, of walking away from him. But the weight of his absence was crushing me. And when I finally forced myself to stand, to take that first step away from him, it felt like a part of me had been torn out.

I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to keep living in a world where Elias wasn’t in it. But I knew I had to, for him. He wouldn’t want me to be swallowed whole by the pain, even though it felt like it would destroy me.

When I finally got the strength to move my feet forward, lift myself off the ground, and keep moving, I heard a voice behind me.

The low, mocking cadence made me freeze, knowing instantly who it belonged to.

“How’d I know you would slink out of that fire? Bagh, oh well. Clearly got one of you bastards. Ya know what they say, if at first, you don’t succeed…”

I turned around slowly, my fists drawn so tightly I could barely feel my palms anymore.

“How fucking dare you come here,” I said, my voice growing colder than I ever thought possible.

I thought about letting him kill me, too. Kneeling before him and begging him to end it. End it all so I could be back with Elias.

But he wouldn’t do that for me.

He would want me to stay here.

“Your poster boy. Ha. Hell of a way to go. Damn, butcher meat for skin. Shame really. Could have got some good cash for his body back with the boys.”

I couldn’t see straight.

“You’re a whore too ain’t ya? You still slingin’ your body round’? Maybe I will let you pay for my freedom. Spare your sorry-ass excuse for a life as a final whatever to ya mama.”

Red. Nothing but red. Just like before, I acted before I even knew I moved.

One minute, Jack was across the cemetery, provoking me and mocking Elias in his grave. The next, he was smashing into the tombstone in front of me, my hands dragging him. I didn’t feel pain.

I could see him clawing at my burn marks, ripping open my skin until I was bleeding on the soil above Elias’s grave. But I was blissfully numb. I didn’t feel any emotion. Just a calm as I continued to smash the man’s face—that who should have raised me, should have loved me—into the marble.

Again and again.

There was no sound. No cracking of the stone from his bones, no splashing of the blood that sprayed from his face and my arms. Nothing. Just an eerie calm.

“What’s the matter, Jack? Not so brave when you don’t have your cult to protect you?” I said robotically, my lips lifting in a smile as I stared down at his broken face.

“You’ll get yours, boy. You won’t get away with this.”

I laughed without humor, licking the blood off my lips before smashing his once more onto the stone. Elias’s name was covered in blood. The crimson filled in the divots of his name, and I froze.

No.

No more bloodshed.

Too much had been lost.

“You can’t hurt me anymore,” I said, tears rolling down my cheeks as I spoke. “You have no power over a man without a soul.”

Jack faltered, and for the first time in my fucking life, he looked…afraid.

He looked afraid of me.

I could kill him. End his miserable life by smashing his arrogant fucking face on this stone until his stupid fucking mouth stopped. But Elias was here. Elias was watching. He wouldn’t want me to succumb to my desires like this.

I screamed and threw the piece of shit away from Elias’s grave. I couldn’t taint his grave anymore. I had already cracked the new marble of the tombstone. I already left a mare from my anger. I needed to call for help.

Call the police the way Elias had begged me to do before.

My hands shook as I pulled my phone out of my pants. I couldn’t see the screen through my tears and the blood. Jack was moaning, trying to crawl away to safety. There was no safe place for him now. I would be sure he was imprisoned for all he had done. And this time.

He would rot.

A man like Jack deserved worse than death. Maybe when he was stuck in a cage with the people he put there, he’d learn who was really in control. A drunk, a drug-addicted, pathetic excuse for a human being. He would suffer, but not at my hand. Not anymore.

Finally, I was able to type the numbers. The three that mattered the most. I couldn’t breathe, much less speak. I just sat there on the ground, feeling the soil under my hands and knowing Elias was with me.

I stayed there.

Past Travis coming and trying to talk to me, past Jack coughing and spewing more insults as he, too, was immobilized. I did not move until the police pulled me away. Even then, I kept my mouth closed.

I was prepared to endure whatever sacrifice was necessary to ensure that Jack was imprisoned. If that meant being in the cage again to keep him there, then so fucking be it.