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Chapter Thirty-Seven

Elias

“Come up here, boy. Face your congregation and repent for your sins.”

I walked robotically up to the cross at the front of the room onto the ledge. My church felt so suffocating now, with the devil standing beside me, tainting the peace. Jack was holding a bucket filled with nails and a hammer looped in his belt loop.

“Do you repent?” he said, handing me the bucket and hammer.

I hesitantly reached out, accepting the items, unsure what he would demand from me. I thought about his question. So much had happened, so much that I couldn’t take back, and with absolute clarity, I realized I didn’t take anything back. I accepted my sins and embraced them because if loving Ronan was wrong, I never wanted to be right.

“No,” I said softly, letting the omission roll off my tongue smoothly.

Jack looked at me, pure malice in his drunken face. I didn’t see it coming. His hand reached into the bucket I held, grabbing a handful of the nails and locking me in his arms. I struggled to free myself, fear coursing through my body at his unpredictable nature and sporadic movements.

“You stupid fucking fool,” he said, forcing my mouth open and shoving a few of the nails into my mouth.

I struggled against him, my body bucking, but unable to break free. His fist smashed into my back, and the force made me inhale. Pain ravaged my body, my throat contracting over the sharp, rusty edges. Vomit immediately spewed out of my lips, the color…red.

“Do you repent?” he said again, and I could barely even breathe.

“N-No,” I choked out, more blood spilling from my mouth. “I choose…Ronan!”

The monster was angry, shoving me off the stage and onto my stomach. Nails rained down around my head, and the pin print felt like spikes when they landed on my skin. “Get up, you pathetic piece of shit. You are going to nail these into the door. Wouldn’t want anyone seein’ you just yet.”

Fear pulsed through me like a drug, my body vibrating as my hands shook. He was behind me, kicking me again, but now in my tender ribs. I felt the bones break, and I cried out.

“Oh, now you wanna cry? Shut up, boy. Get your ass over there and work on the fucking door!”

I could feel the nails going down my esophagus, slicing and tearing with every constriction of the muscle—more blood. I couldn’t stop puking, the feeling of that sharp object my body tried desperately to rid itself from. Jack was about to kick me again, his steel-toe boot raised high above my chest. It was all I could do to roll out of the way at the last second to avoid another assault.

It was like breathing broken glass, the inability to breathe correctly from the broken ribs rattling in my chest alone. A sickening feeling made me pause as I crawled toward the door.

I am not getting out of here. I will not be going back to Ronan’s arms. I…failed.

“What are you waitin’ for? Get up!”

Jack’s roaring demands hurt my head, those bellowing growls echoing off the very walls of my church. There was a ledge I managed the grip, slowly working my way up to my feet.

I felt off balance, damaged in my attempt to function normally.

I was still choking on the nails, and the blood continued to pour from my mouth. Every droplet made me weaker and weaker. One by one, I smashed the nails into the door, giving up my notion of escape, but I focused more on locking Jack in here with me. If I could take his escape, then maybe Ronan would be safe.

Jack watched me from behind. His leering gaze bore into my flesh, and his cruel smile reflected in the window’s glare. I was so exhausted by the time the final nail embedded into the door that my ribs were on fire. Sweat soaked my skin and clothes, creating a sticky-like glue to my body.

“Guess you ain’t useless when it comes to being a bitch. Get up here.”

His voice was in the back of the church, past the stage and cross. I couldn’t see past the tears that blurred my vision, but he had some type of liquid on the ground, pouring it from buckets he had brought here.

“What are you doing?” I said, holding my ribs and trying to get back to the damn stage.

“You will see soon enough. Just making your hell nice and toasty, father fuck head.”

Something about the way he smiled wider from his words gave me a sinking feeling. The odor of blood was strong in my nose, and my mouth and clothes were coated. I couldn’t fucking breathe.

“Do you repent for your fucking sins? Do you feel any shred of shame for fucking a man, you sick depraved hypocrite?” Jack’s voice was too close now. Getting louder as I used the cross to support my body.

“What…do you want, Jack? What’s the fucking end game here?” I spit more blood onto the ground, my body even weaker than before. I couldn’t hold myself up, and I fell to my knees before the cross.

“For starters, I want you to be the damn priest you tout about bein’!” A roar in my ears. He was above me, and his taunting voice made my head throb.

“Upsy Daisy. You don’t get to lie down. Stand before your God.” Jack’s arms looped into mine, pulling me up to my feet, wrenching a scream from my throat at the pain in my ribs.

“Do you repent?”

That damn question was making me angry. I tried to swat at him.

“No! I choose Ronan. No matter how many times…you ask. It’ll be my answer every single time. I choose Ronan.”

My breathing was unsteady, my body shaking with the energy even to be held up by Jack’s arms. He pushed me into the cross, and I noticed too late that the hammer from the door was…in his hands.

“Jack…” I said, hesitating when he just smiled at me, holding my face up and firmly pressing my body into the rood tree. “What do you want from me?”

Jack lifted his hand, where I couldn’t see, high above my head. My hands were jerked above my head, that dizziness increasing, and more blood spilling from my mouth. I was choking. His hands were rough, ripping off my shirt from my body.

“St-Stop,” I said weakly, my tone pleading. He couldn’t do this to me. Why?

“Do you repent, you disgusting leper?” he was screaming in my face, and my pants were jerked off my body—nothing to shield me from his cruel, dark eyes.

“No…I choose…Ronan.”

Pain, so much pain, flooded through my body. The feeling of weakness was dimmed by the holy fire licking through my body. My hands. He smashed a nail into my hands, anchoring me onto the cross.

No…

“Do you repent!”

My entire body shook. Every beat of my heart had blood spraying down over my head and onto the ground. I was going to die.

“N-No! I. Choose. Ronan.”

Every amount of energy I had was sapped from my body. More of those nails were shoved into my mouth, my nose plugged, and my desperation to breathe caused me to swallow them. More blood, more pain. A spiral of fear and agony.

I was bone weary and couldn’t fight him. The pull on my skin when he tugged my feet killed me. It was the worst pain I had ever endured. Another nail slammed into the tops of my feet, my body stationed so sickeningly displayed on my own crucifix.

“Do you repent? Do you have any guilt at all for your lies? For using that dirty thing—” He poked my penis with the cold hammer, and I couldn’t even flinch away. The pain of my body slipping and my skin ripping from the weight. It was too much.

“No…” I cried, tears streaming down my face as I looked at him in his cold, dead eyes. “I fucking choose…Ronan.”

I knew I wasn’t making it out of here. I knew I wouldn’t get my happily ever after. The chance to tell Ronan I was going to do it. To renounce my vows and live my life for him. I made those vows all those years ago, but my heart was never mine to give. It was always Ronan’s.

I thought of his smile, his beautiful gray eyes, and his deep, calming voice.

I am so sorry, Ronan.

As Jack grabbed my dick and held another nail to my skin.

I am so sorry I am too late.

“Last chance, Elias,” Jack said, bringing the hammer far back in his grip, enough for me to see the trajectory was headed for my sex. “Do. You. Repent.”

His words were drawn out, slow, mocking, and I took a deep breath, allowing the warmth I felt to spread throughout my limbs. I knew I was in trouble. It was too warm and too calm. Somehow, everything was slower in my vision.

“No…”I choked on my words, the blood so much I felt like I was drowning. “I…choose…Ronan…”

And then the final nail pierced my skin.